₦airaland Forum

ProOfThemAll:
Please let me know if I can tag along. Even if na to arrange me inside Ghana must go like parcel. I ready. 9ja don tire .

Don’t worry I will find my way once I land on America soil

E go supprise you say when you enter the ghana must go bag, 5 men with bia bia weh Wan go obodo oyinbo don de hide there already.

Grateful02:
Op I'm still yet to get any sense in what you wrote. This is not just "an anyhow person " but rather someone you've known. 3years and I'm so very sure she's been understanding even before you travelled. So why in a relationship that long if not for improving each other? Honestly I don't see why you should sideline her now.
Come on OP! Show her love!!

3 years of long distance relationship is = 2 weeks of committed relationship where the partners live close by.


The op has been in a long distance relationship with her, so he can't even say he know her well to predict her future moves

longetivity:
What if she gets over there and start doing u hanky panky. I mean you know how these vagina people behave

Its nt all vagina pple dat reason like vagina pple. Ols don’t discourage him and dont be a blockage to someone’s blessings.

Na wa oooh you've been in a relationship with a girl for the past 3years and you're still not sure about getting married to her and you talk to her everyday(u get double mind for the girl) why then are you now wasting her time?

Secondly, if you claim you love her why not help her grow? Since she can't help herself to grow?

What would she have done if the reverse was the case?

We have good and bad women like wise good and bad men. Dissapointment as dey call it exist between both sexes, this whole idea of women are bad bla bla nor make sense,help ppl and expect nothing in return.

My advice to you bro is simple when you're in a position to help ppl forget about gender thing we all na human being, please help them to grow. It doesn't matter the level at which you struggled before you became comfortable. You suffer before you make money nor mean sey if you dey position to help you nor go help just because you suffer so that person must suffer.
WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER TO GROW "ONE LOVE"

Now that you have rejected her initial move just stick to your guns. It is going to cost you your relationship though. But it is the safest option for you.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

You know what is good for you, but the SIMP part of you wants you to mess yourself up.

Don't sponsor "Nada". You will be surprised how she's gonna leave as soon as she achieved her plans.

Taking her to USA is the worst mistake you will forever regret making , 3 out of 1000 Nigerian wife's abroad re living peacefully with their husband , the rest turn to knife once they get a good job and resident papers . BE WISE to avoid u coming here to seek for advice on what to do .... Talking from an unforgettable experience.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Stick to your guns.

She may eventually become a liability to you over there.

Most Nigerian women have that trait, accept her proposal only if you can live with the consequences.

My brother you not making a mistake , the biggest mistake is sponsoring her trip over my guy you will regret it .. I have lots of friends that have done that and regretted it till today.

canttedra:
I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

then why are we here if you're not sure of marriage?! let her be naw face your new life while she's faced her own what if she comes thinking you will marry her then you marry someone else will that not bring problems in your home?

Bola146:
Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.

\

All her Beta Orbiters, has she let them know their fate.

Or are you just a ruthlessly stupid vagina person?

lefulefu ur summoned this matter tie wrapper

RedPanthar:
Stop inviting third party to your relationship issues. Watch expect 95% toxicity on this thread.


Stop seeking validation and do what you must do

OP whatever you do, think these 2 things

1. she may have a guy here that she truly loves and she wants to use you to get here so she can reunite with the guy, because the guy may not have the wherewithal to bring her here Mr Man, be careful!!!!

2.If she is not trying to use you for now, what does your gut feeling tell you about her ? if your mind tells you not to do it, DONT. do it, but if your mind is urging you to do it, then DO it, obey your gut feeling ——- and


Good luck!

The ultimate RP is - ALL WOMEN ARE BY THEIR BIOLOGICAL NATURE - - - - - HYPERGAMOUS.


Hypergamy does not care wether you sold your father's kidney to buy her two plates of rice - NO

Hypergamy does not care if you sold your right to heaven, to sponsor her education - NO

Hypergamy does not even fucking care, if you have done your BEST to give her a bit of comfort - NO


What does HYPERGAMY care about - that immediately the next guy - who can give her vagina tingles comes around - 'fiam!'


Brother she has gone. Oti ton. E done finish. O ba go!

So from an ultimate RP POV - Do not ever spend resources on a woman who is not your mother, sister or daughter.


Make you no go commit murder/suicide like that frustrated Dr. did in the US some days back.


TRP

binghammer:
If the roles were reversed, what would she do? Think about it from that angle.

Don't just spoil the girl business oga. Women are not that generous towards men who are not their blood. It's we men they expect to be mumu always. Then they will call it love.
That kind move Na flash pool. Pure gamble. If she go do nursing for USA, God help the guy.

LordKO:
From your far-reached resolution and connotation of your submission, you don't believe in altruism/love, then don't sponsor her immigration via a spousal visa. You'll be better off having a contract marriage with her or any other woman, for your peace of mind in particular and sanity of the both of you in general. I expect you to man up and tell her boldly that you don't believe in love, instead of taking to disingenuousness in relating with her, and allow her to decide whether or not to continue with whatever that exists between the two of you.

However, assuming that you're a proponent and practitioner of altruism/love, I don't see anything wrong in one sponsoring his fiancee or wife's immigration via a spousal visa; all the news about betrayal happening and flying around notwithstanding. The reason is simple, whatever cause I believe in, I give my best, and I don't condone anyone who doesn't meet my set ethical standard.

So, anyone I vetted and chose as a lover/wife, I've always accorded her the privilege of being part and parcel of me as a proponent of oneness, while staying a discerning step ahead of her, of course. You need to master the art of giving everything without losing anything and walking out like a boss when things turn sour.

Meanwhile, opportunism and its peripheral vice aren't female gender exclusive, because personally, in an issue like this, I have suffered more betrayal from fellow men; well, that's because they've been my major beneficiaries. My motto in this regard is simple, betray me, shame on you; outsmart me, shame on me.

Love remains a sign of strength, not weakness.

First of all. Marriage, abroad, is a contract - with hefty severence clauses. Nothing like 'enter a contract marriage with her' there's no distinction to that effect in the US. Marriage is marriage.

Secondly. Love is a weakness. It's the Achilles heel by which many have fallen. So OPs concerns and/or reservations are well justified.

Thirdly and to the OP. Please don't get married and above all please don't sponsor that woman to the US. You will regret it.

For you to come out here to seek Nairaland's validation means you've subconsciously conjured up an argument in your head that opposes the move. Harken to that voice. It's the voice that has analyzed everything with a perspective we don't have, one that you are yet to perceive.

longetivity:
What if she gets over there and start doing u hanky panky. I mean you know how these vagina people behave

canttedra....take this advice...you will forever know PEACE!!!

If she truly loves you,,she should factor out money to migrate over via schooling...

I am not in NIGERIA but d stories we experience concerning this ur matter plenty!!!...

Baba, Low risk investment is BETTER oooo...b wise!

AreaFada2:
Don't just spoil the girl business oga. Women are not that generous towards men who is not their blood. It's we men they expect to be mumu always. Then they will call it love.
That kind move Na flash pool. Pure gamble. If she go do nursing for USA, God help the guy.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Oga, me wey don walka wella for world.. I don see plenty things both inside and outside life. I want give you one better advice:

No do sympathy love.. Last last you go regret. Forget all that university love.

As per say you still dey "sampa", please face your warrant until you leg don strong for yonder so, and your mind more mature then you go know whether you want marry or not, if you want marry, you carefully carefully choose person wey you and am go manage una life together.

Make she try use university enter...no go carry any burden put your head for now.

Face your warrant!

Why then is the use of technology? using "long distance relationship " as an excuse is so naive sir and please read through the story again to avoid arguing blindly because OP has already been in a relationship before travelling out. If I'm to do a rough calculation, I'd say OP has only stayed at US for a year meaning he's been in a relationship in Nigeria for about 2years. Sha I won't be surprised if you still go on to say a year and a half or two years is still not enough to know someone in a relationship!!
I've read a few quotes you've made on this thread and I just feel you're among males who don't just see anything good in females. Distance shouldn't be a barrier when love is involved sir

humilitypays:
3 years of long distance relationship is = 2 weeks of committed relationship where the partners live close by.


The op has been in a long distance relationship with her, so he can't even say he know her well to predict her future moves

You people suffer yourselves. You put women in positions where they're expected to be loyal forgetting that you can't give what you don't have.

You'll learn the hard way

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Look you're still a small boy, okay?

When you're big enough you won't keep asking these stupid questions you'll just do whatever needs to be done.

Grow up fast, small.boy.

binghammer:
If the roles were reversed, what would she do? Think about it from that angle.

I like this aswear. Women women

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

I'm not sure if anyone has told you

Here in the comment section

But this gal just want you to be her ladder to top hypergamy.
And u know one thing abt hypergamy??
After she assume there.
You are just then an afterthought..
What do I know sef

kowalsky:
First of all. Marriage, abroad, is a contract - with hefty severence clauses. Nothing like 'enter a contract marriage with her' there's no distinction to that effect in the US. Marriage is marriage.

Secondly. Love is a weakness. It's the Achilles heel by which many have fallen. So OPs concerns and/or reservations are well justified.

Thirdly and to the OP. Please don't get married and above all please don't sponsor that woman to the US. You will regret it.

For you to come out here to seek Nairaland's validation means you've subconsciously conjured up an argument in your head that opposes the move. Harken to that voice. It's the voice that has analyzed everything with a perspective we don't have, one that you are yet to perceive.

Keep quiet. A prenuptial agreement (postnuptial agreement in Canada) is called contract marriage, and not all marriage involves a prenuptial agreement, even though marriage is a contract. I don't have spare time for meaningless argument, at least not with someone who obviously doesn't have a passport to start.

She doesnt want to come to the US for graduate studies because it would be stressful, rather, she wants you to come to Naija, marry her, and then bring her over. She is not willing to make the sacrifices for herself for a better life, but expects you to do so for her.

In my opinion, move on.

canttedra:
The recent topic on the home page motivated me to make this post, anonymously of course.

We were dating before I left Nigeria. We've been dating for about three years. Sometime last year I got a new job in the US (I schooled there so it was easy), and moved away from the country. Until a few weeks ago, we talked nearly every other day. It's always fun talking to her. But lately, things have started to get a little rough because of something that came up, and which I would like to believe is not my fault.

Prior to dating her, since I was a kid in university, I made myself a few promises relating to women:

1. I will never pay a woman's school fees
2. I will never rent a house or apartment for a woman, nor furnish an existing apartment
3. I will never sponsor a woman abroad.

Of course, this does not mean that I won't buy a woman gifts (I do that regularly), or take her on a nice trip. I just do not envisage myself pulling a woman up the social ladder. I prefer she makes her own growth moves as it relates to finances or relocation.

I made these promises based on the fact that I expected that whomever I make a partner should be able to make something of their own selves. I do not want to be anybody's savior or anyone's get-out-of-jail card. This resolution has made lose a few women in the past who thought the relationship should be based on what they can get out of it, and my girlfriend knows this.

The situation right now is that there is a path for her to come to America through studying. We already talked about her applying for graduate studies and then transitioning here into a better job. However, she now feels that would be stressful and may not work. Instead, she thinks it's better if I return to Nigeria this December to marry her and then sponsor her eventually to the US. That's not going to happen. This has created a rift and we have not been talking for a while now.

Am I being unreasonable here? How can I make her realize she can be her own person and not have to depend on someone else to "sponsor" her? It just drives me nuts that she knows this about me but is now vehemently insisting that this is the only viable option.

Chrisbella24:
I just hate people that think the way you do.

"....... I'm not sure about marriage yet......."

Yen yen yen.

Leave her na
Why una just like to dey stress unaself.

You made a decision that you would never sponsor any woman. Now, why can't you decide this?


You brought it here on Nairaland so people will give you Advice they won't even accept on a Normal day when it comes to their relationships?

You know your girlfriend well, you've been dating for 3 fvcking years
So because one woman decided to be ungrateful after she traveled abroad with her husband now means every other woman will be the same?

You all are pathetic.

That's the problem most leeching Nigeria ladies, that successfully ruined their husbands' lives after relocation, have caused for the few remaining (if at all) loyal ones. Since most of you continue to cheer them on in the name of woman liberation, cut this guy some slack please.
Men are now wiser. Let her also work her way to the US simple and short, after all, gender equality is what you Ladies seek. Enjoy it in peace.

LordKO:
From your far-reached resolution and connotation of your submission, you don't believe in altruism/love, then don't sponsor her immigration via a spousal visa. You'll be better off having a contract marriage with her or any other woman, for your peace of mind in particular and sanity of the both of you in general. I expect you to man up and tell her boldly that you don't believe in love, instead of taking to disingenuousness in relating with her, and allow her to decide whether or not to continue with whatever that exists between the two of you.

However, assuming that you're a proponent and practitioner of altruism/love, I don't see anything wrong in one sponsoring his fiancee or wife's immigration via a spousal visa; all the news about betrayal happening and flying around notwithstanding. The reason is simple, whatever cause I believe in, I give my best, and I don't condone anyone who doesn't meet my set ethical standard.

So, anyone I vetted and chose as a lover/wife, I've always accorded her the privilege of being part and parcel of me as a proponent of oneness, while staying a discerning step ahead of her, of course. You need to master the art of giving everything without losing anything and walking out like a boss when things turn sour.

Meanwhile, opportunism and its peripheral vice aren't female gender exclusive, because personally, in an issue like this, I have suffered more betrayal from fellow men; well, that's because they've been my major beneficiaries. My motto in this regard is simple, betray me, shame on you; outsmart me, shame on me.

Love remains a sign of strength, not weakness.

You're smart.

canttedra:
I love her. I'm not sure about marriage yet, but it could happen with her.

Youre not sure.

Please abort any plan you have taking her over.

Bola146:
Its means you don't love her Three years?!! better you let her know her fate.

This life no balance, gals love knw de pay school fees only guys love de pay