descarado:

Because u are not telling yourself the truth

What is your definition of love?

Your moniker is f so I assume you are a female so let me ask u as a female what makes you love a man?

First of all, I don't believe in that love at first sight stuff. And before we date, we'd get to know each other. In that process, a person's personality alone can make me fall in love. There has to be a spark; an attraction, that tingling feeling. When that happens, I know that there's something about you I'm willing to explore. And voila!! The process of dating begins. Lol, I know what I'm saying It's difficult to explain.

Lol,
Lots rubbish advise here as usual. Folks churning out suggestions like kilode.
I don't take much of what is said here serious these days.. They will tell you things to do and you will go and do and everything backfires! Ndi mgbu! Remember few years ago , I read on a thread here that if you seriously like a lady and she is playing too hard to get, you should go and arrange a "fake girlfriend" and let her see you guys for few moments in order to activate her jealous quotent! I don't do stuff like that but for whatever reason, I decided to try with this babe I was very serious with.. Brethrens, It ended in premium tears! Na so I go carry one ogbonge beuty wey fine pass my Onyinye go one restruant near her mother's office for lunch! She saw me come around..

I made sure Onyinye saw us, then dropped the lady at her destination later without the her being in the know of the game I was playing... Well, it backfired! Her brother walked into the restaurant with her midway and I nearly choked on my food as the "vixen" was all over me at that point, overdoing things... They left immediately, obviously perturbed by the sight... Mind you, this was a gal I was very serious with, so the family were in the know.. They all felt I was a player after that display.... Bottom line; Onyinye changed it for me from that day! That relationship never recovered from that misstep and I wasn't even that serious with the other "vixen". I finally ran when I noticed Onyinye was just chopping me right left and center..

Brownpeanut:
I thought I was the only one finding hard to fall in love. But how can you marry someone you don't love? There's this guy that has been pestering me. He has everything a woman can ever hope for, but I don't just feel anything for him; or love him. I can't date someone I don't love not to talk of marrying them.

I wanted to type an epistle but on a second thought, experience will teach you better.

[s]

Aileexa1:
I dont believe in love before marriage because we humans tend to have a flawed perception about love.
Let me just say physical attraction. That's is what I will call the love we claim to feel.
Now, it is a matter of decision. A decision you might not be able to do. If you are not physically attracted to a woman strongly before you get married to her (as you are in this case), you would have to make the decision to love her. Yes, I said make the decision to love her. Love here is a conscious effort. To love her is to accept her despite her flaws and trying to make her a better person. And it is quite hard to do this for someone you aren't attracted to. On the other hand, what if its when you get into the marriage that you see someone who you have great attraction for??
Humans like sweeter things and love as it is isn't always sweet but attraction is. Why? Because love stays when all things fall but attractions falls when problem stays.

Ask yourself this question. Why do you want to get married? Do you want to fulfil a societal obligation or because you want to start a family or because you want to build love in it's purest form.

May God help you.

[/s]Kindergarten BULLSHIT!

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Question you should answer is should you get married?

You taking the marriage like it is an obligation....well it is not

Brownpeanut:
I thought I was the only one finding hard to fall in love. But how can you marry someone you don't love? There's this guy that has been pestering me. He has everything a woman can ever hope for, but I don't just feel anything for him; or love him. I can't date someone I don't love not to talk of marrying them.

It is different for a woman.

Apparently, men can decide to love, but as far as I know, women fall in love.

A lady once shared her story about marrying a man because of how good he was, thinking she would fall in love with him after they were married, but that did not happen.
No matter how good, kind and caring the husband was to her, she just couldn't bring herself to fall in love with him. Even to like him was difficult for her.
His presence became irritating to her.
She was going crazy, and wanted out.

You can't marry a person you are not in love with, NEVER

CsRockefeller:


I wanted to type an epistle but on a second thought, experience will teach you better.

Go on, share your thoughts.

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Love can grow with time but the best is immediate love that brings you guys into the relationship

Arrange marriage has its own negative side, in short its negative side is more than two people that meets and falls in love and built it up for marriage

In your own case, you are yet to prepare your mind to fall in love and until you open your heart and make uo your mind, you may still not get it

Just allow your heart to pick a choice of the person you will share true love with

Love is sweat if you are lucky to get a woman who matches you

Brownpeanut:


Yeah, kind of rich, spoilt, and arrogant.

Run dear!

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

I don't know what you mean by being in love but what I know is that, as a man, when you are matured enough, financially, emotionally etc and you think you need a partner not a househelp, then sit down and try to figure out the kind of partner you want both in stature, skin color, vabal expression etc then take your right up in your head as you go around and when you meet that person, give her a chance to proof your assumption right or wrong then move on from their.

frozen70:


Love can grow with time but the best is immediate love that brings you guys into the relationship

Arrange marriage has its own negative side, in short its negative side is more than two people that meets and falls in love and built it up for marriage

In your own case, you are yet to prepare your mind to fall in love and until you open your heart and make uo your mind, you may still not get it

Just allow your heart to pick a choice of the person you will share true love with

Love is sweat if you are lucky to get a woman who matches you

love is sweet when money enter love sweet. Bros stop deceiving yourself, if you open your mind and love someone how sure are you that he/she loves you back?

You both need to be in love and understand each other that way nobody will be emotionally absent and you will tolerate each other better. Nobody will want to run back into the arms of an ex and even if you meet a charming lady tomorrow you will always run back to your wife because of the love you have for her. The importance pf love cannot be overemphasised. When you are both inlove you can easily compromise . Also you wouldn't want to let go of each other. It is true that couples who were once inlove sometimes end up in divorce but please first love the person you want to marry, e get e why.

Arranged marriage is the best. Love doesn't keep marriage. It's that simple.

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

If you are ready to marry and you ain't in love yet...bring out your criteria of your to be future wife then start thicking away. Marry any of your girlfriend that passes above 80% .
its an old method and you will thank me later because not only will you fall in love with her , you will also fall in love with her personality too.

My2cent

Mariangeles:


It is different for a woman.

Apparently, men can make a decision to love, but as far as I know, women fall in love.

A lady once shared her story about marrying a man because of how good he was, thinking she would fall in love with him after they were married, but that did not happen.
No matter how good, kind and caring the husband was to her, she just couldn't bring herself to fall in love with him. Even to like him was difficult for her.
His presence became irritating to her.
She was going crazy, and wanted out.

You're correct. As a lady, I get drained trying to force myself to love someone I obviously don't. Going into marriage with someone you don't feel a thing for is a risk not worth taking.

wahala for woman wer go fall in love for this one all the lovin lovin na the woman but Mr you will want the woman to ruve ��you ikwa? abeg wait till you grow up to have love before you go give the woman headache in that union Mtcheeeeew I don't love but you will want the woman to kill her self for you � so many homes today the men leave the marriage for the woman to manage meanwhile she no no say she dey marry herself that's wickedness � ladies shine your eyes na dem �

Aileexa1:
I dont believe in love before marriage because we humans tend to have a flawed perception about love.
Let me just say physical attraction. That's is what I will call the love we claim to feel.
Now, it is a matter of decision. A decision you might not be able to do. If you are not physically attracted to a woman strongly before you get married to her (as you are in this case), you would have to make the decision to love her. Yes, I said make the decision to love her. Love here is a conscious effort. To love her is to accept her despite her flaws and trying to make her a better person. And it is quite hard to do this for someone you aren't attracted to. On the other hand, what if its when you get into the marriage that you see someone who you have great attraction for??
Humans like sweeter things and love as it is isn't always sweet but attraction is. Why? Because love stays when all things fall but attractions falls when problem stays.

Ask yourself this question. Why do you want to get married? Do you want to fulfil a societal obligation or because you want to start a family or because you want to build love in it's purest form.

May God help you.

Love, like most other emotional feelings (anger, joy, hatred etc), is not something you consciously decide to exhibit. It is a result of certain thoughts and perceptions that your mind processes subconsciously. That's why when you truly love someone, you may not be able to explain exactly why you so love the person.
You should also note that love is always based on something (looks, financial status, compatibility, admirable achievement etc) whether the person "in love" realizes it or not.

How will you love when you've shared all the love you possess on the altar of immorality.Getting what you should pay for on a platter of gold diminishes its worth, which is what has happened to you. People who waited long enough to have this blessing always appreciate it and do always go the extra mile to make it work, but the philanderers always walkout of it at the slightest provocation knowing fully well their vomit is out their for them to return to. That said, I wonder how anybody can enter into a union like marriage without love in your heart for your partner, devil must be behind this doctrine. My advice to you is to repent first of your sins and ask God for forgiveness. That's where to start from, thereafter start praying to God to lead you to someone who'll compliment your life and help you to serve him the more and fulfill his purpose for your life. Then follow his leading but ensure you ask questions from whoever God is leading you to so you can be fully aware of who you want to spend the rest of your life with, this will not be manifestation of unbelieve neither will God be displeased with you for taking such steps. If you do this it will be well with you, marriage is not a hard thing but our disobedience to Gods law is what has brought humanity to this endless toil for almost everything; since we assume to know better than God, we will always suffer the consequences of our self will.

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I

fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Righteousness89 is coming for you

Best thread with the most mature people on Nairaland!
Whew!

judedwriter:


People divorce when love takes the exit door.

That means love cant sustain a marriage

RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.

Best comment

Brownpeanut:


First of all, I don't believe in that love at first sight stuff. And before we date, we'd get to know each other. In that process, a person's personality alone can make me fall in love. There has to be a spark; an attraction, that tingling feeling. When that happens, I know that there's something about you I'm willing to explore. And voila!! The process of dating begins. Lol, I know what I'm saying It's difficult to explain.

Ok. Goodluck

no comment cos i never marry at 40

RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.

This is deep. Salute.

Brownpeanut:


Go on, share your thoughts.

First, you all ladies have it totally wrong as it regards your role as a wife.

Start from there, what's your role in the marriage, what are your responsibilities, what should the man bring, what are his responsibilities. You do not need to love him to marry him, that's his job.

Can he protect you? Can he protect and provide for your children? Can he love you?

I see many ladies today (my sisters included) clocking away in the name of waiting for prince charming. You said your guy loves money and is arrogant, that money isn't important among others, later you will find the one that has among others but doesn't have the money.

See, ladies these days should stop acting like a gambler or a chess master, does he love you? Can he provide? Every other thing is secondary.

I don't want to type too much but if you insist on loving him then I can tell you that love grows as the marriage grows, it's the same phenomenon with everything around you,your job, your church and co.

Did you know that Jesus finally called his disciples "friends" moments before his death even after they had spent 3 years with him. Do you know he chose them and all they had to do was obey based on conviction from his miracles?

Any other feeling is just your emotions playing games with you and in the end, you will get burnt I can bet my life savings on it. I have seen this over and over again.

Let him choose you, let him love you, let him show that he can protect and provide for you, yours is just to submit to him and you all will leave happily ever after.

4me, I'll say u shud "marry a woman that luvs u" not a woman u luv.

Read wat i wrote up there again slowly

But even if u luv her, she shud luv u more than u luv her.

U get d point?

Brownpeanut:


Money matters, but there are other things, too.

Hmmm...okay

your heart must have been broken some days.
honestly love trills but not without tears,


actually what you need is to respect and care, i mean provide for your wife and children


and then work on your libido because your dick got a serious work in that business called marriage,

then i probably think something like love will develop when you start seeing how needful your wife is, as you'll grow to depend on her in many ways, especially when she's reasonable and godly.

your major prayer should be that God will match you with your own wife