obicoolnino:
It's always good to be in love with the person you're to get married to because the moment you're in love, you'll overlook his or her mistakes and let things roll smoothly... If you know you can endure, you can as well get married without falling in love if you feel the lady is OK for you and you two can build a strong relationship regardless her character within.

And once you fall out of love, that will surely happen, your eyes will open. So, are you going to divorce ?

EjaikreTheViper:
Nigerian girls are not worth the stress!
I prefer girls from Asia or other African countries

Come to the Congo

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

If you decide to go for an arranged marriage, make sure that your family chooses the lady for you. The reason why arranged marriage works is because families look for partners with the same values.

The problem with love is that some people claim to be in love, but it's actually lust -- just physical attraction and obsession. True love takes time to grow. Marriages built on true love are strong, and by true love, I mean mutual respect, mutual adoration, and mutual trust. True love is not blind because you truly see the person, flaws and all, and accept them for who they are.

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Baba no try am o, you go buy large market.

See how stupid these Nigerian women are? Especially the OP Smdh.
I pity her man or
Possible man.

Happy2020:
See how stupid these Nigerian women are? Especially the OP Smdh.
I pity her man or
Possible man.

Before calling women stupid, did you take your time to even read through? If you did, you would discover that the OP is a MAN and not a woman.

SAYS WHO

Olunmercy56:
You can't marry someone you are not in love with.

Princewell2012:

I love your comments. My daughter is in Js3 at least you should know am not a baby when you talks about marriage. I have actually falling in love before, what you will say is that most of the things they called love today are not actually love but lost. The moment you sleep with a lady the love is gone authomaticaly. But guess what, I lost that lady because of carelessness. But when it is time for me to marry I just marry without falling in love again, then age is no longer on my side. I did not hate my wife and we are happily married with children, but am not happy missing that lady in my life. He that wears a shoe knows where it is pinching him. A commenter here even said the reason why there is so much dirvorce in marriages is because people fall in love. I did not agree with him. When you are in love, you will oversight all manner of offenses that might comes within you. Now when your ages began grow in your relationship understanding will keep you. Since there is no way misunderstanding will not comes in.
And if you are a Christian, both of you must learn how to pray effectively because Satan does not like a peaceful and a loving family. He will try his best to pull it down. Anyone who have married the love of his or her life and where still together now will understand what am saying. Compliment of the season.

It is not love that leads to understanding. It is mutual tolerance and friendship as you grow older. You just learn to understand one another, and a sense of duty towards the children keeps you bound together. Of course, depending on the couple, constant connection and sacrifice would make you fond of each other, so that helps.

It is a normal human trait to regret that which could have been and think that it would have been better than what currently is. But don't count on it. Marrying for love doesn't work out that way. I was the one who stated that it usually leads to divorce, and it is true. Look at present day divorce stats compared to the era of arranged marriages. Our elders who arranged marriages for their children relied on the fact that when the woman and the man possessed good characters, fondness for each other would inevitably happen...and it worked.

You are right. Love can be 'lust', or it can be obsession, or in teenagers; a crush. Love can also be a sense of duty and responsibility, or a feeling of fondness or friendship between a man and his wife (which is the closest one can get to 'true love'). All these things are lumped together under 'love'. But in reality, they are different feelings, though they are all romanticised and exaggerated in movies.

About that lady you 'loved', don't beat yourself up too much about it. The only reason you still regret not marrying her is because you are still sentimental about her and think you still have unfulfilled feelings for her (because you lost her). There is no reason why your marriage to her would have been happier than your present one, and many reasons to believe that it might have been worse. I understand that it is human nature though, to dream about what might have been.

Brownpeanut:


No, he isn't. He's this kind of guy that thinks money is all that matters.

And that's my ideal man!

What else matters in today's relationships if not money?

Rugaria:
Lol,
Lots rubbish advise here as usual. Folks churning out suggestions like kilode.
I don't take much of what is said here serious these days.. They will tell you things to do and you will go and do and everything backfires! Ndi mgbu! Remember few years ago , I read on a thread here that if you seriously like a lady and she is playing too hard to get, you should go and arrange a "fake girlfriend" and let her see you guys for few moments in order to activate her jealous quotent! I don't do stuff like that but for whatever reason, I decided to try with this babe I was very serious with.. Brethrens, It ended in premium tears! Na so I go carry one ogbonge beuty wey fine pass my Onyinye go one restruant near her mother's office for lunch! She saw me come around..

I made sure Onyinye saw us, then dropped the lady at her destination later without the her being in the know of the game I was playing... Well, it backfired! Her brother walked into the restaurant with her midway and I nearly choked on my food as the "vixen" was all over me at that point, overdoing things... They left immediately, obviously perturbed by the sight... Mind you, this was a gal I was very serious with, so the family were in the know.. They all felt I was a player after that display.... Bottom line; Onyinye changed it for me from that day! That relationship never recovered from that misstep and I wasn't even that serious with the other "vixen". I finally ran when I noticed Onyinye was just chopping me right left and center..

Why she no go chop you?

After the misstep you still went back to her again believing she would grab you this time around and never let go, for fear of the arranged girlfriend taking over. Akuko.

Such stunts work only for the secondary school age boys, and on little girls who still haven't learned to wash their panties.

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

Well, If you had to wait till you fall in love.. who knows when? I guess you should carry on with the Fixed Marriage.. Maybe sooner or later, you might fall in love..

RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.

Wow who dafuq is this guy?

Dann so expertly caught!
I wouldn’t even add a full stop to this piece!

Everybody listen to this guy!!!

You can't possibly give what you don't have .
In everything you do just ask for God's directions .

CsRockefeller:


First, you all ladies have it totally wrong as it regards your role as a wife.

Start from there, what's your role in the marriage, what are your responsibilities, what should the man bring, what are his responsibilities. You do not need to love him to marry him, that's his job.

Can he protect you? Can he protect and provide for your children? Can he love you?

I see many ladies today (my sisters included) clocking away in the name of waiting for prince charming. You said your guy loves money and is arrogant, that money isn't important among others, later you will find the one that has among others but doesn't have the money.

See, ladies these days should stop acting like a gambler or a chess master, does he love you? Can he provide? Every other thing is secondary.

I don't want to type too much but if you insist on loving him then I can tell you that love grows as the marriage grows, it's the same phenomenon with everything around you,your job, your church and co.

Did you know that Jesus finally called his disciples "friends" moments before his death even after they had spent 3 years with him. Do you know he chose them and all they had to do was obey based on conviction from his miracles?

Any other feeling is just your emotions playing games with you and in the end, you will get burnt I can bet my life savings on it. I have seen this over and over again.

Let him choose you, let him love you, let him show that he can protect and provide for you, yours is just to submit to him and you all will leave happily ever after.

Thank you for this wonderful write-up!

No Sir! But don't come here for advice later.

I love this...love is not enough

Gentlebabs:
A Poem: Love Is Not Enough

Curtains drawn
as in a Shakespearean play
nightfall in paradise
in a steamy session
cuddling and murmurings
still, we didn't hear a word -
No doubt, we are in love!

Never felt this way
nor this secured.
Just like a cub in a pride
this seemed like home.
It was for us a beginning
the beginning of an end.

No more games!
The time has come
to hang this booth.
Make me a home
and focus on tomorrow
the one that is filled with hopes.

But I am in love!
In this journey of "Yes I Do"
is love just enough?
What about my dreams
does it matter to him?
He never talks about it.
Is this a red flag?

I worshiped you Diana
when you said "love is all that matters".
Did you think about compatibility?
What if he doesn't like 69?
What if he is SS?
Diana, just what if...?

Today in my world
the economic pendulum is swinging
fast in favour of women.
What if he is not willing to work?
So many “what ifs” left unanswered.
But I love you...
Is love just enough?

We can plan for years
use the best wedding planner
hire the best artist.
So much buzz and pageantry
put into an event of one day.
What about the marriage?
What if she still has baggage?

I love sex, she doesn't;
I love to club, but he'll pass.
Should I lose my life
because of marriage?
But I'm in love...
Doesn't love conquer all?
Should I just submit
and how for the best?

Love is not enough!
The real question should be
are we really compatible?
I have gone through my checklist
and suddenly realised
we are in love,
but incompatible.
So, this is where the road ends
for decision decides destiny.

Babatunde Raimi
Author, Life Coach & Poet
+2348178827380 & +2348035063895

For an arranged marriage, you'll still to know whether the person is who you want to be with. Love is key!

If not, you're still joking

Love is not taken it is giving,love is forced it grows freely. To find that which u cannot see,focus on that which u can see.

CsRockefeller:


First, you all ladies have it totally wrong as it regards your role as a wife.

Start from there, what's your role in the marriage, what are your responsibilities, what should the man bring, what are his responsibilities. You do not need to love him to marry him, that's his job.

Can he protect you? Can he protect and provide for your children? Can he love you?

I see many ladies today (my sisters included) clocking away in the name of waiting for prince charming. You said your guy loves money and is arrogant, that money isn't important among others, later you will find the one that has among others but doesn't have the money.

See, ladies these days should stop acting like a gambler or a chess master, does he love you? Can he provide? Every other thing is secondary.

I don't want to type too much but if you insist on loving him then I can tell you that love grows as the marriage grows, it's the same phenomenon with everything around you,your job, your church and co.

Did you know that Jesus finally called his disciples "friends" moments before his death even after they had spent 3 years with him. Do you know he chose them and all they had to do was obey based on conviction from his miracles?

Any other feeling is just your emotions playing games with you and in the end, you will get burnt I can bet my life savings on it. I have seen this over and over again.

Let him choose you, let him love you, let him show that he can protect and provide for you, yours is just to submit to him and you all will leave happily ever after.

Respect!

Sometimes love is not enough but is still the major key to a happy home.

You need to first.like your partner i.e something must have attracted you to your partner.
Thereafter you can begin to think of marriage if you are both compatible...


I think Compatibility is key for a successful marriage.

whyteteeth:
I am 30 this year and it has always been my dream to marry @ 30 or before 30. But the truth is I haven't been able to fall in love with any woman for years now. I do have sex. And I have women in my life from time to time yet I am not in love with any of them.

Now the real issue is this, I stumbled on an article in this forum days back that says that an arranged marriage is the best meaning that without being in love with your spouse, you two can still have a successful marriage, and I have been giving it a thought.

With this premise, Should I just marry and then maybe love can grow over time or should I keep waiting till I fall in love before I marry? I seriously need your advice please..

I think the most important question to ask when picking a partner to marry is - Can you tolerate that person?. You do not have to be in love but you must be able to at least tolerate that person. No one is perfect and nobody will ever will be, but there are some behaviours, character that may be unacceptable if exhibited for a long time. No matter how much you love that person now, they will irritate you later. So, the first rule is - Tolerance, everything else will fall in place.

Madam Joy, give this man one bottle of chamdon

RisenPhoenix1:
No. In fact, falling in love must be the single greatest reason why so many marriages end up in divorce. This is because when you love, you close your eyes to her faults and still go ahead to marry. By the time your eyes open after one or two children; as they surely will; all the faults will just hit you gbam in the face. You will then either divorce, start cheating, or live out the rest of your life in an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. It is far better to go into marriage with open eyes; i.e. no love blinding you. That way, you choose wisely.

Of course the above advice is obviously only for men, since women never marry for love but enter marriage with open eyes, and are always fully aware of the man's faults before they marry.

Gentlebabs:
A Poem: Love Is Not Enough
Curtains drawn as in a Shakespearean play nightfall in paradise in a steamy session cuddling and murmurings still, we didn't hear a word - No doubt, we are in love!
Never felt this way nor this secured. Just like a cub in a pride this seemed like home. It was for us a beginning the beginning of an end.
No more games! The time has come to hang this booth. Make me a home and focus on tomorrow the one that is filled with hopes.
But I am in love! In this journey of "Yes I Do" is love just enough? What about my dreams does it matter to him? He never talks about it. Is this a red flag?
I worshiped you Diana when you said "love is all that matters". Did you think about compatibility? What if he doesn't like 69? What if he is SS? Diana, just what if...?
Today in my world the economic pendulum is swinging fast in favour of women. What if he is not willing to work? So many “what ifs” left unanswered. But I love you... Is love just enough?
We can plan for years use the best wedding planner hire the best artist. So much buzz and pageantry put into an event of one day. What about the marriage? What if she still has baggage?
I love sex, she doesn't; I love to club, but he'll pass. Should I lose my life because of marriage? But I'm in love... Doesn't love conquer all? Should I just submit and how for the best?
Love is not enough! The real question should be are we really compatible? I have gone through my checklist and suddenly realised we are in love, but incompatible. So, this is where the road ends for decision decides destiny.
Babatunde Raimi Author, Life Coach & Poet +2348178827380 & +2348035063895

this poem is so true.

Hisincrease:
No.
You can love when you marry.
Forget all these fall in love stuffs. Marriage is by calculation and God's grace.

I love D calculation and grace u mentioned. I second

I'm on this table,but I'm opionated to say you don't need to.

One thimy I've come to realise is this marriage of a thing needs obey some lock and key compatibilities. We only need a genuine reason
to take certain steps and we need to stay true to those reason(s) and what they hitherto represent.

As said by someone above me,u need calculation amongst other things. U don't believe in love before marriage but u might need someone that does to make it work and u in turn love something about her,so u don't get frustrated when u encounter someone u might be more attracted to.

Attraction us d key word here from your part,while love or similar attraction from d other party is all that matters.

RisenPhoenix1:


Yes. But I jettisoned all myths of love and romance long before I got married, and I'm more happily married today because of it. Fondness steps in as time goes by. I think that is the true love, not all this Hollywood/ Nollywood nonsense you see on TV.

Wow lucky you. You marry a Nigerian woman that is giving you peace of mind, you should thank God seriously

EjaikreTheViper:
Nigerian girls are not worth the stress!
I prefer girls from Asia or other African countries

Good luck I found someone that reason like me

jaxxy:



To be inlove u must 1st know what it means to be inlove. Some people are just confused about a lot of things.

Being inlove isn’t automatic or instant. It’s a combination of things u like and value in a person/partner.

2, to be inlove u must know what u want. Do u even know what Ure searching for and does it exist??

3. Why haven’t u met anyone all this while to fall inlove with or even close? Are u restricting or suppressing ur emotions? Are u confused about ur emotions and the concept of love? Are moving with the wrong crowd??

4. What are the issues with the people u have met sofar and what’s the reason u don’t seem to love or fall inlove with them?

5. Do u believe in love?? U have to believe in it to an extent to experience it or Smtn close to it.

6. Can u handle love?? Are u mature for love? Can u win it and can u afford to loose it? Love is not obsession.

7. Lastly...

Your number 2 summarizes everything, God bless you only if he understands what you are saying

bluefilm:


No I don't think so.

Speaking from my own point of view, I thought I would have to fall in love first before getting married.

I don't even know how the so called love is supposed to happen.

Are you married now?

livinbygrace:
Stop deceiving yourself,there is nothing like love these days.If you are waiting for a woman to love before you marry,you will wait tire.Just find one that understand and at least gainfully employed.Do not go for any jobless girl,that is the worst thing that can happen to any struggling man in this era.

Haha your last statement makes me throw away my cup of coffee

Rugaria:
Lol,
Lots rubbish advise here as usual. Folks churning out suggestions like kilode.
I don't take much of what is said here serious these days.. They will tell you things to do and you will go and do and everything backfires! Ndi mgbu! Remember few years ago , I read on a thread here that if you seriously like a lady and she is playing too hard to get, you should go and arrange a "fake girlfriend" and let her see you guys for few moments in order to activate her jealous quotent! I don't do stuff like that but for whatever reason, I decided to try with this babe I was very serious with.. Brethrens, It ended in premium tears! Na so I go carry one ogbonge beuty wey fine pass my Onyinye go one restruant near her mother's office for lunch! She saw me come around..

I made sure Onyinye saw us, then dropped the lady at her destination later without the her being in the know of the game I was playing... Well, it backfired! Her brother walked into the restaurant with her midway and I nearly choked on my food as the "vixen" was all over me at that point, overdoing things... They left immediately, obviously perturbed by the sight... Mind you, this was a gal I was very serious with, so the family were in the know.. They all felt I was a player after that display.... Bottom line; Onyinye changed it for me from that day! That relationship never recovered from that misstep and I wasn't even that serious with the other "vixen". I finally ran when I noticed Onyinye was just chopping me right left and center..

Chopping you as how you mean she is eating your money