The truth of the matter be say as Africans sometimes certain families from certain regions of our beloved country value gifts more than the person presenting it.. We tend to take advantage of our traditions and stretch it to the limits.. So therefore if the girl i intend to marry comes from such a family then I will do it for love. Gifts of different shapes and sizes on each single visit to win their heart.. Then she should not complain when she is expected to do my laundry, all house chores, prepare my meals hot and fresh on a regular, open the gates of Jerusalem whenever i want to even when we are not yet legally married . If not the next gift she and her mother will get will be devil's beans soaked in water overnight.

oluwaseyi0:


The previous gift the young man gave the entitled woman what happened to it? It's no longer valid?

I just weak for the entitlement mentality and she's quoting d scripture out of context.

Seriously, these are the type of people that frustrate anyone involved in their lives by comparing them with others and leading them into shameful acts like stealing and rituals all in the bid to satisfy their cultural and self centered attitudes. God forbid...

My brother jakpa from poor family and family that always wants to feel entitle. Rich people don't look what you bring. Only poor hungry people expect you to visit them with provisions or even money so that they can cook rice on sunday

Mariangeles:
How come nobody understands the principle of giving gifts and the honour that comes with it?
It is not about what you give, it is the thought that counts.
If the young man had brought something as simple as fruits and the woman complained, then she would've been wrong.

It has nothing to do with poverty. Only someone with poverty mentality would think expecting gift(s) from someone is out of place, and only someone with inferiority complex would think it is a thing of shame to except gift from a certain someone.

"A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men"

Giving gifts will make way for you in the presence of Kings and great men.

Stop quoting Bible out of context. A man's gift (Talent, skills) makes room for him...

There is no difference between you and Op. Leeches everywhere.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

How long have you been dating? Has he ever met your mother before? Has he ever brought something along with him for your mother before? It is indeed a red flag if you dont be careful and marry someone like that when you marry him the whole burden of care for the kids school fees and feeding them will fall on you and you alone, like the sad women i see on that nigerian judge show

If its the first time he's visiting the house,it's somehow but if he's been going to your house, there's nothing wrong

descarado:

Nope, it's not done that way.

She knows the type of man she took home to her mum.
If the man didn't come with gift( nothing wrong with it, we usually visit people with gifts), it now behold on her mum to show him how it's done. Kill him with kindness.
Get some things, wrap in polyethene and give him to go home with. The mum can continue by calling him the next day to ask if he reached home safely, have eaten what I gave you etc, that way, u are drawing him close to you and at the same time changing his mindset.
Trust me, next time, he will go with truck loads of gifts.

My mum will never allow that man leave our house with nothing be it cooked food, foodstuff or fruits.

U are not doing that man a favour rather it's the opposite.
All these entitlement mentality.

Are you sure you are not from my family? Cos, that's how my people treat their in-laws.

UnBanEbenezer:
you're plainly stupid and miserable for being blind.
Can't you read where she said the fiance came with gifts during his first visit?

All the female in your family are stupid and will remain miserable for the rest of their lives. Amen!
If you cannot be civil with discussions, then fvck off my mention!

BusinessCity:




Thank you. Here's mature advice here.

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

This is what they say when they tell you guys to protect your relationship and remind you how family members (no matter how loving) can sometimes be the cause of your marital/relationship woe.
So dude visited without a gift not even wine, big deal, no one is perfect, hin nor kee person. You are supposed to speak to him in correction/love and not belittle him or fan the flame of anger.

If you has handled it tactfully, he will then call and sweet talk your mum n plan for a follow up visit where he will try to right his wrong. On that occassion, you MUST be home. Finish

NB-this is fiance and not boyfriend. Leave that silly small girl behavior of cutting phone on a man. That is disgusting behavior. And for that you should apologize. So do not disrespect a man like that again. Now place a call to him dear

Gideon110:
You are even worst than the op self.. Spit on you...

Spit on your dead body! Ozu!

Sixfeetbelle:


Not to all wedding attendance, no, as I didn't know some of the people but family friends, yes. I know them.

Going by your standards, you have failed because you suppose to carry gifts to any person you visit whether neighbors, all weddings. You didn't give gifts in all your visits but you want all your visitors you give you bread...you try

Trayceey:
not really. The first time he came to see her, which has been a while now, he didn't come empty handed

I am happy you said he brought something the first time he came. Your fiance wasn't wrong when he came the other time without anything. Maybe, he never had but he still showed courtesy and respect by coming to see his would be- in laws. The mistake you made was that you should never have supported your mum. My wife has supported me uncountable times when I go visit her parents. There was a time l wanted giving 5k to them. My wife "cornered" me quickly and added another 5k to make it 10k. So, l know what I am talking about. If you are certain the guy is great with some good prospects, please swallow your pride and apologize to him.
Please forget the bullies online. I think they're just there to distract and make you lose focus. Stay blessed.

Acidosis:



The right thing to do was to reject her food/drink. The young man is greedy and a glutton!

Omo, how can you visit your mother in law for the first time without a gift, and sit down to eat her food and drink?

Let's be honest pls, the young man is greedy and shameless.

It was not the first time he visited. He has visited before.

I don't know about boyfriend and girlfriend...but as a bini man, if u are married..u don't go to visit ur in-law empty handed

Mariangeles:


Let them keep on deceiving themselves on Nairaland. Something they wouldn't dare do in reality to avoid embarrassment.

I'll take it you didn't see the part where op said he has visited before and with gifts.

extol1:

and how does it translate to successful marriage

Respect is number 1 rule of love engagement.

Successful marriage depends on both partners...

Courtesy demands you take a gift when going to an in-laws home especially in this part of Africa. No matter how little even if na cola and spirit. Little things like this portraits you in good light even if you bad self. In the first instants why will you go to ur in laws place empty handed who dos that. The reaction of the mother is normal. When you get to that stage you will understand better. Even if your in law is dangote, please a gift along. Mature people understands the power of giving gifts especially in the business environment.

Also, your in law recieving gift item from you does no mean they are hungry or broke. This is tradition or courtesy. At least for the first time take a give along.

Madam! If he feel he is too big to do little things like this free ham. Person wey value u and ur mother go come alone....

Cheers!

The way I dey look una family so, una go get sense because the way you describe your mama ehn, na correct mother, not like some people Nne! Are you single?

CalliDora1:
Lol.. some people though.

The guy no owe you and your mum anything at boyfriend and girlfriend level. In fact if it was me, shame will not allow me tell the guy what my mum said. waaaat?? Ordinary boyfriend? If you now marry nkor? You mum will now turn tax collector? Babes, it's not right.

Let the guy do it from his heart if he feels like. Not you people forcing him. My mum would never do such.

I remember when my eldest sisters boyfriend ( now her husband) used to come to our house then, my mum will be the one
running Helter skelter to entertain him and never expects anything from him cos she feels they are both children. And On his own, he'll just bring rice for us at Christmas without asking him.

You and your mum should calm down. Haba!

Sixfeetbelle:


Once parents start measuring the "love and care" their daughter gets from her man with material things, they are quickly able to decipher the stingy ones from the caring ones and save her from a marriage of sorrows.

"...For by their fruits you shall know them."

Bla bla....

How is my dinner coming?

[Pls I can't see where she mentioned that item wasn't her first time, can u point that out to me pls? Gosh! Bringing bread or even something as small as fruits when u visit, what's wrong with that, or how does poverty come into this? quote author=GayPontiff post=97809727]


No offense o, but be offended all u want.
You and ur mama need deliverance .
Contact me for recommendations.

If the guy marries u, each visit to your mum will now cost him a cow and a new house shebi?
That he even went to greet her which is the highlight that deserves accolades suddenly gets swept under d carpet. U proceeded to hang up call on him.
Now ur seeking justification publicly.

If u want to enjoy ur marriage in d future when u don marry eh babes, no be everything momsi talk u go swallow.


(((According to her it wasn't even his first visit and he did take something along the very first time.
Una don see as person dey open door for wahala?)))[/quote]

NoToPile:
I am not interested in the giving a gift or not part of the arguement, I am much more worried about your reaction.

You have a fiancee which means soon you will be married by now you SHOULD know how to manage your parents and husband which should actually be the easiet to manage for you.

You should NEVER have told him about the incident , A simple - sorry mom it must have been an oversight and not saying a word to your fiance would have sufficed and next time he wants to visit you can chip in the 'I think you should get some fruits( or whatever) for mum' part

Your mum might not be wrong for telling you what she told you, Elderly people have certain expectations which might not sound palatable to our ears but you are the one that knows how you will handle the issues.

This simple matter? It has never even gotten to in- law matters

I love this

Lashist:

Olodo read well next time..even for the first time, no be by force to carry biscuits there...its when you lack basic things you will start complaining that ur gf or bf didnt bring you bread and biscuits. Foolish hungry elder like you..better go and make money and stop expecting bread from visitors everytime

The Foolishness you inherited is what made you type this nonsense to me.
The lady that falls for you would think she has gotten a reasonable person until your insanity starts manifesting the day you will visit her parents.
Just make sure you take your drugs so as not to dey lick the plates used in serving you with your tongue.

I know you will go empty handed and empty headed.

luminouz:


Bla bla....

How is my dinner coming?

I will start ignoring you from now henceforth.

Your mum must be an ex police woman

Bro, please take it easy on her. You can pass your message politely even in the height of provocation. You will earn my respect and that of others as well doing so. We can always disagree to agree later on. Thank you.

TransAtlanticEx:
Are you sure you really wanna do this?
Cos I'm ready when you are.
Feed me and my family( a whole my family ooo) for ages yet your mama dey want kill herself say your fiance no buy bread for am?.
Why not use that money weh you want use am feed me and my generation buy your mama provisions keep for house na
And somehow its from this miserly,miserable existence that you wanna feed my family(really rich ) from?
My eldest sister got married in 2004,in 2003 when the man came for introduction,he wore shorts and was empty handed.
You know why?There was nothing he could bring that we don't have and he knew it
What you could have done sef to even cover your bf is send some money to your thirsty mom and claim your bf sent it,but instead you fought with him over it,maybe because you and your mama don plan as una go share the stipends weh the guy suppose bring,
Yet a bottom feeder like you wants to feed my generation?

WILLuKPquiet:


The Foolishness you inherited from the animals you call parents is what made you type this nonsense to me.
The lady that falls for you would think she has gotten a reasonable person until your insanity starts manifesting the day you will visit her parents.
Just make sure you take your drugs so as not to dey lick the plates used in serving you with your tongue.

Lol...oh so you have seen proof now and have decided to be stupid since nothing dey ur empty head. Imagine an elder insulting people's parents...i no go insult yours but I dont think ur parents would be proud of an idiot like you when they read how you say things without reading and understanding properly. Do your generation a favour and dont bore any child cus he will hate you as a son for wanting to pass your foolishness to him through your sperm. Udo

Trayceey:
I Need Your Opinion On This Issue That's Threatening My Relationship

My fiance wanted to come to the house to see my mum but I told him I won't be around because I'm about heading out to somewhere, so he asked me if my mum would be around, then I said yes and he said he would still go to see her and it doesn't matter if I'm not around.

When I later got home that night, my mum complained that he came empty handed. He didn't bring anything for her and she was the one who offered him her drink.

Although initially, I didn't see anything wrong with that but when my mum expressed her displeasure, I later called him to ask why he came to the house empty handed then I let him know I wasn't happy with him, that it would have been better if he didn't come. He tried arguing with me but I hung up.

Since then, we haven't spoken to each other nor visited each other. Was I wrong?

.


Chai ...things that don't matter ...
Pele remain single because of gift

Kaimaonyeana:


Na Yoruba guy i swear. No real igbo man goes to his in-laws place emptyhanded. It's not nice. Fruits would do,it doesn't have to be something big. My dad still takes bag of rice to his inlaw's every Christmas. My other uncle single-handedly sent his brother inlaw to dubai. And no, none of these things were expected of them. They did it because they wanted to and they had the means to. An igbo adage says that a person's inlaw is his God. But bear in mind no one forces you to do them.

I hate it when people make hasty conclusions. What evidence do you have that the guy is Yoruba? What concerns Yoruba in this matter? In fact, it's people like you that make people hate Igbos. You will just be commenting like a primary school kid.

Lashist:

Going by your standards, you have failed because you suppose to carry gifts to any person you visit whether neighbors, all weddings. You didn't give gifts in all your visits but you want all your visitors you give you bread...you try

Okay. I'll do that. I'll bring gifts for everybody I visit.

You should endeavor to not take gifts with you when you visit anybody, no matter who they are to you. You don't want their entitlement mentality to manifest, do you?

Lady you better leave that guy cos such guys are stingy that is the truth.

Some of Ur comments shows how irresponsible u are, someone visit his would be in-laws empty handed, no bread no fruits and u all are here insulting her mum and making it look like it's poverty mentality? What's wrong with y'all really? That's just courtesy simple, it doesn't have to be every time he visits, however, we don't even know if that was his first time or not cus it wasn't specified, y'all should be respectful. Gifts can be given to by either of the parties involved, it's not a big deal. So u think u can date a rich girl and be completely compliant with her rules or just be taking from her according to some of u here, pls be responsible and stop seeing women as they are here to deprive u of Ur mother's breaks milk when all they is make life sweet and delicious to u. Bye for now.