₦airaland Forum

Go to your pastor for advice and prayer Nairaland will not help you

I dislike people like your husband. He should be old enough to evaluate options and make decisions. Now, he seeks opinion of a poor Native doctor. Dumb fool
I think he takes everything so seriously too. He must have asked the native doctor about the moms option before asking the OP..

Chii59:
Abi o. Imagine being married to a man who consults native doctors. God forbid.

Hope you done send your number give that guy that millionaire I trust you sharp girl

Magnoliaa:
[color=deeppink]True. And that's why it all depends on the couple - as you've noted. Knowing what you both want, how to go about it and being able to stand by it without giving any in-laws unnecessary control.

All of this becomes easy with a kind and understanding partner. Not one that has a coconut head.

And mehnn. How they are even taking the long text to cast aspersions on the Op's character - for someone who has been at it for months, hurt, and just pouring things out... But when they are reading manipulation books, or it's a man posted something longer than this, it's not always too long.[/color]

Sighs. The Nigerian society is quite a toxic one, on the average. For a person tethering on depression, suffering emotional abuse, as well as the spiritual aspect, its quite unfortunate all they see are the many words.
I'll soon leave this forum. I can't with the toxicity around here.

Jimmy231:
Hope you done send your number give that guy that millionaire I trust you sharp girl

Which millionaire are you talking about?

HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.

If you don't have anything to say,please shut up!

Your first problem is bringing this issue to nairaland to be advised by idiots.

Vevejoy:

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? ... it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

[color=deeppink]I doubt you've been an happy couple all along.

The man has money to spend on daycare, but he doesn't want the "burden" of bringing another family over. When he believed even his own father is trying to kill him. He's been abusive to you.

It's sad those condemning you are not even seeing this, but your "selfishness" and the "smartness of the man wanting his will."

Native doctors are running his life and marriage for him, but those are not a third party. Smh.[/color]

DoubleEngine007:
You should have asked him.. "Baby who among your mom and his mom,he wants to come over"Then you wait for him to decide. He asked you as a trap,then the selfish you go fall put. Now look at what you have caused. Did you even say you don't know how to tell people that he visits or believes in native doctors
Don't try it please.. Someone above said ,you talk too much. I don't know how true is that,but if actually you talk too much.. Avoid telling the world the secrets of your husband, if you still do love your marriage.
The only thing that can safe you and your marriage right now,like the poster above me said is Prayers if you believe in God.

Good one bro. You shouldn't have told him your mom first, that's not fair. The only solution to this is prayer and fasting. if you don't mind, I can send you some prayer points to pray and everything will be fine, just believe that God can solve your marital issues. God will separate him and the native doctor.

Saintmary:
Focus on your baby.
Don't make him the center of your happiness, you'll be fine.

This is simply what you need to do. Just do what you can without expecting much back. Be civil and yes, back off! If you knew your man was fetish before marriage and you still married him, it should be easier for you to live with the excesses. Don't allow yourself to be abused, the power is yours. Thank God you live in America where you are protected and financially secure.

A marriage can't survive if both parties are not willing to compromise, one person can do only so much but it won't hold for long. Hopefully, your husband will come around and if he has the same priorities as you on saving your marriage, he will have to step up.

I feel so bad for your little one in all this. Sweet innocent soul, he will be alright though but it's so shameful denying him the comfort he could have had if only his dad wasn't so vindictive.

God help you.

I think I understand your pains. I have a brother who never makes compromises for any body. And thank Goodness you acknowledged your own problem of nagging. The best way to deal with obstinate people like that is to either ignore them or leave them. The more you talk, trying to make him see your point, the more reasons they get to thicken that defensive wall. Just do your "duty" as a wife and mother, but pretend he doesn't even exist outside that bound. I am not a religious person so I don't believe prayers can help you.

Madam u r the architect of ur problem. From ur words I can see that u were dominating him and pushed him to wall when u told him ur mum should come. It was suppose to be his mum to take take of the kid and not ur mum.

On the issue of native doctor,i will say u r exaggerating it so that everyone here will see him as a bad person.
That man can not endure ur excessiveness anymore, he is enjoying the moment cos he whatever He want.

Chii59:
Which millionaire are you talking about?

That one that quoted you to send your number

Jimmy231:
That one that quoted you to send your number

I can't remember who you are talking about.

It's so painful but u can't quit your job to provide a child you have birth to the care he or she needs
? This your comment is riddled with foolishness.

Biglittlelois:
Okay this one is obviously a pained little mangina who has it in for females

How do you know taking a baby to a nursery isn't suffering? Are you a woman or a nursing mother?

Do you know how painful it is taking a baby to a strange environment to be in the care of strange people?
Do you know what goes on there during the period the child will be in their care?

Parents who go through this phase sacrifice a whole lot, and they just have to keep praying and believing their child is in safe hands, and at the same time, dismiss every negative thoughts

So if you know nothing, shut up, read, and learn.

Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

you really talk too much it shows in your post here.

However, your husband may not be as heartless as you think given that he even wanted to make your marriage work and hasn't made a move to divorce you.

As for he not being moved by your tears....I will ask you; are you the type of woman who uses tears to manipulate and confuse a man?

If you have given your husband one fake tears before, then you have broken the tears-power ...maybe for good.

Also your coming here for advice is almost as bad as he seeking advice from native doctors.

Nairaland has nothing to offer you.

mariahAngel:
Women have truly suffered!


" Don't complain! Suck it up and bear it!" Says the world

Sigh!

women haven’t suffered, for one to stay married it takes a lot of wisdom and diplomacy, you can’t be the smart one all the time. @ post you need to calm down let you husband be for now act like you have let go of the issue you don’t need to seek empathy from but you need to be strong for your baby ,your husband will come around just calm down.

Is this worse than what many pastor do or cos it a native doctor now rapture should start at once ?

Biglittlelois:
Why is everyone focusing on the rants while ignoring the fact that Op's husband accused her of being evil, and once accused his own father of being behind all his problem? Or didn't all of you see that?

Some native doctor is brainwashing her husband and I'm sure also receiving dollars or euro constantly from him, thereby causing a deadly feud in not just his immediate family, but also his own parents and family, but no, Op's nagging is the problem, a problem she readily admitted and presently working on little by little, yet you guys can't see that?

MejiLoyon:
I stopped reading at believe in native doctor after 17years. It's simply impossible

And it made front page
Just so you know...if you carry your marriage matter come social media you deserve to be single forever.
Also ask those that have brought theirs here, was the problem solved here? So many things happen in marriages,they solve it themselves. Go come carry am.come social media.

No be relationship oooo. Marriage. Na wah o

I swear I actually stopped at that same line. It's never good to share this to the public, what are we going to do about it?
We can't solve your probkems for u ma'am. Marriage is between 2 people, taking it out to the market place will only scatter it for u. This is a bias talk. Stop exposing his secrets here, I don't like it. B4 u married him did u notice it? There r things my babe does, I know them, and things that I do that maybe ugly too, but we accept it as our weakness and work for the relationship to continue. Even after d break up I am /she isn't supposed to start telling people about my FLAW.ITS CHILDISH

ststyreal:
Nothing else other than to pray. You cannot fight the spiritual with the physical rather, you fight spiritual with spiritual since it involves a native doctor and you have tried talking to him severally...
Try to be calm, watch and pray. Just carry on as if you are not bothered, focus on your job and daughter, and watch how things plays out.
And above all, always pray to God because with him(God) nothing is impossible/difficult(Gen.
There is power in prayer if you believe...
I pray God bring peace to your home amen

You cleverly ignored the loquaciousness part. Don't you know 90% of her problems will be solved if she can just control her tongue. She talks too much and that was even evident in her right up. The matter is simple.

Continue soogbo!

Be careful of bring your marriage to social media!!! They will crush it for you oo. hmm

mariahAngel:
It's just that so much is expected of a woman, it is hardly fair. The more they give, the more they're asked to give.
All they ever wanted is to be listened to.

Are you married?

HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.

Man, there is nothing wrong with her. Nothing like talking too much.

She is a communicative person and likes to open up. Those are qualities of personality that does not hide something.. I know this cos I am same.

And she would be drained because her husband is the opposite. I wouldn't want to marry someone who does not understand basic communication requirements for sustaining a healthy relationship...

I detest too much rigidity.

For christ sake, she is a human with emotion. Why torment her like this?

Chii59:
I can't remember who you are talking about.

OK

Gush! SomeWomen sef. Give him time and enuf with the knacking. . .know i mean enuf with the nagging.

What will a single lady like me advise now? But my dear sister, since you’re in good terms with your in-laws, ask him to bring his mother, when you give birth to the second baby, your mum can now come. My humble opinion

It's sad that your husband isn't seeing all these, but I pray he does, so he could know he got married to a demon.
"You nor fit even use one sentence praise the man sef"
Your bad attitudes are top notch and too much for one man to handle, I seriously applaud your husband.
Only you dae nag, talk too much, claim financial independence and untop that you nor fit even defend am when some Nairaland witches dae insult am.
I personally won't want any mother to come spend time in my home, I abhor it, some of them are home destroyers.
Since you aren't the one to cover the financial costs of bringing your mother to your based country, you shouldn't have just concluded that "of course my mother".
For the part where you claimed after 17 years abroad he still believes in traditional dieties, can't you also see that after so much time abroad you still believe the wife's mother is always the one to come for 1st Omugo.
He really loves you, I swear you are lucky, if na me ehn...
Make I nor just talk.

You know where I stopped? I don’t believe in DIVORCE.
That too is an African mentality. Shade it.
Every one deserve to be in a happy environment with someone who loves and cares about them
How can your husband be HEARTLESS to you and you call it Marriage..?
Your argument with him has little or nothing to do with your quarrel with him..
His crazy mindset does.

I am sorry but unless your husband shades his crazy mentality, your marriage is GONE. And mind you, divorce is better than death. Cause at this rate he might kill you for causing him his supposed plight.

Btw if you like pray from now till eternity, a man who won’t change WON’T
Plus Nairaland is filled with Egotist men so don’t expect any better

Tap0lane:
It's so painful but u can't quit your job to provide a child you have birth to the care he or she needs
? This your comment is riddled with foolishness.

Who should quit their job, the father, mother, or both since it is their child?

If both or one of them should quit, how can one parent solely continue to provide for the kind of lifestyle they are accustomed to in a society where all hands must be on deck? Is that not why bringing in any of their mother was suggested?

You see how ridiculously foolish your comment sounded.....

Connected1:
It's sad that your husband isn't seeing all these, but I pray he does, so he could know he got married to a demon.
"You nor fit even use one sentence praise the man sef"
Your bad attitudes are top notch and too much for one man to handle, I seriously applaud your husband.
Only you dae nag, talk too much, claim financial independence and untop that you nor fit even defend am when some Nairaland witches dae insult am.
I personally won't want any mother to come spend time in my home, I abhor it, some of them are home destroyers.
Since you aren't the one to cover the financial costs of bringing your mother to your based country, you shouldn't have just concluded that "of course my mother".
For the part where you claimed after 17 years abroad he still believes in traditional dieties, can't you also see that after so much time abroad you still believe the wife's mother is always the one to come for 1st Omugo.
He really loves you, I swear you are lucky, if na me ehn...
Make I nor just talk.

With this mentality... if you really believe EVERYTHING you wrote up here, you might remain single ALL YOUR LIFE. I am telling you the truth!

Don't regret your marriage, invite Jesus and everything will alright