Momful:
anyone with any suggestion?
I don't want to make a mistake twice

SirWhiteFish:
Avoid divorce at all cost. It will come back to hunt your kids and later in life hunt you in your old age

Acidosis:


Would you agree to stay with your husband if he permits you to work?

Not sure what the major problem is: failure to allow you work/unemployment, physical and emotional abuse, false accusations, or something else?

Acidosis:


Would you agree to stay with your husband if he permits you to work?

Not sure what the major problem is: failure to allow you work/unemployment, physical and emotional abuse, false accusations, or something else?

ibkayee:
Can you find work? You mentioned you have a BSc, can you put that to use? Divorce is the best option in my opinion (it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship in the first place but the abuse is the absolute dealbreaker) but let's start with you being able to support yourself financially

I know you said he didn't want you working in your marriage but since you want to leave and he said he's fine with you leaving, he wouldn't be getting in your way of getting a job on your way out of the relationship right?

SirWhiteFish:
Avoid divorce at all cost. Divorce will come back to hunt your kids and later in life hunt you in your old age.

Most of people online advocating for divorce doesn't even have a boyfriend or girlfriend talkless of ever being married. Avoid those opinion by all means.

Nothing is stopping you from using your certificate to earn a living if you find a job

ibkayee:
Can you find work? You mentioned you have a BSc, can you put that to use? Divorce is the best option in my opinion (it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship in the first place but the abuse is the absolute dealbreaker) but let's start with you being able to support yourself financially

I know you said he didn't want you working in your marriage but since you want to leave and he said he's fine with you leaving, he wouldn't be getting in your way of getting a job on your way out of the relationship right?

SirWhiteFish:


What they both need is councelling and also reporting things to the man's family. That's why marriage isn't between two people but families.

About the job, no one can stop you from being employed except you decide to stop yourself.

LutanFyah:
How do you take away a man's children when he did not permit you, you're not granted custody by the court, you don't have a job to take care of them?


If you want to leave, go ahead but don't drag the children into your problems cos they deserve better.

Momful:
I need advice on what to do though I won't like to go into much details.i need to leave my marriage and start a new life altogether.
I'm a B.sc holder and I got married while serving so I currently have no work experience because I have been a house wife against my own wish for six years. My husband won't let me do anything for myself.it has been from one big issue to another and I am tired of them all. My relatives think everything will be fine with time because they see divorce as a sin but I can't cope anymore.

The very worst right now is him accusing me of sleeping with different men behind him and planning with these same men to kill him and take away all his properties. I have begged him to take me back to my family and table all these concerns before them so we can go our separate ways as tradition demands,guess what....he refused. That I should leave on my own, fine by me..,he still refused to give me transport money ( we live somewhere in North Central while my mom is in South East)

I "foolishly" have three kids and I really regret not leaving when I was meant to but kept believing everything will be fine. I have made up my mind now,my sis agrees to send me 15k(she doesn't know what it is for, don't need their permission anymore).

P.S. I know I was foolish, stupid and naive,I acknowledge all of that and I have beaten myself up already for that.what I desperately need now is a WAY OUT.i have no work experience and my mom is a poor widow struggling to survive. Is there a possibility of me coping with my kids or without my kids...I am so confused. He says I can never be anything without him and yes physical and emotional abuse is involved.
Please no front page please

Ginaz:
Sis... Calm down. Try to look for an alternative first .

The kids , how are they gonna cope without their mother at this stage if you leave them ? If you decide not to, how are they gonna cope without financial support since you have no job?

I would suggest you start looking for a job anywhere you can. Start from there , it is not as easy as you think to fend for children in this economy by yourself and I'm having a feeling that your husband won't help you financially if you decide to move away with the kids.

Kindly wait till your husband has enrolled your last baby in school , then start looking for a job. You don't have to tell him till you have started working . I know you're tired of the marriage but don't rush out of it just yet. Still push through.

Momful:


ok

what about these accusations of me trying to kill him? I can't cope anymore and he's very serious

Ginaz:


A guilty conscience fears no accusations. If you didn't do what he is accusing you of then why are you bothering? Let him talk however he wants to so far you're clean at heart .

Madam, life is not as easy as you think. You have no job and who will sponsor you in your family if you decide to leave ? So you will just be walking about town while your kids are not with you ? At this stage they can't fend for themselves for crying out loud.

You have already brought children into this mess. And about the abuse , try to get out of his temper for now, When your last born is in school then you can look for a job. You sound like you're just tired of the marriage and have no fight in you to strive .

Leaving isn't the thing , what are the plans you have made to live a productive life after leaving your marriage. What would be the fate of the children ? How are they going to cope with just their father if you leave them ? How do you expect a 2yrs old child to cope without his mother? Eh?

Look for a side business, Just don't sit there. Sell pure water , soft drinks , small chops. Do something madam! Fight for your right to earn a living.

He says I can never be anything without him

FloraEC:
Hi momful
Only you know what you're going through.
I won't say hang on, I won't say leave.

But I'll be very very honest with you.

First, is he a business man?

One thing I'm sure is even if you get a job, he'll frustrate your little effort.

Don't leave without the kids cos he'll lie against you that you ran away with another man and left him with the children. He'll restrict you from seeing them too.

Yes you can get a job with no/little experience.

Involving elders? I laugh in elderly manner, you'll wonder if he bribed the elders and get ready for them to tell you a man is never at fault and look for something that tallies with what your hubz said and finally drop all the blame on your head.

If you leave with your kids:
1: He won't help you financially and he'll surely tarnish your name. That's the honest truth



I hope you cancelled this statement immediately he said it.


Love and light.

Momful:


I didn't want to dive into so much details.., but the part about me hawking.., my sis once tried sending me jewelries to sell. he seized them and accused her of trying to introduce me to prostitution.

I have always been told to hang on by both families and I have done that and more.., but things went from worse to worst to unbearable

I now wish that I had not listened to them then and walked.., things are so so complicated right now

Momful:


I didn't want to dive into so much details.., but the part about me hawking.., my sis once tried sending me jewelries to sell. he seized them and accused her of trying to introduce me to prostitution.

I have always been told to hang on by both families and I have done that and more.., but things went from worse to worst to unbearable

I now wish that I had not listened to them then and walked.., things are so so complicated right now

Momful:
anyone with any suggestion?
I don't want to make a mistake twice

Momful:


maybe you didn't understand my post.
my husband stopped me from earning a living, and I don't know how long this would last. it's six years already

Momful:
I need advice on what to do though I won't like to go into much details.i need to leave my marriage and start a new life altogether.
I'm a B.sc holder and I got married while serving so I currently have no work experience because I have been a house wife against my own wish for six years. My husband won't let me do anything for myself.it has been from one big issue to another and I am tired of them all. My relatives think everything will be fine with time because they see divorce as a sin but I can't cope anymore.

The very worst right now is him accusing me of sleeping with different men behind him and planning with these same men to kill him and take away all his properties. I have begged him to take me back to my family and table all these concerns before them so we can go our separate ways as tradition demands,guess what....he refused. That I should leave on my own, fine by me..,he still refused to give me transport money ( we live somewhere in North Central while my mom is in South East)

I "foolishly" have three kids and I really regret not leaving when I was meant to but kept believing everything will be fine. I have made up my mind now,my sis agrees to send me 15k(she doesn't know what it is for, don't need their permission anymore).

P.S. I know I was foolish, stupid and naive,I acknowledge all of that and I have beaten myself up already for that.what I desperately need now is a WAY OUT.i have no work experience and my mom is a poor widow struggling to survive. Is there a possibility of me coping with my kids or without my kids...I am so confused. He says I can never be anything without him and yes physical and emotional abuse is involved.
Please no front page please

SirWhiteFish:


I will pretend as if I don't know who this is. I hope you have a reason for doing what you are doing. All these stories will not pay you in the long run.
Good day

Pearl05:


If you are the husband stop abusing her and try to fix your home.