pansophist:
Like the old saying "no one can make you a slave without your consent", and that rings ever true in the situation at hand. She has left, disrespected the integrity of your shared matrimony, and as far she is concerned, released herself from the obligation to commit to you. She has proven that the marital oath of "for better for worse" is void, a symbolic rehearsal instead of a qualitative virtue. My friend, you've done your best, leave her to her vices and play your cards to exhibit strength.

In every human relationship, the one that needs the other most has all the power. The power dynamic is favoring her since you're the one begging for her resumption to the union, she has all the cards, hence, you're emasculating yourself by being the party who needs her. She is cashing on your desperation and ignorance of game dynamics.

Hopefully, you should have learned by now that just as women accuse men of seeing them as a sex object, they themselves see men as a success object. Your value to her (and women generally) is not intrinsic, but extrinsic, she likes you based on the man you've built yourself to be. Women do not love the male (a biological prerequisite), but the man (self-built). It's sad that you have to lose your financial capability to reach this timeless truism, albeit, it is never too late for you to get a better, younger, more beautiful woman because unlike her, she has already depreciated in sexual market value, while yours is sharply on its peak. Go make money, improve your life and have fun with other ladies. You're under no obligation to be faithful to a union when the other party has broken it. Live a life worth admiring and I guarantee, as I've seen over and over, she will come begging but then remember, a leopard can not change its spots.

Women values relationship more than men, men value short flings more than women. You probably married her young, and she is under the illusion that there will be unlimited amount of men queuing to wife her up if she signifies her availability status, well, she will learn a bitter lesson, and when she does, do not be the "captain save a hoe", in life, there are consequences, and she must live it. If there is such a thing like to man-up, it is now.

All the best mate.

guy, you a mentality giant according to the words of Juergen klopp(in case you are not a football fan, he is coach of Liverpool). The single mothers I know are all struggling to find husbands. While the only single father I know is getting married to an America based Nigerian single lady. Infact, he is off to America for a six month honeymoon with the possibility of a permanent residency there. Men should always focus on what's important which is self improvement. Maybe we should organize a seminar solely for this purpose. Women are items, that is the truth. Men should always pursue what's important. Your mentality is SOLID.

When I heard such a pathetic story about a marriage like yours, I always feel sad...but u said your wife is 40, no offence, your wife is still a girl not woman yet.
Obviously your wife doesn't need this your marriage anymore for obvious reason, I'm saying this because I have passed through this same phase in my marriage but my wife did opposite all this your wife is doing...your wife has broken your home for you people..it takes a divine intervention to put things together again...pray,pray and fast...first pray for financial breakthrough...chat me on WhatsApp, let share some things that I can't share here with u...07089606962

Go and meet the Mum, tell her everything, tell her she is married to you she should allow her to fulfill her duties as she is fulfilling her own in her husband house, and if the daughter is really still interested in the marriage, she must move back before the next two months, (one year marriage leave) anything that happens after that ultimatum, she will have herself to blame. Make sure you are saying everything in a subtle voice.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

How far with this matter, Guy. I hope the matter has since been resolved. I was actually in the same shoe with u when u posted this on NL

Pharmjossy:
How far with this matter, Guy. I hope the matter has since been resolved. I was actually in the same shoe with u when u posted this on NL

How's yours now?
separated, divorced or still together?

CaptainMitch:
I dont support verbal or emotional abuse, give her time to heal, marriage should be based on love not forced. Try to improve your income we all know money brings respect

niggi what?

Wise counsel

Judybash93:


niggi what?

ahnie:

How's yours now?
separated, divorced or still together?

Yea. We made up. But that was after settling before her larger family. It was a humiliating experience, however. But, for a humble mind its a case of no victor no vanquish.
E
We came together and never has there arisen the type of tension that arose then. Peace and ability to resolve further issues without causing ourselves the embarrasent that met us earlier.
I think basically it was Gods help bc we both sought to do his will(_to reconcile) rather than rely on human wisdom (to divorce). We Now have a baby boy form the aftermath (she was pregnant when she left then)

Pharmjossy:

Yea. We made up. But that was after settling before her larger family. It was a humiliating experience, however. But, for a humble mind its a case of no victor no vanquish.
E
We came together and never has there arisen the type of tension that arose then. Peace and ability to resolve further issues without causing ourselves the embarrasent that met us earlier.
I think basically it was Gods help bc we both sought to do his will(_to reconcile) rather than rely on human wisdom (to divorce). We Now have a baby boy form the aftermath (she was pregnant when she left then)

yea!!!!!glad it ended in praise.
i'm currently sitting on those cases appently ending for divorce,there're kids involved,but we believe it can still be savaged.

[quote author=Lexusgs430 post=80395019]

Are you more spiritual than Oyakhilome?...... Bro Tunagee please answer this question sincerely. E get why them ask am.

Akamariner I was banned , sorry I will answer u soon

SisterFire:
Akamariner I was banned , sorry I will answer u soon

Yes, i seen that, thanks

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

where is your father inlaw

ahnie:

yea!!!!!glad it ended in praise.
i'm currently sitting on those cases appently ending for divorce,there're kids involved,but we believe it can still be savaged.

Sorry, ur expression wasn't clear. U mean u are going for a divorce or Salvage the marriage or kid? Kindly clarify

Pharmjossy:

Sorry, ur expression wasn't clear. U mean u are going for a divorce or Salvage the marriage or kid? Kindly clarify

Sorry not me ..I meant we 're currently trying to salvage the marriages of two of our family friend,there's little kids involved.

ahnie:

Sorry not me ..I meant we 're currently trying to salvage the marriages of two of our family friend,there's little kids involved.

Alright man. Gods blessings.