₦airaland Forum

Viknat:
yes my brother. It actually starts from d man's impression from d very beginning..he must create impression that his wife joins a new family in all totality and not vice versa.

So true

Sabenko:
If you can afford to secretly build a bungalow for the old man, pls do...don’t build it through the irresponsible brother, else he will milk you dry on the house project, after u build the bungalow, just put papa there and be giving stipend for upkeep. Or relocate papa to ur side and be taking care of him. You don’t owe any lazy person ur hard earned money, but parent is key as they are too old to fend for themselves

If you want him to do this for his father in-law what is now left for him to do for his own parents? his priority should be his own parents before any in-law.

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

Is their mum late? Anyways, the issue is half solved because your wife has sense. Thank your God that your wife is not one of those senseless women that will even align with her own family to kill her husband. Anyways , try and encourage her to forget about those silly brothers of hers and concentrate on her Dad. Tell the dad that you want to build a house for him but not now. Try and get the Landlords contact and pay his rent directly into Landlords account. Send money monthly for her Dad's upkeep directly into the Dad's account. If the Dad then wants to give all the money to his useless son's, that's his business. Don't send any money again until the coming month. Don't fall for their threats, they can't do jack. My friend had such issue sometime with his in-laws. They threatened to kill him if they see him and he went to their house around ten pm only him and asked them to kill him if they can. Since then, they've never said anything like that.

Martinelli35:
Nigga, no Dey misyarn, An idiot is an idiot, nothing about that has anything to do with anger. When someone has not undergone something like this, it’s easy to form saint. Am sure when you undergo what the OP has gone through, you will even add Fool and Ode.

Nah. I can feed a community

One of my relatives that love asking for money, i just told him, i will not always be there to give money, so he must learn a skill, i sent money for skill acquisition, small small i am removing my hands from any kind of permanent liability.

Common people should learn to be independent, not asking for money all the time.

SatanicPriest:
usually when this happens, there is just one only special thing i do to it, i just get the pone from where it is, the i get the battery and remove it then out it back, and charge for 24 hours, sorry charge till it is full, remove the sim card and put another sim card. while doing this make sure it is connect to power, use a redeptor amp, if you dont know what it is , download it or go to computer village and let them put it for you. then head to one place beside computer village, it is called ipodo, when you reach there, ask the to drect you to where olosho house dey, enter there and ask one to piss on it , thn put am for sun to dry and walla , all will be restored. peace

hahaha, na wa for u oo

The era of free money is gone, i only give to those who want to be independent, or build something or are growing.

Why should money be given all the time, to an adult, who has hands, brains, legs, and mouth.

Please people Should stop this tradition of being entitled to ask for money all the time, simply because your in-laws are able to , they have their own ideas, and problems too.

Viknat:
Before I married, my father said though it will be difficult to marry from home like our parents home, but I should never marry from poor home

My Dad also advised me on this last year. He said my son, any relationship you are in pls do not make marriage promises. Never promise any lady with marriage.

And if you want to marry, never marry a liability.

That advised had been ringing in my ear for months now.

popesco123:
hahaha, na wa for u oo

no mind me jare. i no think say e possible to easily get those details back

pozehnani:
How about telling the old man to collect his ATM card from the guy and be handling the cash himself or better still open a new account where you can send the money directly to.

One thing you should know is, apart from your bother in-law, the old man does not have entitlement mentality but it is his right to enjoy the fruits of his labour. So, give him whenever he requests "if" you have, except you don't have.

fruits of which labor? Na him send me go school? Abi na because of him daughter problems na him make my papa born me..
Any way, na true Ishilove talk Nigerians ND entitlement mentality ehnn....

It is not any bodies responsibility to Carter for grown up irresponsible nitwits.

kkins25:
fruits of which labor? Na him send me go school? Abi na because of him daughter problems na him make my papa born me..
Any way, na true Ishilove talk Nigerians ND entitlement mentality ehnn....

It is not any bodies responsibility to Carter for grown up irresponsible nitwits.

I'm talking about taking care of the ederly. Is the daughter not going to take care of her father if the husband doesn't do that? Even if the son inlaw helps his father in-law, it's not a crime. You too will grow old someday. I hope you know that.

capitalzero:
You caused it from beginning . You thought you could help them financially. Humans are insatiable. My advice . Stop giving them money. Your wife is responsible to her family. You are responsible to your family. If there are special needs like medical, you can provide specific for them.

That is my point. Some families believe that once their sister/daughter gets married, the husband has to adopt her family and take over all their responsibilities. This is wrong. They want to live off the man because he happens to have some money.

A good wife will advise her husband not to indulge them and make them dependent on him. Whatever she has at any point, she can give them but make them understand that her husband doesn't owe them.

Richy4:
In as much as what you were trying to say is correct based on your experiences or perspectives, I disagree with you to some extent.

You should realize that we all did not come from one family.. Every family is unique in their own ways.... You don't expect one to have a good family and decides to keep them at arms length because of marriage, do you?... There's an adage that says " no one requests that hot water should be kept for him/her because he/her is gonna have a terrible fall"... So if something happens to the future husbands that you were advising to stay away from families because they were married, who will come to their support?

You took it off my keyboard!

I wonder why he is complaining. No be you start am?

badmusatari:
I was convinced by a topic on this thread https://www.nairaland.com/6433385/how-saved-brother-marrying-into/1

I went to Nigeria to bring my wife some years agom ever since we arrived it has always been money, money, materials, materials especially money. At some point my wife accused me of trying to separate her from her siblings. I told her that a time is coming she will be begging me to help her stop them. It has happened and is now happening. As a matter of fact I even brought her dad for a visit from Nigeria. Her dad was a God fearing person but the moment he started living with his oldest shameless and jobless son he has been brainwashed that her daughter and her husband owe them especially me. It's always about money, money, money. The oldest son is a jobless and shameless irresponsible man that impregnated a woman and they now have four kids. I have even got a job for him from here but he refused to go and work there in Nigeria.

Not minding the fact that he even have other siblings in abroad. One of those in abroad is always in support of this stupid irresponsible oldest guy but the other one is a very intelligent person and knows the whole truth.

If you send money to the dad now trust me he will request another in less than a week which obviously the irresponsible was the one telling the dad what to say. There was no time my wife or me or we call the dad that the irresponsible will not pretend he's not there but will put the phone on speaker so he can listen to our concert with the dad. All he's doing is yahoo and Yahoo. The second born there with him is a little bit fair but they all the same.

They always have this strong believe that their sister who is my wife owe them because they always says they took care of her. This is one of the reasons their sister who is my wife and the other siblings in abroad are yet to build a house for their dad. The oldest irresponsible always cause trouble, tell lies and create issues that the dad will be telling his children abroad that he's gonna curse them if they don't build house for him or send certain mount on so so so date. I am really tired and confused. Enough is enough because I also have my own family to look after. Even a bike I never buy sef.

I am beginning to regret getting married in the first place. I love my wife and we have been together for over a decade and half even before we get married. But my wife is now their enemy because she always turn them down now. Infarct of I mention the irresponsible man's name or talk about se don't a penny to them she will go mad for days. Everythinf about them is money, money, money, build house for our dad, etc. The guy is now a yahoo + man over 40 yrs with no future and still unambitious.

My wife and I have wasted a lot of money on his travelling but he doesn't even care. Imagine all the siblings in abroad have been sending money for their dad's house rent only for the landlord to tell us that this guy's has never paid a kobo for almost two years. All he's about is to drink fvck and club.. very dirty hungry looking guy. They never appreciate anything indo for them, instead it's always more more and more. There was a time this guy tried to fight me but I just ignored him.and since then I never talk to him again till now. But they are bullying my wife emotionally that she cries almost everyday now uptill this morning when I asked her what happened and she told me that her brother the irresponsible man sent a nasty message to her.

But the other ones in another will always tell her that she and them need to take care of their dad and must send him money regardless of who highjack it as long as God knows they did the right thing, please how does this make sense? I need opinion on this in particular. How could you be sending money to the dad when you know that the idiot is the one that will collect and spend the money because he's with the dad's ATM card? Does that make sense?

I only pity one of the two siblings in another country that always support him and that one's wife have started complaining to my wife too because they gist a lot.

Sad

Op, your wife needs to realise that the father threatening to curse is brainwashing her. The curse no go hold.

African parents and their brainwashing tactics. Its their responsibility to take care of u as a child. U didn't ask to be born. So using that against u is folly. They brought u through their sexual escapades and obeyed d law of procreation. The law further states they take care of dier kids. No curse will hold over u if u know ur God.

I'm not against u taking care of ur parents as a norm. The bible commands it but the brainwashing and cursing is a NO NO for me.

Choose wisely.

Mikester:
Thanks for the heads up. It's beneficial to me

trust me, this came at the right time

SeriouslySense:
One of my relatives that love asking for money, i just told him, i will not always be there to give money, so he must learn a skill, i sent money for skill acquisition, small small i am removing my hands from any kind of permanent liability.

Common people should learn to be independent, not asking for money all the time.

you never sabi say....

when gift becomes everytime, it becomes rituals....
Therefore, never start what you can't finish.....

[quote author=Viknat post=99441841]Before I married, my father said though it will be difficult to marry from home like our parents home, but I should never marry from poor home[/quot
Wrong assumption, It's not a matter of poor or rich home but of mentality, greed and entitlement.
Parents of wealthy demand worse if they lost their fortune in old age or retires and money not coming in as before.

pozehnani:
I'm talking about taking care of the ederly. Is the daughter not going to take care of her father if the husband doesn't do that? Even if the son inlaw helps his father in-law, it's not a crime. You too will grow old someday. I hope you know that.

God forbid that I would have to depend on my son in law to chop. I pray the same for you too.

My kids should be able to fend for themselves from ss3 just like I was trained to..

Richy4:
I agree with you my brother... I was not really against his advise( I mean the guy I quoted)... But I was not happy with generalization... If a future husband as he puts it comes from a good home that is always supportive, and the guy keeps his family at arms length, Only shows up when he needed them, do you think that was a good idea?

You are also right, but keeping extended family at arms length is relative to individual families and upbringing. If your family is not the type that encroaches on your privacy and home peace, it might be okay to always keep them in the general picture. But when you have extended family members that are nosey, or too demanding, especially when you are not very financially strong enough, you know how yo keep them in check, and it's not limited to your extended fam members. This may also include your in-laws.