kimoyo:
@op, whatever decision you make is yours. It's a hard place to be. I had my own share of life's lemons. Suffered six miscarriages before we had our first. Went through all manner of thoughts and anger set in at some point. We have four now to the glory of God. Did we do anything special, no. I believe God made things beautiful in its time.

Wow!!! What great light at the end of that tunnel! Congrats man!!! I celebrate you. That tunnel is so dark..! How long was your wait?
Sure I have made up my mind but needed to share a little so I don't explode.

IntentionTremor:


The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait. All the same it's history. The way forward is the main thing now.
Are you sure about your conclusion, that RARELY does abortions (D n C) cause infertility?
Well , feel free to educate my ignorance. Thanks

In your OP you implied it was a natural pregnancy. Now you’re saying it was after fertility treatments.
Okay.

Google is your friend sha. Unless you’re going to pay me for the education

truthsayer009:


Gosh mehn, this is what I hate about life. You make plans, put in the work, effort, sweat and blood, then nature comes with something different, just wipes off all your hard work into the dirt for nothing.

This is why I always pray for favor all the fvcking time, I need luck in this life cause I'm already losing my mind by even reading this story.

Mad life o! A lot has changed about me going through these, these years! New philosophies have been birthed as well. This is a map only experience can read. Put yourself together man, shit happens. Thanks

cococandy:


In your OP you implied it was a natural pregnancy. Now you’re saying it was after fertility treatments.
Okay.

Google is your friend sha. Unless you’re going to pay me for the education

Fertility supplements. And yes, the pregnancy was natural - achieved via routine sexual intercourse without my pouring sperm into a lab specimen bottle and eggs extracted etc.
By fertility treatmemt I meant supplements, not regular fertility meds as such. Expensive supplements by the way. Google is my friend about what exactly? Thanks

Malawian:

Even in the same blood group, there is either Positive or Negative types. You should cross-check properly, and I suspect it is the problem you are having.

LoL are you for real..? Thanks

BlessedMyra:
I dnt think divorce is the answer OP
Have you found out y the IVF is failing is it low sperm quality or low egg quality

Are you doing the IVF with doctors that know their onions

Did she take time to prepare her body for the ivf procedure like eating healthy and adapting a healthy life style

Doing abortion is bad but some people nature still forgives them and bless them! Do not peg your problem on that

Seek for a better fertility advices
In all na baba God get final say keep seeking his face
Wish you truck load of baby dust on you and your wife

Thanks for your last words. The womb is the problem. Reason doctors are offering us surrogacy as last resort. Amen to your prayers.

tstx:



Marry a second wife and stop been a simp...

Thanks, lol

IntentionTremor:


Fertility supplements. And yes, the pregnancy was natural - achieved via routine sexual intercourse without my pouring sperm into a lab specimen bottle and eggs extracted etc.
By fertility treatmemt I meant supplements, not regular fertility meds as such. Expensive supplements by the way. Google is my friend about what exactly? Thanks

Okay.

About google. It’s your friend on learning whether abortions cause infertility or not.

Don’t read opinion pieces though. Read scientific papers.

RenerdsMedia:
@intentiontremor, i don't know if you noticed my request sir.
I'm a young boy btw, an orphan but lacks a proper family, it's presently having it's toll on me, although i am full of ambitions, brilliant also, and not lazy.
I just need people i can call mine, as i am at a very disjointed environment and people.
I sent you a pm and i shall be glad if you can schedule a discussion with me.
I may also be more useful to you in ways unexpected.

I can relate. But this is not the essence of my original post. Thanks

cococandy:


Okay.

About google. It’s your friend on learning whether abortions cause infertility or not.

Don’t read opinion pieces though. Read scientific papers.

YES it is common knowledge that D and C's INCREASES risk of future female infertility. But your scientific links to prove otherwise here will be highly appreciated. Thanks

Cococandy I feel this isn't the right time to argue with him about abortions or infertility. Soothing words would be more than preferable.

Your argument on the topic is absolutely unnecessary.

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

You know deep down that even with the side chicks you've tried impregnating that the fault ain't from your wife but from your family so quit being angry and challenge the problem from it's source ......ask your father why you cannot have a child and listen to the story he tells....take care

Righteousness2:
My Brother, Divorce nor Hating your wife is not the answer! You need to Calm down.

You need to understand certain things;
Children are Gifts From Above. It's GOD that gives kids.

No matter how skillful and Fertile you are, if BABA does not release HIS gift to you , Forget about it. You Cannot have it.

Instead of Hating and Planning to Divorce your lovely wife, why not see this time as an opportunity for you to draw yourself and your Home Closest to GOD and HIS Word.

Why not see it as an opportunity to cement your relationship with GOD.

Do not mind what people say! People will always talk! Love GOD with all your Heart! Love your Wife.

Forget about the issue! Fix yourself in GOD and treat your wife right!
Ensure your path is right!
Pray Prayers!
In due Season BABA will Settle you guys!

This trash you wrote here is why African men die early , madam he won't kill himself for a lady that destroy her womb in the name of dating

JidennaJason:
It will do you good to avoid me in this forum, I am not one of those imps who struggle for your unnecessary mentions and I will advise you keep your distance cos I am not a nice person.



Now get lost, dummy.

That thing is most useless creature that I ever see

IntentionTremor:


I give it to her, she's a strong woman. But did I read "inability to support her"? I will take it cause I opened the thread and asked to be talked to!

You think it's that easy psychologically doing surrogacy for a young man not to have his young wife preggy naturally.
The cost implications aside cause we've spent and been spent on this matter...the will to try it is the issue now. Thanks anyways

I know it's not easy, both financially and psychologically,
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.

Abortion, yet she got pregnant and had a still birth.
Abortions when done safely do not cause infertility.
Infertility only comes if the abortion was done with unsterilised instruments to cause an infection.
ABORTIONS DO NOT CAUSE INFERTILITY.
The woman in question has been pregnant in your marriage.
You can divorce her, and both of you go your separate ways instead of treating her shabbily for something out of her control.
Some couples just cannot have children together

johnpaschal:


You know deep down that even with the side chicks you've tried impregnating that the fault ain't from your wife but from your family so quit being angry and challenge the problem from it's source ......ask your father why you cannot have a child and listen to the story he tells....take care

LoL. Kids won't mind threads for kids. Thanks

IntentionTremor:


YES it is common knowledge that D and C's INCREASES risk of future female infertility. But your scientific links to prove otherwise here will be highly appreciated. Thanks

That is not true.
Abortions can be done safely with no complications. I'm sure your wife had undergone several tests in her womb, and any complication from a D and C would have been picked.
She has been.pregnant for you before and had a still birth. What are you even saying?
Do not pin this on your wife.

IntentionTremor:


YES it is common knowledge that D and C's INCREASES risk of future female infertility. But your scientific links to prove otherwise here will be highly appreciated. Thanks

It does not. But your mind is made up and you’ll probably only align with posts that help you resent your wife some more.

It’s not my responsibility to provide you information that’s readily available.

Good luck though.

eyinjuege:
Abortion, yet she got pregnant and had a still birth.
Abortions when done safely do not cause infertility.
Infertility only comes if the abortion was done with unsterilised instruments to cause an infection.
ABORTIONS DO NOT CAUSE INFERTILITY.
The woman in question has been pregnant in your marriage.
You can divorce her, and both of you go your separate ways instead of treating her shabbily for something out of her control.
Some couples just cannot have children together

I don't agree with th boldened part . Abortions vary in types and the abortion here D and C increases risk of damaging the womb. This is Nigeria. Abortion isn't even legalized. And perpetrators D and C just anyhow, further increasing the risks. Thanks anyway

cococandy:


It does not. But your mind is made up and you’ll probably only align with posts that help you resent your wife some more.

It’s not my responsibility to provide you information that’s readily available.

Good luck though.

Discussions are welcome. Thanks

IntentionTremor:


I don't agree with th boldened part . Abortions vary in types and the abortion here D and C increases risk of damaging the womb. This is Nigeria. Abortion isn't even legalized. And perpetrators D and C just anyhow, further increasing the risks. Thanks anyway

You say her womb was damaged. What did your HSG show?

Ginaz:
Cococandy I feel this isn't the right time to argue with him about abortions or infertility. Soothing words would be more than preferable.

Your argument on the topic is absolutely unnecessary.

Very well.

But This is also not the right time to advise him to go find another woman. Wonder why those posts are okay but my factual posts about abortion not being the cause of infertility is not at the right time.

I do think it’s appropriate because for one I’m not arguing with him. I’m giving him factual information.

Maybe if he stops dwelling on the wrong cause of his problem, a solution might come his way sooner.

The resentment he feels towards his wife, I’m sure she knows and feels it too. Negative feelings and stress can hinder the hormonal conditions that increase the possibilities of conception.

eyinjuege:


That is not true.
Abortions can be done safely with no complications. I'm sure your wife had undergone several tests in her womb, and any complication from a D and C would have been picked.
She has been.pregnant for you before and had a still birth. What are you even saying?
Do not pin this on your wife.

You don't know how unsafely/crudely D and C's are done esp here in our Nigeria. Post D and C check ups are even hardly done and this is what complicates the issue leading to threats to their fertility.
A few are fortunate not to have consequences. Let me not even go there.

I will still try to keep an anonymous ID so I won't give further details about the lost first pregnancy.
But note that the diagnosis after the loss was that the womb had tissue deformities...

ThankS for your advice.

cococandy:


It does not. But your mind is made up and you’ll probably only align with posts that help you resent your wife some more.

It’s not my responsibility to provide you information that’s readily available.

Good luck though.

You can feed your eyes scientifically :

https://www.ajol.info/index.php/tjog/article/view/14407

Abstract

Context:
The incidence of induced abortion in Nigeria is high. Pelvic infection as a complication of this abortion is also common and with the rising prevalence of infertility in the population, there is a need to assess the impact of induced abortions on fertility in our women.

Objective:
To establish the impact of induced abortion on the fertility rate of women in Calabar.

Design and Setting:
Cross sectional descriptive study in Calabar, an urban community on the eastern flank of Nigeria's Atlantic coast.

Subjects and Methods:
Women seeking gynaecological, antenatal and family planning services who gave their informed consent were recruited. Those of them who gave a history of induced abortion were interviewed in-depth. Their demographic characteristics and detailed information about their abortion history such as number of abortions, sites where the abortions were performed, the personnel providing the abortion services and complications arising from the abortions were obtained.

Results:
Some 242 (40.3%) of the study subjects had undergone at least one induced abortion. The commonest late complications of induced abortion were secondary infertility (42.1%) and chronic pelvic infection (36.0%).
Only 48.3% of the women who had induced abortions maintained their fertility while the remainder suffered secondary infertility ranging from three to eighteen years in duration. The fertility rate decreased with increasing number of abortion.

Conclusion:
Induced abortion is a major factor in the high prevalence of secondary infertility in Calabar. Training of medical practitioners on post-abortion care may help to ameliorate the burden of secondary infertility in Nigeria.

Key Words:
Abortion, Pregnancy Termination, Fertility, Infertility [Trop J Obstet Gynaecol, 2003, 20: 89-92]

eyinjuege:


You say her womb was damaged. What did your HSG show?

HSG wasn't good.
All these were precursors to the thousand and one lab tests and imaging procedures done before and during the ivfs etc.

IntentionTremor:


HSG wasn't good.
All these were precursors to the thousand and one lab tests and imaging procedures done before and during the ivfs etc.

You mentioned tissue deformity on HSG. Was she born with a uterus deformity or they found adhesions?
I'm sure before IVF attempts, they would have tried to correct the ?tissue deformity.
Abortions when done safely like I mentioned earlier should not cause infertility.
By safe- use of sterilised equipments by professionals.
Anyway, there are always options.
1. What worries you about surrogacy as an option?
If you can afford it, why not?
The embryo is still for you and your wife since they will be using your swimmers and her eggs.
Infertility can be tough, but it's a challenge that can be overcome especially when you have the wherewithal to make it happen.
2. If you're tired of the marriage and the challenges and can't bear to do anything more, another option is to discuss with your wife and let everybody go their separate ways.
3. If you both agree to have a polygamous marriage
4. Adoption
5. Etc
Sorry to hear about all the stress your family has had to go through.

Edit: I'm reading the thread piecemeal so missing some info/updates .
If you really cannot bear it anymore, get a divorce. I pray you both get your hearts desires even if with separate partners.

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

You don't need to divorce her, marry another woman or have a child outside your wedlock