Truthman:
@intentionTremor,
I fully understand your feelings and what you are going through. My wife and I were childless for eleven years before we had our child. We went through two IVF treatments, the first being unsuccessful. We ended up doing the second one outside the country and God answered our prayers.

You need to love and cherish your wife, going through 5 IVF cycles is not an easy experience, I am quite sure she is drained out and emotionally wrecked by now. You strengthen her by standing by her through her difficult moments, bailing out on her now does not guarantee you will have kids with another woman.
I will advise you to channel your energy towards saving your marriage.

Wishing you all the best.

Congrats man! Thanks for those words. I absolutely feel for her too else I would have been long gone! - bearing the past in mind.
But here we are now. 9years and still counting...
Well this thread is going to be my game changer. Thanks again.

IntentionTremor:


Thanks.

You welcome...for sure both your spouse's and ya testimonies are next insha Allah!

cococandy:
they only remember it when the guy is cheating or beating the woman. But when an actual situation that requires that commitment comes, it’s silence. It’s not like he was deceived into the marriage.

OP listen to those who are asking you to step outside. But before then, set your wife free.
She might be lucky to conceive with someone else.

Exactly!

I know a couple who have been married for more than half a century with no children because one of them and they won't say which one can't have children. I am biased to say it is probably the man but I don't know. However, I never knew that infertility was a legitimate reason to divorce your spouse.

IntentionTremor:


It is skewed. To the right, if it is for you. And to the left if it is against you - my case!

Guess you are right.

johhbekeboh09:


Join a facebook group named DO IT YOURSELF (DIY)
The platform practically address diverse health problems via use of herbs with good results

I advice you both join the group...post your histories and follow the the comments...

Your options include but are not limited to the following;
*Divorce
*Surrogacy
*Polygamy
*Adoption
*Loving your wife regardless
*African traditional religion(divination)

Divorce her and get another wife.Life is too short to be unhappy and stuck in a loveless, childless marriage.
Embrace the surrogacy route but I don't think even this might save your marriage because you mentioned that you no longer feel anything for her.How would the birth of your child change that?God forbid anything happens to the kid later on, I'm sure you'd put the blame on your wife.
Polygamy won't be fair on your wife at all.Just divorce her. Unless you find open marriages attractive.
You're opposed to adoption. I wonder why though.
I don't advise the last one because there are lots of fake priests nowadays who are only interested in their bellies.They might sense your desperation for a child and milk you dry with false hopes.

In all, he who wears the shoes feels the pinches.May God be with your family in whatever decision you make.

LotaTee:
Your options include but are not limited to the following;
*Divorce
*Surrogacy
*Polygamy
*Adoption
*Loving your wife regardless
*African traditional religion(divination)

.

POLYGAMY

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

honestly 9 years is a long time to be patient.
Try urself outside to be sure u dont share in the blame
Once u get anyother woman pregnant then marry her n let ur first wife be, she will go if she want no need to divorce her.

legacystore:


honestly 9 years is a long time to be patient.
Try urself outside to be sure u dont share in the blame
Once u get anyother woman pregnant then marry her n let ur first wife be, she will go if she want no need to divorce her.

Wouldn't that be wicked and deceitful?

How about they both agree to "test themselves outside"? Who knows?

Also, I wouldn't even doubt the op has " tried outside" already... I mean, considering the fact that he said he hates his wife and how desperate he is to prove that he's "a man", I don't think anything would've held him back.

He's probably just putting all the blame on his wife because he has something against her.

Hathor5:


Exactly!

I know a couple who have been married for more than half a century with no children because one of them and they won't say which one can't have children. I am biased to say it is probably the man but I don't know. However, I never knew that infertility was a legitimate reason to divorce your spouse.

Yup it’s probably the man. if it was wifey’s issue, another woman would already be in the picture by now.
They hardly endure the things they expect their wives to be okay with.

Or Maybe he’s the one in a thousand who would. Who knows

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

Take ur time and research about surrogacy mr man. Not all women can carry a baby to term so they need a vessel to help them. Your problem could b from ur village so marrying another may not b the solution..


Shut d fvck up about the abortion matter abeg, cos if it were d problem, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant at first.

IntentionTremor:


Thanks. These have been my torment and regret! Like why I didn't call it off on finding out. Well I thought she won't be the first to have done it.. and many do and still have children.. so? Alas ! Mine wants to kill me.. I'm really considering your thoughts..

You are heartless! D lady was pregnant and carried it until 9 months! So y blame past abortion?

Hathor5:


What happened to for better for worse?

You remember this when a woman is the source of the "worse". If it were the other way round, you'll probably be advising the lady to do what makes her happy.

@op, when are men gonna learn to do what's best for them and just say to hell with everyone? Women do that all the time and they get cheered on by other women.

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

Only our Father in Heaven gives children. Even if you divorce this woman and marry another wife, only our Father in Heaven can decide whether your next wife will bear a child for you.

Mind you, you have proven to be a betrayer and a backstabber. You do not deserve a wife.

johhbekeboh09:


You welcome...for sure both your spouse's and ya testimonies are next insha Allah!

Amin.

As much as I am not a fan of abortions, I still don't understand how the abortion she did is the cause of the infertility if she carried a pregnancy to 9 months and had a still birth. She did carry a pregnancy to term and the baby died

Except if the doctor told you the abortion was the cause of the infertility.

That said, if you want to get another woman pregnant its your choice but please stop blaming your wife, a still birth and 5 IVFs is not a walk in the park, shes been through so much already. If you don't want the marriage anymore just let her know.

But then miracles do happen, I hope one happens for you guys.

Hathor5:


Exactly!

I know a couple who have been married for more than half a century with no children because one of them and they won't say which one can't have children. I am biased to say it is probably the man but I don't know. However, I never knew that infertility was a legitimate reason to divorce your spouse.

No, infertility is never a ground for divorce in Nigeria. But matters arising from it in a marriage could make divorce tenable legally.

legacystore:


honestly 9 years is a long time to be patient.
Try urself outside to be sure u dont share in the blame
Once u get anyother woman pregnant then marry her n let ur first wife be, she will go if she want no need to divorce her.

Another angle! But not gentle manly!! Lol. Thanks

LotaTee:
Your options include but are not limited to the following;
*Divorce
*Surrogacy
*Polygamy
*Adoption
*Loving your wife regardless
*African traditional religion(divination)

Divorce her and get another wife.Life is too short to be unhappy and stuck in a loveless, childless marriage.
Embrace the surrogacy route but I don't think even this might save your marriage because you mentioned that you no longer feel anything for her.How would the birth of your child change that?God forbid anything happens to the kid later on, I'm sure you'd put the blame on your wife.
Polygamy won't be fair on your wife at all.Just divorce her. Unless you find open marriages attractive.
You're opposed to adoption. I wonder why though.
I don't advise the last one because there are lots of fake priests nowadays who are only interested in their bellies.They might sense your desperation for a child and milk you dry with false hopes.

In all, he who wears the shoes feels the pinches.May God be with your family in whatever decision you make.

Amen to your last line. Thanks for your thoughts

mariahAngel:


Wouldn't that be wicked and deceitful?

How about they both agree to "test themselves outside"? Who knows?

Also, I wouldn't even doubt the op has " tried outside" already... I mean, considering the fact that he said he hates his wife and how desperate he is to prove that he's "a man", I don't think anything would've held him back.

He's probably just putting all the blame on his wife because he has something against her.

No ma'am I have no dot against her but her mistake for University boyfriend which I may not be able to shoulder for longer.

Prove I'm a man to who? Lol. All the embryos formed from multiple IVF cycles means what? Donor sperm was used? Thanks anyway

SweetCunt97:
Take ur time and research about surrogacy mr man. Not all women can carry a baby to term so they need a vessel to help them. Your problem could b from ur village so marrying another may not b the solution..


Shut d fvck up about the abortion matter abeg, cos if it were d problem, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant at first.

Thanks. Your research will be very welcome. How many of such women do you know?

Abortion (D and C) has done more harm than good. You don't want to ask about how special that pregnancy was a case during our antenatal care because it was SURREAL to the hospital..story for another day.

Thanks

SweetCunt97:
You are heartless! D lady was pregnant and carried it until 9 months! So y blame past abortion?

Getting pregnant after two years of sexual intercourse with the help of fertility supplements spells a degree of infertility.

And abortion (D and C) INCREASES the risk of infertility.

The tales of the lost pregnancy is not the objective of this thread.

Thanks.

KevinDein:
@op, when are men gonna learn to do what's best for them and just say to hell with everyone? Women do that all the time and they get cheered on by other women.

It's about time! And this will be the rate limiting step. So it has to be well done. Thanks

Klass99:


Lol , you get yeye for body sha!

Did you not receive the memo that in Africa and Nigeria in particular, we marry for the sake of having children who will look after us in old age? We don't marry for companionship, love and sex o! We marry strictly for children!

In Naija children are a major retirement plan NOT savings, investments or pension. So we don't joke with that plan and yes inability to have children becomes a valid reason to divorce......you know I'm just messing around right . But, the African mentality on some things is seriously skewed and messed up.

@ OP, I do not make light or fun of your situation at all. You want kids and that's understandable, but do you want them because;

1. Your father is disappointed (like you stated in one post) or because....

2. You're the only son? If eventually you have a child and it's a girl, will that bother you?

Your life is yours to build, it is not for others to steer. Your father being disappointed should not be the basis on which you're driving yourself so hard to have a child.

A man testified in my church about trying for 25 years, what was even more shocking about his testimony was the fact that na Igbo man! You know how those ones dey carry pikin matter for head like die . Like you and wifey, they had tried IVF too, more than once. Initially doctors said they couldn't detect anything wrong with either of them, but conceiving naturally was just not happening for them.

And as the couple advanced in age that was when they began the IVFs. After the last failed one, they both decided they were done trying and would just carry on living their lives......and then wifey took in naturally and delivered twin baby girls.

The entire church erupted that day on hearing his testimony. He showed pictures of the babies and promised his wife and daughters will be in church next Sunday. I kept thinking which kind Igbo man be this, wey no divorce the wife since to try his luck else where? A very rare breed and kind of Igbo man, I swear.

Draw strength and hope from other people's real life experience.

Thanks for being sensitive. I wanted the children early that was why I married before 30 for crying out loud!

Well, I will still manage to hoard some info for my ID.
That man has fulfilled his destiny and I have mine to fulfil as well.
Lol @ "which kind igbo man be this" hahahaha

StreetFight:


Only our Father in Heaven gives children. Even if you divorce this woman and marry another wife, only our Father in Heaven can decide whether your next wife will bear a child for you.

Mind you, you have proven to be a betrayer and a backstabber. You do not deserve a wife.

Hahahahaha. I deserve a street fight with you as I don't deserve a wife!

Yes I am a betrayer but I am neither Judas nor Jesus that should suffer for another person's sins. As that is all you could decipher in all.

Thanks

NoToPile:
As much as I am not a fan of abortions, I still don't understand how the abortion she did is the cause of the infertility if she carried a pregnancy to 9 months and had a still birth. She did carry a pregnancy to term and the baby died

Except if the doctor told you the abortion was the cause of the infertility.

That said, if you want to get another woman pregnant its your choice but please stop blaming your wife, a still birth and 5 IVFs is not a walk in the park, shes been through so much already. If you don't want the marriage anymore just let her know.

But then miracles do happen, I hope one happens for you guys.

Amen to your last words. Thanks

IntentionTremor:



Getting pregnant after two years of sexual intercourse with the help of fertility supplements spells a degree of infertility.

And abortion (D and C) INCREASES the risk of infertility.

The tales of the lost pregnancy is not the objective of this thread.

Thanks.

Well, could be your village people as well.

SweetCunt97:
Well, could be your village people as well.

I wish. Hahahahahahaha
Good comic relief. Thanks

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

Guy pls calm down

We can talk to you but the final decision is with you

It's kit how far but how well

If you ever live this woman and I mean if you have feelings for her, join your resources together for a surrogate

In the absence of non, support her to adopt a baby girl so that she will be busy with her

If you now decides to play away match, it's your choice to do so or not

And be prepared to maintain peace for both of them incase you score it outside