IntentionTremor:


The first pregnancy was after some rounds of fertility treatment after two years wait. All the same it's history. The way forward is the main thing now.
Are you sure about your conclusion, that RARELY does abortions (D n C) cause infertility?
Well , feel free to educate my ignorance. Thanks

seriously I understand your plight. have been there and I also thought my past mistakes have caught up with me.
just so you know, abortion rarely result in infertility, on the contrary, it shows a woman is fertile. That why a single woman can have an abortion up to 15 times, and that still won't make her infertile. I am not encouraging abortion though, neither am I belittling what you guys are passing through. trust me, is hell. only those who have never walked a mile in your shoes will call you names and give you advice as though managing childlessness is equal to a walk in the park.
if your doctors have done all they could, and result to surrogacy as the final option, rather than spend money and go through the emotional pains of all the whole process, seek madam's consent and marry a second wife . it is not a sin. do this while still respecting your first wife and never rub it at her face. she's is just unfortunate in all of this. is not her fault. if she has carried a baby to term before, then the abortion even if it causes infertility, is not responsible for her fate.
if madam will not give her consent to you seeking solace outside, then that is up to you to decide what next.

Here I am wishing I aborted my own, I’m a single mom of 1,it’s not been easy the vile things
people say about us can drive one to suicide ,I know exactly how you feel just take things easy

Klass99:


Lol , you get yeye for body sha!

Did you not receive the memo that in Africa and Nigeria in particular, we marry for the sake of having children who will look after us in old age? We don't marry for companionship, love and sex o! We marry strictly for children!

In Naija children are a major retirement plan NOT savings, investments or pension. So we don't joke with that plan and yes inability to have children becomes a valid reason to divorce......you know I'm just messing around right . But, the African mentality on some things is seriously skewed and messed up.

The legacy of the African parent.

I just love you.

KevinDein:

You remember this when a woman is the source of the "worse". If it were the other way round, you'll probably be advising the lady to do what makes her happy.

I will tell you what I will advise her to do if you quote me with your main and most famous monicker.

I know you think your wife's abortion is the reason she is finding it hard to conceive.
But it is not.
She did conceive before.

I will advice to seek the face of God.
If you don't address these spiritually, even the surrogacy won't work. Even a second virgin wife will still not work

Ifyyy25:
Here I am wishing I aborted my own, I’m a single mom of 1,it’s not been easy the vile things
people say about us can drive one to suicide ,I know exactly how you feel just take things easy

Let people keep talking. It's norms. Just live your life and focus on your kid

Blessingisrael:




seriously I understand your plight. have been there and I also thought my past mistakes have caught up with me.
just so you know, abortion rarely result in infertility, on the contrary, it shows a woman is fertile. That why a single woman can have an abortion up to 15 times, and that still won't make her infertile. I am not encouraging abortion though, neither am I belittling what you guys are passing through. trust me, is hell. only those who have never walked a mile in your shoes will call you names and give you advice as though managing childlessness is equal to a walk in the park.
if your doctors have done all they could, and result to surrogacy as the final option, rather than spend money and go through the emotional pains of all the whole process, seek madam's consent and marry a second wife . it is not a sin. do this while still respecting your first wife and never rub it at her face. she's is just unfortunate in all of this. is not her fault. if she has carried a baby to term before, then the abortion even if it causes infertility, is not responsible for her fate.
if madam will not give her consent to you seeking solace outside, then that is up to you to decide what next.

The day I seek Madam's consent I'm a dead man o. Just, so you guys on NL knows. LooooL

I'll like more explanation on that part where you said you've "...been there and also thought your past mistakes caught up with you"?
This myth of abortion showing a woman is fertile is too mysterious for me. Can you also explain ?

Now I want to say that you criticize and support yourself at the same time so I don't get where you stand on the abortion matter with respect to fertility. Also remember the abortion I've been talking about here is D and C.

Thanks understanding my plight. And how did you overcome this challenge..??

Ifyyy25:
Here I am wishing I aborted my own, I’m a single mom of 1,it’s not been easy the vile things
people say about us can drive one to suicide ,I know exactly how you feel just take things easy

Thanks ify.

But how do you unwish that kind of wish? Pls find out and unwish it o. People will talk. Just do your life my dear.

Hathor5:


The legacy of the African parent.

I just love you.

Yes o. Proudly African. Hahahaha

Roseey0:
I know you think your wife's abortion is the reason she is finding it hard to conceive.
But it is not.
She did conceive before.

I will advice to seek the face of God.
If you don't address these spiritually, even the surrogacy won't work. Even a second virgin wife will still not work

Hahahahahaha

Prohpetess of doom, calm down.

Thanks

MufasaLion:


Let people keep talking. It's norms. Just live your life and focus on your kid

Period.

frozen70:


Guy pls calm down

We can talk to you but the final decision is with you

It's kit how far but how well

If you ever live this woman and I mean if you have feelings for her, join your resources together for a surrogate

In the absence of non, support her to adopt a baby girl so that she will be busy with her

If you now decides to play away match, it's your choice to do so or not

And be prepared to maintain peace for both of them incase you score it outside

Thanks

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

*

How are you convinced that it was the abortion she had in past is the cost of her childlessness?
This life is so unpredictable and we can never, never tell.
I know two ladies that did abortions when there were still single, but there are now married with kids...
Some people will be saying that it is God that is punishing her for her sins it's a big Fat Lie.
Even the bible said that no one is righteous, not even one
What i will advice you to do is to draw close, more close to God and seek for his Mercy.
Love your wife, Forget about people n their Mouth.
God Almighty never fails, His Mercies are New every morning.
Bet me, you will still come back to this forum to testify.

IntentionTremor:


The day I seek Madam's consent I'm a dead man o. Just, so you guys on NL knows. LooooL

I'll like more explanation on that part where you said you've "...been there and also thought your past mistakes caught up with you"?
This myth of abortion showing a woman is fertile is too mysterious for me. Can you also explain ?

Now I want to say that you criticize and support yourself at the same time so I don't get where you stand on the abortion matter with respect to fertility. Also remember the abortion I've been talking about here is D and C.

Thanks understanding my plight. And how did you overcome this challenge..??

in my own case when preggy was not forthcoming, I thought I was the D&c I had in uni days, then pregnancy came, I had miscarriage, still felt maybe nature was dealing with me. then I discovered it was an underlying issue. which definitely had no issue with the D&C I had. I met with many specialist in this season and all said D&c is the safest way to terminate a pregnancy. even when I had my first miscarriage, D& c was conducted to evacuate it.
just so yo know, I have kids now and I'm the one running from pregnancy.
I know gals, in fact my best had over 6 D&c and now have two kids. she , too is tired of getting pregnant . I can go on, but righteous Nairalanders will come for my head. but those are in my past. I am just saying , cut that woman some slack and atop blaming her for having a D& C. it was youth exuberance. she is just unfortunate. I advise you guys skip the whole surrogacy ish , is expensive, emotionally and physically draining . if you are not using her egg , but donator's why not just find one young girl and hit it up with her? madam just have to let you have your own kids one way or the other.
others might asked if I were the one woukd I have allowed my hubby ? yes, I would. in fact, when I wanted pregnancy and it wasn't forth coming, I have decided I so t let my own inability affect my hubby ability to procreate. Africans love kids, men want kids, especially when he knows he is the only male . it isn't wrong to seek solutions to your problem. CIA!

adadike:
Dear intentiontremor, you go born. For you to be this frustrated, trust me your miracle is on the way. I was born after almost 10 years of childlessness.
Please start loving your wife. Forgive her I beg you and forgive yourself as well. Start praying , go into intensive prayers and fasting. Pray ceaselessly. God is still waiting for you. You will not die neither will your dad even if he is a 100, he will carry his grand son. Boil the roof of fertility tree and let your wife drink the water consistently and with prayers , she will conceive

Please what is the name of the fertility tree?

Joyfulgal:



Please what is the name of the fertility tree?

yorubas do call it ewe akoka and igbo call it osisi ogirisi. Cut a part of the root, boil and drink. It's very effective

IntentionTremor:

Please don't go there. Thanks.

Your miracle may just lie there (adoption).

IntentionTremor:


The day I seek Madam's consent I'm a dead man o. Just, so you guys on NL knows. LooooL

I'll like more explanation on that part where you said you've "...been there and also thought your past mistakes caught up with you"?
This myth of abortion showing a woman is fertile is too mysterious for me. Can you also explain ?

Now I want to say that you criticize and support yourself at the same time so I don't get where you stand on the abortion matter with respect to fertility. Also remember the abortion I've been talking about here is D and C.

Thanks understanding my plight. And how did you overcome this challenge..??

Play away match.

How will I unwish it abeg? “After1, “go and marry the father of your child” “low value woman” “no man will marry a single mom”...the insults are too much

IntentionTremor:


Thanks ify.

But how do you unwish that kind of wish? Pls find out and unwish it o. People will talk. Just do your life my dear.

Blessingisrael:



in my own case when preggy was not forthcoming, I thought I was the D&c I had in uni days, then pregnancy came, I had miscarriage, still felt maybe nature was dealing with me. then I discovered it was an underlying issue. which definitely had no issue with the D&C I had. I met with many specialist in this season and all said D&c is the safest way to terminate a pregnancy. even when I had my first miscarriage, D& c was conducted to evacuate it.
just so yo know, I have kids now and I'm the one running from pregnancy.
I know gals, in fact my best had over 6 D&c and now have two kids. she , too is tired of getting pregnant . I can go on, but righteous Nairalanders will come for my head. but those are in my past. I am just saying , cut that woman some slack and atop blaming her for having a D& C. it was youth exuberance. she is just unfortunate. I advise you guys skip the whole surrogacy ish , is expensive, emotionally and physically draining . if you are not using her egg , but donator's why not just find one young girl and hit it up with her? madam just have to let you have your own kids one way or the other.
others might asked if I were the one woukd I have allowed my hubby ? yes, I would. in fact, when I wanted pregnancy and it wasn't forth coming, I have decided I so t let my own inability affect my hubby ability to procreate. Africans love kids, men want kids, especially when he knows he is the only male . it isn't wrong to seek solutions to your problem. CIA!

Chai I wish I did D and C in my own time too, see me now a single mom and depressed, some days I’m suicidal it’s just the thought of leaving my little girl behind that keeps me

.

Ifyyy25:
Chai I wish I did D and C in my own time too, see me now a single mom and depressed, some days I’m suicidal it’s just the thought of leaving my little girl behind that keeps me

The child is already here. stop wishing you aborted her. love her and hold on to hope. is not easy , but there is light at the end of the tunnel. hold o !

IntentionTremor:


I make bold to say NO WOMAN HAS ABORTED FOR ME.
Surrogacy in my case also needs an egg donor plus the surrogate mom! Thinking about it gets me so angry.
While dating I always stated I wanted CHILDREN early that's why I was getting married early.... I was less than 30 when we even married cause of how much I wanted to have the kids early! Alas!

No woman has abortted for you?

Are you sure you are not firing blank shots? Especially as you have never gotten a woman pregnant before?


While I don't understand, i empathize. This is enough to drive one to despair.

What do you want?

How can you sire a progeny in a way that will save your marriage.

Introspection and deep communication with your wife is needed here. Empty your feelings.


This too shall pass. You will get through it victorious

Roseey0:
I know you think your wife's abortion is the reason she is finding it hard to conceive.
But it is not.
She did conceive before.

I will advice to seek the face of God.
If you don't address these spiritually, even the surrogacy won't work. Even a second virgin wife will still not work

let me not lie.

Unless op was a virgin before marriage.

The infertility may also be male factor.

IntentionTremor:

Amin.

Hope you guys are enjoying the group now

The fact that you had a still birth early in marriage says something. But did you investigate the cause of the still births? Also can u tell us what were the end products of the IVFs? If u can answer this, I will provide u a solution (asides surrogacy) and I swear, in 9 months you will have a baby..

She had an abortion while in school but she still got pregnant and had a still birth, why blame her for the situation at hand. Stop appointing blames cos the abortion she did while in school was successful hence her getting pregnant by you . If her womb was damaged, she won't be able to get pregnant . The doctors who attended to her during delivery of the still birth might have altered something in her womb.

TinaG:
She had an abortion while in school but she still got pregnant and had a still birth, why blame her for the situation at hand. Stop appointing blames cos the abortion she did while in school was successful hence her getting pregnant by you . If her womb was damaged, she won't be able to get pregnant . The doctors who attended to her during delivery of the still birth might have altered something in her womb.

Apparently, he's chosen to believe what he wants to. We all can only wish them well irrespective of his decision.

IntentionTremor:
So I married this beautiful lady after dating for one year. Two years after wedding we had a still birth of our 9 month pregnancy! 9 years later we are yet to achieve another pregnancy naturally.

Summarily, we have had 5 failed IVF cycles to our history of search for solution.

It's all making me sick. Mentally sick! In 2 years we'll both be age 40!! And I am the only male in my family!

Our last resort seems to be surrogacy! But I haven't had the sanity to give it a thought talk less of a try - even as she wants us to! It makes me more SICK!

These fertility treatment failures have made me hate, resent and despise her so much that we are now flatmates.

Because she had an abortion for her boyfriend while in school. I BLAME HER RIGHT NOW FOR THIS WHOLE SHIT.

I WANT A DIVORCE? Yes or No? Talk to me.

...

.did I hear you say you hate her now because of all the fertility treatment? and you both her now flatmates. With all due respect sir, the abortion she had has nothing to do with this issue. She conceived after you both got married and the child was still birth. So I strongly say it's wrong for you to fault the abortion she had. What if she hadn't told you about the abortion? Her honesty has landed her in trouble. Sir I'll advice you to keep trying, don't give up just yet. Tackle the issue and be patient with your wife. I don't know what the doctor's report says but stop blaming your wife.

Try another woman as you start your divorce journey.

IntentionTremor:


I asked during the courtship. Like you said, I was love struck.. that's why I went ahead to the altar. My brother the only male thing in the family drives me crazy the most. Again, if the abortion was for me, then it's a different ball game...maybe I would have been less agitated. I am really really thinking harder about going out of this marriage for my progeny and sanity.
Thanks

Get a side chick or go adopt a baby, case closed .