₦airaland Forum

chatinent:
“Come back make another person go.”

Childofthelord:
It's looks quite easy from your end. "they don't make an effort to socialize" lol this is not Lagos. Everyone minds their business here, just chit chat and move on, no time for committed relationships or friendships except they are particularly interested in you, even your co-workers like to keep it professional. Its not just the environment, it's the people, their preferences and way of life. You as a foreigner, you cannot change that. There is really no place like home.
Peace

Focusmind:
Lonliness made me to return back home after my masters in 2010.

After getting a caregiver job in Perth with accommodation, the job was so monotonous that I felt I was in prison. The hourly rate for the job was okay with free meals and accommodation, I was still missing the get together with former colleagues in Lagos, the TGIF and the weekend get together, the travel to my village for celebrations. . I love village events and celebrations. Those from the East will understand.

If you are a hyper social type of person, adjusting living abroad will be difficult for you. Nigeria is still far from what I would have love her to be but I wouldn't trade in my happiness, social life, freedom, status, family, power and career aspirations for abroad.

Each to his or her own, but my life and success lies here.

Quality20:
How cn u b at home 24/7? Isn't there gym, worship centre,libraries etc

neurosci:
Smiling here is cultural, it may or may not have anything to do with flirting. People smile at you just because of an accidental eye contact. This doesn't happen in Nigeria or anywhere else. It is purely an american/canadian thing. Your biggest mistake would be to assume that a white girl smiling at you is necessarily trying to flirt or you said something. The reality is that you don't even have to say anything funny before she smiles. Just be walking by and make an accidental eye contact and what you get is a smile. That is the culture here, and there are lots and lots of studies that have been conducted on it, and the running joke is that "When a stranger on the street smiles at you: a. you assume he is drunk. b. he is insane. c. he's an American". In fact, it is commonly called the american smile, aka cut-and-paste smile, due to how superficial it is. Again, it is NOT the same everywhere, it is an American thing!

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/why-americans-smile-so-much/524967/
https://usvisagroup.com/americans-smile-much-strange-americanisms/
https://news.avclub.com/americans-are-creeping-out-the-rest-of-the-world-by-smi-1798261438

On this smile issue, I personally conducted a study on it (in addition to my research on feminism) when I got here, so this is a subject I'm very curious about.

Quality20:
How cn u b at home 24/7? Isn't there gym, worship centre,libraries etc

Quality20:
How cn u b at home 24/7? Isn't there gym, worship centre,libraries etc

neurosci:
Haha interesting

neurosci:
Did you answer my question at all? Have you lived abroad? The US or Canada specifically. If you have not, leave this topic for those who have. When you get there, try the things you said and then come back to tell me how it went.

What you don't understand is that what you're describing above is more of a cultural thing as opposed to a mere skill. Have you ever wondered why people don't cold approach the opposite sex in the streets here like they do in Nigeria? Have you ever entered a public bus or train here and seen how people are quiet, heads locked down on their phones? Why do you think dating apps are the main means of finding relationships here as opposed to just walking up to strangers?

Your writing shows you've never been here, otherwise you would not have said what you said regarding a white girl smiling at you. When a white girl smiles at you, take it seriously at your own peril.

Innocently naughty. Smh

BadRadio:
if that's ur dp... then u look really good for me

neurosci:
Smiling here is cultural, it may or may not have anything to do with flirting. People smile at you just because of an accidental eye contact. This doesn't happen in Nigeria or anywhere else. It is purely an american/canadian thing. Your biggest mistake would be to assume that a white girl smiling at you is necessarily trying to flirt or you said something. The reality is that you don't even have to say anything funny before she smiles. Just be walking by and make an accidental eye contact and what you get is a smile. That is the culture here, and there are lots and lots of studies that have been conducted on it, and the running joke is that "When a stranger on the street smiles at you: a. you assume he is drunk. b. he is insane. c. he's an American". In fact, it is commonly called the american smile, aka cut-and-paste smile, due to how superficial it is. Again, it is NOT the same everywhere, it is an American thing!

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/why-americans-smile-so-much/524967/
https://usvisagroup.com/americans-smile-much-strange-americanisms/
https://news.avclub.com/americans-are-creeping-out-the-rest-of-the-world-by-smi-1798261438

On this smile issue, I personally conducted a study on it (in addition to my research on feminism) when I got here, so this is a subject I'm very curious about.

Focusmind:
Lonliness made me to return back home after my masters in 2010.

After getting a caregiver job in Perth with accommodation, the job was so monotonous that I felt I was in prison. The hourly rate for the job was okay with free meals and accommodation, I was still missing the get together with former colleagues in Lagos, the TGIF and the weekend get together, the travel to my village for celebrations. . I love village events and celebrations. Those from the East will understand.

If you are a hyper social type of person, adjusting living abroad will be difficult for you. Nigeria is still far from what I would have love her to be but I wouldn't trade in my happiness, social life, freedom, status, family, power and career aspirations for abroad.

Each to his or her own, but my life and success lies here.

neurosci:
Smiling here is cultural, it may or may not have anything to do with flirting. People smile at you just because of an accidental eye contact. This doesn't happen in Nigeria or anywhere else. It is purely an american/canadian thing. Your biggest mistake would be to assume that a white girl smiling at you is necessarily trying to flirt or you said something. The reality is that you don't even have to say anything funny before she smiles. Just be walking by and make an accidental eye contact and what you get is a smile. That is the culture here, and there are lots and lots of studies that have been conducted on it, and the running joke is that "When a stranger on the street smiles at you: a. you assume he is drunk. b. he is insane. c. he's an American". In fact, it is commonly called the american smile, aka cut-and-paste smile, due to how superficial it is. Again, it is NOT the same everywhere, it is an American thing!

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/why-americans-smile-so-much/524967/
https://usvisagroup.com/americans-smile-much-strange-americanisms/
https://news.avclub.com/americans-are-creeping-out-the-rest-of-the-world-by-smi-1798261438

On this smile issue, I personally conducted a study on it (in addition to my research on feminism) when I got here, so this is a subject I'm very curious about.

neurosci:
And you know what's funny? I can tell you that no girl will ever frown at you here! I have never seen an oyibo guy or girl frown at me or anyone else EVER since I came here. Unless you do something extremely terrible. The weirdest part is, even when you offend them or say something mean, they will still smile at you. But if you take that for friendship, you're on a lonnnng thing. In fact, my first culture shock when I arrived in the US was the smile. Right from the airport in New York, there was this girl who just kept smiling at me. Initially, I thought maybe she knew me from somewhere, but it was less than an hour since I arrived so she couldn't have known me anywhere. But she just kept smiling. Bro, I can write a whole book about this smile issue in America. But trust me, all that smile na wash. I would rather earn someone's smile than get a fake smile.

VanillaIyce:
Oh that's so sweet of you.

chatinent:
“Come back make another person go.”

Starzo:
they are not smiling at u. they're laughing at u

how do u dress??...or let's see ur pic before we can conclude

neurosci:
And you know what's funny? I can tell you that no girl will ever frown at you here! I have never seen an oyibo guy or girl frown at me or anyone else EVER since I came here. Unless you do something extremely terrible. The weirdest part is, even when you offend them or say something mean, they will still smile at you. But if you take that for friendship, you're on a lonnnng thing. In fact, my first culture shock when I arrived in the US was the smile. Right from the airport in New York, there was this girl who just kept smiling at me. Initially, I thought maybe she knew me from somewhere, but it was less than an hour since I arrived so she couldn't have known me anywhere. But she just kept smiling. Bro, I can write a whole book about this smile issue in America. But trust me, all that smile na wash. I would rather earn someone's smile than get a fake smile.

LordOfTheGame:
You have explained to the guy many times yet he refused to understand that. Life here is not beans. As I write now, am feeling depressed because nowhere to go to and nobody to hang out with. Just dress up and go to any train station here and just be following the train from station to another station. You see a white girl and start to talk to her, she makes you look stupid or you see a black girl, she will start displaying one yeye attitude as if she holds your life with their entitlement mentality. See me wey dey fine better woman to marry, nowhere to see her. For church na there e worst pass.

neurosci:
And you know what's funny? I can tell you that no girl will ever frown at you here! I have never seen an oyibo guy or girl frown at me or anyone else EVER since I came here. Unless you do something extremely terrible. The weirdest part is, even when you offend them or say something mean, they will still smile at you. But if you take that for friendship, you're on a lonnnng thing. In fact, my first culture shock when I arrived in the US was the smile. Right from the airport in New York, there was this girl who just kept smiling at me. Initially, I thought maybe she knew me from somewhere, but it was less than an hour since I arrived so she couldn't have known me anywhere. But she just kept smiling. Bro, I can write a whole book about this smile issue in America. But trust me, all that smile na wash. I would rather earn someone's smile than get a fake smile.

Obinnau:
This thread just gave voice to what I am experiencing. I now appreciate the contacts I made back home who would take out their time to engage me in video calls.
It's not about making efforts to socialize, it's just that I have come to realize that people only remember you exist only when they need you and it's a general thing. Sure you would have a few circle of friends but after some time it becomes monotonous and you crave for the madness and uninvited intrusions of Nigerians.

Childofthelord:
It's looks quite easy from your end. "they don't make an effort to socialize" lol this is not Lagos. Everyone minds their business here, just chit chat and move on, no time for committed relationships or friendships except they are particularly interested in you, even your co-workers like to keep it professional. Its not just the environment, it's the people, their preferences and way of life. You as a foreigner, you cannot change that. There is really no place like home.
Peace

Mcslize:
Exactly. Here in Nigeria, that notion of only guys should approach ladies had been inbuilt in most ladies. The kind of attention our women get here they don't get that once they get to the west world. Guys hardly approach ladies over there. It is mind your business lifestyle. All their lives, most of our ladies haven't approached a guy. They carry same mindset abroad hoping for men to be rushing them. When that is not forth coming, they go into depression comparing Nigeria to abroad.i have learnt a lot from this. Thanks

Some times I approach ladies just for the fun of it. I don't think there is any lady I can't approach. People are scared of rejection and scared of being turned down when trying to socialise with the opposite sex. Who truly cares if a lady turn me down or not.

I walked up to a lady striked a convo, and requested her number, she simply said she just wanted to be left alone. That she doesn't want any man in her life oh my God just for asking of number. I simply told her ok have a nice day.

If I were some persons, I won't approach ladies again due to that rejection. The next day I saw another lady and I striked a convo as usual and boom she responded well, got her number and walked away.

People should learn how to approach and socialize. If you look deeply, you will discover the issue is not the society but them.

gnykelly:
this is for people abroad. make Dem give me visa before I comment my reserves

neurosci:
Actually, this is something that no one will ever do to you here. No one will ever laugh at you or look down on you because of the way you dress or your inadequacies. Freedom of choice is something you'll enjoy here, and no one will judge you for it, even if you like go out naked. Not a thing for this place.