TobsA:
Hi, thank you to everyone to who contributes! Reading your posts really came in handy.

I recently landed and I’m looking to rent a Bedroom in an apartment in the North York or Etobicoke area. Preferably with female housemates and I’m available to move in August.
Please contact me if you’re aware of any available apartments.

Thanks!

I would be interested in sharing in North York. Incase, you find a 2 or 3 bed apartment and you need housemates. I'm female.

XX01:


These are the kind of psychos that you guys are listening to and liking their posts. They think by scaring people into not speaking up or looking for the best way out of their abusive predicament that they can continue their abusive behaviour.



Canadian jails are waiting for your type.

"As long as the bitch dies best ending ever"?! Oh my God! He certainly is an abuser and probably more.

Now I understand why he's so passionate about not getting police involved in abuse situations.

nitrogen:


You need to calm down. Wait, are you married? I don't think you are, reason you are just saying stuffs you know nothing about. When you get there, you will understand.

I don't think anyone is supporting abusive relationships, the thing is, there are some women/men that take advantage of the system here in Canada. Simple disagreements that can be resolved are escalated by the partners just because the police are there to support them. Every marriage will have disagreements, you only need to resolve it ASAP, but no, many women find it easy to deal with their partners because the system supports them. Not fair at all.

I know some couples that have parted ways because of minor issues, they are currently regretting it, because they were quick to call the police. The innocent children are trying to even understand what is happening.

The marriage didn't break up over CCB, neither do marriages break up over toothpaste. Anyone should know that.

einsteino:


I would think that there has to be a range for what is significant and what isnt. Oh yes, there should be some room for subjectivity but it can't be a case of just about anything is significant if one feels like it. I am not in support of abusing one's partner, one is right to walk away from an abusive marriage. However, in today's world, it does seem that marriages break up simply because it is convenient to. This goes for men and women alike. It is not so much about Canada, it is the time we live in... and it can only degenerate further.

Here is the thing, a case of couples fighting over CCB to the point where it breaks-up their marriage is complete nonsense. I don't care if they both were the poorest persons in the world before emigrating to Canada. It only shows their priorities, and that they have a wrong notion of what marriage should be about.

Obviously, I can't dictate to anyone what to do in their homes and I am not trying to. I am just saying maybe one should ask themselves what really matters. We assume every marriage breaks up because of abuse. Nope! Some people just got bored and wanted to chase elusive happiness somewhere else... atimes, that's when the various excuses and insignificant squabbles starts to creep up. One could argue that they have the freedom to, and that I don't dispute. However, I have said that there are far reaching impacts to this on other people, in this case the kids are stakeholders too and I would think the larger society gets affected too. Considering all this, I don't see how it is wrong to say couples should be careful not to make selfish decisions or bring unhealthy competition into their marriage.

If one is in an abusive marriage, I wouldn't dare ask him/her not to call the police. But if you only had a disagreement with your partner and called the police because you can, then well enjoy. We can not pretend that there aren't people who over-complicate issues, and make it seem as though it is as significant as their home.

Anyways... I don drag this marriage mara for too long sef. Make everybody stir e tea as e sweet am, last last na them go drink am.

A marriage breaking up over CCB already had serious underlying issues and it was only a matter of time. It was never about the CCB.

listowell:


You disregard or destroy family values and you wonder what is happening to your world. See African Americans!

The abuser disregarded and destroyed their family values, and then they wonder what's happening to their world.

listowell:

Men are everyday victims of women abuses. Most men suck them up. Na when they turn some people to side chicks their eyes go open.

Side chick or whatever doesn't count in this argument. Besides, people can choose to have relationships without getting married and their choice is very valid.

The bottom line is: Abuse is a no-no and no amount of excuses can justify it. All abusers in Canada or working to come to Canada, had better be warned. Else, we all go join make their story trend on social media.

Boss13:
I have read some comments indicating the justice system is designed to be fair - Yes. However, practically it isn't. Don't take my word for it. Visit the nearest regional court or have a good discussion with a criminal lawyer. Infact I encourage everyone here to do so.

I have a clear understanding of how "out of touch" social media or chat fora can impose on individuals. Nevertheless, it is your responsibility to understand how the justice system operates. I also understand how people enjoy popular talking points, and like I previously wrote I'm less concerned with that, rather advise you strongly against getting yourself into situations you probably do not fully understand.

Is the justice system bias in Canada - Yes. As a matter of fact, your postal code determines the severity of your penalty. Nobody will tell you this till you confront the Crown or a Peace Officer a.k.a the Police.

I will repeat again because the same individual is still repeating the same ignorant talking point. The Police Officer, Crown, Child Services and entire Justice System do not care about you. To them, you are a job and a statistics and they will pursue things from their own agenda - which is primarily to advance their career. I recently discussed with an individual whose wife spanked the son due to poor behavior. The boy went to school and as a kid was discussing with his friends and in few days Child Services called them seeking appointment to visit them. Child services visited separated both parents and children, took the children to a separate room. Luckily for these family, the children are in their early teens and they didnt disclose any information.

Now let me tell you what would have happened if the children had said something the child service worker (case worker) wanted to hear. Immediate separation of kids and relocation to foster homes. The family will have to prove why the kids should return back to them and it is at the discretion of the case worker to say the family is no longer a threat to their children and the environment is healthy for them to function. Also, the case worker, at her discretion, will escalate the case to the police. Please note I said at her discretion because when I say the system can be bias this is part of it. Then there is potential criminal charge against the parents based on the report of the case worker.

For those in abusive relationship and still feel their marriage or relationship is important - go for counseling and also seek clinical therapy. If you feel your marriage/relationship is not important, leave or initiate dissolution of marriage. The Police is not a peace negotiator. However, a marriage counselor can broker peace and a therapist can sort out behavioral issues. I am not saying this for LIKES or to be popular. I am saying this for those who are unaware and to debunk ignorant talking points. Also, if you are tired of your marriage and want instance separation from your partner, you can call the Police tonight. There must not even be an argument, just tell them you fear for your life and you want your partner gone. The Police will be happy to do the job. Don't take my word for it - just dial 9-1-1.

Finally, for those spewing popular talking points and/or opinions for likes, be careful. You have no clue.

Child services is doing a superb job. Hopefully, Nigeria would one day have such a system and the abuse of children, which seems like the norm, would become a thing of the past.

Canada Police is the absolute best. They've got no time to indulge abusers. Anyone who has issues should go seek help themselves.

I love Canada.

Kvdag:
Good day House, I've been a silent reader of this great platform. please house, what course can I possibly do here in Canada that will give me a good career. I have met and spoken to some people that said I shouldn't go to Uni to do a master's program, that it's a waste of money. some are of the opinion that a professional certificate course is better. I'm just confused now. I recently applied for my PR. I hope to get till before the end of the year so I can start a master's degree course as a home student next year, but my dilemma now is I don't even know what degree course to study or the next line of action to take in my career. I work as a security guard but I'm never happy, I should be doing better. I'm grateful for where I am now though but I read of people doing good jobs and doing great in this country. Please any advice is welcome. Thank you

Let me begin by saying; I hear you.

If your don't mind, what discipline is your bachelors? I completely agree on not rushing to do a Masters degree. In Nigeria, having a master's degree is seen as some sort of achievement and the way to go. However, that is not the case in Canada - unless your career is such that requires it for growth.

Education asides, what is/are your interest(s)? Have you considered having a career in Trades or Nursing or some other profession that may not be 'fly' but income and sustainability is guaranteed?

If your motivation towards getting a Masters degree is personal gratification, then by all means do so. However, if your motivation is having a sustainable career where you can earn a good income, then it's time to be practical.

So far, my professional journey in Canada has taken a path that I never imagined. My present industry is a complete opposite of my intended industry when I landed, but truth be told I am happy where I am and financially content.

Canny19:


The cute lady beside me slept for the better part of the journey while I was finding it hard to sleep. I was calm tho cos I got TCC (travel clearance certificate) from my village ppl and they already promised not to follow me to Canada. So I had nothing to worry about.

Landed in Edmonton and saw that one of my checked in bags was ripped. I wasn't surprised tho cos the bag had a whole lot of orisirisi and panti foodstuffs.
Stepped out of the airport and was greeted with cold but I decided not to use my jacket, I got shocked when my host came wearing armless and said the weather was warm... Ki lo warm exactly? Are you people playing me ni? It was at that moment I started dreading winter. As I type this, my jacket is on while people are wearing pants n bra outside my window ��

I'm settling in quite well even tho I'm still in shock how 10pm can be looking like 4pm and 5am be looking like 9am. There's no way one can predict the time by looking outside in this country.

It's time to start 'living life' as opposed to just 'merely existing' in Nigeria

I'm finally HOME. 10/7/20
Home is where an average person can afford 3 square meals per day. Home is where security is well guaranteed. Home is where there is no huge discrepancy between the rich and the poor. Home is where our resources and funds are not being embezzled by our corrupt leaders . Home is where there are job provisions for graduates. HOME is where there is HOPE!! Home is, home is, home is, home is.................. CANADA
Have a dream and work towards making it a reality.

NB: Ignore the errors cos I hate proofreading, I bet that's why I wrote IELTS twice

Big shout outs to those who made this happen.

Awww ....bless you. Welcome home, fellow Canadian.

Boss13:


It is not your marriage. Don't express an opinion. Marriage is sacred and I stay clear of expressing opinions on people's marriage except when called. You want to know why? I don't think you would be comfortable with people who know nothing about you or your marriage express an opinion on it regardless of the circumstances.

Respect other people's marriages.

My respect of their marriage (or lack of it) is not the problem here.

Tomorrow is Monday. I'll be going to work. I do not have to worry about background checks or not being able to visit the US, neither do I have to hustle money for a lawyer to wipe out a criminal record.

The abuser on the other hand, is not going to be having a pleasant Monday, and it's certainly not due to my opinion of their marriage.

Boss13:


Oh - I was right on the money to insult him. I also think I was lenient because his advice is DANGEROUS. I would like to ask if you have ever gone for counseling (not church counseling). I mean proper therapy. First, you will understand that you continue to understand and learn more about your partner in a marriage. Therapy and counseling are very important for marriages where partners cannot resolve their issues themselves because a trained independent observer can tell them their faults and how they can resolve them.

Darling trust me - you don't want to get the Police involved. If you feel your marital issues are escalating, please seek counseling and where it doesn't work, seek separation and if separation doesn't fix it, then seek annulment of the marriage. Counseling is great because the TRIGGERS would be identified and whoever is responsible would understand these triggers. Also, some people cannot manage stress properly. Hence, those stress indicators would also be identified.

This is my advice on this - It is up to you. I know Nigerian families regretting bitterly. Many are ignorant about the process, the length of the process, the financial implications, the emotional stress, the justice system and wished they had simply resolved their problems themselves or even gone for counseling. However, at this point - it is out of the hands of the Police and the Crown was take its position. Some victims have written lengthy and continuous letters to Victims Office to discontinue the case and made numerous calls to the Crown. You do not want to be in that position.

If the advice was not a dangerous one, I won't say a word.

I have never had cause to go for counseling. I'm not an abusive person.

I do not let anger take control of me so much that I begin to rain abuses on people, let alone a partner. So, I am not verbally abusive either.

I still maintain that it is the duty of the abuser (verbal, physical and otherwise) to seek counselling and not place the burden on their victim.

Lest I forget, the word TRIGGER in abuse is a manipulative term under which the abuser hides, hoping to absolve him of responsibility for his actions. The only person responsible for abuse is the abuser.

Boss13:


Clearly I can see you just open your mouth WAAAAAAAH thinking you are making sense. It is idiots like this that continue to create problems for the Nigerian community. You have no clue about the justice system but type confidently about it.

My advise - If you are currently experiencing issues in your marital home. Go for counseling IMMEDIATELY. Seeking out elders within your Nigerian Community. Do not involve the Police, I repeat do not involve the Police. Every marriage is different and we cannot speculate just like this entity writing above. Seek counseling to sort your differences out. The Police are enforcers of the law and not like what we have back home. They will charge the case to court immediately regardless of the severity of the case. There is ZERO TOLERANCE for domestic disputes. Both spouses will not be allowed to see or speak with each other. This situation can put enormous stress on marriages as well as the kids. I also do not want to highlight the statistics of single mothers and how badly their kids turn out to be, and how many are automatically converted as SIDE CHICKS by men. Divorce too also comes with a price and an expensive venture. Don't get carried away by Hollywood situations. Sort your differences as Adults.

Clearly, you think it's okay to speak to someone in such a manner but it is not. You can pass your point without having to resort to abuses - it detracts from the value of your argument and makes you appear uncouth.

Anyway, anyone who thinks it's okay to abuse their spouse needs to have the police called on them. The abuser knows their actions inflict pains on their spouse and is not allowed by law, yet they continue because they count on the silent suffering of their spouse.

It is the duty of the abuser to seek counselling, not the abused who already has to put with so much.

[quote author=NaijaCanadian28 post=91652973][/quote]

I'm pretty sure he has been slapping her from when they were in Nigeria and he kept doing it because no one held him responsible for his actions. I don't feel sorry for him.

Influential101:
You must think Canada is Nigeria where anything goes, for you to ask what if he refuses.. I laugh

I co-laugh.

Fizzywah:


8. This last one is hard for me to say. Most ladies come here on revenge missions and sadly it's due to some sort of perceived abuse from back home. You see, over here anyone is free to do as they want and if you're the controlling type you'll be in for a big surprise.

.

Abuse is not perceived. It's either abuse or it's not.

SunshineD1:


She means when they were in Nigeria, the wife had to be cajoled to be patient and tolerate the husband since he is the PA, so he won't yank her from the application. Now they are in Canada, she prays he doesn't misbehave again or the wife might just flip her lid and the man own go kpafuka

Phew! Someone understood. At some point, I had to re-read my post to make sure that I used the right tenses, and I did.

yokus:
Pls can you explain what you mean by he is the principal application and ... he may take her out?

There is an exception to every rule and if she is a victim of domestic violence. They can never tell her to return to Nigeria. I'm not sure if that's what you mean. People need to behave themselves

They were living in Nigeria and their application did take a long time. He was the principal applicant.

yokus:
Good day and happy sunday.

Disclaimer- this is not legal advice

I don’t know who this would apply to but pls if you are a domestic abuser- male or female pls just don't bother to come.

If you come and you do the stupid act - you would be brought to book. It is quite pathetic to see how many Nigerian domestic violence issues are occurring amongst newly landed immigrants.

This is not Nigeria. Police will not just drop the charges because the victim said they should. It is a crime against the Crown and it is highly sensitive here- Intimate Partner Violence.

PR does not make you immune from deportation. It has Immigration consequences- criminal inadmissibility may strip you off your PR status and lead to deportation.

I'm sure we all know how tasking this process is. Is it worth landing only to get deported after?

Zero tolerance for violence and abuse from any gender.

Take care

A colleagues sister recently landed with her family. According to my colleague, the sister's husband had been giving the wife a tough time and it's been going on for years. Several times the wife would want to react but my colleague kept calming her down because the man was the principal applicant and any outburst/reaction from her could make him take her out, which is not worth it after all the years of patience.

They all hope he changes now that they're in Canada. However, I would not be surprised if one day the wife involves the authorities or decides to call it quits after all the years of suppression.

flyingpig:


$1200??


When someone mentions $$ on this thread does it usually means American or Canadian?

When you see $$ in Canadian websites or places does it mean Canadian I guess?

Is there need to always specify which it is? I usually wonder if to convert at CAD or USD rate?

It's certainly $1200 in CAD. However, I find it expensive. I'm pretty sure it's a nice apartment but still it's shared and not even in the heart of downtown.

It's fine for people who are already landed, earning and can afford it. However, I wouldn't recommend for newly landed, even though getting your first accomodation can be challenging.

ednut1:
my airbnb host works with the family court. Said many of the cases with them are Nigerians and Indians. Asked me to be careful who i date or marry. Said even tho some Nigerian men get am for body no one deserves the kind of things some women put them through here. Some men are paying spouse support, child support and yet cant see the kids as they please. She advice me not to see marriage as we see it in Nigeria. Say no be by force. Coming from a married woman o

My married Indian colleague, a lady, keeps telling me to enjoy being single and not to be in a hurry to get married or have kids. I like the idea of getting married but considering how picky I have become, that could take a long while.