₦airaland Forum

Dude diz ur story too long... U no fit summarise ni? Anyway,let's us pray (in DMX voice)

Marriage, as most know it is regarded as the end goal of a relationship between (usually) a man and woman, and it normally has some sort of religious component. Marriage is regarded as "sacred". Weddings are planned that few really want to attend; pointless dresses are worn never to be seen again; awkward family photos are taken.

Being married supposedly conveys respectability. We regard it as "settling down", indicative of stability. For some reason we even congratulate people who are already in a relationship for, basically, signing papers (or just changing Facebook statuses) and calling it an engagement. Indeed, well-known people have already done so: Oprah Winfrey unashamedly remains unmarried to her life partner of 20 years; powerful Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina have children, adopted and biological, but remain unmarried. (Don't tell me shebi dem be westerners).
Thus, why get married at all?

MARRIAGE MYTH 1: It's tradition
One response usually involves tradition, religion, family and/or culture. None of these is sufficient, however, for marriage – or any activity. To act solely according to what families want would be not only archaic but immoral:
Love shouldn't be completely unconditional, but it also shouldn't be a gun to the throat. It is our lives, and compromises can usually – but not always – be reached.
Getting married for the sake of your religion also seems problematic: aside from those who are not religious, actions aren't right just because a religion demands them.

MARRIAGE MYTH 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about "showing" we're settled, our partners are "off the market", and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to "prove" loyalty.

Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to "secure" someone, like a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.

Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now SWING/CHEAT, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the "one true love" ideal in the first place.

MARRIAGE MYTH 3: Married couples make better parents
Of course, there's evidence to support the idea that married couples make better parents and families than, say, single parents. Some of this is because there hasn't been much research into alternative family structures, although that will likely change since trends are changing.

All that said, it's not marriage alone that gives couples magical parent powers: it's the stability of a home, a good relationship, a great support basis. Certificates and rings don't do that: mature, honest, good people do – for themselves and each other. And, further, the assumption that every adult or couple wants children is false.

MARRIAGE MYTH 4: You get better legal and financial benefits
There's no denying this as perhaps the best of the terrible reasons for marriage. Married couples get certain legal and economic benefits we otherwise can't get.
Any marriage solely for tax benefits needs help. It doesn't tell us anything about the relationship itself, save that the couple want benefits from the state. It's not that much different from the infamous "green card" scenarios, where citizenship is obtained or a visa extended due to marrying a local. But this, too, undermines what many think marriage is – or should be.
You could argue that the state needs some way to recognise stability. If marriage is the only way, then perhaps the state and I can nod and wink as we pass each other our papers for our mutual benefit. Similarly, this assumes the state should be involved in marriage at all, which itself requires serious consideration. If as adults we can decide how to spend the rest our lives, we can, on a case-by-case basis, say, draw up legal documents.

NOTE: My point isn't eradication of marriage, but rethinking marriage's importance and assumptions. Keep marriage, if you so want, but it shouldn't hamper or restrict others from benefits or equal treatment, especially when there appears so little reason for having it.

Disclaimer: To my cute ladies, am not sorely responsible 4 watsoevr u may think on this write-up.... HaPPY VAL in advance..

Hi dear Nairaland(er's) I greet you all... I've got this habit of charging my smart phone on my pc(computer) so I don't know if it do hurt or develops any side effect on both items.. Any valuable suggestions? Thanks

I honestly don't understand y this 'she-cow' of a dude wud be killin' innocent citizens under the pretence of some funny deluded religion...

rahymat:
this is d kind of man I dreamt abt

. Here I am... What next?

Just when I thought humans where a lil bit sensible...

The price didn't go down well wit you n in the process u had to hacked him down ryt?... Something is fishy here - who else noticed?

I do simply say; a God fearing man is this person who's actions is of the lord. He hardly gets influenced by earthly things... Watevr he does,its 4 d glory of God n nat dat of man! ...

Just this morning I went to the bank to withdraw some money amounting to 5000 with the help of the ATM, the machine brought out the money with 500 notes which is suppose to be ten in numbers ryt? BUT to my greatest surprise i was shocked to see 10naira(ten naira) note in between the money(500naira notes) when I was counting it thereby making it to be 4510(four thousand five hundred and ten naira) missing out 500 note... I went into the banking hall to lay my experience but all they could say is "We Can't Do Anything About It". Pls frnds av u ever experienced this,if so,how did u get ur missing note/s back

MrCork:
...Patricia...see yor Ghana head like fryin pan...the stewwwpid OP slept wit prostitute for 15 years & then capitalise on a innocent university young student...do u think he wud inform her that he sbeen sleepin wit prosssititutes? Brother, is yor brain fully developed?..wud u allow yor sister to date a man who sleep wit prostitute?.....aids don't exist?


...brother...I don't mean to sound rude but clearly yor common sense is not common....maybe yor brain nid new batteries (no ooofense)

go tell it to d very sperm/ass dat shi*t yoh awt... (Mean no offence)

MrCork:
....correction...am goin bak to bed coz i am jetlag...i just arrived at mt hotel in new yoek an hour ago...Penn Hotel in times square...google it. ...and am only hear for 3 days....i can pay yor rent,school fees for a year if u want (real talk)

....anyways,when did i eva put anyone down on nairaland?

...98% r Homebase guys & r normally ugly

...97% never been to London

...92% of yor friend..ie,the poster...booast about sleeping wit prostitutes and then movin over to university students

...worst of all..according to research..99% of Homebase guys on nairaland dont hav class (its in the report)


...am a Londoner..gots money,class and swag...so why wud i wanna put u people down...for wot? ..anyways,bein paranoid is a normal thing for u guys ((no offense)

gimme a break dude would yoh? I aint supportin' d OP either.... But a brother needs advice (if aint got something nice saying bera shut d bleep up!)

When last did u check yo self out in the mirror? You shouldn't be complaining about this,its childish... Is not our(male)thing to do dis... Leave it to 'em female folks

samflexxy:
Who would wanna date a tall ugly mofo when there's a short handsome dude in the corner

Mr shorty,ur comment is baseless... Dats outta frustration

'Impossible tense' to most greedy fellas...

Nice bro! you've made ma day beautiful already...

Applaud!!!

Value others nat just your selfish self...

I'll simply walk away wit the one I love! #NoHardFeelings

Andre? Sounds cool

It's true that it is easier to play hard-to-get with some people than it is with others. However, we tend to attract people who bring with them what we need to grow. A man or woman's "shortcomings" can teach us a lot about what we have within ourselves and may not otherwise be able to see.

I am a strong believe in "It's better to work with what you're given than try to find what you don't know exists". The beauty of this is that it allows one to step up to any challenge with open eyes, and grow in wisdom and power.
 Over the years, I've identified two types of shy people; those who give in too easily because they are afraid that if they hold out, the chance will be lost forever and those who hold out tightly because they don't want people putting pressure on them to do things they are not yet ready to do. Both types have one thing in common and that is preoccupation with the kind of impression they are making -- Do they like me? Do I look good? Do I sound stupid? I'm I doing it the right way?

Shyness can be so cute -- at least to me. I'd rather be in the company of a shy man or woman than a loud-mouthed overly aggressive smooth-talking person any time. I find men and women who think they are God's gift to mankind shallow and so exhausting mentally, emotionally and spiritually. On the other hand I find that many shy people have a depth to them that's very refreshing and intriguing almost to the point of being mysterious. This may be because they spend so much time in self-evaluation and are very introspective.

That's just one side to shyness. Shyness can also be really annoying and a major turn off because of a shy person's self-preoccupation with making the right kind of impression. This often interferes with shy people's self-expression making it not so much fun to play the "Catch Me" game with them. They are the only ones hiding and you are the one doing the seeking most of the time. That's so awfully one-sided.

There is no easy way to heal shyness in another person, but if you're really interested in that person, then you have to work on reducing the anticipation of failure or rejection that shy people dread.

Even when they feel inner warmth and enthusiasm, it is not easy for shy and over self-conscious people to show it. The over concern with the kind of impression they are making makes it difficult for them to be spontaneous, or to take the initiative. To get moving, they need someone to light a fire under them.
This is where you come in. Don't' expect them to initiate contact, you do it (Playing Hard-To- Get The Love Way Strategy.)

1 - *Initiate The Chase* The only difference when dealing with a shy person is that, in the beginning it's up to you show more interest and create lots of "open doors" that will make him or her feel that it's "okay" to come out of his or her shell.
2- *showing interest* Is not the same thing as coming on too strong and overwhelming the other person with attention and affection. Even shy people don't like people who are "too much."

You have to keep giving him/her verbal and non verbal signs that you are interested-- almost all the time. You have to be persistent in keeping him/her emotionally engaged: ask for his/her advice, encourage his/her feedback and ideas, and sincerely compliment him/her on small things like his/her dress style, voice tone, patience when you are late etc. With a much more confidence and assertive person "I am sorry I am late" will do but go the extra mile for someone who needs more reassurance. Just don't mistake compliments with false flattery.

Challenge him/her come out of his/her shell every chance you get. For example instead of dinner and a movie, arrange for both of you to volunteer for a cause he/she strongly believes (most shy people have at least one or two things they passionately believe in). Having fun together in a non-threatening setting helps both of you get the relationship off the ground. When you spend your leisure hours together working on projects, doing practical tasks or being of service, what you're really doing is giving yourselves the chance to balance your interests.

To do this successfully, you need to adjust your own energy and find the right balance between self-assertion and compromise. This will make neither person feel is dominated by the other. This should not be very hard as Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way is all about the right balance between self-assertion and compromise.

Knowing that someone is thinking of them first and actually allowing them to express who they are without worrying about the impression they are making makes shy people feel appreciated. You'll both be surprised at how quickly a shy person warms up and takes up the role of the initiator. He/she may in fact have a natural tendency to take the lead because shy people to analyze stuff deeply and always have so many new ideas going on inside.

If you consider the situation impossible, and just complain about his/her shyness and self-consciousness instead of trying to work with it, you will miss out on a relationship with great potential. But if you work with his/her shyness -- not try to change him/her but actually working with it -- you create a new entity that is not either one of you, but a new "being" that you create together, and which is greater than the sum of its parts. This is the relationship itself. *my first post ever on here,I hope it do worth it* -am shy thu
(It's way too short i know)

BB Rocks!

Everything we see on here s jst all 'bout sex sex sex... As if the world depends on it...

Why won't he leave? Y must ai rely on someone else shulders? Yet I proudly call maself a gr8 Nation

14* we'll all die someday,so have fun while it last... (Ma 2 cent)

I really don't undrstnd y we resort in copying bad trends/habit...? Yoh r now telling God wat he shud av done huh?