epainos: So, you read "kill" in my post. Na waoooo. Don't worry, you will understand thing easily when you are dealt with like the case we are discussing. You mean say na kill you got from my post. Isokay!
Oh okaay, I read it again. You mean she killed him by divorcing him. But u don't know how old he is
Kobojunkie: I am 74. Five years ago, at 69, I left my husband after 42 years of marriage. It was the hardest and best decision I ever made. I know what you are thinking. 69...is that not too late to start over? Why would anyone leave a marriage after more than four decades? She must be unstable. She must be selfish. She must be having some kind of crisis.
Maybe it looks that way from the outside, but inside, I could finally breathe. If you're in an unhappy marriage, worried about wasted time or age, hear me. I believed those lies, too. Before I share why I left, let me explain why I stayed so long, the untold part.
Everyone wants to know what finally made you leave. They never ask about the invisible chains that keep you there year after year. I got married at 27. It was 1979. We were living just outside Cleveland, Ohio. I thought I was doing everything right. My husband Thomas was dependable. He had a steady job. He came from a good family. My parents approved. My friends said I was lucky. I wore a white dress and believed in forever.
The problems did not arrive loudly. They arrived quietly. There was no violence, no obvious betrayal, nothing you could easily point to and say, "This is wrong." He simply did not see me. did not really hear me. Did not ask what I wanted or needed. Every major decision was his, where we lived, how money was spent, what our weekends looked like. When I suggested something different, he brushed it aside. That is impractical. That does not make sense. Why would we do that?
Eventually, I stopped suggesting anything at all. I remember one night, maybe six years into the marriage, I told him I wanted to go back to school. I had always wanted to finish my degree in English literature. He smiled and laughed, not cruelly, just dismissively, like I had said something naive. "What would you even do with that?" he asked. "We cannot afford that right now." There was always something more important. His career, the house, the car payments, everything except me.
I told myself this was marriage, compromise, sacrifice, and being realistic. My mother had stayed in a quiet, unhappy marriage. So had my grandmother. This was just what women did. Then we had children, two daughters, and suddenly staying felt noble. “I am doing this for them,” I told myself. They need stability. They need both parents. I poured everything into being a mother. If I could not be seen as a woman, at least I could be needed as a mother.
For a while, that was enough. The girls kept me busy. They distracted me from how lonely I felt lying next to someone who felt more like a roommate than a partner. Thomas and I became polite strangers. We attended school events together, went to church, and hosted holiday dinners. From the outside, we looked fine, respectable, stable. But inside the house, we barely spoke. Whole weekends passed, where we moved around each other like ghosts, sharing space, never connecting.
I remember our 25th anniversary. our daughters through a party. Friends raised glasses and spoke about our beautiful marriage and lasting love. I smiled. I thanked everyone. And that night, I went home with a man I no longer loved. Lay on my side of the bed and cried silently into my pillow.
The years kept going. The girls grew up, moved out, and built lives of their own. And suddenly my reason for staying was gone. They did not need me to stay anymore. But by then, I had a new reason. What would people think? I was 56, then 61, then 66. We shared our history, friends, and family. How do you untangle over 40 years? How do you tell your children their childhood was built on quiet unhappiness? And practically, how does a woman in her late 60s start over? I had not worked full-time in decades. I did not have my own income. So, I stayed year after year, telling myself it was too late, too complicated, too frightening, until the call from my doctor.
I was 68. It was a routine mammogram. I had done dozens before. This one was not routine. He said the word no one is prepared to hear. Cancer, breast cancer, stage two, caught early, but serious surgery, possibly radiation. I sat there listening to treatment plans and statistics, and all I could think was I am going to die having never really lived. Not because the prognosis was bad. It was not. But because I suddenly realized something unbearable. I had been slowly disappearing for decades.
The surgery was scheduled three weeks later. And in those three weeks, something shifted inside me. fear, clarity, and the awareness of time. All the reasons I had stayed, reputation, comfort, and fear, suddenly felt meaningless. Because if I died tomorrow, the last 40 years of my life would have been a performance.
I survived the surgery. The cancer was removed. Recovery was quiet. I remember lying in that hospital bed while my husband sat nearby scrolling through his phone, not holding my hand, not speaking, just present in body. And I knew at 69 years old, I made a decision. If I were lucky, I might have 10 or 15 years left. And I refused to spend them slowly disappearing.
Two months later, I told Thomas I wanted a divorce. He did not get angry. He looked confused. We have been married over 40 years, he said. Exactly, I replied. And I have been lonely for almost all of them.
The divorce took nearly a year. It was painful, expensive, and uncomfortable. Some friends disappeared. My sister told me I was selfish. "You are throwing everything away," she said. But I was not throwing anything away. I was finally choosing myself.
Telling my daughters was the hardest part. They were grown by then in their late 30s. They were shocked. But you and Dad always seemed fine, one of them said. That broke my heart because it meant I had hidden my unhappiness so well that even my children believed it was normal. Eventually, they understood. One of them even thanked me. She said watching me choose myself gave her permission to question her own life.
At 70, I moved into my own apartment alonefor the first time in my life. I was terrified. I woke up at night wondering if I had ruined everything. But I did not fall apart. I learned. I adjusted. And slowly I remembered who I was. The woman who loved books, who had opinions, who had dreams. I even went on a date. It did not last, but it reminded me that it is never too late to feel seen.
I am 74 now. My life is not perfect. My apartment is small. My income is modest. Sometimes I am lonely, but I am free. And that freedom is worth more than anything I lost.
Here is the truth. No one tells you the regret is not about leaving. The regret is about not leaving sooner. If you are watching this and quietly unhappy at any age, hear this. You are not too old. It is not too late. And you have not invested too much time. The life you are waiting for is waiting for you to choose it.
If this story touched something in you, I want to ask you one thing. What is one fear that has kept you stuck longer than it should have? You do not have to explain everything. Just one word is enough. Sometimes writing it down is the first step to letting it go.
Wow, well-put. There's a lesson or two here for Sexyrosey of "Married but lonely" fame
parags: It is well. Women and their feelings sha. This is why as a man whenever a woman says she wants to leave , don't beg . Just let her go . It will be wasted effort. Old Mama is even already dating soon after divorce . Already poisoning the daughters mind. Very selfish.
The two of them have their faults. If the man talks his side now , you will realize she is not just one sweet , quiet mama like that .
This should be a lesson to both men and women . You can do everything right in this world and your spouse will still leave you . Nothing is certain in this life except death. Live for yourself and your family . Never EVER forget yourself .
Good point.. But your wife suppose be yourself biblically
epainos: There is a high probability that the man will die soon. Chief in commander may not be able to do simple house chores by himself. Lol. Na final knock out this mama gave him.
Treat your wife well. This is the moral lesson here.
U mean maybe she killed him? Hmmm, didn't think of that But na divorce, no be kill
spiceadole: This one doesn't concern me. I have children.. I am not lonely. I don't like a clingy partner. As long as he is giving me peace and space, I'm okay.
There u go! My kind of lady. Do your thing, I do my thing. Just make sure I don't hear about any "thing" you did
lailo: Most of the commenters here didnt pay attention to what this one said in her outburst. 1. She said she missed those good things she used to enjoy before which means she lost them at a point. Nobody cares to ask her what makes her lose those affections? 2. She said she can not pretend any longer which means she probably has been pretending to her husband to be ok lonely. This attitude is what would have prevented whatever problem she may have with her husband from being settled when she was busy avoiding addressing those issues but pretending not to be affected. 3. She acknowledged that she is still capable of loving but has ruled out attempt to mend her problem with her husband by showing love to him first. She is instead looking for opportunity to leave the marriage so that she can show the love to other men, bcs she believes those ones will appreciate the love better than her own husband. That is the tone of that message. 4. She never said she was rejected by her husband. She never said she had made effort to show love to her husband which was never returned. She clearly said she has been pretending I.e she has been trying to prove to her husband that she is ok without him. And u guys didnt see that this one is a proud soul who is the architect of her own marital turbulence by making herself alone as priority at the expense of her husband and the rest of the family. She probably might be the tormentor in that marriage but they will always play the victim card. Most of these women will be blessed with good husbands that they dont even deserve in the first place but they will use their own hands and pride to destroy the marriage and will now come online to begin to seek for sympathy. I took time to study women very well and when I discovered them, I stop pitying them
Well said, but you missed this part of what she said: (I'm) Tired of pouring love into a space that feels cold and silent.
Kobojunkie: Stop regurgitating this lie! Study after study have disproved this claim that getting busy makes the problem of loneliness go away. It never does. 🥱🥱🥱
Having a happy, people-oriented job u enjoy cures loneliness sharp, sharp, and can even cure konji without sex
kiddaz: So you plan to take advantage of her situation to corrupt her and create more problems? If you're looking for a 4ck buddy why not hit the zones close to you where you can an do all these? Na una dey mislead weak minded women. Na so dem done carry my gateman wife since morning abokkky no see him small wife who was supposed to be off work today as she works at a restaurant close. She pick call talk where she dey and she's not there till now she no pick again and abokkky dey restless. You better warn yourself
No mind am. She's female by the way. Probably a horrny lesbian!
UnknownQueen: OP, this resonates with me because I’m experiencing something similar. If you’re male, we can connect and support each other; if you’re female, we can explore being L partners. Life is too short to be lonely. I’m being genuine.
Kobojunkie: There are lonely introverts out there. Just because you are not lonely does not mean all introverts are not lonely. Let's be sure to separate the mental illness — loneliness — from what is instead a personality trait. 🥱🥱🥱
Well said Kobo. Though some people ENJOY being lonely and crying about it, and telling everybody how lonely they are!
HacheNoire: Boss, it’s the bitter and same time honest truth.
No need telling lies or disguising.
Some women will make you forget about home and your children when they give you mad love
You know those ones that call every 30 minutes JUST checking on you. Kill you with food, sex and loyalty, and the only thing they demand from you is loyalty and trust.
They are so much out there. They just need love, nothing else!
Sirseedorf: As a single guy I feel your pain, because categorically am dealing with it as well, only me the room singing, cooking and watching films alone is crazy, I just wish i had a partner to talk to already.... find something doing that will take u mind off being lonely, trust me you will feel better.
Feel what pain? She is MARRIED WITH CHILDREN and has a very demanding job!
If you understood my context, especially my opening statement, we won't be here. He desires companionship and I asserted that there's nothing stopping him from achieving that. However, if that cannot be possible or whilst he is working on that, he should perhaps deploy an interim plan: looking inward and finding happiness from the simplest of things... I hope this is clear enough... Should it not be, let me know. I'm a teacher, patience runs in my blood.
Not all teahers though. But u r ok. What level do you teach? You seem to be good. Maybe I employ u
Family › Re: I Left My Marriage At 69 After Forty Years Of Silence by QuinQQ(f): 6:56am On Jan 26
