₦airaland Forum

Aisha, your baba has said there will be no office for you nah so why are you and your people bothered?

Abi has baba 'changed' his mind again?

Arsenate:
but truth is there will always be trying times in marriage. why marry at all if you have the intention of bailing out at the slightest hint of trouble

yeah, the thing is most people enter with just one leg in, even before they get married they make utterances like 'abeg I can't stay with someone I can't be happy with... I can't stay with a person that does this or that....abeg I will just carry myself back to my parents, after all they did not drive me before'

They have already conditioned themselves for failure. In the old days, which parents house will they go to? There is no where to go, especially for females. Once married, she is a used commodity and most likely wouldn't find any other spouse and will be made fun of. (This is quite mean however)

Many people underestimate the work that goes into getting ones marriage to work out and so they enter it blindly, thinking as it was while dating, so it will be in marriage.

Love might be blind but marriage is an eye opener for sure but then nothing good ever really comes easy right? Just a little work and irreconcilable differences could become reconcilable.

Our society has evolved and now divorce is easily agreeable, its just too bad sha abi what can I say?

Because back then most women believed in sticking it out, divorce was looked at as shameful but these days, divorce is very much acceptable, if its not working out, if he/she doesn't make me happy anymore, its better to be alone than unhappy.

Also grass is greener on the other side syndrome, they think happiness is somewhere else, with someone else......

Guaranteed, there are wicked and awful spouses out there, philanderers and violent types shouldn't be put up with but then most marriages could be saved if most people determine to make it work, instead of giving up and looking for something better elsewhere.

Just too bad.....

cococandy:
It would be best avoided if he didn't seize her keys. Na wa. Is there any room for respect for a woman in marriage?
Nothing makes it ok or tolerable. That's not how one treats his wife.

respect must be earned but that is another discussion.

I agree that one shouldn't treat the wife that way, but in the event that he does, what should the wife do? That is the question.....

cococandy:
that is true.
Even women have their irrational days.

But you said it was sometime men often do. which made me wonder if you think it ok for a man to be often irrational.
But no wahala

okay then, let's say sometimes and not often, will change that so as not to mislead people.

babygirlfl:
People are a product of their upbringing. It is almost a waste of time trying to get words through to some women because suffering is the new normal. So a woman was married to a man for 28years and only enjoyed him on the last three years and all women should aspire to be like that woman? Do these women ever stop and think that some other woman enjoyed her husband for the full length of their marriage? If anything, the lesson to learn from that situation is not to end up like such women but the disgusting thing is that rather than do the next generation of women good by breaking such circle, people ( including women themselves) are hell bent on living that kind of life. It's really sad.

I am not advicing it, I just told you what my mom chose to go through. I doubt I could but i surely hold her in the highest of regards.

This is the reality of most marriages, home and abroad, whether you agree to it or not is your own but marriage isn't a bed of roses.....I didn't come up with that saying, so I suppose whoever did knew what he was talking about.

cococandy:
In my experience not all men often act irrationally.
So if you see any man that's not acting right, don't excuse it as things men often do.
It is quite insulting to the guys. #in my opinion

oh please, even a saint has his days.

babyosisi:
Maybe it had to take that injury for get to hear from people that it is

not Ok for a husband to sleep over somewhere without telling his wife
Not Ok for a husband not to allow a grandma( her own mom) access to her grand kids
Not ok to sign off on a man who treats her mom with contempt
Not ok for a grown woman to be treated like a child and have her property taken away
Not ok to be pushed,shoved and injured no matter how many bags of clothing she gets afterwards
Not to ok to regard one's MIL higher than your own parents
And certainly demeaning and not OK to pester an MIL who cares nothing about you

Those are the positives she is getting out of this situation.

we all know what's not okay...... The way forward and how to achieve a peaceful coexistence with her husband is what's really important here.

I sincerely hope they work out their differences, at least he apologised with gifts...... But if it becomes a pattern, fight-break bones- gifts, then there is a problem.

Like I said earlier, this is still a young marriage, you two are still getting to understand living together, OP should apply subtlety and wisdom and hopefully it will turn out well.

cococandy:
I don't have issues with the rest of your post if any but what the fvck is the bolded?
What's there is if he locks her out?
Shudders.
Jeez

I agree that its wrong but I was pointing it out as what's the worst that would happen if he did.... If you follow my post later on, I said if she had returned with the door locked, that was when to give him a piece of her mind .

Okay so.... She seized the wallet because he might lock her out and then that led to the struggle where she was injured.

What if she had just said okay, keep the keys and then the next day, called him to tell him when she would be arriving and make the key available? And if he failed to make them available, that was when to unleash her fury (not even necessary sef cos he would feel guilty already keeping the key from her)

Besides he had the kids to take care of, so common sense would tell you he was going no where, or would he carry them around to his office and other places he needed to be?

All this could have been avoided! That's just it.

Cheapskates, lol.

So u dnt fly first class but you have a house in Beverly hills, hmmmmm.

netotse:
The take away from your post is wisdom, you need wisdom to know when talking back isn't the best option,
I however don't agree that taking rubbish will work in all cases, some women will start to resent the man if they can't find a way to express themselves.

its all in the wisdom, a wise woman will know when, if and how to express herself. It isn't easy, I believe such wisdom is from God alone.

lolaluv1:
Let me summarise the advice I heard a woman give to someone getting married.
Marriage is sweet and also very bitter. For your marriage to succeed, you must be a dustbin. When you are a dustbin, God will lift you up. Your children will call you blessed.

She also added that her mum had been married for 60 years plus, has chopped insults and is still chopping insults.

This is the reality for so Many people now. The reality they wake up to everyday.

Guy, may God forever keep blessing you for this your statement!

Many women have not chopped half the shite my mother chopped. For years she endured with my dad and it wasn't only until about three years back my dad began to appreciate her.

She stuck with him through his rubbish, horrible times, emotional and verbal abuse but after twenty five long years, my dad became a changed man. He showered her with praises, good words, Money, anything she wanted before he passed on a month ago.

Maybe I learnt this patience from her but even me sef know sey I no reach her level. I wouldn't equate a woman with a dustbin ... even dustbin sef dey full but then you need an amazing amount of wisdom to tackle this marriage thing.

There will be trying times but if you can manage through it, it gets better, hopefully.

babyosisi:
Please shove this advise down the loo
You do lose your cool by admission and can't understand why a woman whose house keys was snatched by her husband will make noise about it
No be by force to give advise abeg

in the end what happened after all the noise making? She ended up with a broken head! Did that solve anything?

Op, better follow correct advise before you end up actually breaking your head next time.

Ac doesn't kill babies, never heard of it. I have three and all three were spoilt rotten by AC. The last one sef is restless when there is no electricity.

Even if it were the AC, there should have been some form of sickness.

Did she sleep with the baby on same bed, hope she didn't smother the baby by mistake being a first time mother.

There are cases of babies dying in their sleep in bed, they call it cradle death or something like that, not sure now. There is no known cause yet, it could be becaus of positioning, maybe the baby wasn't getting enough air cos of its sleeping position.

Finally, lemme tell you the African way, I hope someone did not do something to the kid. You know as visitors and seeming well wishers come to greet the mother and child, not everyone has good intentions.

I never left my babies alone or unattended with any person without my mom watching and and made sure the kid is always fully clothed before they pinch here, rub something or insert something somewhere....I have heard stories.... Plus na prayer also o, I always commit them to God from infant even till now. I guard them jealously, because the heart of men is very wicked oooo!

All that glitters......... Hope we won't begin hearing stories that touch from a certain governor's wife.

Anyway, she is hot! Undoubtedly!

DollyParton1:
But she actually dint train her son well. if she did, the son wont be trying to lock people out or disliking his MIL.



very apt.


So from her narration, all you could deduce is that she has strong head. Girl your analysis get as e be.
So what could she have collected as a leverage instead? His Pėniś?
Contrary to your opinion, there is something if he locks her out. I assume you dint read the part where she said she might be coming back very late at night. Being locked out at that time is dangerous. Moreover, no one in their right senses appreciate being locked out even for a minute, even in the middle of the day. And I think locking a spouse out is a form of abuse.
And u also missed the part where she said he doesn't like her mum, and that's why she doesn't want his kids there. YOU dont think that needs to be addressed.

Her mother inlaw is tired of her story, and tired of her being alive too abi? She heard the lady got hurt, yet she dint see it as enough reason to break her rule of not interfering. Till now she hasn't even check on her wellbeing.




She said it too, she is here to seek other people's opinions and analysis.

See, I have been married a few years now and the best advice I can give a woman is know your husband and pick your battles wisely.

No point in fighting what you won't win but will only strain your relationship. Talk in a calm sensible manner about your issue when tempers are cool and most times just let him win. I am not saying be a pushover but just be wise about your confrontation.

Okay, he doesn't like her mother...... So she should force him to like her? I don't get it, did he marry her mother also?

How was she even sure she would be locked out? Has he done it before? And even if he does, that is when you should take up the issue with him. Not before,that is what will made her get injured.

Had I been in her shoes, I would have kept calling earlier to let him know I was on my way and he should make preparations to get me the key if he wouldn't be at home.

Besides she even has a help, so the help will not be around also to open the door?

About the mother in law, the OP should just forget about her since she has distanced herself from her. The OP should settle her matters in house and read her husband.

This is a young marriage and if the OP keeps a cool head, things will sort themselves out but if she wants to fight fire with fire, hmmmmm someone is gonna get burnt for sure.

For me when my husband begins act irrationally as men often times do, making unnecessary rules and demands, I don't bother talking. I will want to tell him some truths too but in order not to aggravate things, I just say what I want to say in my head.

Mind you, I do lose my cool o but I lose it when its well deserved and him sef will know he has probably gone too far but when a woman consistently barks, you don't know when she is barking or when she wants to bite.

Finally if the OP is also looking inward, analysing herself and how her own actions might be affecting the situation, then that's a good start to things being better.

If it gets too hot in the kitchen, jump upon the freezer!

Lol, I knew this Ben Bruce's holier than thou rantings were gonna backfire. Waiting for his response ......

Stop stalking your mother in law!

Is not by force that she should love you, you seem so needy self. Abeg leave the woman jare, is it by force to get her approval?

She doesn't pick your calls because she doesn't want to hear you reporting her son to her as if she didn't train him well enough. So, mind your marriage and settle your issues within your immediate family and stop trying to force your self on her.

Your husband will always be her son and you will never have that sort of bond with her. Since you have tried your best, leave it as it is.

Be respectful from the distance she has put you, accept it and live your life.

PS, u sef are a stubborn woman, how will you collect your husbands wallet of all things? You were looking for trouble.
What is there if he locks you out? Will you die? Isn't it for a few hours? All this began because u insisted on taking the kids to your parents am sure, cos if u didn't he wouldn't have insisted you gave him your key.

You better calm your Strong head down, am even sure your mother in law is tired of you attitude and wants to distance herself from you as a result.

Finally my point is, instead of pointing fingers begin by analysing yourself.

You are a crazy, stu'pid, mad, foolish...... (adjectives are endless)....woman. you are not considering your less than two month old baby, walking under sun and rain, heat and cold. If you want to trek, trek by yourself and leave the baby out of it, abi did the baby tell you he is also a GMB supporter?
What is wrong with some brainless people sef? abi are you also brain dead like your mentor?

The more I think of the little baby and four other kids left at home without their useless mother, the more pissed I get.

Anyway is the husband I solely blame because the wife is obviously stu'pid, how can you let such a mad woman trek for days with your baby? Wetin dey worry una?

Infact all trekking should be banned from now on, haba!

Now this is one politician that has the interests of this country at heart. Maybe all hope isn't lost for politicians after all.

Since he gave it to her in order to win her affections she shoulda returned it at as she didn't accept the request but she is a classic thief and he is an even more classic mugu.

Speechless, I lived in this village some years back with a friend, chai!!!!, na umuodu, mbieri be dis? Hardell bus stop? I can't believe my eyes.

Rochas is more than a criminal!

PervyByNature:
meaning u might have googled it. Caught u!

, Muesli is a type of cereal consisting oats, nuts and fruit. I know cos am a foodie kinda, but I like healthy food, abeg I no wan carry belle like your friends up there.

PervyByNature:
wtf is a muesli??

google can be your friend tonight

PervyByNature:
lol. U have no idea what they're eating thats why u think its wack. If i get opportunity to chop dat kyn for for one week my belle go burst.

chei!!!! Who tell u sey I no sabi wet in dem dey chop?

Aside from muesli in the first PIC which is healthy, the second dish is filled with calories, oils and stuff not too good for the body, see the colour sef, not alluring.

With belle like that na boiled egg or white fish, salad and wholewheat bread dem suppose they chop.