₦airaland Forum

Welcome Natsha, you have nothing to worry about. Just feel free here. You will get used to it very soon.
But this your name natasha sounds familiar to me. I will like to know more about u. <snip>

Will Enyimba win this year CAF cup. Cos i am not happy with their performance this season. Though they are the secon in the group. They have only one match to go before they can qualify for the semi final. I don't think they can beat Alhy.

---

Hello,
I am Enyimba fan.
But I am not happy with their performance this season, though they are the second in the group. I am not convinced yet that they are going to win this year CAF cup. They have only one match to play to qualify for the semi- final. But I don't think they can beat Alhy in Cairo..........:oops:

Bibi so u hate me like this enhe........
make i go put this thing for record. If obj catch me. My own don finish be that o!!!!

Hey Seun,
This is the time for u claim the site administrator. Do not ignor this sugestions they will help to improve Nairaland in future. Do smth fast about it.

Men.........i miss that super story "One Bad Apple" can someone pls tell me what happend at last.

check her out!!!!!!

NA WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
SEUN WHY U DEY TALK LIKE THAT. NOBODY WEY GO SABI BETTER THING WEY FIT COMPARE OMOTOLA WITH RITA, THOUGH RITA NA FINE CHICK BUT SHE NEVER REACH OMOTOLA LEVELS. IF SHE BORN THREE IKE OMOTOLA HER BEAUTY GO FADE. OMOTALA NA AFRICAN QUEEN OO!!!!
CHECK HER OUT!!

Thanks Angel.
Great Peter nothing dey happen Obj no fit do anything. Nothing for am!!!!!!!!!!!

Am
Mikel Obi forked his styles up.
He should have just go played for Man utd, i think he is gonna make it there. But i don't think he is goning to make it in chelsea, cos there is going to be a long bench waiting for him there. Chelsea might even loaning him out to other club. Himself want to play for chelsea just because of the money chealse are pricing him. He really forked up!
Now Fifa has decided he still tremains in lyn . i think it is better

Two lovers sat on a park bench, with their bodies touching each other, holding hands in the moonlight.

There was silence between them. So profound was their love for each other, they needed no words to express it. And so they sat in silence, on a park bench, with their bodies touching, holding hands in the moonlight.

Finally she spoke. "Do you love me?" she asked. "You know I love you, darling," he replied. "I love you more than tongue can tell. You are the light of my life, my sun, moon and stars. You are my everything. Without you I have no reason for being."

Again there was silence as the two lovers sat on a park bench, their bodies touching, holding hands in the moonlight. Once more she spoke. "How much do you love me?" she asked. He answered: "How much do I love you? Count the stars in the sky. Measure the waters of the oceans with a teaspoon. Number the grains of sand on the sea shore."

"Impossible, you say? Yes, and it is just as impossible for me to say how much I love you. My love for you is higher than the heavens, deeper than Hades, and broader than the earth. It has no limits, no bounds. Everything must have an ending except my love for you."

There was more of silence as the two lovers sat on a park bench with their bodies touching, holding hands in the moonlight.

Once more her voice was heard. "Kiss me, " she implored. And leaning over, he pressed his lips warmly to hers in fervent osculation.

I love you.

Saintjoe.

President Sege gets an 'invite' from the Queen to come and visit her in England.

One afternoon while drinking tea, he asks her what was the secret of her success?

She tells him that she relies on her people a lot and therefore she must be certain that they are intelligent.

She decides to show him exactly what she means and phones Tony Blair...

"Now listen carefully, Mr Obasanjo, I'm going to ask Mr. Blair a question to determine his intelligence."

Queen:"Oh hello Mr Blair, I have a question for you;

Your mother has a child, and your father has a child. This child is not your brother and is not your sister. Who is he?"

Tony Blair: "It's ME!"

Queen:"Correct, Excellent, Thank you, Bye"

Queen: "Did you get that Mr. Obasanjo?"

Obasanjo: "Yes. Tanks a lot! I'll definitely be using that!"

Back in Nigeria, he decides that he has doubts about Dr. Chuka Okadigbo and he's going to ask him the question.

He arranges a meeting with him and asks him:

Dr. Okadigbo, I have e question for you. Yo mother has e child. And yo father has e child. Is not yo brother, and is not yo sister... Who ees eet?"

Dr. Okadigbo thinks.And he thinks...... "Em.... You must geeve me some time to think about eet..."

Mr. Obasanjo decides to give him a day to come up with the correct answer.

That afternoon, Dr Okadigbo calls a Senate Meeting to discuss the question and get an answer. But NOBODY knows! They've drawn up a Okadigbo family tree, to no avail.

The next morning, He realises that he has to give Obasanjo an answer and as a last resort, he decides to phone Jerry Rawlings...

Okadigbo"Jerry, yo mother has e child. Yo father has e child. Is not yo brother, and not yo sister... Who ees eet?"

Jerry, answers immediately: "hey, chalay, It's me of course, you dumb Nigerian!"

Okadigbo rushes to Aso Rock (Obasanjo's office), very impressed to know the answer to such a difficult question!

"Mr President, I know! I know who eet ees! Eets Jerry Rawlings!"

Obasanjo: "NO. You ah so stupeed. Eet is TONY BLAIR..!".



Submitted by SAINTJOE

Beautiful Girl at Bus Stop

In a crowded bus-stop in London a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus. First she checked herself in her small mirror case to see if her make- up wasn't smudged. Then she checked her hair was neat and tidy. At last, she was ready to board the bus.

As she proceeded to climb the stairs of the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step. So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, who was busy admiring her lovely leg, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time a big Nigeria guy that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him in a posh and arrogant accent, "How dare you touch my body!! Gosh! Can't you see I am too pretty. Besides, I don't even know who you are. I mean, look at you, you are not even good looking!! "

At this the Nigeria drawled in his strong Nigeria accent, "Well madam, wassuuup, normally I for agree with you, but after you don unzip my fly three times, my body come wake up well well. Na hin I come think say you fancy me after all that "demo" wey you dey do"

NAIJA POLICE.


A man was going around 1.00am alone in his car and got to a checkpoint.

The police man stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out.
The police had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said;

"I charge you for driving alone at this time of the day, if you come get accident now who go go tell your people ?" The man replied:

I'm not alone, Jesus Christ is with me here, Angel Gabriel, Angel Rapheal, Angel Micheal and five angels are with me here. The police man said:

"all these people inside this your small car ? I charge you for overloading.

The Nigerian National Anthem - Re-Versed

The price of corruption
Nigeria's call neglect
Stealing wealth of our fathers' land
They rob and steal till date
The labours of our heroes past
May now just be in vain
They serve to take our wealth
Dividing a nation where thieves
And robbers now reign.

Authors of confussion
Mislead our noble cause
Mastermind our leaders rights
And our youths to unlearn the truth
But of dishonesty to know
It's just so plain to see
Great lofty heights attained
Dividing a nation
Where Peace and
Justice once reigned


Submitted by: Saint Joe

Hi,
how about those memebers that are helping the growth of naira land making naira land known to people who haven't heard about it. I think they desreve award too. So u guys should find an alpahbet title for them.
Aceepted?

i dey hail means am greeting

Aj city means Ajegule town

Danfo means Mini bus or 18/16 seater bus

Rake means Empty boasting

F.F.O means for food only

Palle/pupsi means Daddy/father

malle/ mumsi means Mummy/mother

My old man means my dad.

see level means wonderful

bros means brother

oju kokoro means greedy

ode/ olodo means illitrate

more.......................

Well, i am not happy with fifa's verdict. But i think that serves Mikel right for his greediness. How i wish that guy will play for Man Utd. But those usless managers of his decieved him. Maybe i can say he is too young to think well, he can't just imagine himself playing in the midst of young players like C. Ronaldo, Nistelroy, Rooney e.t.c. Cos had it been he went to Chelsea a very long bench is there waiting for him.....................

A Nigerian Journalist Chats With God

"Dear God, thank you for inviting me to your golden palace. I love it here already. I wish I could stay forever. Maybe, I can get a contract to build one of the streets of gold for you."

"You are welcome my son. Don't get used to this place. You are only here for a chat. Now, what can I do for you?"

"Yes, dear Almighty, I've a burning question on my mind."

"What is it, my dear son?"

"Why did you create the Nigerian?"

"Oh my son, that is a very good question that I, God Himself, cannot answer. I'm not sure myself. Many people have asked me that question."

"Many people?"

"Yes."

"Who are these people?"

"Foreigners who have died in Nigeria lured there by 419 scam artists. Most of them have asked why I created the Nigerian because they believe that you people are all corrupt."

"Why do you say that?"

"You see, my son. There is a joke going around in heaven."

"A joke?"

"Yes, my son, a joke about you people, Nigerians."

"What is the joke?"

"Remember the song you used to sing when you were in primary and secondary school?"

"What song, my father?"

The song about "All things bright and beautiful..."

"Yes, my God, I remember the song very well. But what I don't understand is that how is that a joke?"

"Listen my son, this is the joke and I will sing the song for you."

"Yes, please go ahead, heavenly father."

"Listen carefully:"
All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful And Nigerians ruined them all.

"Oh, that was funny. You mean we Nigerians ruined your creation? "

"Yes, you people are very corrupt to the point that I'm thinking about finishing all your corrupt leaders as I did with Abacha."

"That would be very nice, my God. Our leaders have finished us. I think most common Nigerians would welcome that. These our leaders are all corrupt. Look at what they did to Marshal Harry because of politics."

"Yes, I knew of that even before it happened."

Who did it, my God?

"I cannot tell you now, on judgement day, I will make them pay for their crimes."

"Ok, my God, another question."

"Yes, go ahead, my son."

"Who killed Dele Giwa?"

"Ha, my son, you are very curious."

"Yes God, every good journalist should be curious."

"You know the killer of Giwa."

"Who is that?"

"That is all I can say for now. On judgement day, I shall make sure that the murderer of Giwa also pays for his crimes."

"My God, please tell me, is there a special place for the Nigerian in hell?"

"Yes, it's called Hell-Gate That is the Nigerian ghetto in hell. There are a lot of you people there already causing trouble for me and the angels. Even Satan is complaining about you people. You already have a bad reputation in hell."

"What kind of trouble?"
'You people are sending emails to people on earth from hell telling them that you have millions of brimstones that you want to transfer to earth and asking them to send you money for the transfer. You people took out all the furnace and installed air conditioners everywhere. I also found out that you people installed big speakers and music systems and are having your "owambe" parties in your flowing agbada which I confess has kept the grounds of hell clean.'

"Is that so?"

"Yes, my son."

"Also, some of your senators here are trying to impeach Satan. They have bribed all the demons to vote against him in a special impeachment session."

"Why will they want to impeach Satan?"

"As you know, Satan controls everyone and everything in hell and you Nigerians always want power so you can embezzle."

"But what can they embezzle in hell?"

"The firewood and the gasoline that fuels the fire so they can sell it on the black market in hell."

"So hell has a black market? "

"Yes, and it is run by you people, Nigerians."

"Oh, that is very funny, my God."

"I'm glad you found it funny."

"But, dear father, Nigeria has improved from being the most corrupt country to be the second most corrupt country behind Pakistan. You have got to give us some credit."

"Well, my son, if I were you, I would not say that loud."

"Why?"

"Didn't you Nigerians bribe the Pakistanis to take the first place on the list?"

"Father, I've another burning question on my mind."

"What is that?"

"Please tell me, will an Igbo man ever be an elected president of Nigeria?"

"Yes, my son, but not until after the year 2020."

"Very well. Will an Ijaw man from the Niger Delta ever become an elected president of Nigeria?"

"Yes, my son, but not in your lifetime."

"Hmmm. One more question my God."

"Go ahead, ask."

"When will our National Assembly members stop their corrupt ways and pass a meaningful bill that would actually improve the lives of Nigerians?"

"My son, that is a very tough question. I must consult with the angels on this one. Please give me a few minutes.
Please, take all the time, my dear God."

"My son, I've an answer for you."

"What is it, dear Holy one?"

"Not ever!"

Saint Joe

The omontrolization of the contrablility adacipated the intercipation of the diomorphymotography.

Meaning

No smoke with out fire. )

Hi all ,

Someone should help with this problem. I want a website where I can listen to Nigerian music - hip hop, pop, R&B. With black face hard life lyrics.

Thanks,
Saint Joe.

Hey All ,
I love Tu face and i think am one of his greatest fan. I hope Tu face will keep shining forever. Pls can someone give me his e-mail, i just need to contact him to congartulate him, anytime anywhere i hear any of his songs i will always pause and listen to it cos i liked it so much. Tuface i love u 4 real