MyVicky:

Rightly said.

I agree with him.

Totally True. I have wanted to write on this. It is annoying really. We too like to point accusing fingers and not to remove the wood in our own eyes before pointing at the stick in someone's eye.

We could also argue that Christians must not do whatever has not been commanded in the Bible. For instance, Christians must not observe nor celebrate independence days since they are not in the Bible. Christians must not board airplanes since there was nothing like it in the Bible. Christians must not own houses since our Lord said He had no where to lay His head, Chrsitians must have the poors and impoverished as their friends and daily companions since that was what the Lord did. I am just confused the more about so many of the inferences we make from the Bible and I don't even know which is true or not!

The second a man sees you, he starts ticking off a checklist to determine if he’ll ask you out. Shocker: A nice badunkadunk is nowhere on that list.

By Bethany Heitman

You know that look where his eyes slide past you...then turn back? Wouldn’t it be great to know what stopped him? You totally can. “There are a few things men instantly observe when they meet a woman,” says Jackie Black, PhD, author of Meeting Your Match. Learn what they are and you can maximize your, um, assets. Then you’ll have your pick.

1. How Thick Your Hair Is
This is all about evolution. Since caveman days, dudes have been drawn to lush locks, which signal that a woman is healthy (translation: shaggable).

2. If Your Smile Is Genuine
Sometimes your eyes crinkle a bit when you grin. Most men are good at distinguishing the vibe of this kind of smile, which says you’re relaxed and fun.

3. The Size of Your Group
You don’t want a big bunch (it’ll be hard for him to approach) or just one friend (he’ll figure you wouldn’t desert her to talk to him). The perfect crew size? Three. Your two buds can keep each other company when you slip away.

4. The Pitch of Your Voice
Studies show that men are drawn to voices in a slightly higher register (think Kristin Bell’s), probably because — yep, evolution — they’re reliable signs of youth and reproductive health.

5. Your Hip-to-Waist Ratio
Yet again, blame eons of human history. Men instinctually look for baby mamas. If your waist is noticeably smaller than your hips, it signifies fertility — a huge point in your favor. A wide belt will emphasize that hourglass shape.

6. Your Glowiness
Guys associate a radiant complexion with good mental health. That’s because stress and anxiety usually cause breakouts and dull skin. So those lotions and bronzers you sweep over your cheeks? Totally worth it.

7. What’s Fake About You
Not personality-fake, but artificial-accoutrement- fake: lashes, hair extensions, etc. To guys, these things shout high-maintenance! Not good.

8. Your Eyes
People focus on eyes more than they do on any other body part. And dramatic eye makeup will have him zeroing in on your peepers even more.

Sources: Daniel Amen, MD, author of The Brain and Love; David Feinberg, PhD, Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychology, Neuroscience, and Behavior at McMaster University; Helen Fisher, PhD, Professor of Anthropology at Rutgers University and author of Why Her? Why Him?; Lisa Shield, dating coach in Los Angeles

Obviously, when you end things with your a-hole, jerky ex, all you wanna do is talk about what a jerky a-hole he is. But before you launch into a tirade about his emotional unavailability, check out these expert tips on the etiquette of what not to say after your relationship is dunzo-at least for your own sake.

By Natasha Burton

1. He was broke.
Everyone has a different lifestyle and just because he couldn't match yours, that doesn't mean he's a bad guy-or even cheap. Don't sound high maintenance by complaining about his lack of funds.

2. Everything he thought/did/said was terrible.
Even though you broke up, you shouldn't systematically annihilate of every good thing he did or every good time you had. If someone brings up a great memory of the two of you, take a deep breath and avoid the urge to say, "Yeah, but what about the time he did [insert something horrible here]." And definitely don't badmouth your ex to the max in front of your new man. If your current BF thinks you may still have strong-even strongly negative-feelings for your past guy, he may wonder if you've actually moved on.


3. He was always a jerk.
Well, then why did you date him for X number of months or even years? Saying this just makes you look bad, and worse, bitter. Sure, it's always important to look back and see if there were any red flags you missed-so you can be well aware of what to look for next time-but you don't need to broadcast all the warning signs to everyone you know.

4. You still love him.
We all go through heartache and have experienced a breakup. Telling anyone that you still love him will only prolong the healing. Fake it till you make it. Reframe this to something like, "We had a good run, and I wish him the best." Even if you don't.

5. Anything super embarrassing about your ex.
If you're willing to share awful story after awful story about your ex, what does this say to your pals or your current man?


6. Anything he told you in absolute confidence.
In that same vein, don't show you're untrustworthy by spilling major secrets about your ex's family, childhood, what have you. However bitterly things ended, the fact is that you were in an intimate relationship with this person. Often, because he's an "ex" you may rationalize that any oaths made are off the table but keeping promises and living with integrity is just a good way to lead your life.

7. Qualities that you loved about your ex.
Some people have the opposite problem when it comes to exes and find themselves gushing about the awesome things he did, gifts he gave you, how he made you feel special, blah blah blah. For the sake of any new relationship you might be forming, and your own sanity, get your mind-and mouth-out of the past.

8. How much your parents loved him.
When you take a new guy to meet your folks, don't prime him by comparing how your exes fared with your family-especially if your mom and dad loved someone you previously dated. The guy is probably nervous enough trying to live up to your (and their) expectations-he doesn't need the ghost of your ex-bf taunting him, too.

9. The sex was bad.
Unless your man just lay there like a dead fish every time you got busy, how good he was in bed is completely subjective. (Russell Brand could have certainly used this advice when he blasted his sex life with ex Katy Perry this week-bad form, brah.)

10. Negative qualities your ex had that your current guy has.
If you really want to piss your current boyfriend off, mention that something he does that you totally hate reminds you of your ex. This kind of comment never leads to anything positive, trust us.

Sources: Communication, dating and relationship expert Rachel DeAlto and Sheri Meyers, Psy.D, L.M.F.T., author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

My Vicky: Check the recommendation of the poster above this poster.

Thxs. Found him

elelem: Hello, your friend is on facebook . You can hook up with him from there

Thanks bro.

Thanks,
From

Salami Ademola.

My Vicky: With Boko Haram claiming innocent lives in Nigeria, Killings in Syria, Sudan, Afghanistan, Somalia, Middle East Crisis, a global Nuclear and Biological weaponry threats, Mass killings in some african countries, threat of terrorism, militancy and insurgency, Natural disasters and so on; it seems that a peaceful world is a mirage? When will the world ever have peace?

No hope

ebucha: Your dream long oh

You too bad o

My Vicky: I have been thinking about it and I seem not to be getting the answer. please, why do we always have the bride's name first before the groom's name in every wedding events; I mean why do we always have 'Victoria(bride) weds Victor(groom)' instead of Victor weds Victoria and so on?

That's the world

My Vicky: May be I'm the only one thinking this way?

The whites are quick to associate an evil or bad behaviour to Nigerians or blacks but when a white is involved, they give it a host of psychopathic apppellations. When Nigerians or blacks do good or achieve great feats in foreign countries, those countries are quick to attribute the success to themselves. It seems to me that they only choose to get credit for the good and not the bad. I completely detest and condemn all the acts of terrorism and inhumanity and at the same time, we should call a spade a spade. When someone does evil, he is a british-Nigerian, African-American.....but when they do good, they are simply british, american.....injustice at the highest level.


I do not see in the BBC, CNN news or the World super powers condemning BUNKERING in nigeria. All I see in the news is Corruption, Boko Haram, Insurgence and so on. Even though, these are equally heinous crimes being perpetrated in Nigeria yet Nigeria looses even more to Oil BUNKERING and I believe these super powers benefit from the situation and that's why they don't say anything about it. In my opinion, this is unfair to Nigeria.


How do we put an end to all the negative publicities being attributed to us as nigerians and as africans?

The world is designed to be so

My Vicky: I really need to know how you can handle your unhappiness personally without hurting your partner.
There is this very big opportunity I have been hoping for like my life depended on it and I suddenly realized I missed it and unhappiness, sadness and gloominess took over. My partner is someone who wants me to be happy always and someone who becomes sad whenever I am unhappy. I do not want my sadness to be a source of unhapiness for my partner but I don't know how to handle it.

Please, what can I do?

Thank you.

Not a problem

neily: After all u don't even satisfy me in bed, i was just faking all those sounds.

I missed that out. Thanks for the addition.

The 20 Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship

Amazing advice from real married couples and people who have seen, studied, and lived really good love.



Don't try to change what you fell for


"Remember that every trait you love about your mate has a corresponding not-so-lovable flip side. So if you adore them for thinking outside of the box, don't beat them over the head for not fitting in with the Joneses. Embrace what's unique. That's worth more than all the Joneses in the world." --Kerry Ehrin, writer and producer for NBC's Parenthood and Friday Night Lights


Don't try to change what you fell for


"Remember that every trait you love about your mate has a corresponding not-so-lovable flip side. So if you adore them for thinking outside of the box, don't beat them over the head for not fitting in with the Joneses. Embrace what's unique. That's worth more than all the Joneses in the world." --Kerry Ehrin, writer and producer for NBC's Parenthood and Friday Night Lights


Prioritize your health


"A physically healthier you translates into every facet of your life, including your romantic relationship. It's a trickle-down effect: When you eat right and exercise, you feel sexy and more comfortable with your body. That will give you the confidence to really be vulnerable, which is essential to intimacy--and it will improve your sex life." --Jillian Michaels, health and wellness expert




Be silly


"Laughing relaxes you and makes you feel closer, so make it a priority. My husband loves to tell jokes just to make me smile, and I enjoy sneaking a tickle when he least expects it. It sounds like a small thing, but it makes a big difference." --REDBOOK contributor Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., ob/gyn and professor at Columbia University in New York City



Keep on growing — apart


"As important as it is to spend time together, a marriage is not an island--each of you also needs a support system of friends and family, and your own interests. I love swimming and biking, while he enjoys playing the piano and reading. Having differing passions can keep a marriage strong by taking the pressure off you to be everything to each other." --REDBOOK READER RUTH NEMZOFF, MARRIED TO HARRIS BERMAN FOR 48 YEARS


Dream big


"Spend time each week, maybe it's every Friday night, talking about your hopes and aspirations as a couple, and think about what will make you happiest going forward. You can say, 'We'll buy a house in our favorite neighborhood within five years,' or, 'We'll have another kid by next summer,' or even, 'We'll eventually visit the beaches of Greece together'--because it's not about planning, it's about imagining. This kind of thinking supplies the motivation to work toward what you want, and recover from setbacks along the way. Couples who don't imagine a bright future together become stuck and brittle... and brittle things break." --Ben Michaelis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Your Next Big Thing




Stop asking "Do I look fat?"


"Research shows that most women overstate their body size by 25 percent or more. Your butt just got ¼ smaller! Now, instead of asking your partner to judge your figure, you can both concentrate on your relationship." --Michael Alvear, author of Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat



Don't nag: Trick him (a little)


"If you want something, make it seem like it's his idea. All you have to do is plant the seed--it'll grow. Last Christmas, I talked to my husband about our grandchildren's gifts: 'It would be nice if the boys had their own computers. I know they probably cost twice what Julie could afford.' An hour later he said, 'If she could pay for one, we could buy the other.' My reply: 'Good idea, Frank!'" --REDBOOK READER DAWNE POLITO, MARRIED TO FRANK FOR 43 YEARS



Don't skimp on pillow talk


"Both sleep and love call for a similar type of psychological surrender. When we're sleepy, our defenses are diminished and we're more emotionally present, making this a good time to deepen intimacy." --Rubin Naiman, Ph.D., sleep and dream psychologist



Give each other the once-over


"Never stop reminding your partner that you find him attractive. My husband recently said, 'Let's take this upstairs, Sexy.' I told him to shush--but it made me smile." --REDBOOK READER CONNIE KALINOWSKI, MARRIED TO JOE FOR 46 YEARS



Be honest — and vocal — about your finances


"No one loves to talk about money, but secrets, whether it's a bad investment or your late-night e-shopping habit, always come out and destroy trust. I've worked with couples who are over $100,000 in credit card debt and on the brink of divorcing, but are able to stop blaming each other, get it paid off, and stay together. I've also worked with couples whose marriages ended because they couldn't come clean about their spending habits. Discussing debt, spending, savings--everything--is the only thing that can help you overcome financial obstacles." --Karen Lee, certified financial planner




Get a reliable babysitter


"Studies show that an important predictor of relationship happiness is how often a couple socializes with friends, so plan a double date. And don't feel guilty about leaving the kids--parents today spend more time with their children than any others in the past 100 years, but they do it at the expense of adult time, which is essential for a strong and happy relationship. Being with friends gives you new things to talk about and allows you to show each other off. Say, 'Tell them that joke you told me!' or, 'He's doing so great at work.' Sharing your mate's strong points with others makes you both feel proud and happy." --Stephanie Coontz, director of research and public education, Council on Contemporary Families




Compliment his...skills


"Men are most loving when they feel manly, and nothing makes a man feel more masculine than being praised for his lovemaking. Keep it simple: Say, 'You were great,' or, 'I loved what you did to me last night,' and walk away. Don't look for a return compliment--the comment must be a gift. Then watch how he'll make an effort to be good to you after that--and I don't just mean sexually." --Abraham Morgentaler, M.D., author of the upcoming book Why Men Fake It: The Truth About Men and Sex




Indulge each other's passions


"My husband's a big golfer, so I took lessons so we could play together. Now that I can keep up with him, it's nice to have a friendly competition going, and he enjoys that we do something he loves--and can give me pointers at." --Misty May-Treanor, Olympic gold medalist




Let him go


"That doesn't mean stop caring. It means be secure enough within yourself that you don't freak out if he's not with you and you don't know exactly where he is. I've never tried to control Fred, and the fire is still hot." --REDBOOK READER JOYCE FIELDS, MARRIED TO FRED FOR 45 YEARS




Ask the right question


"You must stay curious. I learned this from watching couples in conversation say things like, 'Are you done yet?' so they could have their turn. The other person inevitably responds defensively because they feel unheard. When the listener was coached to instead ask, 'Is there more about that?' in an interested tone, the speaker relaxed, and began to talk from a deeper level, which made for more meaningful discussions." --Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., relationship therapist and coauthor of Making Marriage Simple: Ten Truths for Changing the Relationship You Have Into the One You Want



Have a secret language


"We have a system of hand-squeeze signals to use at parties to find out: Do you love me? Shall we leave now? Do you want to make love when we get home? Communicating without anyone else knowing gives you a rush and makes you feel even closer." --REDBOOK READER LOIS TSCHETTER HJELMSTAD, MARRIED TO LES FOR 64 YEARS



Get yourself in the mood


"Couples share so many mundane activities, like washing dishes, changing diapers, and paying the bills; it can be easy for the relationship to lose its sexual charge. The most successful pairs take the time to prime themselves for sex, instead of waiting for a lightning bolt of lust to strike them in the middle of a harried day. It sounds weird at first, but I tell clients who are having intimacy problems to get their motors running by thinking about their partner's sexiest qualities for at least 10 minutes per day, and to create new fantasies about them. Or, dream up your ideal erotic encounter, build anticipation by rehearsing it in your mind, and then make it happen. If you really focus on it, you'll notice a change in your level of desire take shape immediately." --Brandy Engler, psychologist and author of The Men on My Couch


Be biased about him


"I work with a lot of couples who get in trouble because they let anger at their partner over one thing poison their whole view. Suddenly, the person is annoying, difficult, unattractive, and selfish. I teach them to use the 'halo effect'--which means that you use one outstanding trait to generalize an overly favorable view of someone. The trick is to keep positive images of each other front and center, even during disagreements or feelings of boredom. Despite a current annoyance, they can then recall that their partner is funny, has beautiful eyes, or is sweetly protective. Holding on to that valued image will keep you from spiraling toward the disdain that makes couples split up." --Gail Saltz, M.D., psychiatrist and best-selling author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life



Get a little privacy


"A lot of people would say that the best thing you can do is practice patience, or never go to bed angry, but really? Separate bathrooms. Everyone needs a private space, and the bathroom makes for an excellent one." --REDBOOK READER GYLEAN TRABUCCHI, MARRIED TO ZENO FOR 46 YEARS

Every couple argues, but these words will turn a spat into an all-out-war. Here, the phrases to avoid, and what to do if one passes your lips because hey, it happens.

"I want a divorce"
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say things you don't mean, but every expert we spoke with agreed that this statement can't easily be taken back-no matter how many times you apologize or swear you didn't mean it. "Statements like 'I'm done with this' or 'I'm leaving' breed insecurity," explains Judi Cinéas, a marriage and family therapist based in Palm Beach, FL. "I always tell clients that this should only be said if you're ready to sign the papers." So what happens if it slips? Apologize and explain that it will never happen again, but know it might be awhile before your partner fully trusts you. And it also may be time for you to do some soul-searching. If you truly blurted it out in a fit of rage, it could be helpful to work through your anger with a professional. But if you said it because it's on your mind, that's indicative of much deeper issues than the argument du jour.


"I'm not mad"
So why are you rolling your eyes, slamming doors, and grunting one-word responses to his questions? Because you don't want to be mad, which isn't quite the same thing as not being mad. "Shutting down and trying to ignore our emotions is an incredibly common reaction to conflict," says Lisa Bahar, a marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, CA. "We want to be accepted and not have people upset with us." Not only that, but sometimes it's hard to know why you're so annoyed-or you might feel silly explaining why his failure to text that he's running late created this reaction, especially if you haven't cared in the past. If you find yourself tongue-tied when your temper flares, it's fine to take a break and talk when you've cooled down-even if it's just to let him know how confused you feel.

"You're just like your father"
Chances are, you're not saying this because they both do magic tricks or make amazing pancakes-you're saying it to hurt him, and you know it. But this is a low blow for a few reasons. First, by comparing him to his dad, you're expressing that you're no longer seeing him for him. "Everyone wants to be seen as an individual," reminds Cinéas. Second, he likely has tried hard to avoid whatever trait you're bringing up, which will immediately put him on the defensive and ratchet up the emotional stakes in an argument.

"You're such a jerk/coward/expletive of choice"
Weirdly, name-calling triggers the same vulnerabilities as negatively comparing him with someone else-you're telling him that you no longer see him as an individual, says Amy Johnson, Ph.D., a psychologist and life coach in Detroit. "Not only that, but name-calling is a definite sign that your emotions are coloring the situation to the point where nothing constructive will occur. Fighting while you're in that state is like fighting while you're drunk, or on an hour of sleep-it won't make anything better." Instead, give yourself time to calm down by telling your guy you're going to grab coffee and will be back in an hour. And come home when you say you will-if you don't, they'll be more anger, warns Cinéas.



"Look, now the baby is upset, too"
Once the crying starts, it looks like you've got the guilt card on lock-but experts warn that it's a dirty hand to play, even if it does make you seem like the victor in the spat. "One person cannot have an argument," reminds Cinéas. If the baby's wailing, it's a sign both of you are getting riled up. Call a truce, calm down the baby-and yourself-and then begin talking through things calmly. Also, if your kids are older, don't claim you're not fighting if it's clear that you are. Instead, let them know you both lost your tempers, but that you still love each other, and you will work it out, because you always do in the end.

"You did the same thing last time"
Little disagreements become big ones when we bring them up over and over again, reminds Cinéas. "When you've forgiven someone for something, that means that you can't use it as ammunition in a current disagreement." If you find you're continually circling around the same tiny arguments, it could be a sign you should do something different. If he always forgets to wipe down the counters, he's not doing it because he wants a fight-he may not see the mess you do. The easiest option: Take over counter duty and trade him a chore he won't skip.

"You're always late"
Stewing because he arrived nearly half an hour past the time you were supposed to meet for dinner, again? Well, blurting this out makes it even more likely this will happen the next time, says Bahar. Instead of accusing him-or making it sound like he'll never change-let him know why it's important to you that he be on time, like that you don't want to spend part of your date night in conversation with the waiter. Then, try to enjoy the evening. Later, when neither of you is agitated, you can work together to figure out how to avoid lateness being an issue in the future (i.e. texting him at the moment you need him to leave rather than expecting he'll arrive at the time you suggest).

Related: The 8 Biggest Male Insecurities

"Why are you mad?"
He grunts one-word answers when you ask how his day was, and from the angry way he searches for a snack, it seems like he's ready to have a serious blowout with the fridge. But the more you push, the more likely you'll find yourself in a fight that wasn't there to begin with. "People lash out at those they're closest to, and sometimes their moods have nothing to do with our behavior," Cinéas says. That's not to say you should just let him take out his bad mood on you-and if he's often like this, you and he need to have a serious talk about how he handles his anger-but if he's in the occasional bad mood when he gets home from work, or after his team loses a big game, it's fine to give him a wide berth. If he seems fine a few hours later, drop the subject-once he's over it, there's no reason you should hang on.

"You need to talk to me right now"
In all likelihood, you're texting or e-mailing this instead of speaking it. But if you're both in different spots and you feel like a fight is brewing, the best thing you can do is hold your thoughts-at least until you can talk face-to-face. Why? Well, for one, neither of you has a sense of what else is competing for the other's attention-like, say, his sister or your boss-and because of that, you can majorly misread each other's intentions. For example, you may think a half-hour without a response means he's ignoring you, but he could actually just be in a meeting. "Agreeing not to fight over email or text is best because then you can work out what you want to say when you get face-to-face, at which point you should both have calmed down a bit," says Dr. Johnson.

"This is all your fault
"He was the one who said it was fine to get to the airport an hour before takeoff. You wanted to give yourselves two hours, just in case. Now you've both missed your flight. You're furious, but it's not like he's thrilled either. So instead of placing the blame on him, figure out first what you can do to solve the problem, then explain how his behavior made you feel. Saying something like, "I felt like you weren't listening to me, and it was easier to go along with your idea, but I wish I'd spoken up," shows you accept your responsibility in the situation, and also carves a path for a constructive conversation about how to avoid these issues in the future.

By Anna Davies