₦airaland Forum

@ OP you haven't seen anything yet, i stay at ota-ijako(abk expway). I implore you to visit this area some day you will always see dead body lying down and the government are doing nothing to it. Its hand work of the evildoers. When next you see the corpse thats if it has not being evacuated, its either the head has being remove, or d hand, d body will be incomplete sha, thats the problem we face in ota o. Make amosun come to our rescue

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Progressive01:
[/quote]recieve sense

Caseless post=42663305:
It's so unfortunate that he had to take over from the most destructive predecessor the world has ever known.
Baba , God shall see you through.

[quote author=Progressive01 post=42663879]

when will you guys wake up to the reality. Receive sense in Jesus name

They are in power, Dokpesi is wise enough

chinchum:
If GEJ had wanted to enforce TSA, he would have, heavens wont fall, spare the defence sermon.
From 2013 that TSA was muted till 2015 is not few hours, days or months.

By their comment you shall know them. shior

Its time for oga seun to shower us with freebies o shey e ti gbo? and lalasticlala you have being hiding ur face for so long making some nairaland members thinking you are a ghost, robot because your face is everywhere NAIRALAND god. I'll make sure not only to make it to the venue but sit beside you during the award presentation, i sha know say you no go appear as ghost for that day. Wishing you best of luck. B4 i forget na how much per sms sef

Buhari Has Seen The Wisdom In
Continuing With What I Started-
Jonathan read the post at www.nairaland.com/2895854/buhari-seen-wisdom-continuing-what . Am not really surprise about this cattle rearer its the f*¤ls that support him i pity, because we all have clearly see that he is not upto the task,. God bless gej,. And please who has seen the 5k alert?

deewhone:
When cleaning ur ears with a cotton-bud, who enjoys it?

Hmnn u make sense.

shotgun22:
lmao...jeeez can't stop laffin.. next time you'll listen to instruction.. that's called 'Jedi abuse'.. o badt gan!! mod nah correct FP material b dis. oga do your work!

Abi now, once beaten. Cc lalasticlala come laugh

IamAthens:
Lol. Hahahahahaha. I laughed till my left eye brought out tears. Mine wasn't jedi but rather Dulculax tablets. As those tabs small so, dem dey work pass berger contractors. I had a serious constipation while I was immobilised with broken tibia and fibula. Naso pile begin worry me o, I sent for dulculax tablets but before they arrived I had taken gestid solution. When my bro brought the tabs, Naso my busy body no gree me o, I swallowed 5tabs and almost an hour later, na toilet on a steady I dey stay. Wasn't a good experience.

Bro thank God say e no meet u 4 hold~up I swear u for smell pepper

optional1:
lol number one spot i laugh in korean. Seem u av learnt d lesson ur elders taught u dats gud sha

Why the laugh now. I mean what i say... Hope you are having a nice day over there?

optional1:
4 ur mind now u meet one requirement 4 ur info u r jst sitting in d back sit incase 1 pesin Bleep up wch i belive he wont nd u can be chance out frm dat back sit if d pesin am waitin 4 comes. So dnt b over excited. Btw u r askin me ur employer to go nd check u an employee on twitter 4 wat nah. Seem u dnt wat dis job. U r here by disqualify frm d contest pack all ur luggages nd baggages nd leave here @once. Again u askin ur employer were is she. Shit mehn. Go nd check me on twitter @Am_Optional 4 more questions

Sorry its just that your employee is over anxious. So am now following you on ur handle, with due respect do follow back so that i can DM u. And don't worry am here to stay taking the number one spot from who ever is there shey you get.

optional1:
dy r as many as i can count. U dy work 4 firstbank abi u b celebrity if u r not no vacancy 4 my list buh if u fit manage back sit space dey there.

Thank God I met one of the requirements. You can check me on twitter with @SammyTee_DaReal... btw where are you?

optional1:
Tnk God my boyfrnds in firstbank are not secrectary

Chai only you, how many are they? And is their still vacancy cos i want to make ur boyfriends list

Flets:
We told them APC has no plans for Nigeria .... They said Buhari was the Messiah
We told that the lack of economic direction portrays doom for the economy .... They said Sai Buhari
We told them that Buhari declaring to the world that all Nigerians were corrupt would result in loss of investor confidence .... They called us wailers
We told them that delaying the appointment of ministers for 6 months will create a gap in the economy that cannot be easily closed .... They said Buhari can handle it all alone and does not need ministers
We told them that the financial policies of the APC govt was scaring investors and stifling investment ... they said Nigeria can do without the investors

Today, They are losing their jobs, losing their businesses, paying double for power supply, facing true hard times .....

Bro they haven't seen anything yet, I remember last month when some Friesland workers are being retrenched, come c tears 4 grown up men's face. diaris GOD

wins18:

I don't eat dog meat, but I know somebody wey know somebody that will take u to somebody that sells dog meat at a popular joint somewhere

Me too don't take it, i usually eat cat fish with chilled ace root

annawhite:
What is this..... As a calabar woman we don't do foreign dogs# whosoever posted this is a blawdy racist

lol bae don't take it personal o, its just a joke for u to crack ur ribs now!

annawhite:
#aggressive munching of cooked dogmeat with unripe plantain#a chilled orijin # and eyeing poster balls

so you self dey ball like this, let's hook up at a joint so that we sip and eat together

wins18:
I'm happy oo

@bolded..
Bro, na where u catapult me reach lolz.

Lol, typo error sha. So win18 #NOWTHATYOUARETHERE which joint u go carry me go now.

Thats what happens when you take too much weed. Chrisbrown not in his right sense.

DoubleSixMUZIK:
Call me on 08033422206 and I'll brief you

Gon holla later. Just followed u on twitter with @SammyTee_DaReal do ffbak. Thanks

costandi:
GODWIN finally!

Abi now,*modified* wins18 are you happy now? *winks*

Dear nairalanders, am an upcoming artiste and looking forward to open my studio soon which analog and digital recording will be done there. Anyone who got the idea of how much it will cost me should please let me know (a standard studio)thanks. God bless us all.

Insuurance:
All upcoming artistes, dancers, comedian, and musicians looking for an opportunity to produce, promote, show case their talents, should contact the management AKA Insuurance on 07062586862, whatapps or call. You don't have to pay, u might be paid, if u re very good at ur skills. You are a Super Star..

Oya naw Mr. Ifeanyi
Kanu. Am interested

Wonders shall never end. How possible na

Hipsmania:
07064652063

Ello bae

MyLady11:
i suggest coconut water lol

lol, and how many coconut will only you take to quench ur thirst? Just accept ur fate, their menstration and organism is what gives u almost all d nutrients u need.

wins18:
I wonder when any of my post will make frontpage

Keep dreaming. Lalasticlala come c something

The Chronicles Of Jedi - Oloyin (herbal Drink)
www.nairaland.com/2906268/chronicles-jedi-oloyin-herbal-drink


lalasticlala happy new month 2 u.


Note: The story you are about to read is a pure and raw comedy, you are adviced to take caution so you don't drool in your pants while laughing your gags out. Enjoy

greatestman:
2. When you’re watching a football match
with other
people, wait until a team is making a
move that is
likely to result in a goal, then stand right in front of
the TV, and say, “check me out.” Or better
yet, just
switch off the TV at that point.
3. Visit the ATM when there is a long
queue of people waiting under the scorching heat
of the sun,
ignore the long queue, head straight for
the ATM,
and try to make your withdrawal.11. Pay for everything you buy with N5
notes only —
even when you spend N10,000.

Lwkmd

Toks2008:
Last night, while I was drinking the garri i kept in the kitchen for about a week,a small rat at the corner of my room was looking at me and shaking it's head.
Please what does it mean? cus I woke up this morning just thinking about it.
Lalasticlala abeg help me ask nairalanders.

Nothing bro, the rat is just bidding you farewell. Till will meet again. Lol

MyLady11:
Don't drink water again.
Fish F*ck in It.
Fish menstrate in it also..
And you keep drinking.
Have stopped to drink water since last year.

What do u suggest now?

Curiosity they said, killed the cat. What would be said of mine? Curiosity
nearly killed the dude? Well it depends on how you see it sha, but I have made up my mind to flee from all appearances of Agbo-Jedi. Once beaten; mine no be twice shy – na forever shy. How I no go shy? Make I kill myself? I was sitting jeje on my own o, tousling with Ela on FIFA 13 when I overheard my paddies gisting about the potency of Jedi-oloyin and how it had helped fix their ailing lower backs. The intensity of their discussion aroused my curiosity. Before I knew it, my fate was sealed. I knew I had to take it. I had been an avid taker of Agbo-Jedi before that moment but I had always limited myself to drinking the gin- soaked ones. Reason; the water- soaked ones had first-class degree in bitterness. While growing up, I had always revolted when it came to drinking agbo
for my health. I would rather the sickness kill me than for me to drink that bitter-tasting concoction. So you would understand why I stuck with the gin-soaked Agbo-jedi now that I’m grown. For the ‘butties’ reading this, agbo-jedi is a gin or water soaked herbal drinks used to locally treat Pile or ‘Jedi’ as it is locally called. Jedi is caused not only by sugary drinks but all the midin-
midin you guys chop at KFC, Chicken Republic and the likes. I’m quite sure that virtually half of Nigerian average age males are being worried by ‘Jedi’. Ask Wiz-Kid abi na Wizzie be hin name; at least he used to drink Jedi at Iya-nla in those days. The fact that I am an Ikale boy also made it easier for me to drink gin- soaked agbo-jedi. We are natural ogogoro drinkersJ. But to be honest with you sha, it is just an excuse for taking alcohol. Abi!. Back to my story, I don too like to dey digress, make una no vex abeg. Like I earlier wrote, I had limited myself only to gin-concocted Agbo- jedi, so you would understand why my curiosity was aroused when I heard about Jedi oloyin; the herbal mixture prepared with pure Honey. One thing you expect is that it would be ‘sweet’, no be so? Jedi oloyin, as I heard that morning, was very potent; much more effective than all other types of Agbo-jedi, so I decided to go for it. I got directions to the nearest one at Iso-Pako (Timber- shed) at Sango just a little away from the railway tracks and decided to try it out with two other friends. When we got there we were lucky. We met the seller pouring freshly made quantities into Ragolis plastic bottles for sale, so we made up our minds to purchase a whole bottle and take home with us rather than sit at her shed to drink a couple of spoonful. We paid for a whole bottle and was about to leave when she advised us to get home before using it and to ensure that we did not take more HALF OF A TEASPOON per person. We smiled and responded that we were avid drinkers of agbo-Jedi and that taking more than half a teaspoon will not hurt us. She insisted and begged us not to try such at all. We agreed with her so that she would let us be. We eventually walked off winking at one another, knowing fully well that we would definitely go against
her advice. The moment we got into the car, Femi uncorked the bottle and took a swig. It tasted good so he took another swig. He passed the bottle to me. I wanted to behave sane, so I used the bottle’s cork as gauge to take two ‘cork-fulls’. Ayo, ever the cool dude, decided against taking it until we got home. My foolishness kicked in as I bought a
bottle of Cocacola and started to drink. Femi did the same. A few minutes later, when we were around Mokola flyover, I began to feel uncomfortable. My tummy made so much noise that I wanted to fart. Little did I know that ‘bros’ don start work. “Omo e be like say ds thing don start to dey work o! O ti bere ise kiakia” I quipped while readjusting my buttocks
to tilt a side up and release some foul odor into the air conditioned car. I wanted to punish the guys a little before we got home. Don’t crank up your nose o! We never shied away from farting when others were around. We almost always competed for who could fart the most. So farting was never a big deal. Still uncomfortable I belched and farted! I expected a loud noise, alas! I was mistaken. I felt as if something snaking out of my something slowly. Something wet; something…. Indescribable! The wetness spread a little, soaking my boxer shorts! OMG! I realized I had pooped on my body. ‘Ki leleyi?!’ I screamed silently. My boxer shorts was partly soaked with you know what! I struggled to couple myself. I never knew Femi was
also in trouble until he suddenly blurted out, encouraging AY to drive faster: “Bobo yii, wa moto yi kia now! O ye ka ti de’le o! O ti slow ju jare” AY could only laugh. He made continual jest of the two of us, giving us the ‘I told you so’ lecture. Me ke? I did not even listen to him. I was concentrated on how to avoid the embarrassment of the sacrilege I had perform right on the back seat. If any of them knew I had done the unthinkable my ears would never hear the last of it. They would torment me till I would almost kill myself. I sat like a quiet cat, gently waiting, hoping and praying that there would be no traffic at Aleshinloye junction. Unfortunately my prayers were not to be answered. The traffic was massive! Even Femi shouted “Yeeeee mogbe o!
Kileleyi na?!” We got to Iyaganku area when I could take it no more. As soon as the traffic warden stopped us I alighted and ran inside the police station like a man pursued by demons. Even the Policemen by the station’s entrance took off in opposite directions. I ran to the counter and begged them to allow me use their toilet. The Policeman must have seen and pitied my condition, else he would have turn his back. Ol’ boy, no be small thing o! I no even mind how the place be. I spent more than an hour in the toilet, with nothing but watery stuff coming out of the ‘you know where’. My boxers nko? I left d tin inside the toilet ni o! I got to know later that while I ran into the Police station Femi took off after me. Since I was able to get into the toilet before him he had to find another
option as his condition did not warrant him waiting. He ran out of the station, crossed the road and dashed behind the shops opposite the Police station. He threw caution into the winds as he pulled his trousers and let out a torrent
of poop, not minding if anyone saw him. On our way home neither of the two of us spoke. We were too drained. As for me it felt as if any talk would vibrate my tummy and set it off again. AY laughed till tears came. Me, I no even get hin time. I could not open my mouth, not to talk of getting angry and responding to his taunts. I only continued to pray in my mind that we would get home in time for me to release the new storm that was already gathering again in my tummy. Femi nko? Forget that boy! See big boy dey whimper like pikin. Poopoo reduced him to a nonentity! Getting home was worse. I alighted before AY could open the gate. I just could not wait! If I tried to walk fast I would something rushing in my tummy towards my anus. I would pause and wait for it to subside before continuing to walk. Climbing the stairs nko? Chineke meh!! Climbing the stairs never took more than ten seconds – ever! Ol’ boy it took me more than five minutes o! I would walk and if I feel it, pause until it subsided before walking again. I no even get mouth greet people wey dey greet me for compound. Na God carry me reach toilet o! Walahi no be me waka myself. It took all my willpower to pull down my trousers, thank God day say boxer shorts no dey again, and sit on the toilet seat like a gentleman. The second batch was worse! More than two hours after, I still in the toilet, sweating, groaning and wishing I had listened to that woman. I also heard Femi’s groans from the second toilet. “Aye mi o! Aah! Ta lo ran mi nise oooo! Laye mi, mi o tun mu kini yii mo o!” As funny as it was I could not laugh, I was only concentrated on how I would ‘never-ever’ drink Agbo-jedi, not just jedi-oloyin o, but all agbo-jedi again in my life. As for AY, our experiences taught him a great lesson. He never even touched the bottle, talk-less of taking it. The friends who told us about it nko? See let’s leave that part, I am sure they would never forget what we did to them. But a lot of my other friends fell victim and their stories were way worse. One particularly almost fell off an okada after he took the Agbo-jedi and had to rush home before he died of poopoo. He farted on the Okada and flies swarmed after him. That’s the story for another day sha… I hope soon I will have the time to tell you each of their stories soon. Have fun guys.