₦airaland Forum

Jega and his people should Just announce APC and PDP, other parties can check their result on Linda Ikeji or INEC notice board and stop wasting our time, we are burning fuel...others r wasting money at d election result viewing centres nd some ppl don dey get high Blood pressure...NO TIME #‎NigeriaDecides‬#

Hmmmmmmmm!

I'm coming

Kolomental

nwahmummy:
We started dating and he has spoken to my family before I it was revealed to me he was married. He says the wife and the son are not in Nigeria that she has refused to come back and divorce him. Beside I am not dating the second guy he is just my friend the longest time I have spent with him is 30minute. Does that amount to dating. Currently he is out of the state. @shinningmama, thanks for offering me your husband. I really appreciate the kind gesture. May God really bless you and your family, thank you.

Amen to your prayer.
On a more serious note, pls don't marry him pls and pls. Put your mind off him and I pray God will link you up with the best man for you.
Don't settle for less.

nwahmummy:
Thank you for all the good comments. For those who judge me. You don't know the full story. How would you feel if a man approached you and he works with you in the same company. You are a quiet born again type you became friends, he encouraged you in serving God, even follows you to church claims he loves the way you sing. Then one day he said he wants to date you and you said no yet he never gave up he kept persisting you pray but didn't get any answer then one day you had a dream he came to you and said he is in love with you. You knew it even before he said it. You then started dating him some months into the relationship you were just in your room all alone when you heard a voice said "he is married" you look around you didn't see anybodY. He had travelled to his home state when he came back you asked him he told yes that he was married but he has been separated with his wife and working on divorce, you asked him how many children he has he said one. You asked if he was separated why didn't he work on the divorce since why is he doing it now he answer that if you had a cloth that you are no longer wearing you just keep it there until you get new one then you give it out. Then you started to pray that the relationship should end but the guy never gave up still keep Pushing you. Then people start coming to meet you that this guy is married and is still married. You asked him he said they are lying that they don't know anything about his life. You don't know any of his brotherS or sisters you don't know anything about his life outside the state where you both work. He likes travelling home on one family issue or the other. Then you met another person who just want to be your friend he knows about your current relationship but still says he can be your friend. You then try to Pull out of the former relationship he comes up with the idea of you meeting his people. I can't even say all the things that actually happen sometimes I just felt I was being used. Now I want to break off and move on he is coming up with something else. They say never judge a person until you lived in his shoes. There is so many other things I haven't said because I am tired of typing. If you were me what will you do if you are the type that doesn't keep male close friends and this is your first relationship in nine years after you got born again.

Interesting! My dear you don't need a soothsayer to tell you he is not serious. He travels often to do what? You claimed to be a born again and you can see the handwritings on the wall.
In case you need a married man by force, pls I am ready to give my husband out without collecting kobo. I won't even disturb you in future, I promise you that.

A graduate in Biology from University of Benin was having
difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the
daily
newspapers for a job at a zoo.
In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla,
which
had been tourists attraction has died so they needed
someone
to dress up & pretend as gorilla.
The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary was
OK,
he accepted the job. The 1st day, he put on the gorilla skin &
entered the cage, he started jumping up and down, beat his
chest & roared like gorilla.
The next day, he put on a gorilla skin & started moving
Around the zoo again & mistakenly entered another cage and found
himself staring at a lion.
The lion roared & rushed towards him. The scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a gorilla & started shouting like human, "Help! Help!"
The lion leaped onto him,knocked him to the ground & whispered in his ear "sodiq" it's me lekan, ur course mate.
Shut up or we'll both lose our job

Burutashi

Pasqa:
My gf esperiences excessive painful menstration on the first day of her period. She cnt do anything throught that day. She lie on bed throughout unless she takes drug.
My question now is "is it normal or is something wrong with her? Is that the way she will b esperiencing that pain till she attains menopause? She is just 20

Mine was worse, I won't be able to eat for 3 days or do anything, to the glory of God it stopped when I gave birth. No more menstral pain oo.

Floodgater:
@shiningmama, your esteem as been greatly eroded that i fear after all said and done here you will still pray tonight for that husband of yours to change instead of your esteem. I say so because you are not yet tired of your situation, the day you become really tired, you will know what to put in place as well as plan you and your kids exit. For how long are you going to deny yourself and him sex and expect not to take the blame for him going outside? Note this; YOU CANT CHANGE WHATEVER YOU TOLERATE.

Hahahahaha! Pray for him to change? Instead I've started prophesying into my daughter's marriage ooo so that she won't marry someone like her dad. I may not be there for her when that time comes.
I must confess I do pray and fast before but I stopped doing that after I opened the thread in Dec 2013. Thanks to Greatgod 2012, Nashville and some others that I can't remember their moniker. I confronted him and for the first timeeee, he apologised. But it seems he can't just stop chatting with them. He can't just stop!
He won't allow me to go with my kids, I can't be giving details here because I don't know who is who. I won't if he sees this thread so that he can know what I am going through. I've begged him to marry any of these girls so that I can have peace but he refused. I've asked him what he is still looking for no comments. Yet, he tells me he loves me . (I no swallow that one oo)

Ujujoan:
I dont think you want a solution. You want to be pitied and handed tissues. Well, cry me a river!

So so annoying

Jesus Christtttt!
I am very sorry ma if I am annoying you. Pls accept my apology. Whaat will sympathy do to me? Pls I am just pouring my mind out. Once again I am very sorry madam

babyosisi:
Many many years ago I heard someone say you teach people how to treat you and I believe that wholeheartedly.
The greatest is love,right?
Now what does the Bible say about love?
It says love your neighbor as you love yourself
This means the love for yourself is already a settled matter so you are being enjoined to love your neighbor
Jesus in that teaching was telling us to love our neighbors in the same manner that we love ourselves
How can you then show love if you don't love yourself?
There has to be a line no one can cross with you and that is in loving yourself
That should be a no go area
Come rain or shine you should fight every and anything that wants you to see yourself as less than
You are not less than anyone out there

I am dark skinned too,my headless picture is in my profile
Being dark skinned is not your issue
The issue is that someone else has devalued you in his eyes and you have allowed it to define you and now you detest who you are and think that making yourself like someone else will make you acceptable.
I am glad you are on this thread,perhaps the whole thread was meant for you.

You should not give anyone the right to make you see you as a nobody
Read that efe's post especially and some others written here,over and over and over again
Let it sink deep within your soul
You are a beautiful woman
never ever let anyone convince you otherwise

Thanks so much God bless. Getting relieved of my chest pain gradually. Couldn't sleep yesterday night, that was when I stumbled upon ur thread.
God bless you all

Hotstepper:
Please, don't you have parents or relatives? And why won't u allow u to take ur children ? Is he home 24/7? Plan your escape and run until matter is settled nd he's a changed person

My parents are late. My siblings are still struggling to survive. Hmmmmmm

Honestly, life is so cruel to people like me. If not for these lovely kids I would have speak to m legs. But I can't Leave them and he won't allow me to go with them. Atimes when I am crying, my daughter will be wiping my tears with her hand telling sorry

moca:
Efe,u made me go tru her post history.

@shiningmama,it is well.
We feel ur pain and agony.
Go tru Efe's post very well.
Ur self esteem is totally crushed.

Remember this:
Ur world revolves not around ur hubby. He does not hold the key to ur happiness. Nobody does except u. Even ur children.
If u want to be happy again,take d bull by the horn and do the right thing. U have been boxed into a corner so much u now accept anything.
At least I'm happy no kpekus,which means u still value ur life.
Forget people,they will talk and shun u out but pls run for ur dear life.
U have made the mistake and won't continue to pay till u die.
Is this d life u wished to live?
Some have stumbled and fall yet they will get up,dust their body and keep on moviing.
One day,they will be remembered.

Unless u fight,u can never be a winner.
And like Efe said, look urself always in d mirror and proclaim d best for u. U r special and no human being have d right to make u feel less.
U will be alright dear.

Thanks so much.
Haaaa no kpeku oooo, when I heard it from someone I reported him to, he told h er that he has gf, she asked him if he uses condom and he saoid he doesn't like using it that obce the lady accepted to date him, they will both go for hiv test. Since then, I asked myself how am I sure the lady will be dating only him.
No urge ooo. My children are very very young. Not up to )rs

EfemenaXY:
Shiningmama.

Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I had a read through of the thread you created a little over a year ago concerning your marital issues. You've got some heavy stuff going on at the moment and I do understand that you don't want to walk out on your marriage - I get that, but at the same time, I'll be honest with you and advice you like my own sister.

First and foremost, does your husband still raise his hands against you? You mentioned that two weeks after you'd given birth, he beat you. If he does, then whether you like it or not, I'll advice you to pack your bags this very minute, take your kids with you, and go to your parents'. Domestic violence is an absolute no-no and I don't care what reasons he may have had (or still has?) to raise his fists against you. I also do not care that your sister's been in her marriage for 20+ years and tells you that she's seen 13 O'clock in her marriage. That's her cup of tea and just because it works for her, doesn't mean you have to put up with the same thing. It's not only harmful, but downright dangerous when people tell you to grin and bear certain no-go areas all for the sake of marriage. Domestic violence is not something you trifle with or take lightly and it's just a matter of time before he loses it again and may just hit you on a wrong spot. I know your circumstances are difficult but you need to find the inner strength within you to get up and take you and your kids out of that violent environment to a place of safety.

If not for yourself, you owe it to the kids you brought into this world to stay alive for them, guide them and bring them up. Every child deserves to have their mother. And this is why I'm rooting for you to go straight to your parents and let them know that you fear for your life. If your mother is of the school of thought that a good wife is one who stays put no matter what, then please, appeal to your father. I'm yet to hear of a father who'll turn a blind eye to his daughter's suffering. There is always (or more often than not) a special father-daughter bond. So special that a father would do everything within his power to shield and protect his girl child from any harm. Bottom line here is, you mustn't keep something like this to yourself. It'll eat away at you gradually until there'll be nothing left. You need support right now and your family should be able to give it to you.

Now, if that occurrence was a one-off then my advice to you is to start loving and appreciating yourself, and I want you to start that process today. Go into the bathroom, lock the door behind you, and take a good, hard look at yourself. Look your reflection in the eye and say to yourself, I, Shingingmama am special. Say this over and over and over again till you start to believe it. I can see that right now, your self-confidence and esteem is at an all time low. But you know what? When we as humans hit rock bottom, the only way forward is up. Make this statement your daily prayer / focus. Say it first thing in the morning, and last thing at night before you go to bed. What I'm trying to do here is get you to build up your self-confidence, which right now, is badly bruised.

Next, you really need to make concerted efforts to get yourself busy. Get your mind actively engaged by either looking for work, or making plans to start a business of your own, no matter how petty. Right now, you are completely dependent on your husband for money and this is one of the reasons he looks down on you the way he does. Yes, we all know it's wrong of him to do that but let's face it. It is what it is and I'm suspecting his attitude which you say changed in 2012 was probably when you lost your job? Sad as it is, some men are just like that. You become nothing better than what they scrape off the bottom of their shoes when you aren't working or bringing in money to the home front. They draw away from you and become downright nasty, finding fault in everything you do. Then the wife at the receiving end usually turns to food for comfort, eats more and more, gains weight and her husband finds her even less appealing then ever. But rather than face up to his contributions to the problem will choose instead to run after every skirt available to him (hence your husband's wild partying, keeping in touch with his exes, and endless chats with numerous women). He even admitted to you that he was in a relationship with one of these ladies for about a year after you'd given birth to your second child, didn't he? Again, you obviously must have put on weight (no fault of yours) but he certainly didn't find you attractive, hence him starting an affair outside.

Shiningmama, I know this is a hard read for you especially if I'm hitting the nail squarely on the head but I'm pushing you forward. Your kids are probably under six years of age (still very young) and if getting an office job with your university qualifications is out of the question, then focus on starting a business of your own. You did say that you've got some skills / talents? Good.

~ If you can cook / bake, then think of starting your own cake making or food business from home. That way you can still keep an eye on your kids. If they're already in nursery, even better for you.

~ If you can sew, then again start thinking of running your own tailoring business from home. Find out how much it would cost you to hire a sewing maching, and do your research on the market. In the meantime, strengthen your hand by sewing your kids' clothes and if you're really good, consider getting a small contract to sew school uniforms for any of your local / private nursery, primary, or secondary schools. Get someone to introduce you to the schools' headmaster / headmistress and see what they can do for you.

~ If you're into hair dressing then again do your research and follow the advice up here ^^.

~ Or are you interested in organizing events? Or running your own creche for little kids?

See, the list is endless, but you must start something of your own. If the reason for your husband's change in attitude towards you was because you lost your job / your company folded up, then when he sees you're on your way to finding your own two feet again, he will come back to you.

I also want to advice you to take care of yourself. Go online and look up YouTube videos for simple exercises you can do to keep yourself in shape. Now mind you, you aren't doing this for him, but for yourself. I mean it. Exercising is a very good way to relieve stress. It also helps lower your BP, and gives you a right boost to your self-confidence, because as you start to see the outward changes to your body, you'll feel so much better, more self-assured in your abilities. But please, don't over do it or go on a crash diet. Start nice and slow and keep it up, whether hubby comes back to you or not. Remember, you're doing this for yourself. Also, if you can, try and get a goodnight's sleep. Aim to get your household chores done on time, feed, bathe, and put your kids to bed on time. If oga's not in, still make his food and cover it, so when he gets home he can eat (and hopefully, won't have to disturb you from your sleep). If he is in, then still do as adviced and then go to bed. If he wants to ping / text / chat the night away OMGing and LOLing at his whores, turn your back on him and sleep. Act like you don't care. And you really shouldn't. Fill your mind with thoughts of what you plan to do with your time the next day. Make mental notes on what you must do to get your business up and running, who you need to contact, how you need to source funds, and so on. Just ignore him and leave him to his devices. He go tire.

Now, as to his infidelity. This really is painful but like we mentioned a few pages ago, you really can't change a person unless they want to change. You can shout at him, yell, quarrel, keep tabs on his movements and mistresses but if he's dead set on his ways and sees no need to change, then you are fighting against a brick wall. Right now, you aren't earning so you're totally dependent on him and this gives him the power and control which he's disrespectfully wielding against you. If you were working, I would have advocated for a temporary separation from him, so you can clear your mind and give yourself some breathing space. You've not been intimate with him since the birth of your last child, for fear of contacting deadly STDs. Fair enough. But at the same time, always protect yourself incase the inevitable happens. Buy a pack of condoms and store away in one of his drawers / cupboards.

I don't know how common marriage councellors are in Lagos and their availability / affordability. You both seriously need professional help to pinpoint where things went so horribly wrong, but it's a joint effort. If he's not interested in making his marriage work, then you'll be back to square one of trying to steer that ship on your own.

However, come what may, whether he changes for the better or not, you must start earning money. The longer you leave it, the harder it'll get and the more depressed you'll be. I also want you to cleanse your mind of all suicidal thoughts. Right now. No one has the power to determine your happiness unless you let them. Life is beautiful. Shiningmama, grab it with both hand and LIVE!

I can't stop crying after gooing through your post. I had to give myself time to reply so that I could see what I will be typing, even at that I can't see properly pls pardon my comment.
When I saw your comment in the morning, my mind tells me you have the drugs to my "sickness" fortunately, you didn't disappoint me. God blss you real good.
My self esteem is very very low to the point I look at the pix of some of these ladies and noticed that they are very fair in complexion and I am dark. I decided to buy cream to start bleaching my skin maybe it will work. As it is, I won't use it . My weight is ok because my stature is almost the same with two of these ladies which I have concrete proof that he is dating. I even saw one life and direct because she attended my son's naming. She is older than me which is very obvious. Just that she is very fair. We even took pictures together . Pls pardon my comment oo I can't see what I am tyyong oo

It is only is keeping and chatting with female friend that do cause katakata. I have proofs but I won't want to disclosed it online because I don't know how is who. I am not accusing him wrongly. I confronted him one time and he confessed that he just dated her when I just gave birth then, I kept the rest to mysef because I don't want wahala

bukatyne:
Was he like This pre marriage?

He was not like this during courtship. But I later realised through one of the people I reported him to that he was like that. He confided he her that he stopped when he met me. But his friends didn't allow him to rest he had to go back to them

moca:
Even though they r small,they know.unless they have not started talking.
The question is,will u continue like that till when?
Have u looked for external intervention?

Peeping tru his phone always will only give u heart attack.
If u feel u two are emotionally disconnected and he don't want to reason with u even after external intervention,honey,i will tell u the truth,u have to face reality.

I"ve done that so many times. His male friends that I know are just few, no point in telling them becos they are almost the same. I told his relatives, one of his Uncles told me that I should even be happy he never brought any of them home. Though he had discussion with hubby o. No changes

Hmmmmmmmmmm!
I no get advise to give you ooo, because we dey face similar wahala.

moca:
@shining mama, I feel u.
But the children u r desperately trying to secure will be at d receiving end emotionally and psychologically.
Nothing breaks a child like knowing that his parents r not in love as they envisaged.

Depending on what each parent feeds the child,they may end up being anti.

They are still very young now, don't understand what is going on.
The only problem we have is that I can't just take the way he chat with all these people. I have tried to pretend but it doesn't work for me. He doesn't know that I saved some of the ladies phone no on my phone. Once he cones back from work, he will start and they won't stop till late in the night.

babyosisi:
Wow
This is sad
Looks to me like the love and passion is gone from the marriage and you are now just two people living in a house
That must not be fun
It is normal to have disagreements and days where the atmosphere is not loving but checking out emotionally from the marriage is an extreme no marriage should get to.
Before I answer specifically please tell me
How long have you been married?
Are you working?
At what point in the marriage did this begin or has he always been a womanizer even while you were dating?

Been married for 6yrs. I was working before but the company closed down. While looking for another job I learnt a skill which is not bring in much. He changed completely in 2012 w

EfemenaXY:
Shiningmama, I've just had a read through of the thread you created a little over a year ago regarding your marital issues, and I think it's safe to say at this point that your problems in that union run far deeper than what you've presented here.

I will log on properly and address these in more detail later today, but first of all, I'd like to know if you're still based at Lagos / Naija, and, if you've now got a job / independent source of income (work)?

Thanks a lot, I will be waiting. I am based in lagos but no steady income yet.

How do I handle this.
My husband is always chatting with his female friends.some are single mothers while some he one time or the other. I've complained but hw can't just change. Most times, when I move closer to him while he is chatting. He will close the page and prevent to be reading his mails. There was one I noticed he usually chat with often from morning till late in the night.
I asked him and he confessed that he dated her when I just gave birth one time, that they just dated for a year.
Up till now they still chat everyday till late in the night. Though the lady has a daughter now for a married man in US. The other single mother even came for my daughter's naming ceremony and he introduced her to his Mum as his former classmate in school though they met on facebook and attended different schools.
Pls I need your suggestions pls. Divorce is out of it pls because he won't allow me to go with my childrenand I can't leave them behind either. Also, sex is out of the marriage because since I had my last baby and I am HIV free, I've stopped having sex with him so that I won't get infected. I am ok with that because I even hate men now. But still, I am not happy.

Hmmmm! Knowing the kind of man I married, no no for me.

kekakuz: if my sister comes over and cook vegetable soup. the whole house from the gate knows something is going on .I tried the same today .guyz nothing o. the thing no scent.as if am cooking stone.

I think there is something wrong with your nose. Try to see a doctor first to examine your nose. Permit me to ask, if you fart nko, do pple perceive the smell?
After that you can visit ur pastor orImam. I can't understand dis kind of situation. So if you cook beans no one will smell it. Na wa oo

Please can someone help me pls.

Andyblaze: we are used to abroad way of life.
She weighs 42kg

Funny man

Thanks all for your comments. I have informed his family. They told me they can understand what I am passing through that they are praying too. The fact is they can't confront him. When I told one of my sisters, she said I should just forget about that though she has been married for 20 yrs now. For the past 5 months now we've not been having s-x which I even prefer that way becos he won't want to use cd. His family told me his cousin is the problem which I knew myself, he has great influence on him because they've been together since childhood.

Fabulousuzo: some women are realy suffering. One thing i'm very sure of, is that, he'll regret his actions. Pls remove that thought of dying. When u guys were dating, was he acting like this?

He was not like this. Though he has female friends which I know must of them. Besides, he was so open then. Even when he and he friends went to parties and some will take along their gf. He will still come back and gist me.

Thanks all for your beautiful advise, God bless you all. To jeffizy, that is even my greatest fear now, we've both treated stap so many times that it even disturbed my getting pregant for 3 years. I have talked to him severally, at d end of the day he will tell me he may even decide not to come home. That some guys can even abandone their homes because of issues like this. Even two weeks after I gave birth he beat me up because I read his text in which he planned to attend a party with his cousin and ex girlfriend. I felt bad and I told him to just protect himself, that was how he started beating me. I have prayed and fasted so many times. I explained all I was going through to an elderly family member all he said that my hubby"s own was small that his father is worst. Though he told me to still be prayinh and have patience. I am tired and very sick. I missed my bus stop so many times because of thinking. I wish death can come but I am afraid my daughter will suffer.