Son: Dad, what do I give mygirlfriend as a Christmas gift?Dad : How does she look?Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in completion.Dad : Give her my number.#Copied# wat we you do if you are d one

Kwara state polytechnic post utme form is out, and the price is #3500 and the form we close on 20th of this month for more enquires call 07062818206

• U dey carry ur girlfriend go
club, after u marry her finish u
want stop her frm goin to club.
My broda u think say miracle fit
happen?
• Ur gafrnd dumps u for a rich
man u say she b gold digger, bt
ur
sister do d same to anoda guy,
u giv testimony for Church
saying
na grace of God. Bros park
well
• Your babe get F9 parallel for
WAEC, she still dey ask for
Brazilian Hair of #150.000 .
Abeg Were she wan fix am?,
ontop that coconut head?
• U have 8 tribal marks, stretch
marks scattered all ova ur body
yet u still want a tattoo...ah! my
friend u be zebra?
• U are 6 feet tall, u still com wear 6 inches high
heeled
shoe...shey u wan whisper to
God?
• U dey snap inside different
type of cars yet u expect ur
man to believe u are not
cheating.
.aunty, u be
mechanic?
• U gather different gals picture
for ur fone & yet u xpect ur gal
to believe u are not cheatin..
uncle, u be photographer?
• He gave u an engagement
ring for over five years, he
never
marry u, my dear u be lord of d
rings?
•you dey pay your babe wey dey
university school fees and yet u
never write JAMB,u be
scholarship
board?
•U are 18yrs and ur sugar
daddy is
70yrs old and u stil dey call him
BABY, my sister he should be ur
ANCESTOR.
•Your babe is licking ice
cream...u're drinking pure
water...pls guy Are u diabetic?
•U claim say u eat rice and
stew,
but u come vomit fufu and
egwusi
[b]
• U dey carry ur girlfriend go
club, after u marry her finish u
want stop her frm goin to club.
My broda u think say miracle fit
happen?
• Ur gafrnd dumps u for a rich
man u say she b gold digger, bt
ur
sister do d same to anoda guy,
u giv testimony for Church
saying
na grace of God. Bros park
well
• Your babe get F9 parallel for
WAEC, she still dey ask for
Brazilian Hair of #150.000 .
Abeg Were she wan fix am?,
ontop that coconut head?
• U have 8 tribal marks, stretch
marks scattered all ova ur body
yet u still want a tattoo...ah! my
friend u be zebra?
• U are 6 feet tall, u still com wear 6 inches high
heeled
shoe...shey u wan whisper to
God?
• U dey snap inside different
type of cars yet u expect ur
man to believe u are not
cheating.
.aunty, u be
mechanic?
• U gather different gals picture
for ur fone & yet u xpect ur gal
to believe u are not cheatin..
uncle, u be photographer?
• He gave u an engagement
ring for over five years, he
never
marry u, my dear u be lord of d
rings?
•you dey pay your babe wey dey
university school fees and yet u
never write JAMB,u be
scholarship
board?
•U are 18yrs and ur sugar
daddy is
70yrs old and u stil dey call him
BABY, my sister he should be ur
ANCESTOR.
•Your babe is licking ice
cream...u're drinking pure
water...pls guy Are u diabetic?
•U claim say u eat rice and
stew,
but u come vomit fufu and
egwusi
[/b]
• U dey carry ur girlfriend go
club, after u marry her finish u
want stop her frm goin to club.
My broda u think say miracle fit
happen?
• Ur gafrnd dumps u for a rich
man u say she b gold digger, bt
ur
sister do d same to anoda guy,
u giv testimony for Church
saying
na grace of God. Bros park
well
• Your babe get F9 parallel for
WAEC, she still dey ask for
Brazilian Hair of #150.000 .
Abeg Were she wan fix am?,
ontop that coconut head?
• U have 8 tribal marks, stretch
marks scattered all ova ur body
yet u still want a tattoo...ah! my
friend u be zebra?
• U are 6 feet tall, u still com wear 6 inches high
heeled
shoe...shey u wan whisper to
God?
• U dey snap inside different
type of cars yet u expect ur
man to believe u are not
cheating.
.aunty, u be
mechanic?
• U gather different gals picture
for ur fone & yet u xpect ur gal
to believe u are not cheatin..
uncle, u be photographer?
• He gave u an engagement
ring for over five years, he
never
marry u, my dear u be lord of d
rings?
•you dey pay your babe wey dey
university school fees and yet u
never write JAMB,u be
scholarship
board?
•U are 18yrs and ur sugar
daddy is
70yrs old and u stil dey call him
BABY, my sister he should be ur
ANCESTOR.
•Your babe is licking ice
cream...u're drinking pure
water...pls guy Are u diabetic?
•U claim say u eat rice and
stew,
but u come vomit fufu and
egwusi

There are certain thing which boys should know when they making love with girls.
A boy should know that friendship and lover do not allow his certain rights. Boys should know that some girls like to befriend them in order to commit sin with them, impregnate them and push them fools. Do not befriend those girls who like to make friends with boys in a sinful way.
Fear them for they are devils who are seeking for innocent boys to deceive them, you must follow your friend with experience in order to know that your girlfriend is not your wife; therefore be careful and know yourself , I have told you this and if you fail to take this advice you may one day regret it.
Boys, whenever you are in love with girls, they should be very careful do not spend more than that you can earn for your girl-friend ,do not be proud for girls, do not promise her marriage when you know that you are not going to marry her.

A marriage man was traveling in an aircraft and he was wearing is wedding ring on a rung finger and one boy point is attention say sir you have your wedding ring on a rung finger, and the man said don't worry is because i marry a rung woman....it is because he marry a rung woman or because he did not prepare for marriage?

[b]ADMISSION TO UNIVERSITY OF ILORIN

There are two conditions of entry into the University:
1. Admission by Entrance Examination – University Matriculation examination (U.M.E).
The Entrance Examination is conducted by Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board (JAMB). In addition to obtaining the required standard in the JAMB Entrance Examination, a candidate must satisfy the general University as well as the specific Faculty requirements.
As a general requirement, candidates must obtain at least five (5) credit pass in the relevant subjects at GCE O’ Level or approved equivalent at not more than two sittings. These must include English Language.
2. Admission by Direct Entry

i. A candidate must possess one of the following qualifications:
Two passes at Advanced Level with GCE O’ Level at credit passes in three other subjects at not more than two sittings.
Three passes at the Advanced Level with GCE. O’ Level approved equivalent credit passes in two other subjects at not more than two sittings; (Passes at the Advanced Level may be obtained at the G.C.E. A’ Level, HSC or IJMB).
Passes in two recognized NCE subjects with G.C.E. O’ Level credits passes in three other subjects. Education is accepted as a third Level subject for those taking courses in Education.

ii. Candidates who successfully pass the final examination of the following Institutions shall also be considered eligible for admission.
The International Baccalaureate obtained from accredited Institution with relevant grading.
National Diploma from Polytechnics or Colleges of Technology (only applicable to some Faculties)
The Nigerian Military Defence Academy Certificate as moderated by the University of Ibadan.

iii. B.Ed. (Sandwich/Part-Time)
Students are expected to combine Education with any of the following subjects: Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, English Language, French, Arabic, English, Social Studies. The following subjects are accepted for Social Studies: Economics, Geography, History, Political Science, Religions studies and Management Studies.

vi. Remedial Programme (RECAST)
An applicant must pass the SSCE/GCE O’ Level in English Language, Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics and Physics, at Credit level passes in at least three (3) subjects at not more than two (2) sittings.
Faculty of Agriculture will accept credit pass in Agricultural Science in lieu of credit pass in Biology.
Faculty of Engineering and Technology requires credit in Chemistry, Mathematics and Physics.
Faculty of Health Sciences will admit only a few of the successful candidates of the Remedial Students of the Faculty of Science at the end of the programme.

Eligibility
The programme is open only to candidates from the catchment area of University of Ilorin.
Candidates must possess at least one of the following qualifications:
WASC/SSCE/GCE O/Level with at least three credits, one of which must be in a Science subject obtained at not more than two sittings. Where the credits are not in Mathematics and/or Physics, a Pass grade P7 or P8 must be obtained in these two Science subjects.
Teachers’ Grade II Certificate with credits in a1 least three teaching subjects including Mathematics. Where the credits are not in Physics or Genera Science, Merit must be obtained in wither of these.
For (1) (2) (3) courses, candidates who satisfy the minimum entry requirements will be admitted on the basis of their performance in the entrance examination.
General academic information:
The University conducts a three year academic programme for students who are admitted through direct entry and four year courses for those who are admitted through JAMB. The remedial is a pre-degree programme for candidates seeking admission into the degree pogramme of the University.
The duration of a degree programme in the Faculties of Agriculture and Engineering/Technology and Law are five (5) years while in the Health Sciences are 5 to 6 years duration respectively.
University Matriculation Examination (U.M.E) is a general requirement for non-direct entry students.
A credit pass in English Language of the IJMB is acceptable as equivalent to SSCE/G.C.E. (O’ Level) for admission purposes.
Registration of new Students
To register for courses, new students are required to
Proceed to the Admission Officer or his representatives in the appropriate venue for due clearance and obtain clearance Form.
Proceed to your Faculty/Department and obtain clearance respectively;. Obtain and fill the student’s Statistical Information Form and Registration Kit from the Records Officer (Academic Office) or his/her representatives at the venue.
Consult Department; adviser for guidance and counseling ion the selection of courses before completing Course Registration Form with biro; and obtain his/her signature.
Complete the fees form (MIS 04) by paying prescribed fees at the Bursary Department and enclose the evidence for payment (Photocopy) as part of the required registration materials to be submitted to the Faculty Officer;
Return a copy of the duly completed MIS or Statistical Form MIS 01 to the representative of Academic Office at the venue;. Submit all the completed Registration Forms to your Faculty Officer for his/her signature and that of your Dean or his representative.
All new students are expected to undergo medical examination at the Health Services Unit. The prescribed medical examination form should be completed and returned to the Faculty officer.
Please note that your course registration is not valid until you are duly registered in the Health Services Unit.
Returning Students:
Obtain Course Registration Forms from your Faculty Office.
Consult with the appropriate Heads of Department for guidance in selecting courses.
After the selection of courses complete the forms appropriately and obtain the signature of your Departmental Adviser.
Finally, submit your registration form to your Faculty Office for his/her signature and that of your Dean or his representative.
Ask your Faculty Officer for your copy of the registration form.
Note:
All fresh Students are to pay all prescribed fees to the Bank, and obtain receipt from Bursary Department during the Orientation week. Only students who have dully paid their fees would be registered.
Late Registration will incur penalty fees as determined from time to time by the University.

nice post,marriage u dont prepare for wll surely confuse u when u get there

Football vs Sex.

1. Going to your bf/gf house without being invited = OFFSIDE

2. Dating a girl today and having sex on the same day = FREE-KICK

3. Condom = GOALKEEPER

4. Condom breaks = PENALTY

5. Abortion = RED CARD

6. A girl with lots of energy = CAPTAIN

7. Having sex without a condom = OWN -GOAL

8. Taking a lot of time without cumin = MAN OF THE MATCH.

9.Banging 3 girls in a day= HAT-TRICK.

10. Having many chicks and banging all = MVP(Most valuable Player)

11. Having sex with your ex = FRIENDLY MATCH

12. 8 years of sex without getting a child = ARSENAL

13. After 2 rounds, u request for more =EXTRA TIME.

14. Taking it gently when having sex = FAIRPLAY

15. Biting her nipples/his Dick :sUAREZ

16.Two legs on shoulder =THROWING.*nerd *

17. Asking her 'how do you want it' =taking instructions on d sideline.

18. A lady using pills after sex and later still got pregnant = DEFENSIVE ERROR

19.Girl being pregnant= Goooooooooaaaaallll