₦airaland Forum

Edwinmason:
all these just to be a nigerian girlfriend...nice write up

not just any Nigerian girlfriend dear, the girlfriend that will get proposed to.

coolesmile:
What about a typical American girlfriend? Don't American or British girls do all of the above too?

Well I'm posting in a forum where over 90% of the readers are Nigerian.

The typical girlfriend is and will always be the best. A mixture of good and bad. The one who is everything, being both the sister, the best friend and the girlfriend. And above all, she also becomes the wife, because trust her, she will get the ring. She won't even have to ask for it, it will come chasing her. If you are a girlfriend, then of course you want to get married someday, so if you must get the ring, then first, you must be the good bad girl. Not the bad bad girl, not the typical street girl, not the real church girl, but the good bad girl,the typical girlfriend.

Now, How To Be A Typical Girlfriend

1. Get Jealous. And show that you are jealous. Jealousy is an evidence of love. Not the crazy psycho "you stared at that girl for more than 2 seconds so I will burn all your certificates" kind of jealous, being jealous shouldn't make you do stupid things. But if you are jealous, you should be able to show it in a healthy and cute way. Like pouting or asking for ice cream or just coming out straight and telling him you are jealous.

2. Share his personal stuff with him - don't be scared to do this. His t-shirts are now yours too, so are his sneaks, boxers, expensive wristwatches and perfumes. If he has a car, life just got sweeter. But learn to respect his stuffs too, don't end up scratching the car, don't slim fit the tops, clean the shoes after using them and don't take the wristwatch and keep it at your place for eternity. When I first met babe, there was this pendant of his I really liked, I begged him seriously for it and he finally lent it to me. You could imagine his dismay and the horror he felt when he found out I was using his original gold neck chain pendant as a pendant in my house key holder.

3. Ask for money - but only when you need it. Your boyfriend is not your personal automated teller machine. If he spends on you, it should be his own idea (a real man that loves a lady will always be willing to spend on her) and not because you've been dropping hints to prompt him or out rightly been asking or even complaining about how he never spends. You shouldn't ask for money for your hair, clothes, snacks or whatever. Even wives don't do that to their husbands. The only time you ask for cash, is when you are really in a rut and you need the help. Borrowing is allowed though, but make sure to pay back, there's no excuse not to. If he refuses to take back the money, use it to prepare a nice dinner or get him a gift or something.

4. Be a slut - but only for your man. The days of wearing tight jeans and mini skirts to attract guys are over. If you must show your slutty side (remember you are a bad girl), then do it indoors and indoors only. Walk around the house with shorts and see through tops wearing nothing under. Seduction is allowed, but you should be seducing only your man.

5. Be a talkative - but only inside the house too. A typical girlfriend is her boyfriend's personal news directive, both wanted and unwanted news. Tell him everything, the latest in showbiz, a bit of politics, something in football (even though he knows it more than you do), the latest episode in your favorite Z world series (he will most likely start buzzing out your voice as from this point, while pretending to be listening). Tell him everything whether he agrees to listen or not, just keep talking. It's the fastest way to get the ring because whenever you are not around, he will miss your talking, especially when he is getting extremely bored to death.

6. Mark your territory! Don't go pissing around his house in the name of marking territory, or putting a "no females allowed inside" sign on his front door - that's just being psycho. Instead, subtly leave your stuffs at his place, things that will give people the correct impression that there's a lady in his life. Leave your favorite magazines on his sitting room table or shelf, change his kitchen to your tastes and always make sure there is cooked food at his place, keep a bit of your skin care stuff, pack of sanitary pads or makeup in his bathroom where others will see it. Gift him a bottle of your body spray, make him have a passport photograph of you in his wallet and go a step further, keep a small framed picture of you in his sitting room.

7. Be dominant - but not a pushover. You need 2 hours for your makeup, he's got to wait. He should be back in the house before 10pm and that's final. If you don't like him binging on alcohol, he shouldn't. If you don't want him sagging, he shouldn't. He should learn to pick up after himself, you are not his maid, so don't hesitate to let him know that. You don't want girls calling and texting him time after time, they should tell you their problems, they should go disturb Jesus Christ instead, he's single. Demand respect and a performance of responsibilities. Turn on your hard side and make him man up to the relationship.

8. Be submissive - but it doesn't mean you should let yourself be taken for granted. A man is the head of the home. He is the leader. He is responsible for the overall welfare and is accountible for the home. Remember, uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Respect him. A typical girlfriend is respectful. Don't let feminism get into your head, cook, clean and wash. You are not just his girlfriend, you are his best friend and soul mate too, and that requires a level of submissivenes. Be ready to cover for his flaws, to stand with him through thick and thin. You should never make him feel less. My Papa has been without a job for almost two years now and Mama has been the one keeping the house financially, but never one day have I heard or seen her raise her shoulders or fail to give Papa his due respect. That is submissive nest. Be his confidant, guys need to be pampered, listened to and aided too. So don't always argue with his decisions, you should let him do his job, let him lead. There cannot be two captains in one ship.

9. Own yourself - please have your own source of income and livelihood. Get an education. Plan your life in accordance with his. A typical girlfriend plans her life. Don't sit around waiting for him to call the shots on your life all the time, be independent. Be an asset, not a liability. Don't turn yourself into his sex slave in order to please him, you don't have to settle for everything he dishes your way. If you don't like it, speak up and stand your ground. Own yourself.

10. Know his family - until he personally takes you to the home he grew in and introduces you to his family, my dear, your relationship is still child's play. The typical girlfriend is the girlfriend everybody knows and accepts, family, friends and nemesis alike. So no matter the love poems he recites for you and the diamond jewelry he spoils you with, my dear, make him take you to his family and officially acknowledge your relationship before them. This should happen within the third to sixth month in your relationship.

#copied from meetmitchellblog

I’ve gotten so many responses to when I say we are all females in my house

“you don’t mean it!”

“God forbid!”

“your poor Dad, has he considered getting a male child outside?”

There was this time in church, a guest speaker called my parents out to pray for them and conduct a special deliverance so my mum would get pregnant with a male child. Societal prejudice towards being a girl, I’d like to think I’ve seen it all. It’s just one of the realities of growing up in a house of only girls – people seem to think it’s more of a curse, never a blessing. And when they try to be nice, it’s always in the thankgoodnessitsnotme kind of way.

But I love my sisters, they more than make up for everything traditional society thinks. It’s funny that people actually look at us and automatically conclude since we are all girls, then our house must be this ladylike haven full of pink soft and fancy things that are always clean, organized and have the best of fragrances (for the record, none of us are crazy about pink, we like it, but it doesn’t mean we go gushy over it – ignore the theme color of this blog). Well the real deal of growing up in a house of only girls?

1. It’s Always noisy – We mostly keep to our room and inside, it’s a chatterbox. Papa used to complain and complain and complain until he just resigned to making the whole room noise proof. Between the arguments and gossiping and all, I don’t know how or why people actually think we would be quiet and reading our bibles or learning at our mama’s feet on how to be proper wives, but we actually spend majority of our time in front of the tv or talking random things and making a hell of a noise. We make noise even when we are busy with our phones chatting or studying our books. Even doing chores is an opportunity for being noisy. Our parents always tell us of how they can’t wait to kick us all out of the house so they’ll actually get some quality time peace and quietness.

2. It’s Always Scattered – we live in a big small house where we the kids have our own sitting room, bedroom and bathroom. And there’s one thing to define it ‘SCATTERED’. It’s not like we don’t put in effort to keep it clean and neat, but we play too much. One person is searching for her skirt and the next thing we know, everywhere has been turned upside down like a tornado just ran through the house. It’s way less scattered now that we are all no longer kids, with me out of the house, and Gee working and Sam having just a year to go in secondary school. It’s considerably way less noisier now too.

3. We Are Chronic Collectors – and we have our collections spread around everywhere in the house. I collect beads, tickets of every kind and pens. Gee collects attachments and movie cds, Sam collects every thing fancy, colorful, pretty, technical and mechanical. Since our rooms can no longer hold our precious collections, we’ve resorted to making space for them in other parts of the house. Girls are supposed to be neat and organized creatures right? And if you have three in one house, then you should be a really lucky guy right? Lmao. I still don’t understand why we keep hoarding all those useless stuff, it’s quite unnecessary but I’ll never part with my ticket collection.

4. There is soooo much clothes – Mama would storm our room and pack out all our clothes leaving only 5 items for each person but by the next week, we’d have our wardrobes and cabinets seriously overflowing with clothes again. To say we love shopping is more than a mild understatement. What we always seemed to lack was shoes, we don’t do heels so much, we all like sneaks.

5. And be careful not to drink just anything from our refrigerator, you never know when you’ll gulp down a full jar of face or hair treatment. One of my favorite things to do with my sisters, was comparing and exchanging skin care routines. At a time, Babe even joined in on this. Sugar, honey, lemon, baking soda, pear, different face creams, you name it, we had it all, me being the underground supplier since I am the oldest and could get out of the house more. Another thing we delved on was makeup, but that was top secret because Papa forbade it.

6. The Talk About Boys never ceases. Oh no, we talk about boys that we like, we vaguely had interest in guys. We talked about boys we disliked, the annoying ugly dumb poor ones that pick on us. We would make plans on the safest and most effective ways to lure then gang beat them, we are our own gang. We would pick a boy then dissect his character and personality in the harshest criticism exercise ever. But if one of us liked you, then you are saved. When I got old enough and had my first boyfriend, my sisters were there to screen him and give honest opinions. Now that I’m with Babe, they’ve turned him into their big brother for constant supply of airtime and subscription. We don’t keep boy secrets from each other, we are each other’s diaries for stuffs we won’t dare to tell Mama and Papa.

7. We Educate Each Other- from the best way to handle chores, to boys to periods, my sisters and I have always dealt with it all together. We make rules within ourselves and stick to them, no parents allowed. We pass tips on everything from the best university to study in to the worst thing to wear on a date to how many kids it’s safe to have and what their names will be.

8. It Gets Really Competitive –like, really competitive. Everything is a competition. Who is prettiest, who is smartest, who is loved most by our parents, who has the fullest and longest hair, who has the hottest boyfriend, who has the richest boyfriend, who has the most clothes, whose wedding will be the best? I even told Babe that I don’t care how rich he is, I just don’t want my sister’s spouses to be richer than mine, even if it’s just a difference of one naira. It’s not like I don’t wish them well, if not anything, I want my sisters to have the best of the bests in life, but I still want to be leading, it’s no hard feelings baby.

People say a lot of things about families with only daughters, the society I’m born in prefers male children, but I don’t mind. My sisters are the greatest blessings life has ever given to me. They say growing up with boys make you stronger, but growing up with girls… make you the strongest. We may not be conventional ladies, but amidst all the drama and fights and hilarious moments of growing up together, I know Mama raised three worthy kings.

#copied

NLchikeeto:
.

booking space or what?

rebirthforgoody:
I object to number 4 because if you keep begging even if is not your fault she will keep misbehaving .other points are good to go with me.thanks dear.

I see your point.

expensive2:
made FTC for d first tym....dedicated to my sweetheart.....




nice piece......100% right.....we have these things too and dey have been working for us

omg. People celebrate being first to comment? Lmao. Thanks for the positive comment though.

I had to take some time for myself before starting on this post so I don't end up sounding all angry and bitter.

Babe and I just had one of the 'big' fights. Thinking about it, it shouldn't even be a big deal - the reason for the fight itself is lame but I ended up walking out of his place nonetheless, seething with hurt and anger.

Anyways, this is just a scenario of how ugly our fights can be and believe me, when it comes to fights and arguments, we have them in surplus, it can get pretty overwhelming too sometimes. Anybody in a committed relationship (please raise your hands to identify yourselves) would understand first hand what I'm talking about. So I'd like to give a few of my personal tips in handling the fights, both big and small.

1. Hold Your Tongue - because you can never take back your words. So please, just restrain your words.

2.Never Let It Get Physical - this is really scary for me, whether it's hitting a furniture or hitting someone, once it gets physical, it will most likely only get worse and more physical in time to come. There's no justification against self control.

3. Try Not To Leave Angry - except you walk in on them cheating or it's getting physically abusive, then it's okay to leave - in fact - flee.

4. Say Sorry First - whether you are right or wrong. And for this same reason, I'll forever respect Babe. Of the two of us, he always says sorry.

5. No Third Parties - it's okay to ask advice from one or two trusted persons, but as a general rule, what happens between the two of you in the relationship, stays between the two of you. Even after you've broken up, it's called maturity. Notice how I didn't add details of the fight Babe and I had.

6. Don't Try To Cover Your Ass - simply put, if you are wrong, admit your wrong. Nobody's gonna kill you for it.

7. Forget After Forgiving - after you're past an issue, please follow this suggestion and be past it for good. No need bringing it up weeks, months or years later in another fight.

8. Remember The Fight Is Only Temporary - so don't take permanent decisions for temporary problems.
I'm no relationship expert but these work for me and I know it'll work for others too. Feel free to add your thoughts in the comments.

Originally posted in www.meetmitchell.

Catalyst4real:
Because your man deserves such satirical display? Your post doesnt even depict you asking for help or opinions, but you're literally pouring out your problems to the world, all in a bid to get to frontpage.

wasn't asking for help, never stated it was a real problem and I certainly wasn't writing with the front page in mind. The whole fiasco has been really humorous to me and I decided to share it. You do have a sense of humor, don't you?

Catalyst4real:
I understand your boyfriend very well.

He belongs to those class of men, who are uncomfortable with mediocrity and always strive to rise above poverty and insolvency. Unfortunately, ponzi schemes are the wrong way to act on such ''hustlers mindset''.

He might never be able to love you completely. Especially when he's chasing financial success badly.
You can either be a good companion and guide him in the right direction,or you can come online to create topics on how desperate your man is becoming in his misguided chase of success

satire - go get the meaning.

TheSlyone2:
Stuffsabouttara, why are you so addicted to lengthy post

let's just ignore the fact that your use of the word 'addicted' is wrong in relating to the context. Regardless, I don't force you to read the posts at gun point, do I? Lmao.

lokito:
OP didn't even get the spelling of that filthy ponzi scheme

waaait.... I just went through the whole article, I didn't see the word 'ponzi' anywhere, whether misspelled or not.

lokito:
OP didn't even get the spelling of that filthy ponzi scheme

oh my, thanks for pointing that out, I'll correct it ASAP.

newyorks:
bet9ja should complete it na,so we'll know that he's finished.

who knows, anything is possible right? Lol.

carzola:
You've been noticed..
You can now go and play with
Sand.

Thank you for your comment. It has both refreshed and challenged us.

A couple of weeks back, Babe (my boyfriend) confessed to me that he invested in Twinkers. I was really shocked and felt betrayed in the least. He was only telling him because the return profit was a bit delayed and his conscience had started eating him up. Last year I stopped him from putting over a 100k into mmm, if he had, he'd have been crying this year. We both personally agreed not to go into any of the money schemes and here he was, doing it secretly behind my back, in a relationship where we've never lied to each other or kept secrets before. Nonetheless, I gave him my support since it was what he really wanted, but then just this morning, he told me the real amount he put in Twinkers (his third time) was 50k not 10k. I really don't get it? Do I blame Twinkers or the devil? Lmao. Why does he feel the need to keep the truth from me? It's not like I will eat him alive or something.

The second point, he actually told me my valentine requests are all on hold and under the probability of if his plans in Twinkers and loopers play out as he wants. All I asked for was 'restrictive bands' for working out at the gym. I tried to get them myself but they were more than I could afford.

Which brings me to the third point - he's now always broke. All his cash is either in Twinkers or loopers. He has a target amount he wants to get to, but let's face it, what are the odds he'd be able to resist the temptation of going beyond after he achieves that amount?

Number 4: check this out - he came home extremely tired and went straight to bed, I was making use of his phone WiFi so his phone was with me. Anytime it rang and I told him who was calling, he'd shout and grumble and tell me to receive sense not to disturb his sleep, but immediately I say it's an unknown number, atp energy will come from nowhere and he'll jump out of the bed repeating "Twinkers wan pay". Babe originally doesn't like unknown numbers calling him, but since Twinkers, unknown callers are now his favorite people in the world.

Point five : MB desperation. He's always reminding me not to exhaust his mb because he'll need it to stay updated on Twinkers. He won't even help me download my series updates or tutorial videos. If it's not Twinkers or loopers related, then it's not worth wasting his mb on it.

On to my sixth point, it's even affecting me too. Since the Twinkers stuff means so much to him, I try my best to remain positive and supportive. In a bid to be supportive, I found myself suggesting he starts his own so he'll make a lot of money and then crash the sight. It's one of the most stupid things I've ever said, but it's shocking how desperate it makes us. It's really funny too.

Seventh: Babe is always glued to Twinkers and loopers page. He's no longer active on fb or instagram. Before his morning ritual included checking my blog and reading my latest posts, then giving me his opinions and feedback on them, now he no longer does any of those. It is well jare.

Eight: Sleepless nights. He followed me to awoko just so he could get motivation to stay up all night and stay glued to Twinkers and loopers page. He took nescafe for this! Oh my god, I can't stop laughing.

Number nine: My oga that said the only time he'll go to church is for his wedding has started going to church. I told him I wasn't going this past Sunday and suddenly I became the anti Christ. I've never seen or heard this guy talk about the Bible before, since the whole of this week, he's been preaching to me. In fact, not only me, but all his neighbors included.

And last but not least, Babe is now also a prayer warrior. Usually he'd chastise me about praying, saying I am too insignificant to be disturbing God or demanding things from him. But one of the most shocking moments of my life was when I woke up in the middle of the night to the sound and sight of Babe on his knees, hands raised holding a bible, and declaring at the top of his voice for heaven to move mountains for him. Wonders shall never end.

Since the beginning of mmm and rise of other money schemes, Nigerians have continued to witness both peculiar and hilarious dramas in and about their daily lives, I don't know how this whole thing has affected your life or the lives of the people around you, loved ones and acquitances alike, but as for me, as long as these schemes remain popular, I have this feeling this is just the beginning. Today my boyfriend is showing mental instability symptoms, tomorrow only Jehovah knows.

EmperorTech:
You own the blog on your signature?

yes I do.

EmperorTech:
I have on countless occasions took ladies out and ended up collecting some other ladies contacts, so 18 doesn't applies to me. Its fun doing it.

You tried with your list!

smiles. Thanks.

Niyuu:
Ah.. Not me o.. A friend.

She was joking.. But he didn't find it funny.. .

omg. That's the way a guy asked me where I'm from and what do I do for a living. I replied him I'm from the North and I steal human parts to sell to private research institutions. It was supposed to make him laugh but...

Niyuu:
26) Don't ask him whether or not his mum is dead. Seriously. Don't.

why would anyone even want to out rightly ask if you have a parent dead? You did it shey? Oya gist me.

TheSlyone2:
The blog, Is it yours?

smiles. Yes it is.

mayorchelsea:
Lol...ignorance indeed.As if it was a good thing you were actually ignorant of.

It's just a word dude. It doesn't have to mean a good or bad thing before my ignorance can be passed as excusable or inexcusable. Chill.

TheSlyone2:
The fact that I agree with most of them doesn't make them binding to me.

See, rules are constraints. The more you tends to follow them, the more you start living a fake life

Like I said, I do things because I'm comfortable with them not because others are doing it. You'll be surprised some of the things you listed are already part of me. I wasn't taught.

rules are meant to help in maintaining order, but I also see the point you are trying to make.

TheSlyone2:
Atleast, it wasn't carved out of someone else's brains.

I hate doing things because of peer pressure or societal demands.

You live in a society, not all rules are bad or with the motive of repressing your individuality. Go through the list again, exactly what rule do you not agree with?

mayorchelsea:
And if a girl does it to you, you'll be the first to shout "Oloshi" Did you mean "olosho"?[/color]And if a girl does it to you, you'll be the first to shout "Oloshi" Did you mean "olosho"?

yeah yeah. Forgive my ignorance.

TheSlyone2:
Sure we are...

But being on a date shouldn't demand me feign my true identity... Does it?

Your point are well articulated but at the sight of some appearances ( feminine curves), some men are just helpless

at the sight of a rich (and really good looking) guy, some girls are just helpless too. But there are some things that demand etiquettes. I'll ignore the good looking rich dude for you, it's a sign of respect and acknowledgement. If I want to hook up with him later, that's my business. But for the duration of the date, I've got eyes only for you.

TheSlyone2:
You know what, men are attracted to ladies because of the irresistible appearances; the curves and the loads.

Guys gat non of these. So it quite rare for a lady to do that

You are on a date, at least forfeit the character for the sake of the date. The lady you're out with probably put a lot of effort into her appearance and personality just to make a good impression on you, if she's putting that much effort, you should too. I'm not saying it's wrong to notice someone else that is attractive, I'm just trying to point out that you shouldn't be so obvious and unapologetic about it. Are we good?

TheSlyone2:
It just that I don't do rules...

I so much believe in doing me.

being yourself is a rule on it's own.

TheSlyone2:
Ain't no crime appreciating the goodness of creatures around you

And if a girl does it to you, you'll be the first to shout "Oloshi"

TheSlyone2:
We live in the real world...

Who rules EPP?

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

dingbang:
Stuffsabouttara


What if I get 50likes for this... Will u go on a date with me?

So far you are still at nil likes- good luck bro, may the odds for ever be in your favor

newyorks:
since then before she takes anything she'll be like baby hw does it taste like?

omg! That's funny af. Any idea why she kept asking?