I have diligently read through every post on this thread and am like WOW the things some women have gone through am deeply touched and sad by peoples personal experiences i.e[b] Debrief, Divalishis, oyinmama and others. I sympathise and am glad it's all over for you I can only imagine what you all went through because in all of my dating career I have never encountered a man who raised a hand/fist against me or who wanted to.[/b] Not because am perfect oooo. I just haven't had the misfortune of meeting such men

Thanks for sharing your stories, I've gained insight into what to do and what not to do when faced with a similar situation. What to do: leave after the first beating (I may stay after the first beating just to give the jerk a chance to ammend his ways if he is remorseful but by the second one I am definitely out of the door). What not to do: I won't consider what others would think of me or listen to people who advice that I stay and work it out.

@ nawfia and Nri_Priest, I desperately wish I was related to you guys , that way I'll know that any man who lays a finger on me erroneously will not go scot free.

@ Johndoe100 and others like him.
Please give it a rest and stop trying to be so antagonistic to this thread and topic. We all know that majority of victims in domestic violence are women, we don't have the physical strength to match a man's own so of course we are always at the receiving end.

When faced with a sharp tongue or somewhat troublesome woman there are more effective ways to deal with her than getting physical. Try the cold silent treatment am not saying you are a wife beater but you seem to think that if a woman gets beaten then she must have brought it on herself.

@ dayokanu  
. You got me laughing @ brain power diminishing cos of Kardashians, Wendy Williams and other shows. In fact your entire response had me laughing real hard.

@ Topic

I am single and I have mixed feelings about the institution called marriage. To answer your questions

1. Is it worth the wait
Am not certain what you mean here, but is waiting for one's partner or spouse worth it hmmmm I think so.

2. Do you want to get married and why?
Yes and No. I am undecided sometimes I feel like I do and then other times I feel like hell no I don't want to.

Yes I want to get married because:
I want to be intimate in an approved way and manner, thus not violating God's law.
I would like a really good companion to share things with like stress at work, my hopes, fears etc
I want children within wedlock not outside of it.

No I don't want to get married because:
Like some men I am afraid of losing my freedom, freedom to go and come as I please, cook or not, and generally do things the way I want.
I am to a large extent self reliant and independent so sharing the rest of my life with another won't come easy for me.

3.How prepared are you?
I would say pretty much prepared, on a scale of 1 - 20 I'll rate myself @ 16 reason being that:
I am building a relationship with Christ where I am learning how to be obedient and faithful, to let of go my will for His,to do what pleases Him and not myself if I can do this with someone I can't see, think of what could possibly happen if I am able to demonstrate this xteristics in marriage.
I am emotionally,mentally and spiritually mature to deal with the challenges that come with married life. I know cos I've dealt with personal ones and built the stamina for challenges. i don't shy away from them but face up to it and deal with it
I am also financially independent and most imporatntly I have a life. I've built and created one so I won't be attaching myself to a man 24/7, while he is doing his own thing I'll be going about my own activities, hobbies and interests, not expecting him to spend every passing moment with me in the name of Mr and Mrs. that will simply wear me out

omega25red:

if i'm getting to know you i wont spill my guts to you. I need some time to figure if i can tell you things that you wont come back and use it against me.
Besides no matter how long you are with someone even if you get married[b] there are still something you wont share[/b].

I am totally with Omega on this one. IMO every one is entitled to keep strictly private certain issues in their lives, provided their silence doesn't adversely affect those who matter to them.

The fear of being misunderstood and unfairly judged alone may cause me to keep my mouth shut about certain things and then of course there are people who spill your secrets or personal stuff in the heat of an argument, a fight or when relationships go sour.

I choose carefully what to share and what not to share. And I won't share anything that will terribly embarrass or hurt me when the other party decides to tell it all to the whole world.

Bin Gbagbo

You are not alone. We all have done things we are ashamed of, and we live in the tension of what we were and what we would like to become (Well at least I have). I've lost a job due to misconduct, I've gotten entangled with some nasty personalities that really hurt my reputation and self esteem.Didn't know they were nasty at the time

In my opinion one of the ways to overcome is to start over in a new town or place, where people hardly know you (that is easier said than done) because of the enormous cost involved in moving, getting a new job etc etc. BUT a fresh start some where new lessens the reminders of your mistake that cause the feelings

In a new town or place: You hardly get to see people who will remind you of things you wish to forget (some people really know how to rub it in and I tend to resent them for it), you don't have to avoid certain places because you are afraid of running into people who know what you've done and you truly can start over on a clean slate.

BUT what happens when you can't move and start afresh somewhere else? You are going to have to fight your demons (shame, guilt etc) really hard in that old place where you still live and where you probably made your mistakes. Those demons can be effectively fought with the help of God but there are days when even I feel overwhelmed.

Today is one of those days, I just saw a former colleague where I lost my job and it brought back the memories of everything I did wrong while working at that organization the shame I felt at just seeing her was ooooooooo!

Counselling may help but where can you find good, certified and professional counsellors here in Nigeria? I would like to know if anyone has useful information.
The mistakes I've made, my feelings of guilt and shame may not be a bad thing because with them I am reminded to do things differently and live right.

The healing process will take a while but in the meantime fight and win the battle over depression, shame and guilt which ever way you can but please not with alcohol or drugs.

I hope this helps I registered as a new NL member just to participate on your thread and share my views.