₦airaland Forum

Personally - I wouldn't mind if my husband had a second wife who lived with us.

My reason is that some years ago I had become EXTREMELY ill and my condition lasted almost 2 years. I could not work, rarely could I cook and take care of my home, and I was in a lot of pain constantly and could not perform my wifely duties. My poor children had to do sooo much to wait on me, and they were quite young. My dear husband was working very hard to pay all the bills and the added expense of medical bills. I was still young and very attractive, but we could not even sleep in the same bed because of all of my medical needs.

A second wife could have helped with the house, the children, and serviced my husband.

My husband and his best friend happen to have the same first and middle name. When the best friend came to live with us I called the best friend by his First and LAST name to seperate them. As an Amerian, I found that to be just too long and difficult to do everyday all day so I just call him by his last name to shorten it.

Their schoolmates call them Tunde1 and Tunde2 - but even that is confusing depending on who they knew first and considered to be #1.

Anyways, The best friend is married now and his mother in law lives with him. My hubby and I are relocating and have been living with his best friend for a short time.

The problem is that this woman keeps telling me it is disrespectful to call her son-in-law by his name. (My husband is fine with it). I feel like its none of her business because I have known him longer than her and he NOR my husband have ever had any issues with what I call him. In fact, my whole family calls the best friend by his last name - to also separate the two.

Since I am a guest - I have tried to call him the nick-name that the mother-in-law suggested, but I can never remember and the name is stupid (she gave him the nickname based on how he ate some stew she made back when she first met him) and I have been calling this guy by his last name for many, many, many years now.

Well, his mother-in-law (I guess she is very traditional) Just sees me as rude, and disrespectful to him in his house, and she keeps picking on me now for every little thing I do.

I am not trying to have strife with this woman (afterall, she's not MY mother-in-law), and she is now pitting the Wife (her daughter) against me - by complaining to her all the time an saying stuff like "Don't let this woman enter your house and disrespect you and your husband." etc.

I told my husband and he says to ignore her, but it is hard because I am often in the house alone with her, and we have to live with them a little while longer until our own home is ready.

ANY ADVICE on what to DO?

I can hardly believe you evil people.
We have 4 children and husband had vasectomy after the 4th.
In the states men have vasectomies. A brotha from Naija first convinced my husband to get one when he spoke of controlling number of children since I cannot use birth control pills.

It was fine by me, because it is an easier surgery than for a woman to have it done to her womb.

I am black.

Unless the family has a gene for genetic disorder then there is nothing wrong with it.
Biblically, it is okay to marry a first cousin. (This might be true in quaran and other religions too)

Man's personal morales has said it is wrong. Its a Taboo - but that doesn't make it wrong.

MouthAction is TABOO in many places - that doesn't mean it is truly wrong.
A woman being "on top" for sex is TABOO - but not wrong.

You understand?

I did fight back. Yes part of me feels it was my fought for thinking his lustful looks were a compliment.
I was fat for many years and my husband said I should lose weight before going to see his family and I did. So, this attention I was getting in my new skinny body was new to me, but I in NO WAY wanted to have SEX with this man just because I was flattered.

My husband has not been home in 15 years so we went to Abuja to visit. I met all the family and had a great time. Everyone complimented me on how pretty I was, so when his particular brother always looking at me lustfully - I ignored it - and try not to have a big head for being attractive.

My husband and I were given this brother's room to stay for our visit. The night before we came back to the US. he and all his brothers, and cousins, and old pals from school went out to party and drink. This one brother came back to the house early because he had work the next day.

He came into the bedroom and I was there asleep. At first I thought it was my husband, but
the way he approach me for sex was not my husband style - and my husband already told me no sex for us in his family's house.

I said "Who is this?" - he said "I know you want me - i've been catching your eye too". He was very drunk I think from the smell of his breath. This man forced himself on me sexually. I DID Fight him to get off me, but I never screamed because I did not want to wake the house or be caught in this horrible situation. Finally I lay there and hoped it would end quickly.

Later My hubby came back and I pretended to be asleep. I was shocked.

The next day we were at the airport to fly back to the US. I was very quiet and acting sad He thought I was just sick.

I never told my husband what happened. I was too scared and ashamed. The thought that I would even claim this has happened to me would tear his family apart - and he was just seeing them after 15 years of absence.

Now it's 3 months later and I am pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy 3 years ago so I cannot tell my husband I am pregnant - talk less of saying I am pregnant cause his own flesh and blood attacked me during our trip to his home.

I don't know if this brother planned to do this since I was leaving the country the next day, or maybe because he was drunk and knew no better - I really do not care. I feel like a used animal and my husband may beat or divorce me when he learns I am pregnant because he will think I have committed adultery.

WHAT DO I DO?

My husband has not been home in 15 years so we went to Abuja to visit. I met all the family and had a great time. Everyone complimented me on how pretty I was, so when his particular brother always looking at me lustfully - I ignored it - and try not to have a big head for being attractive.

My husband and I were given this brother's room to stay for our visit. The night before we came back to the US. he and all his brothers, and cousins, and old pals from school went out to party and drink. This one brother came back to the house early because he had work the next day.

He came into the bedroom and I was there asleep. At first I thought it was my husband, but the way he approach me for sex was not my husband style - and my husband already told me no sex for us in his family's house.

I said "Who is this?" - he said "I know you want me - i've been catching your eye too". He was very drunk I think from the smell of his breath. This man forced himself on me sexually. I DID fight him to get off me, but I never screamed because I did not want to wake the house or be caught in this horrible situation. Finally I lay there and hoped it would end quickly.

Later My hubby came back and I pretended to be asleep. I was shocked.

The next day we were at the airport to fly back to the US. I was very quiet and acting sad He thought I was just sick.

I never told my husband what happened. I was too scared and ashamed. The thought that I would even claim this has happened to me would tear his family apart - and he was just seeing them after 15 years of absence.

Now it's 3 months later and I am pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy 3 years ago so I cannot tell my husband I am pregnant - talk less of saying I am pregnant cause his own flesh and blood attacked me during our trip to his home.

I don't know if this brother planned to do this since I was leaving the country the next day, or maybe because he was drunk and knew no better - I really do not care. I feel like a used animal and my husband may beat or divorce me when he learns I am pregnant because he will think I have committed adultery.

WHAT DO I DO?