I once had similar suspicions, but I had no reason to think that he had another wife except because of stereotypes My husband also is a VERY BIG liar sometimes. But he will lie about the most insignificant things. its confusing.

To lie- when avoiding trouble, or to impress someone- I understnad. It's not right, but i understand.

But my hubby sometimes just tells random pointless lies. Like, he'll say he doesn't eat, or like broccoli, but then he eats it secretly when I cook it for me and the kids.

He says he bought a shirt for $50 when it really cost $30.00.

I THINK IGNORANCE IS BLISS. Don't go looking for proof. But if it one day SLAPS you in the face (like it did me a few weeks ago) Then you shld confront it at that point.

I felt relief! The pain of engorged breasts filled with milk- it eased my pain, never felt "good' but it was a relief to the discomfort.

JUST AN UPDATE:[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#990000][/color]

I hired a personal fitness trainer just a few days after I made the original post. So far, there has been a lot of sweat- and even some tears front he hard work. I don't think I have lost anything yet as its only been a few weeks, but I expect to have some progress by October 1st.

Hubby is pleased to see me exercising, so there is no tension about the whole issue anymore - he's just anticipating some results within the next few months.

I'm trying- for him, and for me i guess.

The Point IS, I do look good. he always made me believe I look good, but now suddenly- we are going to Nigeria and I am just finding out that we've been living a lie. I look good enough for America, but not good enough for Nigeria?! that makes no sense.

If I did not look good, then he should have told me looong before a trip to Naija was planned. I can't be attractive in 1 city and a baboon in the next-- when the husband is still the same.

i will try to lose some weight, but I am angry because he should want me to lose weight for good health, NOT JUST to show off for his people. And if my weight was no problem here in the U.S., then there should be no urgency to drop pounds BEFORE the trip.

@spikedcylinder- Thank you.

yes i do- I might have a little more tummy- but that pic is very close.

The problem is now HE is suddenly behaving as if there is a problem. :-( This is stressing me. I am already nervous about going, I don't want to be insecure while I am there.

he is a good man. i don't think there is any underlying problems, His malcontent has all been about my weight since the trip draws nearer.

I know I should look good for him. In fact, when we go out on dates I always do my best to look sexy. I think i do a good because he can't keep his hands off of me, he walks proudly with me here- you know how a man walks with his girl when he knows other people are checking her out-- But now going to Nigeria--its like I am not good enough as I am, as ai have been for years.

1. No I was not Big when we were dating. I gained more weight with each child over the years. But I have been big LONGER than the years I was normal weight.

2. About the visa- He actually applied for Nigerian passports for the kids, I did not qualify for a Nigerian passport so he applied for a visa for me. All at the same time. He showed me the kids passports, but keeps saying more info is needed for my visa, Like a 2nd letter of invitation from his family, and one thing after another. he never showed me the letter from the consulate to prove they are really requesting more info. He keeps saying he has it in his office at work and keeps forgetting to bring it home for me to read.

3. I am not huge. I have been asked to model since I have been this size. Men check me out or flirt with me all the time, american and otherwise. so its not like I'm not attractive. That's why I don't understand this sudden concern-- and RUSH for me to lose weight for the trip. Sure I probably should try to lose weight-- but he is behaving as if it it urgent for the trip.

4. I am the size of Jennifer Hudson when she played in DreamGirls. My profile has a pic to example my size. That's not me, but looks a lot like me.

I am a portly woman (a big.thick woman). Whatever you want to call it (BBW).

My husband has always been attracted to me and thinks I am sexy, BUT, he is very opposite of me. he is very muscular and in-shape like an athlete. A very strong looking man.

The problem is- now that I am going to Nigeria for the first time he is pressuring me to lose weight- and is becoming angry with me for my lack of progress. he says we should both look healthy. Well- i am healthy- I'm just overweight.

His mom and dad already know i am big- they have visited here last year and saw me-- but now that we are going to Naija and will meet his brothers and sisters for the first time, Suddenly, my weight is of concern to him.

I don't think this is fair to me, he is now acting embarassed and impatient of my size- now that we are going to Naija.

If I eat anything (even breakfast) he gets angry and says "Aren't you trying to lose weight?"
EVERYDAY- he wants to know what exercise I have done, and gives me the silent treatment if i report that I had not exercised that day.

Our 4 children have their visas to go to Nigeria, but mysteriously, mine has not arrive yet.
Now I am thinking he is withholding my visa based on whether or not lose weight.

This is supposed to be a fun trip to finally see his homeland, but now it just seems like stress and pressure to put on a beauty show for him.

Any advice for how to deal with this--- and how important is MY size in Yoruba culture.

Hi,

I was just wondering what is the average price for a good tutor in Lagos? per hour?

Do children in primary and secondary schools there use the computer or internet regularly, for learning?

Thanks

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!

I never even heard that people in a civilized and developed society DID NOT use toilet paper. This is upsetting me. I will be visiting Nigeria for the first time soon, and I DO NOT want to eat food from my in-laws if this is how they clean themselves.

How does one clean theirsleves if the restroom has no sink nearby Like in a public restroom? or do all public restrooms have sinks in them?

Princess and Precious ---I always meet an Igbo in America whose daughter have 1 of these names. They are VERY ghetto names here in the states. In fact-- they sound lilke a stripper's name.

Bukky

and

damiLola

kemilola

and most others that end with lola. To an american ear-- they sound a bit ghetto.

AkATA might mean "overseas"

and Nigger developed from the word "NEGRO", which means black in the spanish language,

but the inteneded meaning (the connotation) is negative.

I am african-american, and I despise BOTH WORDS because I have never heard a Nigerian call someone Akata in an affectionate way.

I don't use, or accept the use of Nigga either.

Simple economics.

They can't afford the basics, how on earth are they to take what little money they have for something like condoms and birthcontrol pills.

Also, sex is entertainment, a de-stresser, and allows "escape" for a little while. Is cheap.

My NIgerian husband had a vasectomy at my request. It was easier for recovery and a cheaper surgery than for me to have a procedure done.

Sex was even more fun afterwards.

We get i the heat and don't have to ruin the action by stopping to put on a condom.
My body disgrees with various birthcontrol pills, we have a boy and girl --- a perfect family. No more kids for us unless by miracle God wants to impregnte me==at that point I'd just accept HE wants us to have more kids.

Hello Everyone,

I am an American school teacher who will be visiting Lagos in the Fall. I am interested in teaching while I am there. Can you give me suggestions on how/where to begin looking for a teaching job before I arrive? Thank you.

Females nowadays are being taught not to "play" with uncircumcised joysticks.

A man's private looking like the tip of an elephants trunk is simply UNappealing.

Boys are barely hygienic on a good day - now give him alll that extra skin to take care of, YUCK!, just germs waiting to spread.

MY Pets are always ARE part of the family.

If it lives in my house and I spend any of my hard earned money on it, then I will treat it right and consider it family.

My pet HAMSTER poked his eye out my accidently last week. I actually called a few people to ask them to pray for him. I cried for him when I saw it- he is sooo cute, but now my kids say he looks too gross to play with. I feel sorry for him that he is being rejected.

"Let everything that has breathe, praise ye the Lord."m (IF IT CAN PRAISE THE LORD, THEN MAYBE IT CAN ACCEPT THE LORD AS SAVIOR) -
God used an ass to speak to Saul.
God appointed man to be careteakers and rulers of the animals.

Dad ALWAYS said:  " Say what you mean, and mean what you say" , Great advice that has enabled me to be a confident and trusted leader in the workplace.

From Mom: "Successful people have good relationships with their family."
                             "Strife will hinder yor blessings, Stay out of strife and forgive"
                           and the most practical advice for me as a married woman,
              [center]"Never buy anything as married woman that you could not afford if you suddenly became single"[/center]

JUST AN Observation

Generally, in my profession African children are more well behaved than any other culture of children (Though Asians are equal in respect to having well disciplined obedient cooperative children).

However, without a DOUBT and NO exaggeration, when I do run across an African child that acts like they have no sense, no home training, and no discipline 100% of the time they were IGBO. I kid u not. And I see a LOT of children in my profession.

Why do Igbo children (In America) behave so badly? Often as bad, and sometimes worse than Black American Ghetto kids.

[center]DO igbos whip/beat/spank their kids?
[/center]

The bible says:

"Be fruitful and multiply"

"Let everything reproduce after its own kind."

, I think the point is that we SHOULD be having children if ABLE.

The "Drastic Measure" approach didn't work too well for Abraham.

, And his seeds are battling to this day.

My Advice: Wait, and keep waiting.

soulpatrol:

Tanna, you too like sex, my sista but then again, na natural thing. your husband dey enjoy you o. are y'all into threesomes too?

Absolutely NOT into threesomes!! But anything done within the confines of marriage is good. Bringing in other people who u are not married to is a no-no, in my opinion.

Yes it hurts that's why we never go all the way. I don't want my arse ripped open so hubby does not penetrate me with his penis.


QUESTION
Are the wives in polygamous marriages in African culture allowed to have sex with each other? Are they considered married to each other too, or just married to the man?

When the man hits it from the back doggystyle - Does he not spread the azz for a better look at the arse entry?

Try rub a thumb there next time, its sweeter than ripe plantain- LOL!

[center]g'night Omoge[/center]

re: TIP#9

I use to think the IDEA of anal play was wrong.

Here's how it started,
I was atop my husband (just teasing him) and he took two handfuls of my ass and was squeezing and pulling, well I said, "touch my p*ssy", and he was feeling around from the back way trying to get to the "p" when he accidently rubbed my arse-----and it was L-O-V-E-L-Y.

I said don't stop! Now - he puts "it" there for pre-intimacy. But his privates is too big for full penetration, just the tip, or lots of finger play, gets the juices flowing like the Nile River.