₦airaland Forum

@Osisi

Congrats on being a newlywed.

Your Marriage should stay spicey for atleast the first 1-3 years. You don't need my kind of tips till after that - (Don't play all your cards at once).

All of the tips I suggest have been tried, tested, approved, and practiced regularly.

11 years of marriage has taught me a few things - and I am a very good student

+osisi:
n gwanu invite the family pets also.
They can join in keeping the beds undefiled

I rebuke you three times!

Where I'm from people can't marry pets - so NO they aren't invited into the marriage bed!

Did someone say "ANAL SEX"?

What's wrong with that?

If that is wrong (between husband and wife) Then so is MouthAction, and KISSING of anykind anywhere besides the lips.

How do people decide putting a penis in a mouth is okay - but one is the arse is wrong?

The bible said "Marriage is honorable and marriage bed undefiled."

Tip #9 - Try AnAL stimulation, with finger, fingers, or penis.
Tip#10 - WOMEN should play with her nipples and p*ssy while husband is close enough to smell u - The rule is - he can look, but not touch!

[center]Its simply a DECISION/CONVICTION two must make.
[/center]

RULES to LIVE BY: If you love someone, or at least committed to the marriage institution then 2 truths must be lived by:
#1- A spouse must be willing to do and give his wife anything they ask to make them happy.
#2- The spouse should never ask for anything that can not or should not be done.

I wouldn't consider divorce no more than I'd consider eating shyt. I've simply made up my mind not to.

Of course the only exception is 1- he loses his mind and beats me, or 2- he loses his mind and molests somebody.

Short of that - Anything and EVRYTHING is forgiveable, and we'll work it out. I am determined that the spirit of divorce in my family STOPS with me.

[center]Its simply a DECISION/CONVICTION two must make.
[/center]

RULES to LIVE BY: If you love someone, or at least committed to the marriage institution then 2 truths must be lived by:
#1- A spouse must be willing to do and give his wife anything they ask to make them happy.
#2- The spouse should never ask for anything that can not or should not be done.

I wouldn't consider divorce no more than I'd consider eating shyt. I've simply made up my mind not to.

Of course the only exception is 1- he loses his mind and beats me, or 2- he loses his mind and molests somebody.

Short of that - Anything and EVRYTHING is forgiveable, and we'll work it out. I am determined that the spirit of divorce in my family STOPS with me.

I looooove my Naija man - but his hands are tooo damn big to be hitting me or any other non-threatening human.

If he ever even raised his hand to me - cause he thought for a split second that he would hit me- I'd make like a ghost and be gone. SERIOUSLY - I'd call him a month later from some undisclosed location -to check if the divorce papers have been signed yet.

God put too much work into making me beautiful and whole to let some person - mess it up. "My body is the temple of the Lord's"

[center]SURE jare.[/center]

A slap on -the ass is always good during pre-intimacy and sex -LOL.

Other than that - NO - a man should never hit a woman.

ANOTHER TIP, for the ladies

#6-Call him at work and tell him that u were just thinking about the last time you made love, say "I really liked the way you, (bent me over, thrust so strongly, or touched your breasts, etc. etc. - Just name 1 or 2 things specifically) and say you are wet 'cause you can't get the thought out of your mind.

Then beg him to come to you right away, (he may not be able to, but the point is to let him know you DESIRE him).

#7 -Prepare an extra delectable meal. Very soon after he starts to enjoy it (you don't want him too full yet), come straddle him while he is at the table and whisper, "Dinner is over now. It's time for dessert."

And my last tip for now
#8-We LADIES shouldn't be the Pillow Princess all the time.
A good man deserves to have his sexual appetite quenched, so stay off of your back sometimes and ride him face-to-face, backwards, and on the stairs - Anything that allows him to sit back relax, and YOU do all the work

@Aisha and Lucida - Congrats. That was sooo sweet.

My hubby also proposed TWICE.

The first time- was casual and informal. I complained to my boyfriend about all his friends calling me his "wife". He said - it's just a Nigerian expression. I said, well, my American friends, and associates overhear this and start gossiping that we are already married, He said - All gossip ain't lies, I want to make you my wife-and that's all I ever think about.", From then on - it was more of an understanding that we'd be marrying after school.

The 2nd time, he bought be a jewelry box as a CHRISTMAS GIFT. Not unusual because all my jewelry was still in their original little boxes scattered in drawers and on my dresser. Well, as I investigated the different drawers - I opened one and out popped the BEAUTIFUL RING with a tag on it that read "Will you marry me?"

THANKS BABE(Love).

+osisi:
The girl (Tanna) needs to be flogged publicly,

Sounds like you're into exhibitionism and BDSM Osisi - and people think I'm kinky (Go figure!).

@Osisi, Not quite sweetie - I said bring in another woman (wife) when the main wife is ill. (Are you suffering from the same unschooling as Thief?)


For the record: I object to bringing in a 3rd person just for play and so-called "spice".
[center]
HOWEVER, [/center]
ANOTHER fun spicey activity might be to harass me for everything I say - cause It sure seems like THIEF is enjoying "getting off" on all my comments.

Is that why you do it?, makes your toto wet doesn't it?

[center]My Tips For Spicing Up the Marriage:[list][/center]
1. less sex, and more teasing
2. less sex, and more MouthAction
3. Flirt with Other people
4. Let the spouse "catch you" looking at them lustfully
5. have sex all of a sudden as the other in about to go to work
6. send sexy pics and erotic text messages via cell phone[/li]
7. Dress extra sexy and act like u don't care if they notice.
8. FLIRT with your mate like u would if you were were single.

Trying to discourse with Spoilt and Thief is like trying to chase a shadow - (Totally pointless and a waste of mental energy that could otherwise be spent on intelligent dialogue and opinion sharing with the other interesting minds of Nairaland).

Tanna is just a psycho. Gosh! How ignorant d'u tend to be? You talk about Nigerian women as if AA's are any better.

I see you all have really SHORT memories.

When I first answered the original poster's question, all of you ripped into me, calling me names, and attacking me, loooooong before I spoke one unkind word about Nigerian women.

Then a few men said we have the right to express our opinions here, but should not be attacking people who see things differently, And YET the WOMEN here continue to bash me because my views are different.

Now, I finally stand up for myself and say something unkind to you and you feel like I have some vendetta against Nigerian women, or that I have a superiority complex.

Maybe you should pull that beam out your own eye first, (and review how all this wahala started), because it certainly wasn't instigated by me.

Go Back and read this topic.

Several Nairaland men posters say that polygamy is bad because of what it does to the children. That the children suffer mistreatment by the wives,

and that the men die early deaths because of the women. You all keep mentioning being poisoned by one of the wives because women are sooo jealous, What kind of women are these nairaland members describing if not evil ones? And what perspective if not the Nigerian perspective of your own men and women being in the situation?

The belief is that overall polygamy is bad because the majority of the women will do something horrible to the other wife and kids in order to keep the husband for herself - THAT"S EVIL.

No, the point is your OWN men think you are evil. That is why they all speak of some horrible atrocities that Nigerian women in polygamous marriages will do to the husband and his children by the other wife.

Your own men have said this.

abi. and here one weird person is giving consent for her husband to fool around? WTF? women are by nature jealous beings, like it or not, how naive can u be to share your man with another woman and not think some drama will happen?



Drama can happen when there are only 2 people in a marriage, not just because there is a 3rd person.

Also if you want to bring up what's in the "NATURE" of the sexes, then you must also admit that it is in the NATURE of men to have stronger sex drive than women, and to desire sex beyond the monogamous situation.

aND THOUGH SOME MEN AND SOME WOMEN resist "Nature", some just roll with it. Thus, you get women who ARE NOT jealous types, and men with 2nd or 3rd wives.

Oh and as far as us so called Akatas
The Truth Is, 99% of the time its is the WHITE AMERICANS who murder their spouses for insurance money and kill their entire families for other menial issues. Check the stats.

In America, children often have a nanny, and they do not "SUFFER". Why would a second wife who loves the husband, abuse HIS CHILDREN and make them suffer?

I wouldn't abuse anyone else's kids or treat them wrong - and I am pretty sure that there are other women out there who wouldn't either. SO your argument that implies Polygamous relationships are destined to make the kids suffer at the hands of the other wife is wrong.

But then again, maybe you know how EVIL Nigerian women are, and that's why YOu are so adamant that the children will suffer so badly. Hmmmm.

Nigerian Men you should be praying for your women (and vice-versa)

ALSO, IGNORANCE has you believing that because I am an African-American that I am ghetto. You don't know me, and not one thing I have said has indicated a "ghetto" mentality.

My hubby, kids, and I are well educated and thoroughly enjoy our comfortable Middle-Class Life in these beautiful suburbs. Don't hate, Duplicate!

I NEVER PRAYED that women would not be leaders.

I said "I HOPE THE closed minded ones who belittle people here DO NOT become leaders in your country." , But you now provide evidence of your illiteracy and comprehension deficits because my posts are frequently being misquoted, followed by a dozen passionate remarks by people eager to jump on the bandwagon, Exactly why I hope SOME WOMEN HERE should never be leaders in your country.

Save your REBUKES for the devil. I simply made a comment, not a prayer, and not a curse. You'd go further in life if you weren't so religious and superstitious.

I wish a minimum, age requirement would be imposed so that little girls like THIEF would be forced to go play somewhere else, so grown folks can talk.

SEX IS a humongous part of Marriage.

If it were just about companionship then why get married at all. I'm pretty sure we don't need a court of law, judge, or minister to bless or approve basic platonic friendships.

The point is, that SEX is one of the major things that make marriage a covenant (traditionally a type of blood covenant).

Some of you seem to have some problems with reading comprehension, and have erroneously quoted me, and went off on a tangent about how depressing and unusual my ideas are.

I think its sadder that just because I am a woman who isn't against polygamy that I am practically branded an alien and an slowpoke (Progressive You are NOT). I am NOT in a PLural marriage - for the record.

I sure hope some of these women of Nairaland never end up being leaders in your country.
Their inability to have an open ear and disagree without denigrating an individual is not virtuous.

SEX IS a humongous part of Marriage.

If it were just about companionship then why get married at all. I'm pretty sure we don't need a court of law, judge, or minister to bless or approve basic platonic friendships.

The point is, that SEX is one of the major things that make marriage a covenant (traditionally a type of blood covenant).

Some of you seem to have some problems with reading comprehension, and have erroneously quoted me, and went off on a tangent about how depressing and unusual my ideas are.

I think its sadder that just because I am a woman who isn't against polygamy that I am practically branded an alien and an slowpoke (Progressive You are NOT). I am NOT in a PLural marriage - for the record.

I sure hope some of these women of Nairaland never end up being leaders in your country.
Their inability to have an open ear and disagree without denigrating an individual is nto virtuous.

My Nigerian husband was born in the U.S. and raised in Lagos from 6 mos. old until age 20.

I married him when he was 21 and I was 19. (He was already a natural born citizen) so citizenship was not the motive. Love was, and he wanted to assure that this Proverbs 31 woman wouldn't be found by anyone else. He begged me to marry him.

Being very connected to the local Nigerian community I can say that Naija men typically are marrying around age 30 or later here in the U.S.

My Nigerian husband was born in the U.S. and raised in Lagos from 6 mos. old until age 20.

I married him when he was 21 and I was 19. (He was already a natural born citizen) so citizenship was not the motive. Love was, and he wanted to assure that this Proverbs 31 woman wouldn't be found by anyone else. He begged me to marry him.

Being very connected to the local Nigerian community I can say that Naija men typically are marrying around age 30 or later here in the U.S.

No, Tanna is not Mormon. Tanna's mind is just freed from the religiousness of man and societal dictated morality.

My illness was not MENTAL nor was it LIFE Threatening. IT WAS DEBILITATING, and CRIPPLING, and PAINFUL. And thanks to God, I happen to be healed from it now.

I have not been in love with a married man, nor have I dated one - what was your point?

And just like you can't see why I condone polygamy - I don't see why you would have sex with someone you aren't married to. Why are women so "independent" that sleeping around is the first and foremost task on her independent agenda? You need to get your mind right and understand WHY GOD MADE YOU and what your role is as a WOMAN.

My wishful thinking about the second wife, was because I wanted my husband to have the support he needed as a man, and king of our household. I wasn't able to do that for him. I really felt like he was being punished in the midst of my sickness, and I wanted him to have comfort, and the basics like a hot meal, someone to talk to who was NOT complaining daily of her ills, someone to hang out with, to rub his back after a long week's work, to kiss him and tell him I would be okay, and provide some sexual satisfaction. I wanted someone to step in and be me- since I could not be me. He's a good good man, and I just hated that he went without so much for such a long time.

Then, my kids basically lost their mother- yet I wasn't dead - I was just helpless and useless.

YOu are sooo right. THE BODY DOES NOT LIE.

a woman can only carry one man's baby at a time, but a man can have a limitless number of seeds growing in as many as he can shag. That is proof.

And no darling - respect for my own body is enough to tell me that women shouldn't be sleeping around. My momma didn't need to tell me that - God did.

Yes- I am off my sick bed, and I still don't mind a second wife.

I don't think a woman should have a second husband because women aren't intended to RECEIVE from different men. Men, naturally and biologically are made to plant their seeds and dominate whereever.

Also, many men in the bible had wives(S) and still found favor in God's sight.
I am not Muslim, I am Christian, and I have yet to see where this is FORBIDDEN.

Now- of course it would be weird because I am American, and live in america but its much more upright than the SCORES of women who knowingly or secretly tolerate cheating men, and his mistress for years.

All, I am saying is that cheating i wrong - but A second wife is legit.

My hubby and I are both brown/dark skinned.

Our first child was verrry light skinned with straight hair.

If my hubby was not there to see the baby come out - I would have thought the nurses switched my baby with someone else's.

BTW: My son is a Spitting image of my husband now and my hubby explained that his grandfather was HALF African/Asian-Indian and maybe that's where the light skinned gene came from.