₦airaland Forum

the point is, telling them is synonymous to suicide

A friend just called me with tears that she needs help. she came from a muslim family in Ilorin( capital of kwara state), she fell in love with a Jehovah witness guy while they were in the university. All along, her mum has been suspecting the relationship and she keep telling her it's not possible. It's been four years of the relationship and their feelings keeps growing. my friend converted to Christianity, at first for her guy but now she said she can never be a Muslim again even if she didn't end up with this guy.
the complicating part is, her family is very fetish and they've been threatening her with all sort, though she has never told anyone of them she's dating this guy. just recently her father called her, made her swear she will never marry a christian, she didn't know when she accepted and sworn. (suspecting one of their fetish ways)

they are planning on settling down soon but this issue of her family is a tough one, her mum is even worse than her dad. her mum curses her n d boyfriend every now and then. she's got an elder sis that has a typical attitude of the mum. in short, she's got nobody in the family that can assist.

she's confused and don't know what to do. Any good advise from the house will be highly appreciated.

house: can you believe my boyfriend has playing me all along. he's been lieing to me about being HIV negative. I can't believe I've been going through this emotional trauma for months all on lies? Is this how to really test love?

My boyfriend told me on Monday that he's also infected. he just realized too. did mine and came out negative. i might have to wait for 6months to re-do, though. . leaving him is definitely not an option buh I am truly scared.

apart from that, I'm still finding it hard to believe. he seems very cool and happy. i only pray he's joking, afterall he didn't show me the result (he said he tore it instantly)

@poster:

you should answer this question:

does he have a good job, enough to cater for a family? (most Nigerian guys will not go into marriage without financial security)
have you been to desperate and disturbing him so much about marriage? (most men don't want to get committed with in-secured girls)
have you ever sat him down or asked him the traits he wants in his wife?
how about his family, do they like you enough?
are his family putting any pressure on him too (if they do, have you found out, reason he gives them?)
do you think this Mr perfect loves and appreciate you enough or he only like some few traits in you/may be pities you?
how does he speak of you to outsiders, how does he presets to them?

answer those questions and let's continue from there,

@Ujujoan: like u advised, i spoke with him yesterday calmly regarding his attitude and he apologized and promised to be a better person. he said he doesnt mean most of the things he says to me, he was just being sarcastic and now that he knows that i don't like it he will stop.

and then he told me more about his past relationships, the ways ladies treat him bad after showing them so much love and care, that probably that was one of the things that affected his psychology as par showing affection.

I have decided to give him some time to watch him change. like you also said I've definitely got my own flaws too which he mentioned to me.

I guess we are just getting to know each other ad need more time before dabbling into marriage.

thanks y'all for your contributions, I Love you!

@Daduke2k: how much time am i suppose to give him? the more time i give, the more i get committed (or don't you think so?). i love him so much and leaving him could be so hard, but i don't mind if that's the only way out. other wise, i will appreciate alternative way out.

thanks y'all. just want to be sure if I'm over reacting or i need to take to my heals.

i really appreciate your responses.

I am just confused at this point in time.

here is a guy i met six(6) months ago. he did not specifically asked me out, we started as friends and then the romance started. he told me immediately that he wants to marry me, a month after, i needed to travel home to see my parents and he promised to drop me. i then used the opportunity to introduce to my mum and my siblings. he had also introduced me to his parents.

my problem with him now is that he doesn't tell me he loves me, he seldom put emotions into anything we share. he acts sometime like he doesn't care. when i asked him what he feels for me he tells me he loves me and  wants me. when i asked him why he doesn't show what he has for me he tell me "it not the loudest that matters but the purest. he'll rather tell me about the cheap clothes and perfumes i wear than him complementing me, infact i can't remember ever getting complements from him. all he gave me the first time i cooked for him are complaints and no gratitude.

he loves hanging out with his friends a lot, enjoys staying late outside, when i asked him, he said he can't stay home alone, that when he get married, he'll reduce the way he stays out late.

he seldom say sorry, and when he does, he will argue and give excuses before he will say sorry. he doesn't believe in us seeing so often (i really do not mind cos i hate been chocked), he doesn't really ask me for advise/contributions, he'll rather take his mum's and Friend's

I'm just scared if it's healthy going into real commitment with this kind of guy with all these attitudes of his. m not sure if it will be a big deal later in future cos i honestly don't feel loved or respected.

i think he really wants me, he presents me well amongst his friend, he doesn't womanize, he's not a drunk (a 33cl beer bottle at a seat/day), he's not really a strong person spiritually but he's struggling to be better (i am not a very strong person too but we are both struggling to be better).

i am someone that believes in talking issues out, but it has never solved any of the issues. i really hate being a nag and now I'm already tired of complaining, so i keep most thing he does to myself now.

i try my best to be good looking, hardworking (with a fairly good  job) and a good girl. don't know if he's testing me or that's just his real attitude.
most people that knew him before we met, told me m lucky to have him, that he's such a good, caring man. i really don't know what to do. most nights i weep before sleeping cos m such an emotional person.

i wonder how 6yrs of my marriage with him will be if 6months of our relationship is already like this.

i need your urgent assistance, please.

brgs,

Hello House,

Please beware of an Intercontinental life assurance agent called Friday Nwokolo, He's a dupe. He collects money from people in the name of the company.
He usually puts some of the money into the person's policy and the rest into his pocket.
The company is currently looking for him.

I'm actually one of the victims,