₦airaland Forum

sexymoma:
his intelligence...that was what attracted me...even with the few months we've dated i've gained lil. he s friendly too

Okay nice..

Here's what I'd say...

It does seem to me from your one side of the story, that you both jump-started the relationship without first taking time to become friends.

Here's the deal: He may Truly be busy, but if you already had a strong bond of friendship, he'd still make time for his buddy. Strange as it may seem, it's kinda easier to make time for 'buddy' than 'girlfriend'. The reason is that his mind tends to attach "demands" to the thought of 'girlfriend' while attaching "fun" to the thought of 'buddy'. So chances are that, if he has a free 5 mins he'd be more likely to reply a short msg from his 'buddy'.

For instance if you call a friend and he doesn't pick, you'd probably think nothing of it and just call him back later, but the 'girlfriend' in you wouldn't be so easily pacified.

The trick is to tell yourself that 'girlfriend mode' with all its rights and incentives is currently on pause mode. Activate 'buddy mode'. Be his friend. Convince yourself that he didn't pick because he was busy, thus call back later. Don't give 5 missed calls in a row. Refuse the girlfriend in you from getting upset. Since you say he is friendly, what stops you for being his playmate? I mean he spends all his time being serious with work, so be his relaxation spot.

Please though, Don't do this forever. A plan should be SMART.
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic and
Timed

So set a time period during which you should monitor progress in your relationship. If ALL seems not to be working, perhaps you should think again...

The great thing about this is that, if it turns out that he really isn't interested in a serious relationship with you, you would discern this when you establish the bond of friendship. You won't need to wonder, you'd just know.

If you, however would like TheCOB to have a chat with him (with or without a reference to you) just to get a feeler of his thoughts, please send me a PM.


Of course you do know, that we are trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.... He might also simply not be into you. But you really won't know if you don't try

sexymoma:
i think by now i should be thinking hard on the advice you've given me...

sexymoma:
what do you mean by connection...

sexymoma:
must i be specific bout that time,"not quite long" i think i wrote that..
aint a kid, i can't assume someone is dating me if he isn't dating me... i've passed that stage ma'm...
what do you mean by connection... i think by now i should be thinking hard on the advice you've given me... i've written enough details na

sexymoma:
we jos met not quite long, we met close to my office,
10 best ke... if i have i would have written, if i lie to you im deceiving myself ni... he isn't even romantic, he s so stiff.
i don't ask him for cash, so i can't say he spends on me.
He s intelligent
He s ambitious
he hardly gets angry "for now that i've known him'
he s quick to apologize. "don't know if he s pretending though"
He isnt even caring i must tell you.

chibuike65:
yea I care about her does too, hey am really tired of the whole thing I know she's not going find it easy when she will get my message telling it's over but I believe some day somewhere we will still again, am seeing someone now but I feel like cheating her really I need to call it off

Jayson1:
Sometimes I do see him as someone with mental disorder marked by memory failures but there's nothing i can do to help his condition.


*I wonder how he's girlfriend feel at this.

sexymoma:
He hardly pick my calls and he calls back at his own convenient
TBH i've stopped deceiving myself, i've concluded in my mind that.....
he hardly pick my calls at night, if i should talk he'll tell me im suspecting him or sort
how can i have a bf that i can't jos call anytime i feel like...
that's why i don't date made men, your opinion doesn't count, and they form busy everytime...
you see why im scared, it's difficult for me to bliv he doesn't have a gf, Why? cos i met this guy as a made guy.
he has his own apartment as in nor be say he buy ooo, he has two cars already.. pls tell me why i won't think of such..
it's only a Gold digger that wouldn't bother, cos her thought would be make i chop wetin i wan chop comot dia.
pls my fellow nlander abeg make una advice me..
ok let me tell you this.. i called him on saturday, that i'll be coming to his place, he didn't pick my calls and he didnt even call back
same thing on sunday....do you guys bliv he later later called on monday afternoon that he has been so busy... he said he was gonna call back
phew!! till this moment he hasn't... i didn't call him too cos it's been looking as if im bugging him.
Bliv me i love him so much i won't deny that buh you know why i wanna trust him alil?... he isn't a sex freak type.
just want you guys to tell me what i wanna hear or what i don't wanna hear

sexymoma:
He hardly pick my calls and he calls back at his own convenient
TBH i've stopped deceiving myself, i've concluded in my mind that.....
he hardly pick my calls at night, if i should talk he'll tell me im suspecting him or sort
how can i have a bf that i can't jos call anytime i feel like...
that's why i don't date made men, your opinion doesn't count, and they form busy everytime...
you see why im scared, it's difficult for me to bliv he doesn't have a gf, Why? cos i met this guy as a made guy.
he has his own apartment as in nor be say he buy ooo, he has two cars already.. pls tell me why i won't think of such..
it's only a Gold digger that wouldn't bother, cos her thought would be make i chop wetin i wan chop comot dia.
pls my fellow nlander abeg make una advice me..
ok let me tell you this.. i called him on saturday, that i'll be coming to his place, he didn't pick my calls and he didnt even call back
same thing on sunday....do you guys bliv he later later called on monday afternoon that he has been so busy... he said he was gonna call back
phew!! till this moment he hasn't... i didn't call him too cos it's been looking as if im bugging him.
Bliv me i love him so much i won't deny that buh you know why i wanna trust him alil?... he isn't a sex freak type.
just want you guys to tell me what i wanna hear or what i don't wanna hear

Even before I read through your story,

I'd just like to say a hearty thank you for sharing with us.

Welcome to The COB

Let's do this together

Beamborla:
That's unhealthy.

chibuike65:
why laughing ? just a Month and some days

Beamborla:
I don't know how to reply this.

But I just answered your question.

Lol yea... Just saw your response now

Beamborla:
Communication is not effective when the sender and the receiver do not have a shared meaning. There are lots of things involved in communication from tone of voice to body language to body posture to eye contact down to choice of words. Even the environment and mood have roles to play. All of these can either enhance or distort the decoding of a message by the receiver.

You have not communicated effectively if the receiver is unable to decode the message you are sending better than you meant it or just as you meant it.

I'm trying to explain this without going into mass communication jargons. Simply put, if the receiver is not on the same page with you the sender, then effective communication is yet to talk place

Oshey!

True. Different couples have different communication styles. It becomes effective only when both parties are fully in tune with each other leaving no room for negative assumptions. Infact an intoned couple should be able to discuss their thoughts (and assumptions) freely which other

Beamborla:
Communication is not all about talking about random activities, ma'am. There are people who talk less but still communicate effectively with their partners. Communication in relationships is more about putting everything about the relationship into words and backing it by actions where necessary to eliminate wrong assumptions/conclusions.

If they had been having effective communication, she would have understood his type of person instead of assuming.

Beamborla:
Very sweet of you to have mentioned me but I'm afraid I'm not much of an authority when it comes to romance.

Nevertheless, I'd tie everything down to communication... Not just communication, but effective and honest communication.

In addition, you have no business dating someone you can't or do not trust.

chibuike65:
yea I care about her does too, hey am really tired of the whole thing I know she's not going find it easy when she will get my message telling it's over but I believe some day somewhere we will still again, am seeing someone now but I feel like cheating her really I need to call it off

chibuike65:
so what do you think I should go on and call it a quit

chibuike65:
wow you are quite interesting thanks a lot I really appreciate

chibuike65:
yea

Sexytemi:
okay

Welcome to The COB.

Thanks for stopping by.... Please share your thoughts and experiences too.

chibuike65:
just once in 4yrs am tired of it is like am in prison really want to get out

ucheHapers:
God bless you... it's not easy but the good thing about it is the excellent communication and friendship built. And knowing that breaking up is never an option

chibuike65:
am in abuja she in abia state

chibuike65:
thanks a lot you nailed it but this not gonna help yea I love her she also love I think more than I love her but how do you cope with this I mean when you feel lonely when you need someone to cuddle, really I need something different

chibuike65:
how?

Jayson1:
Pleasant morning to you.

Jayson1:
Bro, before you "call it off" i will advise you to have a chat with www.nairaland.com/TheCOB


She will be of help.

Jayson1:
Let's do this again some other time. Many thanks to you.


Sleep well.

Sure we would
More thanks to you though

Horlohlah:
We are saying the same thing,i only reiterated your point. The man chooses to assume and not communicate...it goes hand in hand. Lack of communication-Overthinking-Assumption.

Lolz owk

Welcome to The COB.

Jayson1:
At this point, that great overwhelming of joyful excitement we once shared starts to efface gradually. Some negative impression about her will start to set in. @bolded.