₦airaland Forum

IvarTheTerrible:
I remember saving a lady in distress in such a manner in 1997.

I was listening to Tupac & Biggie when..... next door I heard " I WILL KILL YOU TODAY" with a baby wailing loudly in the background.

I dashed to their house and slammed my shoulders against the door, breaking the lock. The whole place was turned upside down, furniture everywhere.

As soon as i could adjust my eyes to the dim lighting, i saw the woman cowering in the corner, baby in her arms and

her husband coming out with a gun ...

3 quick steps with my long legs and i flung myself across their small parlour like David De Gea saving a shot.

Several things happened at once - I saw the muzzle flash, heard the deafening bang & felt a hard punch to my chest

Just like an elephant kicked me. I was pushed into the woman's bosom pushing her off-balance.

She held me in her arms with her baby, blood was gushing from my chest..... i was wheezing




I then remembered the saying " If you hear a gunshot, you are not dead"

It turned out that i was lucky, the bullet had entered the metal whisky flask i kept in my breast pocket to drown my sorrows.

I looked up and i saw the murderous look in the husband's eyes....he was reloading.

To be continued


[b]Culled from "The Memoirs of The Faceless Man"

Episode 3 - Title - The Cat with 9 lives.

Had a burst of inspiration, seems I penned 3 good stories that day

IvarTheBoneless:
This exact scenario happened to me...

I was going to see my GF, a bouquet of red roses...thoughts of hot sex on our 2nd anniversary on my mind.

I got sandwiched between 2 burly stern looking guys. One with a long knife scar traversing his rather ugly unshaven face.

5 mins into the trip at a lonely spot, i felt the cold steel of a gun barrel jammed in my side. "Your money or your life" The ever-smiling handsome crook on my right whispered into my ear like a lover would

My life flashed before my very eyes..."who would inherit my dog, Jack?" "Who would fvck Ngozi, my GF on my behalf?"

I was trembling and soaked in sweat, but my mind formed a plan. Foolish, it seemed to me but i recalled the barks of Jack and the moans of Gozi. This gave me a rush of 100% pure adrenaline. "Everything or Nothing it must be!"

I said a quick prayer to my ancestors and faked a sneezing fit. On the 3rd sneeze, i suddenly came to life....In 1 single swift motion, twisted the gunbarrel up with my right hand and slammed an elbow into the windpipe of the handsome guy who held the local made .45

We all heard 2 deafening bangs in succession. A bullet went through the roof of the car and other in the windscreen. Shrapnel from flying glass everywhere must have entered the driver's eyes because he lost control at top speed.

All these took less than 7 seconds....less than it took you to read this story ( if you didn't skip primary school that is)

I turned my attentions to Scarface and...

....

Episode 2 - Title = Valentine Day Massacre.

IvarTheBoneless:
I was there .... my life flashed before my very eyes.

Trees coming at me ( or I to them ?) at speeds of over 150km/hr

"Is this the end" ? I thought.

I cried out to the pilot but he had slumped in the cockpit....

I quickly dashed to the exit , took what i thought to be a parachute ...

Alas, i was wrong. It turned out to be just an umbrella.

I opened it with the wind whistling like a banshee in the throes of climax, moaning and groaning.


...and then i woke up!

Episode 1. Title = Airborne.

I wish i could write shorter ones like this. You have little room so you have to be REALLY CREATIVE.

I will one day put the motivation for writing my stories here.... too long to write for now....





BUT, here is the thing. As soon as I see an interesting headline, I challenge myself to write up a story in a matter of seconds.

It is very similar to blitz chess for me. I pen out these stories in 30 seconds - 1 minute.

The race to pen something interesting in so short a time is the challenge for me.

I have noticed that the shorter stories are better appreciated, more of my future stories would be shorter


PS - i i have had 3 stories hidden. One was a comedy on tribal marks - a nice one and short. 2nd was PG18. The last one was painful because it was action-packed

I am NO ONE.

I am there with you, as formless as air, ever present. Everywhere but nowhere.

These are the tales of a Bravoosi assassin.

All rights reserved...


Lol, it seems i have gotten a fan base in the past 3 days.

PRO TIP : You can read my stories here for background information on my thought processes and inspiration writing the story, but the stories would be better appreciated in the original article with the headline.

Click on the quote, go there and share for your friends














PS- Mods, remember the Bravoosi are ONE and MANY. There are many faces behind the mask

I have been accused of being NwaAmaikpe, FFK, Reno, IvarTheBoneless, IvarTheTerrible and so on. I AM NOT THESE GUYS. This is my first NL account. I only borrowed friend's profiles to write my stories initially till I then decided to join Nairaland…..





I have always fancied myself a novelist.

Vallar Morghulis