₦airaland Forum

Pistol

hollandis:
WORD!!!

@Topic
Sacking Berti Vogts will be f$$king Awesome

Hahahahahah that is fucking funny!

Good for you

@topic
Fine girl

I meanted what i have writtened

Am so hood DJ KHALED

Am so hood DJ KHALED

Yes

I have to say i like you

lol

Yes^{am hot cos am RICH}

Can you smoke?

Never
u?

Ok

Ingilishi

Which time you go compton?

Doctor, doctor, please kiss me," says the patient.
"No, I'm sorry, that would be against the code of ethics," says the doctor.

Ten minutes later the patient says: "Doctor, please, kiss me just once."
"No, I'm sorry, I just can't" he says.

Five minutes later, she asks again: "Please, please kiss me!"
"Look," says the doctor, "it's out of the question. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be f***ing you.

lol

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

+------------------------------------------------------------------------
On their first night together, the newly weds decided to set up signals
concerning their "urges".

The lady said "If you want it, squeeze my BOOB once, if you don't want it,
squeeze my BOOB twice."

The gent said "OK, if you want it, pull my DONG once, if you don't want it,
pull my DONG 48 times."

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of
a man's penis was
larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded
that the reason the
head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure
during sex.
After the study was published, the University of South Carolina
decided to do their own
study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that
the reason was to
give the woman more pleasure during sex.
The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
to keep a man's
hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
so he went to the
doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
sex, to stick his
finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
smell would cause his
hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
decided to make his
move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
in her pussy, and then
rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
to stiffen. Amazed, he
decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
in her pussy, then
rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
erect. He decided to
try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
around under his nose.
Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
"Honey, quick
turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
with his dick standing
tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
said, "Looks like the
worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"

Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on
him. He asked if they
wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at
after they went home
and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he
went to see him. He
asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night
long. The man
laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take
more than one. Once at
home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so
he gulped them
down. The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his
friend. Asking for some
liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In
disbelief, his friend asked
if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick. Charlie
replied "No,I need it for
my arms the women never showed up!"

Patient: Doctor I'm having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get
close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I
get sick to my stomach.
Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it.
Patient sticks out his tongue,

The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the
only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to
get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep."

"How marvelous," the old man said.

"Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to
work three times before you die."

On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "beep," and the
car in the opposite lane responded with "beep beep."

Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
"speed it up." He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. "Honey," he shouted at her, "don't ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed." Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
"beep," and he was UP.

He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
"What's all this "beep beep" shit?"

A guy is screwing a great looking blonde.
The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?"
He replies, "No."
She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!!
I don't want to get that again, !"

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!"

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her
son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood,
and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a
little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his
mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For
kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and
for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."
Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through
the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna
tell him, or should I ?"

A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather
hot blond behind him has just smiled "Hello" to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him,
and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from,
so he says , "Sorry, do you know me?"

She replies, "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the
father, of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.
"Holy crap", he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party
that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends, while
your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up
my behind?"

"No", she replies, "I'm your son's teacher."

Am cool
u

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days, For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

Anusman16

tj