₦airaland Forum

Lilly001: waoooh, AM BACK....... Goood Morning peeps.. I miss u all. I love You all. My thanks 2 d moderators@Mrs Odunnu

lilly welcome jawe...how u dey?

Lilly001: Happy Birthday to OKEKE IFUNAYA..(fiskyl). Wishing u LOng Life and Prosperity

HBD 2 ifunnaya...one of us ryt here. Wish u long lyf nd prosperity

Odunnu: You 'gat alot of questions' and we have to add you up on various sites to help you?
You have a terrible sense of humour.

LOOOOOOLZ!

Concerning matric day paparazy...why suggest a uniform wear 4 every1. D gist is lets meet on clearance day...get eachoda's contacts nd inform ourselves on where 2 meet on matric day dats all

Welcome to
Nigeria, where a CBN governor
can decide to add more to d
currency denominations
whenever his job is getting
boring....*longhiss* 5000naira note nonsense

Na only 4 9ja Blackberry dey
show
3G but no network..
Na only 4 9ja Pharmacy dey
sell
coke,Recharge Card,chin chin,and
beer
Na only 4 9ja you go see fish
inside Meatpie..
Na only 4 9ja native doctor
dey #laugh (hahaha) come detect
ur
problem
Na only 4 9ja you fit win
Aeroplane by loading just 200
Naira Mtn Card, very soon etisalat
go say recharge200 and win a
city.
I luv 9ja!:

ar we who av submitted our waec results b4 2 submit again

tolulopeYesmina: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=475780092441742&set=a.409102329109519.107876.386528681366884&type=1&theater#!/photo.php?fbid=475780092441742&set=a.409102329109519.107876.386528681366884&type=1&theater
Please go to this link
and vote for my fashion line by dropping "yesminah"as a comment on the picture, Thanks i'll appreciate it

just dropd a vote o

ShehuAba: Hy guys. T.G.I.F. Hws d day going @all tnx 4 ur contribution 2 make dis thread everly lively. @tjosh tnx 4 d jokes. @akby tnx 4 dat 9ce idea. Got 2 upload myn soon. @all united fans because una don get RVP una dy happy she,wel lets wait nd see bt we ol knw dat FCB rules d world. Visca Barca Visca catalunya.

u'r welcome...buh actually they'r nt my jokes tho i av just a lil sense of humour. They'r just stuffs i saw in movies, on oda forums, heard 4rm friends, nd saw on some sites...

Bolaji 16: [color=#000099][/color]Name: Bolaji
Dept: Mathematics
Sex: M
Location: Lag
Religion: Christian
State of Origin: Osun
Birthday: May 9
Facebook: facebook.com/bolaji.farinde
2go: bolaji212

@akby...nice concept..

Bolaji wot abt ur pix

SAW THIS ON A MOVIE

A bus stops and two Italian
men get on. They sit down
and engage in an animated
conversation. The lady sitting
behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears
one of the men say the
following:
"Emma come first. Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta
time." "You foul-mouthed sex
obsessed swine," retorted the
lady indignantly. "In this
country....we don't speak
aloud in public places about
our sex lives......... "Hey, coola down lady," said
the man. "Who talkin' abouta
sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my
frienda how to spella
'Mississippi'."

SAW THIS SOMEWHERE AND WANT U 2 LAFF IT OFF 2

Hung Chow calls in to work
and says, "Hey, boss I not
come work today, I really
sick. I got headache,
stomachache and my legs
hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know
Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel like this I
go to my wife and tell her to
give me sex. That makes
everything better and I can go to work. You should try
that." Two hours later Hung Chow
calls again: "Boss, I do what
you say and I feel great. I be
at work soon. You got nice
house and ur rum exotic"

Name: Tunji
Dept: Geology
Sex: M
Location: Ibadan
Religion: Xtain
State of Origin: Oyo
Birthday: July 8
Facebook: www.facebook.com/teejosh007
Twitter: www.twitter.com/adetunji4reel
2go: tjosh007
Team: chelsea

Akby: Can we all try this just a suggestion
Name: Arkin
Dept: Elect/Elect
Sex: M
Location: Lagos
Religion: Xtain
State of Origin: Ondo
Birthday: January 22
Facebook: www.facebook.com/akby.ware
Twitter: www.twitter.com/akby_ware
Team: Arsenal

k

MUST READDDDD OOOO!!!

An old woman boarded a bus
to lagos frm calabar told d
driver; "driver,if u reach Benin
tell me o!D driver nodded n
then she shouted again"my
children,una hear wetin I tell am? Everybody responded
YES MA.On d long journey to
lagos,everybody slept off but
dis woman neva blinkd.Dey
neva knew she doesn't know
Benin. Afta several hours of driving and lagos closeby wit
Benin about 4hrs bhind,d poor
woman then asked;driver,u
neva reach benin ni? Ooooh!!D
driver exclaimed;madam Benin
is like 4hrs behind us.D woman started crying"take me back 2
Benin abeg I no wan wahala
o!!!After all said,and considerg
d age of d woman it was
agreed dat d driver shld turn
back 2 Benin.On getting 2 Benin,d driver came
down,opened d door n told d
woman she is in Benin.D
woman simply opened her
hand bag,brought out a sachet
of panadol,removd 2 tablets n swallowd dem wit water.She
then smiled and said,na my
daughter say if I reach Benin
make I take 2 tablets of
panadol,Oya!Make we dey go
Lagos.=D=D=))

.

zezeny: (To continue) Medicine and Surgery has 65 as Cut-Off Mark because 412 candidates sat for d post-UTME and 151 candidates scored 50% and above in which only 104 students quota was given dem. Dis accounted for why d Cut Off Mark was made 65. ECONOMICS Department Candidates has one of d highest failure. Out of 259 candidates dat wrote d post-UTME, 43 candidates only scored 50% and above and d department has a quota of 62. Dis was why d Cut-Off Mark for Economics waz made 50% and infact, d Giant Course (ECONOMICS) was listed among d courses u can Change to incase u don't av chance in ur department, can u imagine. So,Ibraheeym neva compare ur score wit oda candidates because u are not in d same department. Lol. U may use my statistics to calculate wotever confuses u and u will be cleared d reason why CLA has more Cut Off Mark dan Medicine and Surgery. Goodluck

dat is why ui admission is 4 the best nd d 1s God favoured...

Ibraheeym: I don't know if I'm d Only One dat does dis o... Buh Lemme Confess.... Na every Morning Idey go check dah "Provisional Admission List" over nd over again as if say My Name go don Fly Commot for Midnight..*coves face* who dey do am too ??!

lwkmd....no
b only u o. We are 2geda in dis

zezeny: No, Network in OAU is very good. It is only in ANGOLA nd MOZAMBIQUE halls dat u will come across bad network. But in AWO, FAJ, MOREMI, AKINTOLA, ALUMNI nd PG hall nd academics area network wapa seriously. Ur BB go bring out 3g. As per light, OAU has d best power supply in Nigeria Unuversities I know.

guy u don reach oau b4 sha, if nt u 4 no sabi dem hostels reach...oau make sense o, ìf u 1 laff die...awo hall is dere 2 serve ù funny displays,

"The Cowboy, Black Man,
and the Native American"


THERE WERE THESE THREE MEN,
A COWBOY, AN AFRICAN
AMERICAN, AND A NATIVE
AMERICAN. THEY ALL HAVE
BEEN SUMMONED TO A
CERTAIN CLIFF BY GOD. THEY ALL MEET, AND GOD
APPEARS IN THE SHAPE OF
CLOUDS. HE SAYS TO THEM,
"STEP FORTH NATIVE
AMERICAN," SO HE STEPS UP
AND SAYS, "YES FATHER, WHAT HAVE I DONE TO
DISPLEASE YOU?" GOD SAYS,
"YOU HAVE MURDERED TOO
MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR
LIFETIME, SO I WILL GRANT
YOU THIS ONE WISH, IF YOU JUMP OFF THIS CLIFF, AND
SHOUT THE NAME OF THE
ANIMAL YOU WISH TO BE, I
WILL REINCARNATE YOU INTO
THE SPECIFIC ANIMAL AND
GIVE YOU ETERNAL LIFE." , SO THE NATIVE AMERICAN
JUMPS OFF THE CLIFF AND
SHOUTS," I WANT TO BE AN
EAGLE!" ONE SECOND LATER,
AN EAGLE GLIDES AWAY
INTO THE BLUE HORIZON. NEXT WAS THE BLACK MAN.
GOD SAYS, " YOU HAVE
MURDERED TOO MANY PEOPLE
IN YOU LIFE, SO I WILL GRANT
YOU THIS ONE WISH, IF YOU
JUMP OFF THIS CLIFF, AND SHOUT THE NAME OF THE
ANIMAL YOU WISH TO BE, I
WILL REINCARNATE YOU INTO
THE SPECIFIC ANIMAL AND
GIVE YOU ETERNAL LIFE." SO THE BLACK GUY JUMPS OFF
AND SHOUTS. " I WANT TO BE
A BEAR!" HE LANDS ON THE GROUND
AND STARTS GRAZING AWAY
AS A BLACK BEAR. NEXT WAS THE COWBOY. GOD
GIVES HIM THE SAME SPEECH
ABOUT MURDERING TOO MANY
PEOPLE AND HOW HE WILL
GIVE HIM ETERNAL LIFE AS
ANY ANIMAL HE SHOUTS. SO THE COWBOY RUNS AND AS
SOON AS HE GETS TO THE EDGE
AND JUMPS, HE TRIPPED OVE A
ROCK AND SHOUTED ," OH
SHIT!!!!"

A young man goes into a
pharmacy and says to
the pharmacist,
"Hello, Could you give me
condom? I'm going
to my girlfriend's place For dinner and I think I may
be in with a
chance!"
The pharmacist gives him the
Condom and as
the young man is going out; he returns and
says,
"Give me another condom
because my
girlfriend's sister is very Cute
too" . She always crosses her legs in a
provocative manner when she
sees me
and I think I might strike it
lucky there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom
and as the boy is leaving he
turns back and
says,
"Go on, give me one more
condom because my girlfriend's mum is still
pretty cute and when she sees
me she always
makes eyes, and since
she invited me for dinner, I
think she is expecting me to make a move!
During dinner, the young man
is sitting with
his girlfriend on his left,
the sister on his right and the
mum facing him . When the dad gets
there, the boy lowers his head
and starts
praying,
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner
and thank you for all you give Us."
A minute later the boys is still
praying; "and
thank you Lord for your
Kindness." Ten minutes go by
and the boy is still Praying, keeping his head
down.
The others look at each other
surprised and his
girlfriend is even
More surprised than the others. She gets close
to the boy and says in
his ear, ”I didn't know you
were so religious."
The boy replies, "I didn't know
your DAD was a pharmacist.

Lewis was in a taxi chatting
with his
friend on facebook
and
suddenly he discovered that
the man sitting beside him was reading his conversation.
Since he did not want to
embarrass
the man,
He decided 2change the
topic of the chat;" Abeg oga, please
tell Kabiru
Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that
I only took two of the bombs
we
just manufactured for this
operation.
Let them
know
as well that I may find it
difficult to get to the
target place before the
bombs explode because there
is
terrible
traffic jam now but
nevertheless,
I am sure casualty figure will
be
high since we
are five in our taxi and all the vehicles in the
traffic will be affected too. We
have less than
3minutes for the bomb to go
off
bye bye and take care of my parents and
siblings as
agreed". The Man, without
allowing the taxi to
stop quickly
opened the taxi door and jumped
out.

tufe: Number 10 is very wrong, the wind shield wiper was invented by Robert Kearn in 1963, that I am sure of. I saw that in a movie, "Flash Of Genius". I just wonder how many more of ur facts are probably wrong. Just saying tho. #okbye

Mary anderson invented d 1st windshield wiper in 1903 but later on Robert kearn invented d d 1st intermittent windshield wiper in 1963 by improving on d1 made by Mary which is beta

Lawalo: @shehuaba, I think u r wrong. Anyway, let's wait 4 others' anwers.

d answer is -5

luv the matric celebration thingy, my own opinion is just 4 us 2 set up a group as soon as we resume into skul wit dat we can settle d picture snapping issue nd celebration paparazzy...nd besides dis group culd give back 2 subsequent applicants by always setting up a thread here which will be authorised by nairaland(with d help of madam odunnu) nd wil be d only thread on nairaland providing gud infos 4 new applicants thereby reducing d fraudulent acts 4rm predators lyk ayodeji nd co. We culd even come up wit gr8 ideas dat culd help dem e.g orientation, career advice e.t.c ör wot do u think. Am being optimistìc abt dis

xoxo happy, thank God...am in 4 Geology. All praises goes to God. Any geologist in da haus or infact any1 who wants hook up wit me shuld add me on 2go wit 'tjosh007' lets just share d happiness

**TOP 9 BEST BOOK** 1. How to live in peace & unity
n Nigeria by Boko Haram.
2. How to speak good english
by Patience Jonathan.
3. How to encourage family
planing by 2Face Innocent Idibia.
4. How to remain beautiful by
OBJ.
5. Why i love america by
Osama bin lahdin.
6. How to win trophies by Arsene wenger.
7. Heaven at last by Guru
Maraji.
8. Getting stable power supply
by PHCN.
9. How to compose good music by Terry G. Swiftly grab ur copy and
change ur life today

small truth to make our Life
100% successful
If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z
Is equal to 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then
H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K =
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =
98% K+N+O+W+L+E+D+G+E =
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =
96%
L+O+V+E=
12+15+22+5=
54% L+U+C+K =
12+21+3+11 =
47%
None of them makes 100%
Then what makes 100%
Is it Money? NO !!!
Leadership?
NO !!!
Every problem has a solution,
only if we perhaps change our
"ATTITUDE". It is OUR ATTITUDE towards
Life and Work that makes
OUR Life 100% Successful..
A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E =
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
Amazing mathematics Isn't it

Teacher: What is your
favourite flower?

Student:Chrysanthemums.

Teacher:Spell it.

Student: Ehm.. actually,
I think I like Roses better.

1 day, a hunta went 2 d
forest 2 hunt, in d proces, a
lion came out nd d hunta got
scared nd startd prayin 2 GOD 2
save him, sudenly d lion knelt
dwn nd startd prayin, so d hunta got marveld nd ask d
lion "y ar u prayin, d lion replyd
"Dnt u pray b4 eatin"

A pastor was packing his
belongings leaving Kano 4
lagos cos of Boko Haram
atrocities. One of his members
saw him & asked him:"But
Pastor the Bible says 'no weapon fashioned against us
shall prosper'".The pastor
replied: "Brother the Bible also
says go into the world &
preach the gospel not only in
Kano or Kaduna but also in Lagos...

Abd'Hafeez:
This thread don dull o o!!

Abi o, lets give it life now