₦airaland Forum

This topic is copy pasted, but whenever i see any topic on Mother my eyes gets wet as i love my Mom too too much.
Your comments will be highly appreciable. 

The story began when I was a child; I was born as a son of a poor family. Even for eating, we often got lack of food.
Whenever the time for eating, mother
often gave me her portion of rice. While she was removing her rice into my bowl, she would say “Eat this rice, son. I’m not hungry”.

That was Mother's First Lie.

When I was getting to grow up, the
persevering mother gave her spare time
for fishing in a river near our house, she hoped that from the fishes she got, she could gave me a little bit nutritious food for my growth. After fishing, she would cook the fishes to be a fresh fish soup,
which raised my appetite. While I was eating the soup, mother would sit beside me and eat the rest meat of fish, which was still on the bone of the fish I ate. My heart was touched when I saw it. I then used my chopstick and gave the other
fish to her. But she immediately refused
it and said “Eat this fish, son. I don’t
really like fish.”

That was Mother's Second Lie.

Then, when I was in Junior High School,
to fund my study, mother went to an
economic enterprise to bring some
used-matches boxes that would be
stuck in. It gave her some money for
covering our needs. As the winter came, I woke up from my sleep and looked at my mother who was still awoke, supported by a little candlelight and
within her perseverance she continued the work of sticking some used-matches box. I said, “Mother, go to sleep, it’s late, tomorrow morning you still have to go
for work.” Mother smiled and said “Go to sleep, dear. I’m not tired.”

That was Mother's Third Lie.

At the time of final term, mother asked
for a leave from her work in order to
accompany me. While the daytime was coming and the heat of the sun was starting to shine, the strong and
persevering mother waited for me under the heat of the sun’s shine for several
hours. As the bell rang, which indicated that the final exam had finished, mother
immediately welcomed me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared before in a cold bottle. The very thick tea was not as thick as my mother’s love,
which was much thicker. Seeing my
mother covering with perspiration, I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said “Drink, son. I’m not thirsty!”.

That was Mother's Fourth Lie.

:


After the death of my father because of illness, my poor mother had to play her role as a single parent. By held on her former job, she had to fund our needs alone. Our family’s life was more complicated. No days without sufferance. Seeing our family’s condition that was getting worse, there was a nice
uncle who lived near my house came to help us, either in a big problem and a small problem. Our other neighbors who lived next to us saw that our family’s life was so unfortunate, they often advised
my mother to marry again. But mother, who was stubborn, didn’t care to their advice, she said “I don’t need love.”

That was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my study and then
got a job, it was the time for my old
mother to retire. But she didn’t want to; she was sincere to go to the marketplace every morning, just to sell some vegetable for fulfilling her needs. I, who worked in the other city, often sent her some money to help her in fulfilling her
needs, but she was stubborn for not
accepting the money. She even sent the money back to me. She said “I have enough money.”

That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

After graduated from Bachelor Degree, I
then continued my study to Master
Degree. I took the degree, which was funded by a company through a scholarship program, from a famous University in America. I finally worked in the company. Within a quite high salary,
I intended to take my mother to enjoy her life in America. But my lovely mother didn’t want to bother her son, she said to me “I’m not used to.”

That was Mother's Seventh Lie.

After entering her old age, mother got a flank cancer and had to be hospitalized.
I, who lived in miles away and across the
ocean, directly went home to visit my
dearest mother. She lied down in
weakness on her bed after having an operation. Mother, who looked so old, was staring at me in deep yearn. She tried to spread her smile on her face;
even it looked so stiff because of the
disease she held out. It was clear
enough to see how the disease broke my mother’s body, thus she looked so weak and thin. I stared at my mother within tears flowing on my face.  My heart was hurt, so hurt, seeing my
mother on that condition. But mother,
with her strength, said “Don’t cry, my
dear. I’m not in pain. ”

That was Mother's Eight Lie.

After saying her eighth lie, my
dearest mother closed her eyes forever

Parable Of The Pencil - Pencil story

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box.
"There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."

"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."

"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."

"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."

"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.
Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

Hit LIKE

=TAG 5 FRIENDS TO THIS STORY

A MUST READ)......
.They both claim to be in love for 5years.
All
through their relationship, the guy kept
insulting her, he beats her up publicly,
molestz her when she's not in the mood.
He also slept
with her sister and posted copies of her nude
body all over the campus.
But the girl stood by him and loved him even more.
Her friends persuaded her and tried to
discourage her, but she kept putting up with
him and even helped him excel inall his
lectures and exams.
On the final day of graduation, the guy was
to graduate with a first class, a day
filled
with joy for her and him.
He sent her a text
and told her ''the relationship is over.'' '
How
cruel some guys can be!
While waiting for his award at the
convocation ceremony. The girl walked up to him
and told
him
''you are finished.'Immediately the VC
announced and told the guy,his papers were
not found, that he never did his registration
during the admission process.
He had to start all over again after wasting 5
years of hadwork.
However...The girl was the brain behind the
missing papers. How heartless
some girls can be!

My question here is, who is more heartless,
THE GUY or THE GIRL?

I don't understand ooooooo plz how can make a blog plz I av try wordpress bt I coul nt do it

Plz I need help I want to create my blog bt I can't do it sumone shoul plz help me out, here is my pin 30D90EF5 or fb I'd natasha iwarue hope sumone will help Waiting

Is a magic I learn 4rm sumone

Girl: Honey??
Boy: Yes, sweety??
Girl: Honey, i like this shoe a lot but i forgot my wallet at home, could you plz give me N5,000 to buy it?
Boy: There is no Atm close here but take this N100, go home and bring your wallet.

Question:
Is the guy=
1)Economical.
2)Sharp minded.
3)Wicked.
4)Reasonable.
5)Stingy.
6)Genious
7)Selfish
Stupid
9)Foolish
10.Wise ??

Winner will be called on d first of October and recharge shall go d best among all is a promise

Maths Magic:
ur Cell number's
last digit,
x 2,
+ 5,
x 50,
+ ur age,
+ 365,
&
- 615.
The last number is ur age and 1st number is ur cell's last number number... TRY IT!

Hey peeps
This is another live game from the stables of Nairaland in this game participants are going to categorised according to their various talents and them finally championed as the best.
Categories include.

Article writing
singing
dancing
poetic write up
and lots more

note that the singing and dancing will be done by uploading your videos and voice. There is no harm if you have any questions to ask. More details will be out soon . Post your participation

If you could have the opportunity to meet someone of nairaland in real. Will you even reconsider a relationship with that person? Tell us who u want to meet in real and why?

Y not if av nt I will nt av post it

Friends do you eat breakfast in the morning and what do you prefer?
1. A muffin and tea/coffee
2. Meusli and yogurt
3. Toast, bacon,eggs,pork sausages and a glass of juice
4. Hot porrige, toast and eggs
5. Fruit salad with yogurt
6. Boerewors and pap
7. A apple on the go
8. Only a yogurt
9. Only tea/coffee or a glass of juice
10. Don't eat breakfast
Tell us

Useful and handy information that probably you didnt
know.

Ants problem :
Ants hate cucumbers. Keep
the skin of cucumbers near the place or ant hole.


To get pure and clean ice: Boil water first before freezing.


To make the mirror shine:
Clean with spirit in you


To remove chewing gum from clothes: keep the clothe in the freezer for an hour.

To whiten white clothes: soak white clothes in hot water with a slice of lemon for 10minutes.

To give a shine to hair: Add
one teaspoon of vinegar to
hair , then wash hair.


To get maximum juice out of lemons: soak lemons in hot water for one hour , and then juice them.


To avoid smell of cabbage
while cooking: keep a piece of bread on the cabbage in the vessel while cooking.


To rid the smell of fish from
your hands: wash your hands with i little apple vinegar.

The blood which flows through our body contains many different materials and cells. Each part of the blood has its own special job to do. The liquid part of our blood is called the plasma and makes up a little more than half the blood. It is yellow in colour and thicker than water as many substances are dissolved in it. These substances are protein, antibodies that fight diseases, fibrinogen that helps the blood to clot, carbohydrates, fats and salts, in addition to the blood cells themselves. The red cells (also called the red blood corpuscles) give the blood its colour. There are so many of them in the blood that it makes it all look red. There are about 35 trillion of these tiny, round, flat discs moving around in your body all at once. As the young red grows and takes on adult form in the marrow, it loses its nucleus and builds up more and more haemoglobin. Haemoglobin is the red pigment, or colour. Red cells live only for about four months and then are broken up, mostly in the spleen. New red cells are always being formed to replace the cells that are worn out and destroyed.

DO NOT JUDGE So Quickly!! (MUST READ)

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery.

He answered the call asap, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block.
He found the boy's mother going and coming in the hall waiting for the doctor.

On seeing him, the mother yelled:

"Why did you take all this time to come? Don't you know that my
son's life is in danger? Don't you have the sense of responsibility? "

The doctor smiled and said:
"I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital and I came the fastest I could after
receiving the call..
And now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work"


"Calm down?!
What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down? said the mother angrily.


The doctor smiled again and replied:
Doctors cannot prolong lives. Go and intercede for your son, we will do our best by God's grace"


"Giving advice when we're not concerned is so easy"
Murmured the mother.


The surgery took some hours after
which the doctor went out happy,
"Thank goodness!, your son is saved!"

And without waiting for the mother's reply he carried on his way running.
"If you have any question, ask the
nurse!!"


"Why is he so arrogant? He couldn't
wait some minutes so that I ask about my son's state" commented the mother

when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left. The nurse answered, tears coming down her face:
"His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son's surgery. And now that he saved your son's life, he left running to finish his son's burial."


Moral:- Never Judge Anyone on your own way.
Because You never know how their life is & what they're going through!

Boring talk hiss

Lady Brutalised For Stealing Blackberry Phone In Night Club

This very strange incident happened in Imo State, Nigeria last weekend when a female undergraduate student named Chisom was stripped naked after stealing a Blackberry phone in a popular night club in Owerri. www.naijagists.com

According to an eye witness, Chisom who had earlier removed the Blackberry phone from a fun-seeker’s bag at the club ran out of luck after all effort to switch off the stolen phone proved abortive.

The lady got busted when the Blackberry owner called her line using another friend’s phone.

To her surprise, she heard it ringing inside Chisom’s handbag.

People quickly descend on Chisom, she was beaten to pulp and her clothes stripped off her.

The security guards at the club later came to her rescue.

Na wa o some ladies will do anything to lay their hands on a blackberry.

MARRIAGE IN NIGERIA TRADITION/CHURCH

There are two types of Marriages that takes place in Nigeria and they are:
1. Traditional Marriage
2. Church Marriage (Wedding)

Traditional Marriage
The Traditional Marriage is a marriage conducted according to the Native Law and Customs of the people of Nigeria. It is recognized by the people, the government, all and sundry as the Real Marriage.

Church Marriage (Wedding or Holy Matrimony)
This is another type of marriage that exist in Nigeria called the Church Marriage, Wedding or Holy Matrimony. This is conducted according to the rules and regulations of the different Churches. As a matter of fact, there is no standard way of conducting this marriage. Each Church does it the way they like.

In Nigeria if a couple goes directly to marry in the Church, that marriage is not recognized by their families, friends and in fact by the people in general, if they do not pass through the Traditional Marriage Rites of their ethnic group first. The Clergies themselves will not conduct a marriage in Nigeria, which has not first been conducted according to the Traditional Marriage Rites of the couple. A marriage rule in the Churches requires that the couple or couples pass through the Traditional Marriage Rites first before coming to the Church otherwise the marriage will not be conducted

So the very big question for which an answer is yet to be provided, is why do the Clergies have to conduct another round of marriage in the Church, when a marriage has already been conducted, a marriage which they also accept?

For a girl or woman to say she is married in Nigeria, the parents of the girl must hand her over to the parents of the husband who will in turn hand her over to her husband. After the said husband and his family would have performed the necessary traditional marriage rites, as required by the custom of the wife’s family or ethnic group she belongs to, in a Marriage Ceremony.

Whether it is in the North, South, East or Western region of Nigeria, every ethnic group in Nigeria carries out a Traditional Marriage Ceremony. The method only differs slightly from an ethnic group to another and from family to family within an ethnic group.

Some family in an ethnic group, may require the husband to carry out the rites to the latter, while others may wave some of the rites that they feel are not too important to be performed by the man. A family who waves some unimportant rights, gladding the heart of their in-laws.

Irrespective of the ethnic differences, the following rites are constituent part of the Traditional Marriage Rites in Nigeria:

INTRODUCTION
The would be husband must introduce himself and his family to the parents and family of his wife to be at an agreed date in the wife’s family house. It is in this very important ceremony he openly declares his intension to marry their daughter.

The girl is called by her parents or the family to confirm the statement of the man. Once the statement is confirmed by the girl, the girl’s family has no further say than to accept the man, after some questions and answers session with the girl in the presence of all.

DATE/LIST OF MARRIAGE ITEMS
On the day of the introduction, the date for the marriage proposed by the husband to be. After some deliberations, an accepted date is reached by both families. On the same day, a list of items to be bought and brought to the girl’s family before the day of the marriage is given to the man. The items differ from ethnic group to ethnic group.

Basic among these items are:
1. Walking stick, Cap and Cloths for the Father of the girl
2. Cloth for the Mother of the girl
3. Some tubers of Yam
4. One or two bags of Salt
5. A she goat
6. Some bottles of Palm Oil
7. Hot Drinks
8 A Suitcase for the wife to be

These items, which could be more than the above list are bought and delivered to the family of girl before the day of the marriage. By doing this, the husband to be has proved to the girl’s family that he can take care of the wife.

3. PAYMENT OF THE BRIDE PRICE (THE DOWRY)
The payment of the dowry or bride price is a very significant rite to be performed by the man. It is paid on the day of the marriage. This aspect of the traditional marriage is what makes the women to be called a wife.

A woman whose dowry has not been paid, even if she is married in the Church, she is seen by the family of the man as a GIRL FRIEND to the man, even if she has given birth of a dozen children to the man and are living together, she is not his wife. As a matter of fact in some important family occasion where wives in the family are gathered, her presence may not be welcome, since she is not a wife in the family.

The amount of the bride price being paid by the man is small, and the amount differs from one ethnic group to another. In some ethnic group, it could be as small as 60 Naira but the amount is very very significant. In fact no girl or woman can be said to be married in Nigeria, if a bride price is not paid on her.

Nigerian culture does not permit couples to stay together without the traditional marriage being performed. If they do, that kind of marriage is illegitimate. Parents are no always happy with such can of association because it does not bring respect to the girl and the man, the children produce from such association and the family as a whole. If problems arises from such an association parents most often do not intervene.

THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
The marriage is conducted in the family house of the girl. On the day of the marriage, friends, invitees, well-wishers and the parents of the man will all gather at the family compound of girl to perform the ceremony. What happens here on that day differs from ethnic group to ethnic. But generally, the following must take place.

1. Entertainment
As soon as the man and his entourage arrives the house of the girl, they are welcomed by the family of the girl and are entertained as visitors. A spokesman of the family of the girl does the presentation of drinks, cola-nuts and money if included to the visitors. The spokesman of the man, who wants to marry, receives the items presented on behalf of the man and his family and entertainment starts.

While the family of the man are busy entraining themselves, the family of the girl puts on as look or behave as if they are not aware of the intention of their visitors. A lot of people see this behavior as part of the tradition. But I think it is because the family of the girl cannot be to sure that the man has not changed his mind not to marry the girl and would have come to say just that. So they keep their cool until the spokesman of the man’s family re-introduces or re-presents the issue.

2. Presentation of the Issue
With a signal from an elderly man from the man’s family, their spokesman clears the table of any drink, and then place on the table a bottle of a hot drink, wine and money in a plate were necessary. All this are placed on the table.

The spokesman of the man’s family then calls for the attention of the woman’s family to the content of the table, and on behalf of the family of the man, he tells them that they have come for a purpose and that the visit is not just an ordinary visit. That they saw something good in the family that attracted them as they were passing by and that is what they have come to take away. He stops there.

(a) Response from the Family of the Bride’s
In response, the spokesman on behalf of the family of the bride, probes further. At the end of the day, the cat is lead out of the bag. The spokesman of the groom tells the spokesman of the bride that we have come to marry in this house.

(b) Parading of different brides before the Groom
On hearing that, the matter does not end there and the bride is bought out. The spokesman of the bride’s family further enquires from the groom’s family if they are sure the bride they are looking for is in this family. And the response is always yes from the spokesman of the groom.

With the response in affirmative, the stage is set to parade the different bride’s in the family before the groom, who is expected to identify the bride he wants to marry before the audience. Some times old ladies are paraded among the girls.

The girls are parades veiled and the groom must pay money for each girl to be paraded before him and pay to unveil each girl, if cannot tell his bride without unveiling. Several girls are paraded before him until he is able to tell his bride.

This is another very important aspect of traditional marriage in Nigeria, as the groom in the presence of everybody tells who his bride is. And therefore can not say she was imposed on him.

In some other culture in Nigeria, the girl will go looking for the husband in the crowd with a glass of wine. Who ever she gives the glass of wine to is her husband.

The bottom line is that one must have to identify the other in the presence of an audience.

(c) Acceptance by the Bride
As soon as the bride is identified, by the groom, the bride is made to stand before the family to answer the big question. She is shown the drinks and cola-nuts presented by the groom and his family and she is told they have come to marry you and therefore what is your response. As expected the response is in the affirmative.

As soon as the bride answers yes, every body present is happy, and the husband to be moves forward and sprays her with money. That is notes of Naira, Pounds, or Dollars are poured on her body.

(Although this practice is outlaw by the country, it has been practiced for a very long time by the people. So it is like a custom, as it is still been practiced even by the law makers themselves, in their family ceremonies.) It is away to show off money.

(d) Acceptance of the Drink presented to the Bride’s Family by the Groom.
While every one is jubilating, the drinks and cola-nuts presented to the bride’s family by the groom, when the issue was presented can now be taken freely since they have been assured by the girl that they go ahead and drink and that they would not be asked to pay back

3. PAYMENT OF THE DOWRY (BRIDE PRICE)
While the jubilation is going on, the groom is called by the bride’s family to pay the dowry through their spokesman. No amount is given to them. The groom places on the table an amount in a white plate. Some family could demand that more money be placed in the plate, sometimes in several thousands of Naira. After that is done they may ask for more. It gets to a point, when the groom refuses to add more money to the plate.

At this point, the family of the bride will ask the groom if that was all he can pay as dowry and if he is sure he has enough money to take care of their daughter. He answers yes.

The family of the brides then removes from the plate, the amount allowed by tradition for dowry. The remaining money is returned back to the groom. For example if the money initially paid was 10,000 Naira, they may collect only 60 Naira as dowry and return 9, 940 Naira back to the groom.

The money is returned with the following statements: “Young man we are not here to sell our daughter. Take this money and add it to what would be used to take care of our daughter. Know that you cannot pay the entire dowry in the day. You will continue to pay as the marriage progresses.”

This gesture generates jubilation and the family of the groom all kneel down to thank the family of the bride.

The last statement “You will continue to pay as the marriage progresses”, may sound senseless But hidden in this statement is the fact that as long as the man is married to their daughter, he would be called at any point in time to contribute financially or otherwise to the welfare of his in-laws. This he should be ready to do naturally by being a son in-law of the family. The wife’s pressure on him to help the family is all part of the one statement.

You see in Nigeria, we are our brother’s keeper we enjoy taking care of our extended family, as they are also ready to help in case of trouble.

The purpose for asking for more money is to know if the groom has the attitude of giving and has the capacity to take care of his bride. The returning of part of the dowry paid shows that they are not selling their daughter and they do not lack also.

4. BINDING OF THE HUSBAND AND WIFE
Once the dowry has been paid, the next thing is to bind the bride and the groom together as one This is the mean aspect of the traditional marriage that must be performed. As a matter of facts this is the marriage itself. This aspect is done by the most elderly man of the bride’s family present in the marriage ceremony. It can be done by the grand father of the girl, her uncle if the grand father is not alive or the father of the girl, if he is the most senior family member present.

God gave the people power through their tradition do bind together their sons and daughter to be come husbands and wives. Therefore what God has put together, through the parents, let no man put asunder or re-bind together or re marry. God is not a God of confusion.

This aspect of the ceremony requires four items: Honey, Sugar, Salt and Palm Wine. The items could differ between ethnic groups. But some thing is used for the binding together. Small quantity of honey, sugar and salt are mixed together in a small white plate which is placed on the table with a small spoon and a glass of palm wine, mineral or fruit wine.

The Binding Together
The bride and the groom are requested to kneel down in front of the elderly man who wants to pray and bind them, near the table where the items are. This they do. While on their kneels, the elderly man picks the white plate containing the mixed items and prays for the success of the marriage and blessings that follows marriage which is child bearing. That the marriage will be as sweet as the honey, sugar and salt. After the prayer, he hands over the plate and the spoon to the girl, who then gives some quantity to the husband to lick. She then hand over the plate and the spoon to her husband who then give some quantity to lick also. The plate is then placed back on the table.

The palm is prayed upon by the old man and after that the glass is handed over to the girl again. The girl gives the glass to the husband to drink first this time. The husband drinks almost half of the quantity and leave remaining portion for her to drink. At this point the father and mother of the bride pray for both of them for the success of the marriage. .

5. HANDING OVER OF THE BRIDE TO THE GROOMS FAMILY
After the binding ceremony, the groom goes back to seat with his family, while the girl goes to Seat On Her Father’s Leg. She does not just join the husband. She must be properly handed over to the father of the husband.

According to the Nigerian culture, it is the father of the groom who is marring for his son and not the son himself. Therefore the girl is handed over to the father of the groom and not to the groom directly.

While the father of the groom is seated, the same old man who did the binding, will walk to the father of the girl where the girl is seating and take her to the father of the groom. He sits her on the legs of the father of the groom telling him to take care of the girl, which he agrees to do. This raises an ovation all over the place. In the presence of every body, the father then hands over the girl to the son, making her to sit on the son’s legs.

With this last stage of the ceremony performed, they are pronounced husband and wife. They can now hug and kiss each other in the presence of the public. From now on they are regarded and respected in the family and in the society as a whole. As soon as the bride is handed over to the groom, that is the end of the ceremony inside the house. They are now ready to be received outside by a large audience made up of friends, family members, well-wishers, etc.

6. RECEPTION PARTY
This is always a must after the marriage ceremony. Because this is where the whole world see and know they are now married. During the marriage ceremony, only few family members and friends participate inside the house.

The others are waiting out side a well prepared reception ground in the compound of the bride, to receive them. With families that have, the reception is always a very big show, with a life band stand and plenty to eat and drink.

MOVING INTO THE RECEPTION GROUND
The newly married don’t just walk into the reception ground. They are escorted out in a style with family members dancing behind them as they also dance to take their seat in the reception ground. As soon as they take their seats, the ceremony begins.

Every body including the newly married dance, eat, drink, money is sprayed on them like water. At the climax of it all they are given gifts of all kind by friends, family members and well-wishers. And at a point in time they leave the venue. And that is the end of the show. The marriage has been performed.

7. MOVING TO THE HUSBAND’S HOUSE
At the end of the ceremony, the woman does not just follow the husband home. The husband leaves her behind. That night at the girl’s home, a parting ceremony is performed. The father, mother, brother and sisters advices her and prays again for her successful marriage.

In the evening of the next day, she is escorted by the women in her family to her husband father’s house with the gifts, her suitcase, and other materials given to her by the mother and other members of the family.

After arriving the father in-law’s house the women in family of the husband will all troop out to welcome her with a bowl of water to wash her feet. After washing her feet, she then enters the father in-law house with her right leg first, which signifies that she came with happiness and joy.

The women that escorted her then return home after she has entered the father in-laws house. Late in the evening of the same day, the husband comes to carry his wife home. From then on, they can now live as husband and wife and are respected by all in the society.

This is according to the Urhobo tradition in Delta State, Nigeria. The method of movement differs from ethnic groups. In some traditions, she can follow her husband immediately.

CHURCH MARRIAGE
Church marriage was introduced into Nigeria, by the missionaries who came to the country with the colonial master. Those who became Christians were forced by the Church rules, to organize another marriage for their children after the traditional marriage.

This marriage they called Wedding or Holy Matrimony. Even if the parents of the married couple refuse to attend, the Church will organize some members to represent the parents of couple in the Holy Matrimony Ceremony in the Church.

BRIEFLY HOW THE CHURCH MARRIAGE IT IS DONE
To start with unfortunately, the newly married couple is seen by the Church as not having been married before. And they ask “is there any one here present that is against the marriage of this two or has a reason while they should not be wedded together as husband and wife or forever keep your peace?” whereas they have just been married traditionally and pronounced husband and wife by their parents. What do we called this?

Where would there have been opposition? Is it in the Church or when the traditional marriage was to be performed? And if there is an opposition to the Solemnization of the Holy Matrimony, which sometimes does happen, does that cancel the traditional marriage? It does not. In fact after the traditional marriage, the couples have the right to stay together and make family.

If there is no opposition, they couples are asked to where each other a ring after making some Marriage Vows, Swear or take an Oath to leave together. After swearing and wearing each other a ring, the Pastor will now make his pronunciation “By the power bestowed upon me by God, I pronounce you husband and wife”. What about the first pronouncement by the parents of the couples? Was it not in God’s name they made the pronouncement?

After they are pronounced husband and wife by the Pastor presiding, the couples can now kiss each other inside the Church and that is the end of the ceremony. They can now go for another reception where money bags wait to show of their money. At the end of this reception, they can then go home.

One thing the officiating Pastors or Clergies do which surprises me is to find out from the couple, if they have performed the traditional marriage rites. If the answer is no, they are dismissed and asked to go and do that first before coming to the Church. This shows the supremacy of the traditional marriage.

So why should they perform a second marriage? Is it that the traditional marriage was Unholy and not Official and that is why they have to perform the Solemnization of a Holy Matrimony? This question requires an answer.

One would have expected the Pastor to pray for the couples and bless the marriage that has already been performed to show respect to the culture of the people, since the Church marriage cannot be performed except the traditional one has been done, and not to conduct another marriage.

As one cannot marry one woman twice, for me, the Church marriage is not a marriage in the real sense of it because God is not a God of confusion. I see it as a fun and an attempt to trivialize our God given culture. Because what the Pastor is wants to do, the elders have already done it.

Therefore I would like to see a situation where the presiding Pastors calls for Blessed Marriage Ceremony and not another Wedding Ceremony, where they are seen binding the couples a second time. If they must bind the couples as God requires of them, why will they ask the couples to go and do it in the traditional way first? Why not just go ahead and marry them and disregard tradition?

ACCEPTANCE OF THE TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE BY EVERYBODY
The traditional marriage is accepted by all in Nigeria. The Church marriage is not accepted as a real marriage. That is why the Pastors will require would be husband and wife to go and marry traditionally first before coming to the Church.

Therefore the only true way of marrying in Nigeria is the Traditional Marriage. The Church Wedding is alien and does not go down well in the society most especially with the family of the bride.

Parents are always very happy participating in the marriage or giving out their sons and daughters in marriage with their own hands and not somebody else. They are happy doing it themselves and the marriage is always blessed when parents are involved. Marriages that parents are not involved in many cases do not workout well, as they are not supporter of the marriages.

THE ADVANTAGE OF TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
Everything that has an advantage also has a disadvantage. To be born in a rich home is an advantage. But to be pampered is a disadvantage. Traditional marriage has it own disadvantages but the advantages are more. Below are some of the advantages:

1 One of the profound aspects of traditional marriage is the investigation both parents carryout, on behalf of the two that wants to get married. Once the boy and the girl have introduced each other their parents, the first question they will ask, is who’s daughter or son are you. Once the names of their parents have been mentioned, both parents then carry out a secret investigation of each family. To find out some of the following:

(a) If they are noble and respectful family.
(b) If they have a peculiar family ailment that cannot be over looked.
(c) Do they have marital problems in the family?
(d) What is their nature, are they tale or shot people?
(e) Do they depend on others for their livelihood? Or they are gainfully employed?
(f) Are they educated?
(g) How long do they live in the family? Do they die young?
(h) Is the boy or girl of good character?
(i) Can the boy take care of the girl if he marries her?
(j) Is there any pending case of marriage that is affecting the boy or the girl?
(k) Has the boy or girl jilted any one?

All these and many other issues, both families will secretly find out about each other. At the end of their findings, each family will call their children and tell them their findings. If they is nothing very odd about any of the family, the parents will then allow the marriage to go ahead.

But if there is any blemish found in the family of the girl for example, the family of the boy will call the boy to discuss it and then give the boy reasons why the marriage should not go ahead. The family of the girl will do the same if it is boy that is found wanting or his family.

This is done to project them from impending marital problems in the future.

2. When marriages are performed in the traditional way, both families are in union as the marriage brings them together for ever.
3. They all give support to the marriage financially and otherwise and pray for its success.
4. They families are always ready to intervene in case of trouble. If the issue requires both families to intervene, the couple could be requested to appear before the elders.

5. They cannot refuse to appear before the elders, as refusal is an offence in itself. If the husband or the wife refuses to appear before the elders, people in their village could be told not to have any thing to do with the person for disrespecting elders.

So they are forced by tradition to appear before the elders and with God on both sides, the issues are always been happily resolved and they go back happy.

6. They couples not required by tradition to take an oath or swear. Tradition follows God’s injunction of “do not swear let your ney be ney and your yee be yee”. That is why only questions asked the girl is “do you accept to marry him?” “Should we drink the drink they have brought?” These questions requires a simple yee or nee. It is integrity that is required here. So why swear?

7. The woman bows down to her husband when ever she is making a request or giving him food or something. This gladdens the man’s heart and makes him to love the wife.

8. You look down when you want to talk to your husband, a sign of respect which the man is happy with.

9. Once married, it is forever you cannot go back to your parent’s home.

THE DISADVANTAGE OF TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
Rather than call this a direct disadvantage in the traditional marriage, I will want to see it as an issue of the culture due it is associated with marriage.

This has to do with:
1. The man not apologizing to the wife when he is wrong
2. The woman always been found guilty when ever marital matters are brought before the family.
3. The woman has no say as regard discussions that affect the family.
4. When the children are bad, the woman is blamed. But if they are good, the man takes the praise.
5. The woman cannot go out and come home late but the man can.
6. When the husband or any of the children dies, the woman is held responsible. She is meant to pass through a lot of psychological and sometime physical torture. But when the woman dies, she killed herself and the husband gets sympathy. This is not right. And I am in the frontline in my area preaching against it.
7. If a husband dies and the woman happens to have no child in the marriage, the women may end up not having any thing of her husband property. This is not right too. And is part of what I am preaching against it in my area.

THE DISADVANTAGE/PROBLEMS CAUSED BY CHURCH MARRIAGE
The Church would have done marriage blessing and not wedding which is done to spite the tradition of the people. Below are some of the disadvantages and problems:

1. The Church does not concern it self with finding out inherent problems in the family the boy or girl comes from that could cause a problem in the marriage in the future. Instead, when two people want to marry, they are asked to enroll in the Marriage Class, where they attend marriage counseling.

All the Pastors believe in is prayers. Even if both parties are sickle cell carries, there is no problem. They can marry because with God all things are possible they will not produce a sickler.

2. They have been cases where the Pastor of a Church, will tell his member doing a traditional marriage not to drink the marriage prayer drink because it is unclean or fetish. And some of couples to be will actually declare to the elders that they will not drink.

Where is the marriage if that part of the ceremony will be refused by the couple to be? This is a beginning of a problem because a soon as there is a marital problem, the family will not show concern.

3. Pastors forbid woman bowing down to their husbands. They say it is only to God you can bow.
4. Women who wed in the Church look directly into the eyes their husbands with no fear, like the white people do. This is because they have been told by the Pastors, not to fear any one apart from God.

All this don’ts, brings disrespect to the family and the man begins to hate instead of loving his wife.

When marital problems start, the women run to the Pastor for help. And in many cases, the Pastor cannot help, since some of the issues bother on the culture which they have been asked to forsake.

5. One of the notable disadvantages of marrying in the Church, is the inability of the Pastor of the Church to have total control over couples in times of trouble.

They have been cases when couples in the Church have serious marital problems and the Pastor in-charge cannot get the attention of the husband. That is he refuses respond to the call of the Pastor and the Pastor cannot do anything.

If the Pastor threatens the man for example, he may decide to leave the Church for another, or stop going to Church. So where is the help of the Church? All they can do is only praying that the man changes his mind. But as against tradition, he cannot refuse the call of the family call or he will face the consequences.

6 Many women prefer spending time attending to the Pastor and Church activities instead of their husbands at home. With too much neglect, the man starts looking out. With no time a lady becomes pregnant for him outside. And the Pastor starts blaming the man instead of the wife.

7. The women see the ring, the marriage video tape, the vow or the swear, Church activities as marriage. Women stay in the Church all day and forget to go home and cook for the family. And when the man query, the answer will be can’t you cook? Don’t you see I went to serve God?

CONCLUSION
Many marriages are broken daily because the tradition of the people is being spited. We should not trade in our tradition or custom for a foreign one as many troubles await us in the future.

What I am saying is if you are a Nigerian, and you are in Nigeria, do things according to the tradition of your people, or the people you live with.

If you are a Nigerian and you find your self in America and you want to marry there, marry according to the tradition of the American people or the family you are marring from. If you are in Rome, you behave like a Roman they sa

standing at street c0rners,begging f0r a meal,this hs the life 0f a child living 0n the street,hidding under the pier taking c0ver fr0m the rain,cuddling ar0und the fire t0gether singing the c0ld away,walking al0ng the sea side,trying t0 sell things t0 u n

What Does It Mean Your Guy Friend Is Massaging Your Legs Holding Your Hand Grabbing Your Butt And Trying To Grab Something Else(below The Chest) During Class While The Whole Time He Has A Girlfriend And Then The Rest Of The Day It's Awkward Between U?

Top Answers



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Anonymous 100%helpful

Well it most likely means that he likes you more than a friend! If you like him more than a friend though, try not to flirt back, you will just end up with problems!

Spaghetti Surprise

aise your hand if you think that cooking spaghetti and eating it with the good old beef/chicken stew is oh-so-boring. I think so too. That's why I bring to you the Spaghetti Surprise recipe.



This recipe is prepared with the ingredients you see in Nigerian markets and in food stores all over the world. There's even a bag of frozen vegetables (shown in the video) that I use to prepare this recipe in no time. So there is no reason why you should not prepare this recipe today, right now. Go ahead, give it a try and you will be deliciously surprised.

How did I come up with the name Spaghetti Surprise? It's a long story, but to cut it short: One day, I was out of most food ingredients and I was wondering what to cook. I brought out all the fresh ingredients in my fridge and thought I would make something with Spaghetti. Hubby asked me what I finally decided to cook and I said, "I'm not sure, some concoction of sorts but I assure you, it's edible". He said, "Oh, it's a surprise then".

And indeed we were pleasantly surprised when the meal was done so we named it Spaghetti Surprise. lol

Ingredients for Spaghetti Surprise

Spaghetti: The quantity you can wrap between your thumb and index finger.

Beef: 5-6 normal cuts

Vegetables: 500g

Cabbage

Green Pepper

Carrots

Green peas

Green beans

Tomato Stew: 600 mls or 20 fl. oz.

Pepper and salt (to taste)

Onions: 1 medium bulb

Seasoning – 2-3 stock cubes cubes & Thyme (1 teaspoon)

Before you cook the Nigerian Spaghetti Surprise

Make some Tomato Stew if you do not have any.

Break the spaghetti into short pieces. I usually break one strand of spaghetti into three pieces. Please if you have any Italian friends, don't let them see you breaking up spaghetti! LOL

Cut the beef into small pieces. It is best to buy the part of beef that has streaks of fat in it. This greatly improves the taste of this recipe.

Wash and cut the cabbage, green pepper and green beans into small pieces. Also wash, scrape and cut the carrots into tiny pieces. Cut the onions into small pieces and remove the green peas from the pods. If you will use tinned green peas, simply drain the preservation water and rinse with some fresh water.

Cooking Directions

Cook the beef with the onions, thyme and stock cubes (Maggi or Knorr).

While the meat is cooking, start cooking the spaghetti in a generous amount of water.

When the beef is done, add the Tomato Stew. Add the vegetables, salt and pepper to taste and cook for about 5 minutes.

When the spaghetti is done to your personal preference, drain the water and pour the mixture of beef stock and tomato stew you prepared earlier into the pot of spaghetti. Stir well, cover and leave to stand for about 5 minutes.

The Spaghetti Surprise is ready to be served.

The Spaghetti Surprise is perfect when eaten on its own but feel free to eat this dish with Fried Plantain.

Tips for Cooking Spaghetti

Spaghetti should be cooked with a very big pot. That is to say, the pot should contain the spaghetti and still have plenty of unused volume.

Spaghetti should also be cooked in plenty of water. The quantity of water should be at least double the quantity of the spaghetti.

To cook spaghetti, first of all, boil water; add a few spoons of vegetable oil to the boiling water and add the spaghetti. Stir the contents very well and cover the pot. With some spaghetti, you need to stir till the water starts to boil again before covering the pot.

The large amount of water, the boiling water and the vegetable oil altogether prevent the spaghetti strands from sticking together while cooking.

he Nigerian Afang Soup, like the Edikang Ikong soup, is native to the Efiks, people of Akwa Ibom and Cross River states of Nigeria but enjoyed by all Nigerians. It is also very nutritious as the soup consists mainly of vegetables. Afang Soup is prepared with a generous quantity of Water leaves and the wild herbal Okazi leaves.



The Nigerian Afang Soup should not be confused with the Okazi Soup native to the people of Imo and Abia States of Nigeria. While Afang soup is prepared with basically vegetables, Okazi Soup is simply the Nigerian Egusi Soup cooked with thinly sliced Okazi leaves.

Ingredients for Afang Soup

Okazi leaves | 4 handfuls of sliced Okazi

Water leaves | 1kg or a big bunch

Palm oil | 30cl (about 1 small bottle of Coca Cola)

Periwinkle - 1 cup

Onions | 2 medium bulbs

Beef, Kanda and Dry fish

Pepper, Salt and Crayfish - to taste

Stock Cubes (Maggi or Knorr) | 3 cubes

Before you cook the Nigerian Afang Soup

Wash, drain and slice the water leaves into tiny pieces. Grind or pound the sliced Okazi leaves. In Nigerian markets, the sellers of these sliced Okazi leaves have a machine for grinding it. You can also grind it with your blender with a small quantity of water. Take a look at the ground Okazi leaves.

Grind your pepper and crayfish and cut the onions into tiny pieces.

Cooking Directions

Boil the beef and Kanda with the diced onions and stock cubes in a very small quantity of water. When done, add the dry fish and cook for about 5 more minutes.

Now add the palm oil, crayfish and pepper. Once it starts boiling, add the water leaves and periwinkle. When the water leaves have softened and the water has dried up a bit, add the okazi leaves, salt to taste and leave to simmer for about 5 minutes. The Afang soup is ready!

Serve with Garri (Eba), Semolina, Amala or Pounded Yam.

Hard to Get, Easy to be With

ing hard to get is a game. Really it is not.What is the opposite of beomg hard to get? Easy to get. How has that worked out for you? Hard to get is about building romantic tension. Hard to get is about being in control of your dating, love life and your future.

Being hard to get means you will not have to ever settle for less than the happiness you want and&;deserve.;By being hard to get you will discover how the chase will be thrilling and memorable for both of you. You will have love, fun, respect and excitement.  

You can be hard to get and easy to be with at the same time.  It's a balance.  A man likes the chase.  A man values most what he works hardest for.  You are the prize and a prize is not easy.  Men work for the woman they view as the prize.  Think of it like this.  You are not walmart merchandise, that is easy to get and usually has a low price tag.  You are top shelf material and top shelf does not come eas

Pots and pans are the hardest workers in the kitchen. They are used in cooking the food. When they are not on the stove, they hold the food and later go through a lot of scouring and cleaning. The following are ways you can make these useful utensils serve you better and longer.



Before using a pot or pan for the first time after buying it, wash the utensil with hot water, leave to dry and rub the inside with a small amount of cooking oil. This oil maybe vegetable oil, groundnut oil or olive oil. This rubbing of the pot or pan with oil prevents food stains as much as possible.

Do not heat a pot or pan when it is empty. Always ensure you have oil or water in the pan before setting it on the stove.

Always use the correct burner size for the pot. If the burner is bigger than the pot, this means too much heat for the pot or pan and causes the utensil to have more exterior stains.

If the flames are going up the sides of the pot or pan (in the case of gas burners) or if you can see the red coils from the base of the pot (in the case of vitro ceramic burners), then there is a pot size and burner size mismatch.

If you continue cooking this way, the handles of your pots and pans will fall off quicker than when you are matching the pot and burner size.

One of the best ways to remove burnt food from a pot or pan is to pour enough water to cover the burn, add some dish washing liquid and bring to the boil. Allow to soak till the water has cooled down. The burnt food can then be easily washed off from the utensil.

It is never advisable to remove burnt food from the inside of a pot or pan by scraping with iron sponge. This creates lines inside the utensil and makes it easier for it to burn food in the future.

Always wash the inside of your pots and pans with a soft sponge. You may use the iron sponge for the exterior of the utensil only.

Do not use pots and pans in the oven if their handles are made of wood or plastic. The obvious reason is that this will cause wooden handles to char and plastic handles to melt

es, it looks the same as the Jollof Rice you know but the aroma and taste is different. Why don't you surprise your guests tonight by preparing this easy dinner recipe?

Ingredients

Rice - 3 cigar cups | 750g

ato Stew 500 mls

Coconut Milk 600 mls

Chicken (whole chicken or drumsticks)

Pepper - to taste

Salt (to taste)

Onions - 2 medium sized bulbs

Seasoning – 3 Maggi/Knorr cubes & Thyme (1 teaspoon)

Before you cook Coconut Rice

Prepare the tomato stew if you don't have some in the freezer. Visit the Tomato Stew page for details on how to do that. It is advisable to prepare tomato stew before hand and keep in the freezer. This is so that whenever you want to cook any jollof rice related dish, it is just a matter of adding it to your cooking.

If you will use whole chicken, wash and cut the whole chicken into pieces. Place the pieces in a pot; add water till it just covers the pieces of chicken, add the chopped onions, stock cubes and thyme and start cooking. The cooking time depends on the type of chicken. The rooster or cockerel cooks much faster than the hen but the hen is tastier.

Cooking till done and add salt to taste. Put the pieces of chicken in a sieve to drain, then fry with vegetable oil. You can also grill it in an oven. This is to give it a golden look which is more presentable especially if you have guests for dinner. Read how to season and grill chicken for more one this.

Now is the time to extract the coconut milk. This is quite an easy task if you follow the procedure detailed in How to Extract Coconut Milk. Set the coconut milk aside.

Parboil the rice using the method detailed in parboiling rice for cooking coconut rice. Wash the parboiled rice and put in a sieve to drain.

Cooking Directions

Now we need a pot big enough to accommodate the rice till it is done. Bear in mind that the rice will normally rise by at least one quarter of its quantity from the parboiled state to the done state.

Pour the chicken stock, coconut milk and the tomato stew into the selected pot. Set on the stove to boil. Add the drained parboiled rice, salt and pepper to taste. If necessary, top up with water to bring the water level to the same level as the rice. This is to ensure that all the water dries up by the time the rice is cooked.

Cover the pot and leave to cook on medium heat. This way the rice does not burn before the water dries up.

If you parboiled the rice as described at parboiling rice for cooking coconut rice, the rice should be done by the time the water is dry. Confirm that the rice is done by tasting it. That’s the way coconut rice is cooked.

Serve with fried plantain, Moi Moi, Nigerian salad or coleslaw.

Ust it u will enjoy it I plz

He was driving home one evening, on a two-lane country road. Work, in this small mid-western community, was almost as slow as his beat-up Pontiac. But he never quit looking. Ever since the Levis factory closed, he'd been unemployed, and with winter raging on, the chill had finally hit home. It was a lonely road. Not very many people had a reason to be on it, unless they were leaving. Most of his friends had already left. They had families to feed and dreams to fulfill. But he stayed on. After all, this was where he buried his mother and father. He was born here and knew the country. He could go down this road blind, and tell you what was on either side, and with his headlights not working, that came in handy. It was starting to get dark and light snow flurries were coming down. He'd better get a move on. You know, he almost didn't see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe, he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill that only fear can put in you. He said, "I'm here to help you m'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm. By the way, my name is Joe." Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough Joe crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down her window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid. Joe just smiled as he closed her trunk.

She asked him how much she owed him. Any amount would have been alright with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Joe never thought twice about the money. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance that they needed, and Joe added "...and think of me".

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The cash register was like the telephone of an out of work actor, it didn't ring much. Her waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Joe. After the lady finished her meal, and the waitress went to get her change from a hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. She wondered where the lady could be, then she noticed something written on a napkin. There were tears in her eyes, when she read what the lady wrote. It said, "You don't owe me a thing, I've been there too. Someone once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here's what you do. Don't let the chain of love end with you." Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could she have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard.
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low,
"Everything's gonna be alright, I love you Joe