Take to your wife's corrections! Nobody can correct you better than your wife, listen to her!

Don't start raising faults whenever she corrects you; that is not the time to remind her of how she also was wrong.

Man of God, if you can't listen to your wife whom God gave you, how are you able to listen to God?

Your wife will share rhema at home and you will just act like 'she's trying sha' and then another person will say the same thing, probably in another format, outside and you will be the one screaming 'deep', 'deep'! Deep ko, Dele ni.

Big shout out to the men that celebrate their wives and boost her ego or confidence, you are the real MVPs.

Eskis sir, if someone should help you and praise your wife outside, if someone, especially another man should help you and celebrate her outside, listen to her silly and sensible talks; daddy, brother, uncle, MOG, she's gone.

Even if she is with you physically, she's long gone emotionally. Take this as a gift for your marriage and don't ask me 'won't you talk about women too?' settle this first and leave that one for now.

Long and short, make your wife feel like a queen that she is, it doesn't bite.

T for Tanks

Toyin Segun-Aremu
KEY©2022

Are you not a man? See the way you're crying, man up now and stop acting like these women na, and so on... this is how we have killed and still killing many men till date.

It is okay for women who are termed 'weak or sensitive' to express their emotion on anything and anywhere, but it is not for a man who 'seems' strong to express emotions.

Just because you're told or you grew up to learn how to hide emotions does not say you don't have one. It is unfortunate that many are depressed as a result of their inability to show their emotions, whether as single, married, employed or unemployed.

The toxicity of that man around you might not be a spiritual problem, he only needs a shoulder to cry on, to express his feeling and process his emotion freely in the way he wants to. This doesn't make him less of a man!

Dear man, please it is okay to be vulnerable sometimes, drop your 'Macho' garment and let out those pent up emotions so that you don't break down.

Be honest with the way you're feeling, talk to someone if need be - your pastor, a therapist/certified counselor, your spouse etc.

Woman, your husband also needs social and emotional support, he is not an angel, he is flesh and blood like you. Take out time to talk heart to heart with him, find out his worries and look for possible ways to make him relaxed.

It is not too much to create a getaway time for him to rest and be taken care of.

Seeing a therapist does not reduce your spirituality. So, if you can't talk to your pastor and you can't handle the issue alone, please see a therapist/counselor, take care of your mental health just as you take care of other parts of your body.

Man, talk when you need to talk about that situation, don't die in silence trying to prove you are the man the society has defined you to be. Please give yourself permission to be human, it will help you.

T for thanks

Mama T I can't do it, I can't face them, they will laugh at me, they know my story yenyenyen...

And so? You heard that right, and so? To be honest, no one has the right to judge you. People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life.

As long as you are not where you used to be and have settled with God, biko live your life and fulfil purpose.

Forget what they think and say about you, focus on how God feels and how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet (in tune with God, BTW).

If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem. What matters is what you call yourself, and who you decide to become.

I was called several names you can think of, I am not what they called me, I am who God calls me and that is why I can tell you this.

Christians, Church leaders and members, please resist the urge to point (accusing) fingers or be judgmental. If it matters so much to you, pray for the person, don't go about spreading rumours!

Raise your head up, pick up your life. Let God use your mess as a message.

T for tainks

Quite frequently, we read about the woman making efforts to have a good and peaceful marriage. Even the Bible says: 'A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands' - Prov. 14:1.

But this is for you, the man. And if you think it's about feminism, you're not likely to get the point.

When there's a call for prayers, we see the number of women that attend; when there's a call for marriage seminar, we see the number of women that turn up! Whatever happened to our men?�

This 'I am a man' syndrome is fast spreading and causing serious issues. Yes, we know and understand that you're the man, and by nature, God made you a leader. But you can either remain there (as the leader) or drop down.

There is nothing evil or demeaning in listening to a woman's correction, preaching or teaching, absolutely nothing! It doesn't bite neither does it make you less of a man.�

One of the major issues with the man is our mothers. The use of the parlance "it is following you to your husband's house" has caused more damage than good. We are no longer in the era where anything is 'following anybody'. Mothers should also do well to tell the man "you are bringing someone into your own house, is this how you will treat her?

Even though a wise woman is expected to build her home, there's need for a wise man to protect 'the builder'. If you don't treasure this builder and make her feel secured physically and spiritually, you will end up frustrating the builder (wise woman) and might damage some, if not all the 'building materials'.�

You don't even know you're such man, right? Check out these symptoms to see if you have any. You should go for 'treatment' if you do.

1. Pride: I cannot say sorry to her even when I am wrong, I'm a man. When you start using that line, it is pride! There's no way I can be with her in the kitchen or assist her with laundry, no way, I'm a man!

2. Commitment: How do you expect me to be committed to a woman? Women are not to be trusted, yet you want her to be submissive? If you want a submissive woman, be a committed man! Thinking it is her work to make the marriage work is a problem.

3. Ungodly attitudes: I'm a man, I can date different ladies, it doesn't matter because it's a man's world. Real men aren't polygamous in nature, they're faithful in nature. Do you even know or love God?

How can you want a lady with enough wife material to sew Agbada when the husband material in you cannot sew an ordinary bow-tie? Be who you want as partner! Flirting around doesn't make you a man, being a player, drinking or having nonchalant attitudes do not either.

Some of these symptoms also include being a dictator, being adamant to correction, ego, dishonesty, stinginess, insecurity. Being a male doesn't make you a man, real men are not selfish, they see and treat others well and they are Christ centered.

If these symptoms persist for more than 3 days, you should visit your doctor. ✌️

"This church is not going to help me grow, they can't even sponsor any training for me. I cannot rise with this church, I'd better leave, when I gain the ground I want, I can come back."

"My gifts will make way for me so the Bible says, I need to go outside there to have this way."

Now, this is not to rub the back of churches that have capacity to help or support their gifted hands grow or excel bikonu! I mean if your church can't support you, who will? Note my choice of words, "churches that have the capacity"

Hang on, before you go on with that thought, what if your rising won't be through your church? What if your set time for rising is not now? I heard about ministers of God that were told not to launch out yet and it took years before they were allowed to honour invitations, did this kill their shine? No!

As much as it is good for your church to support you, it may not also be your church that God wants to use, God may decide to use you to tell the world that He alone is the only promoter that does not need advertisement before announcing you to stardom.

So calm down and stop threatening everyone about leaving, if you want to leave, leave and see if there won't be replacement. It is a privilege to be used by God, there are many other vessels He can use, always remember.

Don't forget, this is not to pamper churches that ought to raise their champions but neglected or 'commonised' their gifts. He's our child now, we raised him, eh hen now? Does that mean he should be stagnant? Push him or her forward!

Dearly beloved, take your eyes off help from your Church only and look up unto God, your ultimate helper so you can also help the church if need be.

*Drops mic*

I needed money, I needed it badly and I had a man that could give me but it came with  price tag; sexual relationship. On top of that, he was a married man! What do I do?

"He is so caring, he attends to my needs when I'm in need, he is not jealous but the only thing is that he is married. I don’t want to lose him, he is God-sent to help me through this financial hard time."

Really? I know financial issues can be frustrating. The problem most times, is that we love the key holder than the 'key owner'.

Philippians 4:19 says: "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

God owns (and holds) the key to prosperity and yes, He has placed the key in the hands of men, and women too!

If God is leading men to help you, it will not come with a demand for any form of sexual relation, otherwise, he is not the man for you.

If He will use a married man for you, his wife will know about it and nothing will be hidden. If he's helping you out financially and you 'compensate' him with your body, he is not God-sent and you're not in love, you're in lust. No more, no less!

Oh you think you're smart? Everyday is for the thief, one day is for the owner like Yoruba will say.  I was comfortably loitering around sin, collecting everything I could but wouldn't open up. I was acting like a smart girl but the day someone got to know; before they waited to hear I never opened up my laps ehn, I had suffered embarrassment no be small. Say no to men and their gifts - laced with sexual gratification. Don't perceive what you won't eat. 

Please, don’t be a reason another woman cannot sleep in her house because you are a prayer point for her. Among the great things to add to a resume, do not add a 'home breaker' to it.

Give the man some sense to return to his home to take care of it, his home needs the love and money too.

I learnt the hard way before bracing up to earn a living, do something for yourself, don't wait for anyone to be your ATM. This is also applicable to men. Those of you that milk ladies because of their vulnerability, desist biko!

If he is asking for sex or inappropriate touches, even if he is a "Man of God/Papa", run way from such, place value on your worth more than the present need.

God will surely make a way for you!

When I got married, someone gave my husband unsolicited advice "this one your wife is cooking for you, she will soon stop, it's still 'sharking' the both of you. You people will just be snapping together, you will get tired."

The fact that something went wrong in your marriage does not mean the same will happen to others.

Don't get me wrong, you can advise from experience, when you spot something that could go wrong (this is if you are in that close enough to the couple) but not that you should turn your issue to a fact and a yardstick for others.

Issues in your marriage is peculiar to you, don't make others feel bad because of your experience (unpleasant especially). I'm still cooking for my husband till date, even till this morning.

If you want to flaunt your spouse, please go ahead, but remember not to loseguard, in all your flaunting, flaunt with wisdom.

That it didn't work for you does not mean it won't work for others, be careful with your advice. Not all marriages are sour and there is no specific pattern (aside God as foundation) for marriages, it is what works for your home that matters after all, STOP EET!

T for thanks

Sometime ago, I was to get somewhere on Sunday after service and had to go with public transport. I saw some Keke Riders and people were rushing in. I felt I could do this not even with all my serious Sunday outfit, so I looked away hoping that I would get another and sit comfortably when I get to their park.

Unfortunately, the park was where the real struggle began and I had to re-adjust and be ready to struggle for one too. Eventually, one of them came right to my front and I rushed in, but I had another issue; I was with a N1000 note and I was to pay 50 naira as the fare.

If I had told the driver immediately, I’d have risked the chance of coming down, so I kept quiet and hoped to get something to buy along the way. As we moved on, there was nothing to buy. This one na trouble o!

What do I do as where I'm to alight is just a few miles away? As the sharp girl that I am (tongue out), I quickly handed the situation over to God in prayer to avoid embarrassment. I muttered words of prayer to God to please make change available for me without troubles. I then summoned courage and said, "Please sir, 1000 naira change". The person sitting beside me made jest of me (eyes rolling). “Eskis me, I refused to be discouraged, God will show for me,” I said to myself.

After a while the driver said: "Well, I'll give you the change because o ba ori mi nile (how do we translate this o, okay it means “I'll give you the change as I'm in a good state of mind”). I looked at the other passenger who made jest of me and laughed my own laugh with my full chest, he was just looking, the driver even called other drivers to get more change for my balance to be complete.

I said to myself, “I did not meet you in your good state, my God did a reset in you to bring you to a state of favour for me.

“Ehn, my father my God, thank you for always being interested in all that concerns us! I am a child that carries the King everywhere I go jere.”
***

God is interested in you, in every little detail about you. Sometimes when you’re at the verge of God stepping in, the devil might decide to step in, don't give in to his schemes but keep your gaze on your faith.

If I had allowed anger, the driver too might join the anger and then anger will spread and my prayer would have been defeated. You never know how close you are to your blessing(s), do not be distracted by people who do not know the one who lives in you.

Since God is so interested in you, it will be perfect for you to also be interested in Him and His works. Shun sin, worldly distractions, accept Him and have faith. He said “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matt.11:28-29).

Remember, no soul can really be at rest until he has given up all dependence on God alone, because our rest lies in looking unto the Lord and not ourselves.

Will you also enter your resting place today? Hand over that situation to Him, He is interested in it.

Good morning

Yes, you are the one breaking your own heart, because you're attached to someone who distances him or herself from you. You're paying attention to someone who ignores you, you're making time for someone who is not even seeing it.

You are loving someone who is in love with someone else, you are assuming your friendship for relationship.

You are giving more and all without asking questions. You are not in a relationship but a situation.

LET THE FEELING GO, KNOW YOUR WORTH!

After a term or semester; schools go on break. There are also public holidays in the course of the year, these breaks are for refreshing and rebooting for another learning period.

Even of you're not in school, there should be personal break too. Some of you need to go on a break to reload. That's not my focus for today though.I'm asking you to take a break from that relationship!

It is not a must to be with someone every moment of your life, in fact it is unhealthy. Leaving a relationship and jumping into another almost immediately, or getting into another while you're in one (probably not seeing 'green light' in that), is very unhealthy!

You need to learn how to love the whole of you, if you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone in the context of a relationship? You shouldn’t put your entire self-confidence and self-worth in the hands of other people, because loving yourself is the best and first part of love.

Stop making that (romantic) relationship a source of fulfillment or happiness. Being in a relationship always does not make you better, it only makes you get more hurt and raises your expectations. If you end up getting married in such a situation where you're always with someone, you will want to be single again because you'd have missed that part.

'To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven' (Ecc. 3:1), therefore, do not rush yourself because of the fear of being alone. Being Single is not a deadly disease, it is a healthy period of your life. Being single isn’t about looking for someone to love you, rather, it’s about making yourself a better person.

This is the time to look for healing if the last relationship did hurt you, not a time to look for love like your existence depends on it. It is the time to make yourself better, work on making yourself whole. It’s when you should be exploring your weaknesses and flaws and building yourself into a better person. It is when you should discover, appreciate, accept and know yourself. ‎

Healing before love is CRUCIAL because if you carry bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one, you will end up building the same house! Before you start a new relationship with someone else, make sure you're completely over your ex and your relationship with yourself and God is where it should be.

Go for edifying programs and remember to switch off your 'spouse finding' WiFi and concentrate on yourself, biko. Discover yourself and be happy for the gift of you. This is to brothers and sisters. Please take a break from relationships and focus on yourself and most importantly, check out your status with God.

It is a good thing to be in love, to share your intimate thoughts with someone you genuinely love, who loves you in return.

But there is more to love than the emotional feelings. Being with someone you genuinely love (in the case of marriage) is more about giving than you expect. But it should never be at the cost of our most important personal needs. When we neglect our most important personal needs, we lose touch with our true self. The result is need, insecurity and unhappiness.

Don't try to maintain a relationship or marriage only, also try to maintain yourself! It is easy to mend a broken heart than to fix a broken identity.

Set rules, have a vision,love yourself, treat yourself well, have a sound relationship with God, acquire skills, read books, say your mind, share your thoughts, with him/her, that's why you're his/her partner.

Don't be the whatever he/she says kind of partner, contribute to your partner's growth as well. Be confident of yourself, self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. How can anyone see how awesome you are if you can’t see it yourself?

A stable personality that is getting its needs met is surely a precondition for a fulfilling relationship.

Bro Peter was enjoying his cruise on the sea when the situation suddenly changed. The wind was tossing the ship here and there, and fear began to creep in. Flashes of drowning, death and losing loved ones were becoming overwhelming.

The captain of the ship was as confused as the people on the ship as he tried everything possible, but nothing could help or calm the wind. In the midst of this, a strange being was seen on the water and at this time, their fear tripled! Could it be the underwater people coming to finish us? Or what is this one for heaven's sakes, they lamented with great fear.

"I am one of you, don't be afraid," the person said and Bro. Peter, being inquisitive, came up to say "how come you are not afraid and even on the water? If you are true, call me to join you too". "Come" he was told, and he stepped down from the ship, looking at this being.

(Matt.14:23-31 paraphrased)
***
Yes, Jesus told Peter to come, and that Word became a force, it was an activation of boldness. At that word, he walked on the water just like Jesus. Unfortunately, he took his face off the Word to the wind and he began to sink.

What has God said about this your waiting period? Are you still holding on to His Word or you're beginning to count your years and thinking it is getting too late? If God will not give me my spouse, I can help myself, isn't that your thought now?

Are you now looking at how Brother Lagbaja and Sister Tamedu shut down the internet about their proposal and you're losing focus on the Word of God/Jesus the author and the finisher of your faith for your time and season? Remember, what you look at in a challenging time will determine how you will go through it or how far.

I am here this morning to remind you, that though this season seems long, tiring, and worrisome, you have to continue to press on because your time is nearer than yesterday. Keep holding on, He will come through for you, be encouraged.

Delay is not denial. It is the preparation for a destiny that is needed to be fulfilled. Take your eyes off the wind and focus on the Word.

Hospitality is a very good attribute, it has been from the beginning of the world. Abraham and Sarah, Lot and Rehab were saved through hospitality and even faith. To be hospitable is a good virtue worthy of emulation.

My worry, however, is when this attribute suddenly becomes gender based. The only people Aunty Lara is showing hospitality to are the brothers and the only gender brother Sesan can assist to any length is the female.

Fellowships and cell leaders, have you paused to ask why that sister is always bringing you food or you're just busy enjoying the vegetable with plenty 'accessories' on it? What if that porridge with plenty 'condiments' is a kind of 'trap'? You're in doubt? Ask Brother Esau!

There is no harm in applying wisdom to reject these delicacies, you can also cook! Cooking will not reduce your anointing, learn how to do it if you don't know how, and cook to feed your stomach.

That brother who's always coming to our rescue, he won't stop the surprise gifts (little and major) and you keep collecting without trying to probe further, my dear sister, be careful.

Not all gifts are free, some are like a trap. Ask him his motive(s) for being 'over' generous to you because some generosity have undertones. As much as it's good, it can also blind your eyes, becloud your emotion and shut you up.

Ladies in the WhatsApp group of cooler ministry, especially their admins, when we are looking for sisters who will cook for outreach, or cook for a fellow sister under the weather, ensure you are available, that is hospitality too. Coolers have no 'men only' tags just like gifts are not for women only.

Stop giving food or gifts and assume you're in a relationship with the person, may I announce to you that food is not the only way (or not the way as it were) to a man's heart anymore and gift is not the way to a lady's heart.

I'm talking about those with vision and running with it, those that love with not only heart but head too. So don't build your life with someone who doesn't see your relevance in their own life.

Beloved, in all thy getting, get understanding. Remember, just as the action is yours, so is the consequence. You are free to make any choice, but you are not free from the consequence(s) of your choice. Beware of freebies in any form.

Everyone prays and wants to have the will of God concerning their life partner and no doubt, it is the best thing to do. But my question to you today is, are you really sure you want the will of God?

This question is for people with plan B or their own plan whilst looking for God's plan. Maybe I should break it down further.

First off, before looking for the will of God for a life partner, a husband or a wife, do you know the will of God for your own life?

If you don't know the will of God for yourself, anybody can seem to be the will of God for you. It is important that you know what the plan of God for your life is before looking for who will join you in the path of purpose lest the story becomes that of two blind men leading each other.

You need to know what God is saying about you so that you can align yourself to His provisions which includes a lifelong partner.

Those 'heartbreaks' may just be because it is not God's will for you, because He won't let you settle for what will not bring alive His utmost plan for your life.

Christian brothers and sisters, that your relationship failed does not mean God is not still faithful in your life. Hear me, the education of your faith is not complete till you understand that sometimes, God works through loss, that there is ministry to us through the fading or failure of things.

Now to the ones with Plan B, God is leading you to a particular person but low-key, you have your eye on another, do you really mean it when you say you want the will of God? May I also remind you that His will might sometimes seem inappropriate at the time, but the vision, I believe, will soon speak. Jer. 29:11 says it all.

God knows who belongs in your life and who doesn't, trust Him enough to not allow those who do not have to stay leave. Some are just part of your journey, and not your destination. Know His will for you before looking for His will for your marriage.

Bimbo and Emeka were in a room discussing, when I suddenly heard Emeka telling Bimbo, "my parents said you have to be pregnant before our wedding." Bimbo was furious, she yelled and left the room angrily.

"Wait first, I thought they were actually married, get pregnant before marriage kwa, how did we get there?" I asked myself.

That scenario was from a movie clip I saw recently and I know that many ladies, even in the the church, are caught in this web of cohabiting before wedding. Home videos, unfortunately, make it look like a norm, like there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with living together before marriage. Who is leading you, home videos or God?

May I tell you that there is everything wrong with it! Living together in a sexually intimate relationship outside of marriage is displeasing to God, no more no less! It is not a new normal but a new anomaly! Marriage is still honourable and the bed undefiled (Heb.13:4 rephrased).

That you're living with him does not mean you can't be served breakfast if he wants to and vice versa. That I was dishing out all wifely duties then did not 'secure' the last name for me. Living together is not, and will never be one of the criteria for wedding, quote me.

If you're already doing this, please before anything, leave there first. Pack your things and move out, you are not married! Another thing you should know about living together is that, if it eventually leads to marriage, it would have sucked out all the early sparks in marriage because it will be seen as 'business as usual', nothing new or spectacular.

Sadly, the biggest tragedy for Christian singles cohabitating is that they’re living outside of God’s will, that is never the will of God. 'Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh' (Gen.2:24) When a couple gets married, they immediately become one flesh. There is an order in that verse and the order is very important.

First thing (after courtship), they get married, then they become one flesh. Assumed marriage or premarital cohabitation, however, reverses this order or even erases this order of plan completely. This isn’t God’s design at all, it isn’t His will. In fact, it’s sin and remember to ask yourself, what good comes out of living in sin?

Leaders, please don't cast these ones away, but gently and prayerfully correct them, tell this truth even if you're seen as 'old school' and guide them back to the will of God for their lives. Are you living together, doing couples life on campus? Please leave there and allow God to direct your path, living together before marriage is bad!

Good Morning

During my undergraduate days, I suddenly became scarce in school and not many people understood my plight. So there were many speculations about my movement.

Some felt I was a 'runz' girl, some felt I was just lazy. I remember someone walked to me to preach to me and made me see reasons why I should be decent and not be wayward with my way of living. This unsolicited advice came from her conclusion without asking me anything.

I was embarrassed and all I did was to smile and appreciated the advice, I can't remember why I did not even argue that day, maybe I didn't have time for distractions, as it were. A man of God also called me to wash me down and made me feel like a piece of dirt. I had to talk that day and expressed my utmost disappointment.

It was that day I made him realize I was working and schooling and all I needed was not hearsays but encouragement. I said this and walked out!

****
Excuse me, let's reason together, why is it difficult for people to keep their lips out of other people's businesses or affairs? Especially when you don't even know a thing about the person? Why do you go around spreading false news?

People are coming out for altar call (salvation call) and you are there looking out for who is out or who is not out, leaving out on your life and missing your divine visitation!

You are the one who keeps calendar for new couples and help them to calculate when the stomach will be bulging, be rendering unnecessary help thinking the person is pregnant and assisting singles to remember their age. Can you please stop putting people under undue pressure? Mind your business!

Even if the person is backsliding, it is not in your position to gossip about it, if you are so concerned, why not pray for the person? When you see someone withdrawing from regular church activities, if you have the opportunity to talk to such, do And if otherwise, keep your speculation to yourself. Gossiping is not and will never be a fruit of the Spirit!!

The Bible warns us about little foxes that can spoil the vineyard in the book of Songs of Solomon. Christian sisters and brothers including church leaders, ministers and all, let us beware of this so that you don't err over another man's matter.

Stop monitoring others while leaving your own needs. Again, if you're concerned, pray for the person and stop spreading rumours or rendering unsolicited care or advice. Mind your business!

The heart of a woman is not as tough as the face may be, you just have to know the way into it. Oh yes, God has given you the woman, it is left for you to decide if she will actually live with or stay with you.

To live with you is to be alive with you, to be committed to you but when a person stays with you, he/she is like a visitor, and is likely to have little or no commitment to you.

Find out the little things that matter, check up on her, continue toasting her, listen to her, help her feel more secure, defend her! These are not theories but things that can foster her living with you.

Ask your wife today; are you still living with me or staying with me? Have a discussion to know your score card and make effort to make amends because forever is too long to be unhappy.

If God should ask your wife about you, what will be her story?

The first person after your heart is not your lover, is not your father, is not your brother, is not that your bestie, the first lover you have is God.

Why then are you allowing any Tom, Dick and Harry to mess your body up? Oh Spirit of the living God, is heaven rejoicing or weeping about the way you're living your life?

Why are you so in search of a spouse and neglect God - your first lover? God is searching for you, where are you, sister? Why are you so away from your creator in search of his creature?

This is a call to women, it is time to take charge of that position God has given you. You are a carrier of generations, you're the builder, stop living as a victim.

Ladies arise, women arise, girls arise, arise and take up your mantle, control your physical from the spiritual. God is still waiting for you, will He be disappointed?

How dare him? No, how can he call me brother, do I look like someone who can be addressed like that? I am a Papa and should be seen and addressed as same! Do you know what I've achieved spiritually, the levels I've attained? He also addressed mama as sister, that's rude and I won't take it," the man of God vented angrily.

I appeal to you, Dear Young Minister, to read this with an open mind. This piece is not to undermine the portion of the scripture that says: "Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching." (1Tim.5:17). So yes, it is expected to honour leadership at any level especially as Christians.

As much as this is expected, as a leader, it is not appropriate to get infuriated because someone did not call you a specific name or title! You are already moving in an unhealthy direction because when there is an obsession about titles, it is no longer honour, it has become pride! And you know God' stand on pride, right?

Your job as a leader is not to control people but to guide them to the control of the Spirit, therefore, if you are not called by what you do, give room to be called by what you are. Calling you a brother or sister does not remove from your 'spiritual attainment'.

I remember my daughter calling me a girl and I told her I'm a woman, the young lady quickly reminded me that I'm first a girl before becoming a woman, so, I am still a girl. I had a factory reset done that day and this is how it is with titles too, you were first a man or woman before becoming MOG or WOG.

The early Christians used some of these terms; brother, beloved, labourer, fellow-worker, servant even prisoner and of course there were prophets, teachers, apostles, evangelists, leaders, elders, and deacons in the first churches but they weren't obsessed with the office or its function.

Don't forget that this is not to dishonour men and women of God, but a call to check for leaders, to ascertain if the flesh is not taking leadership at the moment.

Titles don't mean depth (in God) sometimes, don't forget. Is God really seeing you in that office you are so concerned about? Remember, the true ordination or calling (names or title) comes from God.

Good Morning

'Oh! what a beautiful morning', she said...
As she sat up, staring at the dawn of the day -
Stood up to enjoy the cool breeze,
And shrugged into the sofa enjoying the morning....

Tick - tock - tick, the sound of the clock.
The quietness seem soothing -
A relaxing feeling -
Boom!!!
A penny for your thought.

Whoa! Whoa!! Whoa!!!
The sound of the baby interrupted,
She stood up hurriedly -
Lullaby to calm the baby.

'The day has just begun', she said...
Rocking the child and cleaning the house,
A healthy breakfast for today she thought,
Laundry should be next, she planned.

What a creature she is -
Calm but strong in mind,
Fragile but fearless -
She is a woman!!

Happy International Women's Day

Mrs. Ade stormed out of the church angrily with a stern face, ignored all greetings and went straight into the car.

"What could be wrong with her? She's a jovial woman for all I know, why is she suddenly harsh, unhappy and looking frustrated?

"Holy Spirit help me to help your daughter," Mrs. Olu prayed under her breath before going to Mrs. Ade.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. A, how are you today?" the lanky Mrs. Olu asked her member with a smiling face.

"Mummy I was silently praying that you should not come to me as I walked past you, because I am official handing over my spouse to the church, they should marry him and be his bride, I am done, completely done," Mrs. A replied with tears running down her eyes.

"
Church? Marry your husband? How's that?" Mrs. Olu asked, looking all confused.

****
That was a fictitious story, but I believe it is applicable in many homes. There are many people going through this situation, and it is not just the women. Men have complained bitterly about this too. This article is to bring to awareness how 'being churchy' has been causing issues in many homes unknowingly.

In the world we find ourselves this period, husbands and wives do a lot during the week to make ends meet and have limited time to stay together, especially if they are the 8am-5pm types. Weekends, which ought to be for rest and bonding, have been taken away by the church due to different 'attractive' programs. I am not saying church programs are bad, relax and don't get me wrong.

Can the church or religious groups take a look at their programs? What activities do they have for weekends, what about public holidays? His/her love language may not be attention, but it is definitely one of the things needed to bond and make your marriage work. Don't be too busy for God and wreck your marriage!

Why do we (churches) have to fix programs on almost all the weekends and even public holidays? Please know that you're indirectly causing problems for some marriages. Some women and even men are in so many committees with meetings here and there, and return home worn out and too tired to even sustain dialogue with the partner they left at home! What then happens?
She/he feels lonely, and gradually withdraws, and getting back (to 'vibing' with the partner) is definitely going to be a hard nut to crack.

Am I saying you shouldn't do the work of God? No! I am saying wisdom is profitable to direct. As you're doing the work of the Father, don't forget that your marriage is part of your work and must never be neglected.

Churches that are fond of using any free day for programs, please change, so that you don't have a bunch of people with bad marriages and prayer points to deal with.

"Oh, thank God this Christmas period is a long holiday, I'm going to spend it with my boo", Amope said enthusiastically.

"As for me, it is time to hang out with the boys for flexing, Christmas vibes", James said overjoyed.

Guys, hol up! Before you hop into that vehicle to travel or that cab to go visiting, before you try drinking, just hold on and have a rethink; what benefits will this step add to your life, purpose or destiny?

I remember when I used to travel to see my boyfriend from school without the knowledge of my parents - oh don't act like you don't know how love does 'shark', the feeling of wanting to be with the one you love at any free moment. Those trips couldn't even stop the relationship from breaking!

Looking back at those times now, I wish I had more wisdom to not only keep body but to also manage my time (free moment) well to glorify God.

This is not only applicable to unbelievers, don't even think it's not for you, it is also to those in the household of faith because at that time, I was a church worker who had a boyfriend (I trust you know the type of boyfriend I mean).
Christians, fire branded ready for exploits brothers and sisters are also concerned in this matter.

Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus and not the birth of immorality. In all your visits, apply wisdom for wisdom is profitable to direct during your 'visit'. (Bible verse paraphrased)

You left your house late, overstayed your visit and then you slept at his place. When he started touching you, you got up telling him you're disappointed, you did not come so he could touch you. Excuse me, I have a question, did you go there for examination registration?

Long and short, be intentional about your timing in visiting and let God be glorified this season. What are your plans for Christmas? Will they show Christ or crucify Him again?

When you say 'Lead us not into temptation', you should also stop leading yourself too, don't let it take the presence of God away from you so that your life won't be an Ichabod.

I have seen what alcohol does to some guys around here, of what use then is alcohol to your body? And what will sex contribute to your destiny? Why then should you try it for the first time this Christmas period?

Your time is your life, and how you spend it shapes your character, your happiness, your success and your future. How does God want us to spend our time?

To really be on fire for God come 2022, it’s important to carefully consider how you use your free time and what you should spend it on. Remember, how you spend your time determines how you spend your lives.

I believe that God has been touching you through this series, therefore, I hope to hear your testimony soon.

This is the concluding part of the series, if you haven't been following, please check my previous posts.

Let's consider the last part today

9. Negativity

You just don't have anything positive to think about with getting a spouse. This 'there is no good man or woman', 'marriage is a pot of beans' mindset you take everywhere won't get you anywhere, because what you think is what you have. You'd do better speaking life, love and positivity into your life.

There is no good woman, all of them are messed up, no good man anywhere, they are all liars. If you have this thought, you have already made up your mind that nothing good can come from anybody no matter how appealing they may appear.

Change your mindset!

10. Disobedience

Let me round it up with this, God has spoken, shown you the person, but you believe the person isn't good enough for you or is below your standard.

Let me announce to you, again, that there is a replacement for everybody! That you choose not to accept the person (for flimsy reasons, though) does not mean the person won't marry another person.

These may not be all the reasons but have you been able to evaluate yourself with them?

Is there anywhere you need to correct yourself? The time is now! Ask God for help, make conscious efforts to make a change and do not forget to let go of your past. I wish to see you love and be loved!

God bless you

Glory to God, we are gradually moving to the end of this series. Tomorrow, by the grace of God, we will consider the last part.

If you have missed the previous parts, please check my timeline.

Continued from yesterday...

7. Desperation

You're too desperately in need of a relationship so much that you can settle for anything. The moment anyone (potential suitor) notices this in you, it chases them. Going into relationships due to desperation will do you no good. You are not the same everybody who's in a relationship, wait for your time. Do not allow anyone put you under undue pressure.

I was in a relationship with a guy some years back and it seemed as if he won't ever take it to the next level despite the subtle asking, the open confrontation and all that, only to get to know after break up that he was afraid of my desperation to get married. Why do you want to marry? If desperation is part of your answers, then you have to take a chill pill.

Desperation is not limited to women. Some men meet a lady today and want to know everything about her that same day and move to the next level the next day, it doesn't (always) work that way. Take time to love so that you can grow the love to fruitfulness.

8. Character Factor

You're too hostile, always moody, respect is an issue, and even the simplest courtesy is far from you. It is not love alone that can keep a relationship or get you a spouse, character does too.

If you get a man or a woman with your look or anything else, your character will determine if they will stay or move on with their lives, even if the person is a child of God.

How difficult is it to say sorry when you err? How much of respect do have for your own parents? Are you even hospitable or you're the boiling water no one wants to move close to? What about loose talking, dressing indecently, stinginess? These factors will most likely delay you. Can your siblings bring your type home and you will be truly happy?

Men/women of character are, by my definition, willing to commit too. It is lack of good character to be test running everyone you meet in the name of looking for Mr/Mrs. Right! Build your character, it speaks louder than your words or looks.

This series is not just for reading sake, I am trusting that the Lord will give you good understanding and you will be able to make amends (if and where necessary).

Please note that the series is for both the male and the female gender.

Let's continue from where we stopped the last time. If you missed the first four points, please check my timeline.

5. Your criterion is tight

This is similar to the 3rd point we considered yesterday. You might still be single because your criterion is so tight. You are looking for a non existent potential partner. I've seen that many 'fall' in love with those who match a (subconscious) list in their minds. The moment one or two things on the list is/are missing in that person, it's a no.

He must be TDH, what if he is SDH? What exactly is the definition of your good looking? No one is bad looking, once there is intelligent packaging (which includes knowing how to talk), peace of mind and some change in the pocket.

The woman must be figure 8, what if your perfect figure is 6? It is not the figure that will make your house a home! A woman you think is looking dry can still blossom if well watered..

All the "I cannot marry a pastor" sisters, what if that is your destination? Ndi men with the mindset of "a woman who is a leader will not be submissive", don't delay yourself unnecessarily.

6. I too know

That's what we call people who feel they are an island of knowledge and are not teachable. Very adamant, no one is fit to correct you. "Don't tell me that, it should be this way", always enforcing their opinion on others. You believe you're too good for anyone, most times in this situation, ego is the problem.

"I'm the man and my decision is the final" kind of mindset will delay you. The ones on the "We have equal rights WhatsApp group" too, you are the ones delaying yourselves. For your Isaac to take you to Sarah’s tent, you need to be humble and submissive.

Do you need to win every argument? Are you confrontational or super defensive? Do you ever give compliments, or you're always negative or can't be pleased? Most importantly, are you teachable?

Ask yourself, do I even fit into my criteria? See you tomorrow for continuation.

In the previous post, I mentioned two of the reasons I believe some people are still single.

Please journey with God through me as we follow this series. Missed the first one? No problem, Check my timeline.

So, we continue today...

3. Your expectations are too high

I'm not saying you shouldn't aim high but should be moderate and realistic.

"I am a medical doctor, I cannot marry a man/woman lesser than that, how can I as a lawyer belittle my status and marry an unlearned person (since lawyers say they are the learned people)". I am a Bsc holder, HND holder cannot be my spouse! You are simply extending your waiting period especially if that HND holder is the right person for you.

You're there looking for a professional while God is calling you to marry those you tagged less professional. Some of you just want these classes because you want to be perceived in certain ways.

Because a particular set of twins or sisters married same day, you said yours must be that way too. Run and own your own race.

4. You’re shallow

I'm sorry, but permit me to use the word 'shallow'. This is different from having high standards. In this context, being shallow means you’re willing to give certain persons your time if they can offer you something in exchange. You're not talking about unconditional love and support but fancy dinners, fabulous trips, designer bags, and other superficial trappings that are exciting, but don’t lay the groundwork for a strong, meaningful relationship.

If the only thing you think of for a partner is someone who can shower you with expensive stuff, you’re not thinking like a wife, you’re thinking like a teenage girl and men of character do not want to marry teenagers because teenage girls are not fit for marriage.

If the only thing you think of for a partner is someone who will cook and take care of the house for you, then you are still a boy who needs a nanny and not a wife.

See you tomorrow for the part 3. I pray your inner eyes will be opened and you will be able to adjust where necessary.

Please take this time to check yourself and don't be your own delay.

First off, being single is not a disease or plague, it is a process. Join me in this series on physical reasons you need to check on why you are still single.

Note that I said physical reasons because we cannot rule out spiritual issues too but focus is on the physical for this series.

1. God needs you
‎
Hold on, don't get pissed off with this first point, it is just the truth, no relationship worked for me until I came back to God and to do His will. He may also be using that to get your attention. And if He doesn't, you'll surely need Him. It's just better you submit your will to Him.

Many people want a God-fearing spouse but they don't have God let alone fear! Be the type of spouse you want. Marriage shouldn't be a reason to start getting close to God, that shouldn't be when you start seeing dreams you haven't been seeing before.

Place your heart in the hands of God FIRST and He will place it in the hands of the right person at the right time.

2. You don't know what you want

Yes! Many of you don't even know what you want and you might still be single because you are on the look out for a perfect image you have created in your mind. There are no perfect persons anywhere, everyone is a work in progress.

Jumping from one person to another, in the name of 'searching' is a perfect definition of not knowing what you want. You allow a so-called potential suitor be your standard or set standard for you. If he/she says no sex, you agree, if they say otherwise, you agree too. You need to grow and define yourself before getting into a relationship.

Let's continue tomorrow, but remember not to rush into any relationship. The state (single) you are now is not your destination, it's like a by-pass which will be part of your story later. Don't stop your story because you don't like this scene.

What is going on in this generation for heaven's sake? Ladies not just opening cleavages but letting out the whole breast outside all in the name of fashion. Is there still a private part?

Or has everything become public? I was at a wedding ceremony recently and I was tired of what I was seeing. There was this particular lady that wasn't breathing well and I can attach it to the way she packed her breasts too tight just to push the thing up by fire by force!

Unfortunately, this trend is entering the church. What am I even saying? It's already in the church now! Dresses you can never wear for interview or meet dignitaries with, you feel so free to wear it to the presence of the creator of dignitaries! And yet no one can correct you. You label churches 'holier than the Holy Spirit' when they do, and say only God can see the heart! Who has bewitched you? Receive deliverance in Jesus name.

You can be modest yet classy and beautiful without revealing places that should be kept under the dress. Christian sisters, let's watch our dressing and not slip into this trend unknowingly.

Remember; ‘All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.’ (1Cor.6:12).

Good Morning

It is important to heal up before another relationship because if you carry bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one, you will end up building the same house!

You need to check how you contributed to the end of the relationship too, sometimes you also played a part.

Before you start a new relationship with someone else, make sure you're completely over your ex but most importantly, your relationship with yourself and God is where it should be.

Why some relationships are not working well today is simply because so many are with other people' spouses probably because of impatience, self will, lack of knowledge about marriage or spiritual issues, among others.

Not every potential suitor is yours, not every tongue-speaking, fire-branded sister or brother belongs to you. Not every spiritual gift will blend with yours! It is good to admire a spiritual gift or gifts in someone, but that does not automatically make the person your spouse.

No matter how spirit-filled a person is, if he/she is not yours, it remains a wrong choice!

Relax and be led...

Toyin Segun-Aremu
KEY©2021

I was in and out of relationships because I wanted to have a 'serious relationship' leading to marriage. It became 'he who finds a woman like me' has found a good thing, because I was dishing out all wifey duties to make him pop the question 'will you marry me?'. In spite of all of these, however, I did not qualify as a wife material. Looking back at that period of my life today, I decided to share this with you.

When you say 'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want', it is important to know if you know this Shepherd or you're just grazing around and not in His flock? If God, whom you call your shepherd cannot correct you, then no spouse can.

You idolize that potential spouse as your personal Lord and Savior, and don't even bother to hear from God again. And just like Me back then, you decided to always hear from this 'assistant God', and built your life around it. Brethren, it won't work! You are supposed to be in God and not in a supposed spouse!

"I will never marry a pastor", "I can never ever marry a lady that is a minister". You keep declaring these, forgetting that whatever comes out of your mouth is being worked on in the spirit realm, those roaming evil spirits hold down your marriage due to your confession. Calm down and watch what you say!

You're crying that men aren't coming or that ladies are turning you down but you never work on some of your dirty, clumsy habits! If you don't decide your habits, it will decide your future.

Calm down to learn and relearn, tell your raging hormones to be calming down because there is more to marriage than the sex in your head.

Waiting time is not wasting time.

Some of the biggest challenges in courtship and especially marriage come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something.

They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good.

In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your courtship or marriage as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.

This is not about material gifts alone, your time, your care, unwavering love instead of judgement, listening ears, your body (in marriage), encouragement, support, and so on.

Remember, when you give, you will receive and the more you receive, the more you're able to give.

Make it work
Good Morning