₦airaland Forum

"...many men think it's their birth right to cheat...."

Because of men like those in the line above, sometimes I just say 'thank God I'm still single'.

Thanks @ mindfulness. I appreciate

metallisc:
come and cut down the tree i'm in and let's solve this problem once and for all, we will both benefit from the solution!


on a serious note though, let's talk in private!

But you haven't told me which forest is housing the tree na shey you heard me say I don't know? Don't tell me the forest is sambisa o

metallisc:
ayam not married!
bring to the table now now??
even if na mafia

Before nko? Even me in looking for what to bring nah, shey make we sit for the table dey look ourselves?

Acidosis:
lol @bazookas


Nice one my sister

Ermm, one more thing! How's your dream life? Any recurring strange dream?

Nah... No such things sir. And my dream life is fairly OK. I actually understand it better than my worldly or physical or whatever-word-it-is life.

tearoses:
Her auntys are here o!
We are here to protect her
enhennnn Firstly are you married?
What do you do?
what are your qualifications?
what do you bring to the table?
introduce yourself pls

tearoses:
Our sister is very precious to us

I am blessed! Thank you ma'am. You are more precious.

Oga metallisc, shey you hear?

Drdreyy:
Wrong interpretation!!!

My bad sire, I get you perfectly now. Thank you!!

tearoses:
You have said that your job places you in their line of vision so please don't take it personally. Its nothing that you have done/doing

It just shows the moral decadence that has taken over our society.
it should also give you more zeal to ensure that you don't rush and make sure that you pick a man that will respect and love you.

Spare a thought for the wives of these randy men and the nonsense that their husbands will bring back home to them; because even if you say no, some immoral women will still say yes to them.

Hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong

Dont let their issues rub off on you

Take off the wedding ring and be just you.
The right man will come, you will be surprised that it will be when you least expect it
((hugs))

I quit that job and recently relocated. The instance I sited for acidosis just happened in a new town. Few days ago I went for a seminar and someone I met there, a fellow participant is at it again. And this man's children are older than I am. These two instance actually made me create this post.

The wedding ring is off, thank you, and I have sometimes don't more than sparing thoughts for the wives of these men. I've had to go some counselling job that no one asked me to to get some of them to stop what they do. Thanks a lot

Acidosis:
That's the problem in bold.


Let me explain:

1. Men naturally see " not-so-pretty" ladies as easy to get.

They believe women who are not so pretty crave for attention, and want to be around men all the time. They think they're doing you a favour by coming to "play" with you.

Married men don't have the time to chase extremely beautiful women. They know it's a hard job to "play" with a goddess, they don't have that time to waste especially as they have to return home to act like the decent husband their wives know them to be. They only want to visit and exit asap, reason they consider "not-so-pretty" women as great option to pass time. Again, married men do not want to compete with other men (singles especially), they believe the beautiful ones are highly competitive and attract lots of single and ready men, so they make their tent on the readily-available option.


2. Secondly, I believe that line in bold was wrongly used. I don't know you, but I'm 100% sure I will find you highly attractive when I meet you, but that line indicates esteem issues. This brings back the issue I raised in 1. Men see women with low self esteem as easy to catch. Esteem is solely a psychological issue, and got nothing to do with pan-caked face.


What you can do?

Believe in yourself that you are a beautifully and wonderfully made lady. You do not need the recommendations of any man to survive. Say these to yourself, and watch how serious single men will locate you.

My brother, shey wetin make I talk na? I didn't mean to sound low really, I only meant to imply that I don't have all those bazookas that attract men like flies to dead rat. So I still don't get why. In any case I read you well and will take your advice to heart.

Thanks for the complement too.

jamalchance:
U are right I don't. Know you so I just guessed not statin a fact also I said UNINTENTIONALLY

I'm sorry, I didn't read well I'm sure. No vex

Muafrika2:
I asked two of my colleagues, on separate occasions why they do that knowing they are married. They said that they want extra children and unmarried and working women were just perfect because their children will not need their financial help.

And then we think the less educated men and women in ther rural areas are over populating the country.

In my case though, just a few weeks ago, someone told me: "just carry my child and I will send you to Canada". He already has 4kids. So tell me what this man is looking for since he is more than willing to take responsibility.

jamalchance:
Could be that u are unintentionally scaring single men away with ur attitude or personality or unintenionally attracting married me with ur attitude and personality

I could ask HOW but since u don't know me, I wont argue this. But then, would I have the ability to INTENTIONALLY attract men yet use it on the married ones instead of the singles?

Drdreyy:
Pray and Start being more devoted/committed to church activities, you will definitely find a single brother in church who is also committed and patiently waiting for God to give him the right partner.

You can also inform your pastor about it, and lastly, if you are still putting on that ring for camouflage, stop it because it will also scare potential and serious suitors away especially in church.

Thank you, I will pray, but unfortunately, I don't believe in going to church for the purpose of 'finding a single brother'. For me, its not a good reason to go to church. yes, anything can happen and anywhere too, but to have such a motive in joining groups and attending services will make me more self conscious than God conscious in the presence of God. no nah. Inform my pastor you say? To pray for me or get a husband? bros, I'm not that desperate nah. If not for pressure around me, I could actually tell all suitors now to give me some more time to stand on my feet so I can have something substantial to offer in marriage. But the pressure sha...thanks anyway

carmag:
@ op check out if your mode of dressing is 2016 compliance..are you the type that ties wrapper upandown in the name of dressing decent while indirectly sends wrong signals to single guys who mistakes you for a married woman




but for married guys proposing to have an affair with you isn't as bad as you want to paint it since it's a common occurrence among every other matured women so it all depends on what you want


so I can safely say as soon as you finally settles down with mr right that will erase your fear and any married guy who flirts with you wouldn't be an issue to you henceforth



before some myopic minds would quickly quote me..I'm not in support of wayward married men but I'm only stating what is common in the society

thank u..

bros, shey na office i dey tie the wrapper dey go? besides, where is he indirect message in tying wrapper except maybe at home(which i still don't do. And if that was the case, i would be complaining about my neighbors not some random clients and acquaintances who barely see me in casuals. 2016 complaint mode of dressing? Abeg, teach me

Onegai:
Shockingly, that was not the worst thing said to me that day by a married guy. 'twas scary, the desperation the married guys were using to pursue the single ladies.

ifyalways:
I can imagine. I've once had a married priest "attempt" to tell me trash once right in his office with the Secretary next door.

I switched to my high pitched "idumota voice" to ask him to explain his "parable" in clear terms and he quickly ushered me out of his office after using hand signs to beg me to lower my voice unsuccessfully.

It's a shame what marriage has been reduced to. Some married men are worst than single guys.

ladies, thanks for lifting my spirit! At least I now know i'm not alone o. I once hung out with my company's account officer and some of his colleagues. i just had to hang out with them when he asked because the guy does assist me with certain issues related to the office account, that's not really in his purview. at the end of the day, this guy headed for a hotel instead of at least, dropping me at the nearest b/stop since he doesn't even know where i stay, didn't ask and i wasn't ready to tell.

when i asked, what are we doing here? shebi you are a married man? the guy said "yes? i'm married and my family is in the UK. or should i have lied to you and maybe told the truth after you've 'gone down with me'. i quietly got down and said "bros, no vex, i wan trek go my house"

tell me, where did he get the 'get down with me' impression because he goes out of his way to do his job as an account officer, so he thinks he does me a special favor therefore i owe him? if that is the case, shouldn't he be going down with the company? na me get the account

@ onegai, ifyalways and sisisioge, thanks lovelies

shininglite:
Op let nobody deceive you dis issues is spiritual..start praying.."i dnt mean all this in jesus name amen prayer",your kneels have to hit the floor,anything that runs lyk a pattern in our lives is always from our foundation...ancenstral forces cant stay when u have a red hot prayer altar..read 2chronicles 24,25,26, u wud unstd hw 3 brothers reapted the same thing also read jeremiah 31 vs 29..declear dis issue a state of emergency by going crazy with prayer..God bless u

Ok. Thanks a lot. I quite appreciate.

taryour:
no you are not cursed my dear and no one will insult you if you refuse them.

Flee from the Devil when you see him and keep being your real self your own man will come in due time. be a little more patient and don't rush into marriage with just any man because married men are after you. relax and be sure you are ready and truly love the man, be sure you both are very compatible before you tie the knots. don't listen to what people say about you or the pressure from all angles, keep your head straight and high knowing God is on your side and you are not alone. You and your Dream man will find yourselves sooner that you expect. keep strong, remain strong and you will get there.

But bare it at the back of your mind that once you accept to date a married man be rest assured that another woman will date your own husband and nothing will erase that.

Amen. thanks. I think with what I see as marriages today, it would be too naïve of anyone to not prepare for this in marriage. nevertheless, its not even enough reason to stay away from married men. The idea is just not good. shekina

thorpido:
I'm sure a lot of women get hit on a lot in Abuja and you won't be the first.
Like you said,most of the men are met in your line of duty so they know you a bit,that you are single and think you are a good catch to have fun with.I'm sure all those men want is just the fun.

It shouldn't be so hard to deal with this.Just ignore them if they make passes,decline to give your number and generally cut off the attention.
I think what bothers you more however is the fact that you are not getting a single guy to commit.Apart from your workplace,where do you hang out?Do you just go home after work and have little extracurricular activities.You will need to make yourself more visible for potential suitors.

first line in bold WAS almost impossible. i had an official line that must be available 8am to 8pm. if i begin to respond to the second line in bold, i will write an epistle. All i can say is, THANK YOU

@ jibril659 thank you.
but I'd cut down every single tree in the forest if I knew at least which forest is housing the tree he is stuck in.

@ thorpido, true. But i have changed base twice in the last 5 years to different state with this problem following me.

Dear family section members,

I really do need a reply/ies and I believe in the maturity of some of the posters in this section. So I'd appreciate if insults and abuses are kept to the minimal because I know they will come.

Please, I believe I have a problem with men and I need help. I am a single lady in my early 30s and I live and work in Abuja. Don't get me wrong, I don't sleep around, and I am not an "Abuja babe" if you guys know what I mean; but my problem is with married men. I don't know what is wrong with that institution called MARRIAGE or the people in it, but it really is affecting me that is not in it. 99% of the men that ask me out are married and I am tired, frustrated and with no clue as to how to stop this. I am not pretty. I don't dress provocatively. I don't go to some 'strategic' places, hell I haven't even been to a club before, so I cant say I attract them, my job alone places me in their line. but I don't know what I do wrong or why this is happening to me.

Worst is, some of these are very young and newly married men. Shey they no see me before they marry? At over 30, instead of them single suitors to be coming, the Agbayas wont let me be. I have had ALL of the most daring temptations of my life from married men. You have no idea. PLs tell me people, Am I cursed?? If yes, what prayers do I need to lift it ?? Are there characteristics inherent in some women that make men to perceive them as "Potential play thing/side chick". I'd really like my sanity and peace of mind. its enough to be single and fighting through life's ishes alone, so this kind of complication isn't welcome at all.

NL is the last place I'd have thought to take my issues to, but the last friend I confided in, a young married guy whom I attended his wedding o, turned around to make passes too. I know some will say "go and Marry", but I wont marry myself nah and even at that, I doubt if it will change anything because I have even gone as far as moving about with a ring on my finger. Please, people, married men and women here, and single ladies in similar shoes, tell me what to do, because to me, giving in is not an option but then, I am not so strong to be the biblical job of my generation because that's what it's beginning to feel like.