Teespice:


it is good that you have tried.

What do you think of the opinions you have gotten here so far?

Wonderful. The aim of the post was achieved. My mindset is now broad and we'll enlightened. Some things I wasnt considering before has been made bare. Hopefully, I won't err.

LordKO:
An environment doesn't inherently change someone's ethical leanings. I wager more than 99.5% the people who've given you advice are either subjects of their host countries or haven't crossed the shores of Nigeria. Know thyself and make sure you're going into equity with clean hands - if real marriage is your target with her - then hack her mind and know her true character. If her ethical leanings align towards conscientiousness, marry her, provided that you're ready to stay conscientious.

Don't base your interest in her on material things or what you intend to gain from her; rather, base it on your continual ability to cheerfully maintain and sustain her core interest in you, because that's the surest to have a wife who'll move mountains for you.

Meanwhile, discard her if you observe any trace of self-absorption in her, even if she doesn't mete out such against you at the moment, because she'll definitely do in the near future, unless you derive pleasure in servility. Don't mortgage your liberty because of paper, because you can easily get one at a cheaper rate with your liberty intact.

Thank you so much. One of the best.

WhyAWhy:
You have an interesting story and I will table a few action plans for you.

1. Take a trip to USA or let her come down to Nigeria for a short trip - You will understand each other's mannerisms and perspective to life better with a short trip.

2. You are both in the age where everyone believes you should be married or popping out babies so there is a tendency for people to link you up so that your sole focus is planning a life together- DO NOT fall for this. You have to get to know each other without the bias of settling together (tough call).

3. Does she have a student loan and how much? This is the kind of financial burden you may have to bear.

4. Who else knows her apart from the people that introduced her. What are her facebook posts/Instagram/Twitter/Whatsapp stories and shares like. You can easily build up a profile based on this.

5. Where do you guys plan to settle if this pans out well. It is incredibly hard to just "move from Nigeria" and start practising medicine in the USA. I have several Nigerians as family friends who have not been able to get into the Medical System in USA after finishing Medicine in OAU and postgrad in USA. You have tons of difficult exams to write and a very competitive application process that puts people who schooled abroad ahead of you. It is still easier to get into the UK system by writing IELTS, Plab1 and Plab2 in that order.

Like several people have said, you are both coming from different backgrounds and have probably imbibed different idealogies and perspective about life. Marrying across the pond is a very big gamble irrespective of race. You therefore have to carry out a lot of due diligence. Marriage itself is a gamble but there are so many obvious things you can iron out before you decide on settling with a partner

I wish you all the best bro.

Duely noted. Thank you.

Teespice:
I have one question for you

Have you tried as in made any attempt to get to know this person before bringing this matter for people to deliberate on?

if you haven't, SMH for you.

I have tried, want to get unbiased views, before going further

humilitypays:


Beware of arranged marriage, moreso as a young promising man, avoid it!


The whole American girl thing may sound so posche and thrilling now, but trust me, you will regret it later in life.

You are a medical student, you can relocate abroad and work if that's your so wish in life...all you need to do is study well and write IELTS, write PLAB 1 and 2 which you can pass easily if you are bright student. I can't remember failing any exam as a student and even as job applicant, so you can do it.


Don't plan to use a woman to cross over abroad cos it always end in regrets. The girl is already an Americana, you a full blooded Naija boy with pride won't condone her excesses in marriage.


You can have a plan to relocate to UK, from UK to Australia then US if you so wish to live permanently abroad. UK is easier for doctors from Nigeria to migrate to for work....US is more difficult.


If you must marry a girl abroad, be the one to meet her yourself....and make sure you are absolutely in charge cos their head is always leaking relaxer due to excess freedom and women right over there.


In case you wanna know, I turned down like 3 of such arrangements from relatives and friends who thought they wanted to help me cross over to US through marrying a US citizen, and today, I can proudly say I am more successful than most of my mates living in the US whether as a Doctor, Nurse or whatever job they do there and I can travel to most countries on my own....I have peace of mind, I am an employer....I work at my own schedule, I rule my world....no woman to tell me any nonsense of how she helped me cross over to America like America is wealth.



So think twice......your future is slightly bright as a medical student about to graduate, all you need now is focus and dedication and the world is yours, forget women for now, you will be their hero soon!!

Sir, this is one of the best I have heard so far. Thank you very much. God bless you.

Crispels:



Lol bro.

Hello @Trumptweet, I'm a Nigerian in the US and I created this thread some months ago about this topic. You may find it helpful.

https://www.nairaland.com/5953751/dating-nigerian-american-girls-united-states


In all, it depends on the personality of the girl you are talking to but over 90% of Nigerian-American girls are independent-minded. Just go through the thread.


Cc Trumptweet

Thanks, will do just that.

daewoorazer:
There is nothing like a Nigerian born in the US...if she’s born in the US, she most probably lacks moral background of anything Nigerian....so she is AKATA.


I’m talking to you from experience....just a few of them with strict and culturally motivated fathers/mothers; plus the inner conviction by the same girl to wanna learn Nigerian morals....are the very few who u can still call “Nigerian living in the US”.

Citizenship is the only Con. If you can get your citizenship without her, go for it. Her giving you citizenship is a fûcked up red flag. Ignore at your own peril.

You can get citizenship by education in Canada...be flexible.

Akata girls are very independent and them dey get coconut head. They lack moral knowledge of caring for “husband”. If you tell her to prepare a meal for you, she’d most probably order you a pizza with her money(that’s if she’s the deeperlife version of akata)...if na regular akata, na u go order yourself

Hmm, thank you.

bukatyne:


A 'stranger' you can storm his/her house unannounced is different from a 'stranger' you have to prepare days in advance to receive. You both are in a controlled environment and cannot really court. Also there is the culture and environmental shock you have to prepare for.

My problem is the posters; they saw abroad wife and all senses have flown out of the window. It is 'broda OP marry to save your generation.'

Who said the girl is 'his pass' to the next level?

Hmm, thoughtful

Yankee101:


Your starting salary in Nogeria will be 2.7m naira

Write and pass USMLE and get a US hospital placement and your starting salary is more than 20m naira

She gets her medical doctor, ypu get her papers. Isn't that why your cousin is doing the hook up?

Lol, possibly.

emkz:
This is a dicey one. Was she born there and has she spent all her life abroad? Try and get to know her personally.

Don't marry because you want to please your family or those that recommended her to you. Know her by dating her. Women are like onions, they have different layers and the layer you see at a particular time is the layer that serves their needs. Be watchful.

Thank you. She was born in America.

dgreatthinker:
I reside in the US, in the Medical field, you need more than what guys are saying here to succeed. Plan properly and ask proper questions from your girl, and know what drives her. You need to know her takes on African culture, her redlines and have it in mind that you might not be able to practice as a medical doctor here (The probability is very low, but not impossible) Forget about the impression that women have sole prerogative to eject their spouse, the right is for both male and female. If she earns more than you, she might be the one paying you child support if the need arises. Contact me for more details. Wishing you the best

Thank you.

pansophist:
1. Make sure she chooses you. Arranged marriage works well when the lady in particular finds the man attractive and naturally wants to be with him. Men generally can be with a woman that they do not love, especially if she is a good person, I can not say the same for women. So I repeat, make sure that she chooIses you and truly want to be with you. By choosing you, I do not necessarily mean meeting you herself and not through arrangement (that is just a vehicle to meet each other), but that she finds you attractive, adorable, and respectable.

2. Do not go have a relationship with her because of the prospect of green card. You NEED to find her as a good partner genuinely. and the prospect of living in the US will just be an addition, to make your marital life prosperous.

3. Be conscious of the power dynamic in your relationship. Traditionally, it is the woman that integrates into the lifestyle of a man, not otherwise. She is the one adopting your surname, moving to you, being impregnated by you, and submitting (not to be understood as tyranny/subordination) to you. Make sure you have something going for yourself, and green-card is not something that will be that attractive, or at least have self-respect to not make it influence such a lifelong decision. Moving to live with her in the US, getting your papers through her, being economically handicapped while she simultaneously assume the role of the torch bearer is not a recipe for a good start. Only truly good women will take that role and not look down on you. You know her better, so don't take this as an express advice.

4. Most importantly, make sure she is not settling for, but chooses you out of all her options. A question I would ask myself would be why she can not find a man in the US, a country with a population of about x2 of Nigeria. Why go through the stress of long distance relationship with you and considering marriage when she haven't even met you? It is important you know that in every deregulated relationship (meaning a lady freely making romantic decisions without social/cultural pressure), it is the woman that chooses the man, not otherwise. You may argue that you asked her out firstly, but her acceptance is mere confirmation of having choosing you out of all her suitors. Your words/toasting skills didn't do the job, but the kind of man you have made yourself to be.

Tell her to consider the prospect of visiting you in Nigeria, and explore the possibility of living in Nigeria and lead your family life there, then in the nearest future, you may both move abroad when you are convinced about the kind of woman she is. Don't just uproot your life and move to her to the US, leaving you vulnerable and dependent on her, in a feminized society. personally I would never do that. After all, Nigeria is her country as well. I am advising you as someone that lives abroad, and have seen how lots of relationship crashed because of not having proper planning and jumping to marry anyone because of the chance to move abroad.

Be honest with yourself. If you want to marry her genuinely, pay attention to the above advice. But if you want to marry her to move abroad, I can guarantee you that she probably will be that smart to see your intention and rain hell on you, and it would be better you just remain in Nigeria and live your life peacefully, than be at the mercy of an estranged wife in a foreign, feminized society. Good luck.

Thank you. Appreciate.

bayusman:
Go for her if you like her if it doesn't work out. Walk out..

I hope you see this

I have seen it. Thank you.

Wijam:
See this guy o, you dey reason am? As u said you have been talking with her and I believe you guys have gotten along. Baba arrange Visa and leave this country, when you get there no rush to marry, study her and be sure you want to if it's cool then marry the Doc and live happily ever after having your children as American citizens and getting exposed to the good life...leave this country o I de tell you again run leave this country. Then as you go, arrange Doctor for me too��

Lol, sounds hilarious

ransomed:
If you look at the advantages be very careful of someone you date on internet. She might be someone else's baby mama, she has been trained in American way of gun is might and being a citizen, police will always protect her from you.
Avoid story that touches the heart as most African American ladies behave like wildcats (akata) . Be ready to be a baby seater, do the dishes, cook your meals, do the laundry and allow her do whatever she wants ,including the tendencies to prevent your mother from coming to America for ' omugo' , not speaking Nigeria language when talking to female family members back home.
It is your choice, I pray God will guide and guard you to choose wisely.

Thank you. I appreciate.

LaEvilIMiss:


My response since I have been married for 8 years to an American-born Nigerian from Wisconsin

1: Family friends can give you an idea about the upbringing afforded your potential partner growing up but that is as far as it goes, It can be influential in character-building but it does not tell you exactly who that person really is when no one is watching. If you can and if you have friends who know her at a different level, then ask their opinion - usually from a fellow girl and not another guy (guys use their heart but girls are cold and will tell you the bitter truth even if they are just jealous)

2: "She is a good girl from a good family" is your cousin a guy or girl? how long has she/he known her and under what conditions? did they live together, go to school together or are in the same fraternity or workplace. Such information is useful but you need to have specific example of (for instance) if they have been through a personal crisis and how they managed it, how they deal with other people's feelings etc

3: "I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently. " that is actually a good move but always note this one fact of social-conditioning, nearly everyone will show you their best foot on social media. until you have had a chance to start dating and getting to know each other, there is no telling whether she is NICE APPARENTLY or she is just putting up her nice side. also understand that you must have your STANDARDS and a threshold of what you will accept from another fellow human-being. The true character of a human being is demonstrated in a moment of weakness or an opportunity to show humility. This is because Strength and Pride are only mastered by humble people.

4: She is 27. aaaaargh! while "Age is just a number" by American Standards, she is getting married pretty LATE.. but that is not exactly a bad thing seeing that you are Nigerian and people get married at 40-50-60 and as long as their is love in the marriage, the rest is just hater-gossip. The reason why I am bringing this up is that there are several Socioeconomic factors working against/for you the older you get in America as a female. There are some job roles that become hard to get or be considered for (actor, business executive, marketer etc) and there are sum that you will fit into perfectly (Nursing, Caregiver, Restaurant-owner etc) A masters is a good achievement for both of you at that age bracket which means you can also get higher-up the career-ladder faster if your performance matches your credentials.

In summary, Pray for wisdom and get to know her better (physically) and don't make any commitments you will regret later - also understand how the American System works in favor for or against Successful Black Women.

Good luck

Thank you so much. I appreciate.
My cousin is a male. He's live in us for almost 35yrs.

They live together, same community sort of. The girl in question is his daughter's agemate.

InvertedHammer:
/
So in this day and age, you are expecting someone else to pick a wife for you. Marriage is not friendship. The sad part is marrying her and moving to US only to realize that you could have done better. The resentment alone will break the marriage.
/

Hmm, thank you.

karnap:
they don't have Nigerian morals of been a remousful wife, ask the man who introduced her to you if he married from abroad or he married here before they traveled to abroad,such girls get angry over everything and they will always feels like controlling everything,they love to call police and you know what is that means,I'm not discouraging you but,marry a Nigerian girl and go abroad instead of married Nigerian Americans who born and brought up there with all those sense of fragile attitude towards marriage,they always believed things go in their favour in court.

He married his own wife there.

madridsta007:


Never you marry her without knowing her character. Without a dating/ relationship period.
If she is too good to be true, then she is actually too good to be true.
There are many Uncles, AuntieUs, Pastors, Relatives, who have some daughter somewhere that they will prefer to get married to a Nigerian-trained man. Which is fine.
The problem is that these girls, liberal and Westernised, operate from a mindset that you will struggle to understand unless you’ve lived in the same environment like her. Sadly her cheerleaders will hide these things from you; when you marry the lady, you will be told to, “manage, this is what marriage is.”

This got me thinking. Thank you.

nexta007:
I also don't have any experience. But, you must prepare for some Cultural Shock. The humility we expect from our women here ain't the same you'll get there. So, you must have that in mind.

OK.

thebosstrevor1:
Advantage

You might end up getting citizenship
She Will be the mother of your kids
She might be very feminine if she has not been brainwashed by feminist ideologies and gender studies.
She will support and help you if she understands her role
She will be educated and might have a well balanced world view.

Disadvantage

She might Be a Feminist
She might emasculate you, if you dont earn well
She might end up driving you out of the home if you guys have trouble.
You might become homeless
Cultural shock of what relationships and marriage is supposed to be like

Hmmm.
Thank you.

gaius01:


Sir with all due respect, marrying such lady is not a problem if only She can come to Nigeria to marry and stay, but you going up there that implies you will be short to some right as a man. This lady is OK financial and educationally and marrying her you can't control anything about her. Beside she woñt have the moral an average Nigeria girls .

Thank you. I appreciate really.

gaius01:



Okk
Let's be realistic, I diffinatly know you will finish school before marrying. You are 29 now, next year 30 after service 31

And she will 29 living abroad then.

That means you will wnat to join her there or will she join you here!?

What do you think? That's y am here.

gaius01:
Arrrrrrrh


First, how old are you ?
You are still in Medical school?
If you are too wife her, wife her in Nigeria not abroad cause. If not any small chaos Na police, you are vulnerable bro and you know she's OK, in the sense she's well to do so marrying her is not like a favour just that she need children and companion. Also know female are favour in court case outside.

I will advise you'd wife her here in Nigeria since she's a Nigerian.

I'm 29. Will finish school next year.

Please help me. I am in medical school. My cousin and his wife (both living in USA) introduced a girl to me. They want me to come over.

From my understanding the two families are friends.

According to my cousin, "she is a good girl from a good family "

I have already started chatting with her, she seems cool, apparently.

But I need unbiased views from those with experience please.

Put yourself in my position and advise me.

she's 27. She is doing her masters .im 29, finishing next yr.


Thank you.