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gh0sts:
Andra was the first person I always called when I needed to go somewhere fun.

We had met first in camp when I lost glasses, she was the girl that lost her cap. When we met again at the family house, the first time we got to Langtang. I was happy. At least I'm not alone in this hell hole, I thought. We reintroduced ourselves and that was it.

At first, we didn't hangout much. Her PPA is a hell of a stressful school. but gradually we got closer. She spent the night at my house and we'd go to church together. She is the most naive person I have ever met. She doesn't know how to handle herself around boys...even when a boy is holding a sign with bold inscriptions of 'I like you on it'. She'd still ask me, how I knew he liked her. There's never salt in the food she cooks. Like nothing at all...her excuse, she doesn't like salt. She walks in and everything she comes with goes on the floor. Her bag, jacket, cap. She had never gone for a night party, never tasted alcohol, forgets to wear bra...really. She's also very crazy and doesn't care a bit about what you think. I liked her that way. I didn't care about all those things. She was my friend and whenever people complained about her, I made sure to defend her. Even with Tay and Lanle. I never threw her under the bus.
It was why I tried to go out with her. I just thought she needed someone to guide her.

It was why I asked that she came with me to a party. Tay and Lanle had already told me, they wouldn't go. Although I was conflicted about going for a party without both Tay and Lanle, I knew there was nothing that would stop me...I had been waiting for just any opportunity to just go out and party. Tay left the weekend before the party. So I called Andra and told her to get ready.
Went to the party and the usual party stuff started. I always made sure to find her with my eyes. I didn't want some predator pouncing on her.

The devil mail bag got to her and she was asked to do something. She had refused and paid. She was clearly having fun and I could see the smiles on her face. I just sat at a table with Nedu and Mag. She kept walking round, I was too tipsy to start greeting anybody...at that point I wasn't even seeing anybody. Nedu was busy telling me sweet nonsense that my brain couldn't filter. I just wanted to get away from him, when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned to face a girl. She asked something about my PPA, and if it was the local government. I said no. She mumbled something about me being the person she wanted and left. I was back to listening to whatever Nedu had to say. When she tapped again and told me her boss will like to see me. I was so happy, anything to get away from Nedu. I went with her. Two guys sat at the edge drinking from the green bottles they had. One of them asked my named and stretched his hand for a handshake. I told him my hand was dirty, I had already dug it into the pieces of meat they gave me. He clinched his fist and stretched it at me, asking that I bump his knuckle instead. I did, and that was it. I had to go face Nedu again. I was tipsy, but I still knew he had nothing to say. Even in my high state, I wasn't interested.

I was finally tired of Nedu and his talks. I stood up and told him I was leaving. He immediately stood up to follow me. I needed to look for Andra first. I looked round and couldn't find her. I asked people, until someone told me she was outside. I knew immediately that she'd be with a guy. I was curious. As I stepped out, she was standing in a corner, in front of a car and the boss from earlier was standing right there talking to her. I told her it was time to go and stood by, waiting for them to round up. Nedu and some other people joined me there. And as soon as she finished we left.

I don't care about what people did with themselves, not unless it was affecting me directly. And I had heard so much about the heat period of Langtang...where the walls vibrate from heat. I was so scared and was already making plans on how I was going to survive that period. I told Andra how lucky we were that Boss was interested in her...of course, I looked for a way to add myself. I told her about the stories we've been told. Boss has a car with air-conditioning, he obviously has a house in Langtang, owns a generator and has a fan or an AC unit in his house and fridge too. She was already laughing hysterically as I listed everything I think Boss can offer during those perilous times. I ignored her and further explained how it would work. She'd call him in the afternoons when it's hottest. He'd pick us in his AC car, drive us to his house. Put on his generator, switch on his fan or AC and offer us chilled drinks from his fridge. He'd obviously have a TV. So, as we cool of, we'd watch movies and charge our phones.
Andra stopped laughing and told me the most disappointing thing I've ever heard. ' he wasn't my type' huh? I was confused. He didn't have to be her type na. Desperate times calls for desperate measures. ' what was it about him that you don't like'. I asked her. Her reply converted my disappointment to frustration. She said he's too old and looks like a player. Okay, now when you hear 'old', you'd think he's pot bellied, with white hair and beards. No...take that picture of your mind. He's a fit young man, in fact, he is a dude. Someone in his early 30 and unmarried.

She never bulged no matter what I told her...no matter how I begged. I wasn't going to let opportunity get butted through the door. So, I made it easier. I'll make her call him just to ask how he was...at least if she showed that she cared, he might consider us when 'hell is raised'. She never agreed whenever he asked to take us out. Those boring days, when there was nothing to do. She never wanted to give him the wrong vibe...she obviously knew nothing about psychology. Boss actually did like her...at least, it's what I think.
She always complained about wanting a boyfriend and I never failed to remind her about boss. She'd wave him off as too old. So, I pushed Nedu her way. At least they served in the same PPA and stay close to each other. Boss and I also tried to hook her up with another guy...boss was like, if she didn't like him at least they could be friends,while she met someone else. The new guy was also too old for Andra. I didn't understand her deal with guys...she was acting all cougar-like. So I left her.

She stopped talking to me. No explanation, nothing.
We had agreed to spend the Christmas holiday together in Langtang. Lanle was working with Boss now and would not be able to travel home. So I suggested that we stayed with her. Andra had agreed, and we've already planned towards it.
The day my school closed for the Christmas break. I decide to visit Andra. Her house was a complete mess. Nedu, who was now very close to her, was helping her pack. I was clearly surprised when she told me she was travelling because she missed her dad and her bed...the Bleep. That was the stupidest reason ever. I tried to understand with her, even though I wasn't happy with the change of plans. And I told her to let me know before she left. That never happened. I had to leave too. Lanle works 8-6 and I couldn't stay at home all day waiting for her...stay at home friend, I'd just die from boredom. Literally, die. I decided to call Andra to pick up my school bag, but she has left already. Although I expected that, I still told her, how much I didn't like it...we were friends, the least she could do was tell me she was travelling. I quickly looked for another way to pack my things. The entire holiday, she didn't call. I was pissed. I made up my mind not to call her. But Boss (who was now a friend) asked me to call her...be the bigger person, he said. I called and she apologized. And that was the end. She never called again. She came back and never called. She avoided me when she saw me.

I kept speculating if maybe I had done something wrong. I couldn't think of anything. And even if I had done something, I thought she could face me and tell me. But nothing. Everybody was breaking up with me at the same time. The silence was too loud...it confused me. She didn't even allow me the chance to ask what I've done. And now, she's just somebody that I used to know.

gh0sts:
When I like somebody, I like all of them. Including all their flaws effortlessly. I might point out those flaws, but I never judge them for it. In fact, I try to see them work through it to be better. I expect the same thing from others. And sometimes, I expect too much.

Our relationship ended the day Bass walked away. Not literally, but, it did. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he left me, with all the tears and begging. I compared it to me and I knew, I would have never done that. I honestly can't just walk out on someone I love.

I remembered the first time he asked that I be his girlfriend. I kissed him. I had been expecting that question,so i was excited. I told him never to leave me. He left. I was crushed.

I remembered all the times I had imagined us getting married...haha. All the times he told me that if I should leave him and marry someone else, we'll meet and cheat...it was sweet then. Then, I started thinking, will he leave me every time I Bleep up? And tell me to think about what I've done, without a fight? I didn't even have time to understand what was happening. I didn't have the closure I needed.

Lanle hated him after that. Strongly. She hissed whenever I called his name. She didn't even know what happened, all she knew was 'Bass left '. It was all I told her that night she came to the house and saw Me crying. She said, he made me cry and that's enough reason to hate him. She felt bad, because she thought she pushed me into the relationship. She never came around .

Although, Lanle didn't like him anymore. I couldn't stop myself from calling or texting him. From the way we talked, I knew it was all over. But, I was in denial. I thought maybe if I fought for it...

I kept asking to visit him in Jos. And every time, he said no. I couldn't stop myself. He didn't text as much as he used to or call. I felt like I was being punished. I finally had an opportunity to go to Jos. And although, it seemed like all had been forgiven and forgotten when we were together. It didn't seem that way when I went back to Langtang. He still didn't call or text as much as it used to be. Every inch of me knew I had to get out of the relationship. I think he knew too.

I tried to make it work. I told him I loved him often...but he never replied anymore. I ask that he sent me SMS like he used to do...he told me he didn't know how. And that was it. I had to leave. I complained to him about what I noticed. And it got heated up. I was blunt, a little to blunt. And he considered it rude. I stood my ground, he didn't like it. And I broke up with him.

Two days later, and I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him how Port Harcourt was treating me. I had travelled earlier. I wanted to laugh with him about all the funny things I had seen. I tried to stop myself. I deleted his number, deleted my WhatsApp...but somehow I found his number. I called him. I explained that it was moment of anger, nothing more. He told me he was going to think about it. He did after a full week and told me we should just be friends. It wasn't what I wanted, but I'd manage anything from him at that point.

I have never been addicted to anything...not weed, or my phone. Nothing. But I was addicted to Bass. I wanted to talk to him every time. He still didn't call. Or text first. I called called often. And gradually, I began to accept that we'll never be together like we were. At first, he was the first thing I thought about when I woke up. He was what I think of before I sleep. But gradually, It stopped. I didn't think about him so much anymore. I didn't feel that urge to tell him how my day was. I still get the urge to call him from time to time...but, it's not as strong as it used to be. Most times it comes and something else just steals the thought from my mind...

I may never forget Bass...he made me feel something I never knew I was capable of feeling. But at least, I'm beginning to know how to deal with the feelings and him not being present.

eitsei:
The worst feeling in the world is to be crazily in love with someone who doesn't love you back

gh0sts:
Tay and I were home one night. Watching movies on our laptops, it was all we did after charging. Dan came in later and as we talked he told us they bought whiskey and invited us over. Tay declined, she doesn't take alcohol... I just quietly followed Dan, thinking, more whiskey for us. By the we entered, they had soaked MJ

in the whiskey. As I took the first seep. I smiled, this was even better. Nedu sat in a corner smoking. I knew I was in trouble immediately. My new year resolution was to stop smoking weed. It wasn't like I was addicted or something. But I need to stop
before I become an addict. And I only made
that resolution because I knew I was leaving school, where all the vices took
place. Other guys would have offered me something else. Maybe food or drink. Or said hi. But not Nedu. He tapped another when we walked in and started wrapping it. I thought it was for Dan until he offered it to me. I didn't understand him...was it a gesture? He still did not talk to me after I took it. I drew in and let the smoke fill my lungs. I knew the resolution wouldn't stand, at least I tried. We gisted and drank and smoked. It was nice. As the MJ did it's magic. I saw the beauty of Langtang North...it wasn't such a bad place anymore. I slept fine that night. Somehow it became a ritual. When they come back, they'll call me and I will gladly go. As time went on. Nedu started talking to me.

Dan and Mag left the room to keep Tay company one night. Immediately, I was alert. Not scared or worried. Just alert. Nedu and I smoked and talked. Mainly about school and MJ. He told me about how much he likes and have been looking for a way to talk to me. He was sure fate was involved since he finally saw me in Mag's compound. I don't believe in fate, but I was too high to burst his bubble. In fact, everything he said was funny to me. And my brain was taunting me. If I react to anything he says, my brain tells me I'm over reacting. And if I don't react, my brain tells me I'm under reacting. I was struggling to be in between and somehow, the struggle was clouding everything he was saying. When his lips found mine, I was still not concentrating. I kissed him too...his lips tasted sweet. Obviously something to mask to smell of the MJ. I liked the smell, and continued to kiss him. I felt his hand move on my body...but I didn't mind. I didn't feel anything for him. But I also didn't want him to stop. He withdrew and picked his stick from the plate he had kept it and took a long drag. I was obviously too high to understand what went on, what was going on. I took mine too. And just then Mag walked in like he had timed us. I was worried or anything. We finished talking. I finished my stick and left. Dan sat on the beg watching a movie. I just quietly found the floor. I was having good thoughts about my life...MJ has a way of making me feel my life isn't in complete mess. I woke up the next day on my bed, I didn't know how u got there and I didn't care. I remembered everything well.