WendieT:
Link to watch please

https://m.yalla-shoot.show/

Mayorwer:

Are you actually writing this? After telling you she wants to go with your brother. You don't trust your own brother again?. Oga pack well abeg. Give yourself hbp because of insecurity..if she actually wants to cheat do you think you can monitor her ?

You may not be completely right
Why will she even suggest that the brother should come, do you think his brother can even be with her everywhere she goes !!!. Lastly do you read where the husband said that, he doesnt know the person, and the woman did not bother to even mention who the person was to the man

uuzba:
I think OP wants to do one thing in that US where he is. That's why his mind is worrying him.
He is now projecting his thoughts into his wife.
OP, your wife took your brother along as a witness to her actions.
At least your brother is your family member and you should trust him not to mess around with your wife.
All these people that will fly out of Nigeria and still be hanging unto NIgeria.
Nobody asked you, but you just have to tell us that you live in the states.
That is called bragging!
And it's very unnecessary.
Now, it's we local yeye people that you abandoned in Nigeria that you asking for advice again.
Which kind nonsense be all this?
Submit 10 fried chicken from McDonalds and 2 family bucket chips to quench my anger.

hungry man

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

The red flag I see the 35 years

Thank you all for your response, it is shocking though that the post was completely misunderstood by most people. Could not divulge too many info, but from permission, I had to make this addition

1. Both are in Europe. They became acquainted with the neighbours just 4 months ago, although it appears they have known for ages.
2. The husband is an expatriate who works in another European country and lost his very good job just 7 months ago. He got a new contract that starts in September in the same country as his family. (He lost his job largely because he refused to be part of the weekend overtime shift because he always has to be home to his family by the weekend). He is not able to travel because he can not renew his paper. (he is not in the common travel area). The husband usually travels home every weekend before this.
3. The family agreed for the woman to start the study, and the husband paid for the study himself ( about 7,000 euros).
4. Both partners were aware of the travelling as part of the course when she enrolled last year. The arrangement was that the husband will mind the children when the time comes. But the husband's situation changed before the sign-up date for the course, discussions started between husband and wife on the best alternative, however, the madam (wife) went ahead to sign up without telling the husband.
4. The 5 days is part of the course requirement, it can be done next semester, worse case, by January next year.
5 No other deep issue as some of you are insinuating.
6. I only came here just to evaluate the thoughts of their fellow citizens of the couple on general marital issues.
7. I showed this discussion to the couples, they even laughed at some of the comments.
8. These kinds of stories are very very common.

But your contributions are all appreciated.

previous post https://www.nairaland.com/7611343/wife-vs-husband-family-vs/3#121790526

Thank you all for your response, it is shocking though that the post was completely misunderstood by most people. Could not divulge too many info, but from permission, I had to make this addition

1. Both are in Europe. They became acquainted with the neighbours just 4 months ago, although it appears they have known for ages.
2. The husband is an expatriate who works in another European country and lost his very good job just 7 months ago. He got a new contract that starts in September in the same country as his family. (He lost his job largely because he refused to be part of the weekend overtime shift because he always has to be home to his family by the weekend). He is not able to travel because he can not renew his paper. (he is not in the common travel area). The husband usually travels home every weekend before this.
3. The family agreed for the woman to start the study, and the husband paid for the study himself ( about 7,000 euros).
4. Both partners were aware of the travelling as part of the course when she enrolled last year. The arrangement was that the husband will mind the children when the time comes. But the husband's situation changed before the sign-up date for the course, discussions started between husband and wife on the best alternative, however, the madam (wife) went ahead to sign up without telling the husband.
4. The 5 days is part of the course requirement, it can be done next semester, worse case, by January next year.
5 No other deep issue as some of you are insinuating.
6. I only came here just to evaluate the thoughts of their fellow citizens of the couple on general marital issues.
7. I showed this discussion to the couples, they even laughed at some of the comments.
8. These kinds of stories are very very common.

But your contributions are all appreciated.

Socratiz:
Firstly, it is obvious each of this couple has a different core value.

The core value of the husband is the family. He probably grew up on a stable and closely-knit home. So he prioritise the family/children over career.

But the wife's core value is career. I would be surprised if she didn't grow up in a home where the woman was marginalized or even maltreated because of low career. Career gives her a sense of personal worth and value therefore, she could not forgo this opportunity.

In any case, for a training which is only one week, this should pose no problems for them. I had to reread the post to be sure it is not a two-month course.

Both of them need to make the sacrifice. Get a sit-in person and pay her to look after the children. Even if they end up paying with the 800 Euro which the wife will get from the course.

The man mentioned that the wife adopts some unhealthy methods to have her way whenever they have a friction. This needs to be dealt with. I suspect the wife may have some underlying trauma which need to be resolved. A professional counsellor should be able to help with that.

Please solve your marital problem and live together in peace.

Cheers

Waooo, at least some read the post.

baralatie:

A trip from Germany to Netherlands from Nigeria
And after day 5 participants will €800

, please read again

baralatie:
The husband of a lady is against his wife attending a 4-7 days school course from Germany to the Netherlands

. Participants can leave on the 5th day if they want, participants will also get 800 euros as participating fee.

can you expansiate property on this two odd statements

hmmmm, better to comment based on the info available

1. 4-7 means after the 4th day, you can leave on the 5th day if you wish

2. the cost of this trip paid was paid as part of the school fees. Participants gets this fund back because the local council subsidizes the fee for only those who paid for the course during the enrolement.

ecolime:
4 - 7 days or 4 - 7 years?

Your husband no fit watch the kids for just a week? I no understand this una story oo

probably because you did not read it

JovialJune:
That man is an enemy of progress, is he a handicap that cannot take care of his own kids? She should postpone a 4-7days course till next year because of his own inconvenience?

If we should find out the stubbornness of his wife he complains about, it has to do with her not bending to his whims, expecting her academic career growth and accomplishments to take a back seat just like this one, what a clown.

Buddha3:


Madrid and Napoli. Either of both are well placed to win it. But I no wan see Man City near that trophy!

good talk

sisisioge:
She should put her life on hold because husband can not be there for the kids for 4 to 5 days because he cannot travel? Something tells me she's been the one being with the kids majority of time but Oga cannot be with them at this point, right?

Well, no issues, they can organize someone else to watch over the kids for the duration of the course or the husband comes and do it himself. You men are mostly your worst enemies! You expect the woman to drop everything she does to be there for the family but its absolutely inconvenient for you guys to do the same. Una well done o. Una do well. Honestly, having seen a lot of abroad naija marriages, I see why it fails a higher percentage of the time. What is good for the gander is good for the goose fa. It is selfish of the man to even suggest that she adds a whole year to her education because he could not spare 4 days! Imagine if the tables were turned! Awon oniran dede!

easy

Hello all,
I need to bring this to this section for better balanced contribution, I have also updated some earlier information due to better information

The husband of a lady is against his wife attending a 4-7 days school course from Germany to the Netherlands. Participants can leave on the 5th day if they want, participants will also get 800 euros as participating fee. The course starts in 2 months' time, madam already signed up without her husband’s knowledge, and just recently told her husband about the signing up (They have been discussing the issue of whether to go or not and the best options). Her husband is against this and told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to circumstances that can not be resolved now. The kids are between (7-12 years). Although the husband will be able to travel later in the year, however, madam will have none of it at all, because according to her, it means her graduation will also be shifted to the next academic session/next year, this, she will never ever accept. So no negotiation about it.

Although the discussion has been going on between both, about the best option, madam suddenly told the man she has resolved to go and nothing can stop her. The husband is in shock, it appears madam has been playing and acting along as if she was genuinely looking for other solutions. Moreover, the husband noted that madam is no longer willing to discuss the issue with the man, as the woman has become angry/rude/verbally abusive. ( the husband acknowledges that this behaviour is not new, as anytime issues like this come up, the woman always throws up this defence mechanism- gets angry, stops talking to the man or becomes abusive/ talks rudely to the man. )

Naturally, the husband is a cool guy though, madam is as stubborn as anything and always has her way on all issues. The man is genuinely afraid that the children might be exposed to abuse and other things, moreover, he feels the last child is too young to be left alone

According to the man, the woman is a good person, but very very stubborn. Everything has to be her way. To the extent that her family has near zero influence on her, so there is nothing he can do in that respect, hence he usually pays heavily for counseling

They are both doing their best for the family (both of them confirmed this in separate meetings with them).

What is your take on this, please?

luminouz:


For me, it's always about testing your frame to see if she can follow your lead. No woman wants to take the lead in marriage no matter how stubborn she is. She looks for a man who can be a leader. All the 'boss lady, Boss King or is it King of Boys' talk na wash. But once she sees you are weak.and she dominates you, attraction falls and she can basically do whatever she feels like.

Another name for that is SEE FINISH!!

hmmmmm deep

Mentholated:


"CONFERENCE" Once a woman is adamant on a decision that takes her away from her family at the expense of her family, there is a high probability that other arrangements have been made.

It is a school trip.

luminouz:


He is also in Europe but stuck there? Germany is also Europe and for all I know no travel restrictions among Euro countries, unless he is illegal.

There is little he can do since that woman ALWAYS have her way. He should have controlled the narrative way back during dating or something, not after having 3 children. He can only hope the neighbours will be good to the kids(which I seriously doubt). That his wife will even be so complacent enough to trust the neighbors baffle me. That a mother will just hand over her kids to another family for 5 days when other options(foster care, nannies) are available baffles me.

The options I can give are foster care and nannies (professional ones) because I don't trust neighbors with molestation, no matter how good they appear. But I suspect the wife won't listen to any opinion but her own,so he should.be praying that the kids are TRULY safe with the neighbours till she comes back from her "CONFERENCE"

Thank you so much for your thoughts

luminouz:


You already told us madam is stubborn and ALWAYS HAS HER WAY ON ALL ISSUES! So what else is new?

Then, where is the husband? Naija or what?

The answers to these questions will inform my next post but THEM NEVER BORN ANY WOMAN TO BOLDLY TELL ME SHE GO LEAVE MY 3 PIKIN WITH YEYE NEIGHBORS AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. Unless they no be my children sha.

He also in europe. stock in another country. This is a very common issue with guys here.

Hello all, please I need your genuine input.

There is this situation. A lady with three kids, between 8 and 13 years for a 5 days course from
Germany to the Netherlands. She wants to leave the kids with her neighbours, but her husband is against this and told the woman to shift the course to next year because her husband can not travel to be with the children due to paperwork. The paper will be resolved later in the year. The woman refused vehemently because, without the course, it means her graduation will also be shifted to the next year. All this while discussion has been going on between both, about the best option, but madam suddenly told the man she has resolved to go and nothing can stop her. The husband is in shock, it appears madam has been playing and acting along as if she was genuinely looking for other solutions. Naturally, the husband is a cool guy though, madam is as stubborn as anything and always has her way on all issues. The man is genuinely afraid that the children might be exposed to abuse and other things, moreover, he feels the last child is too young to be left alone.