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This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married - Family (8) - Nairaland

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35-Year-Old Kenyan Man Praises Sexual Prowess Of His 70-Year-Old American Wife / My 83-Year-old Father Is Getting Married To A 60-Year-Old Lady / My 35 Year Old Brother Is Still A Trouble To My Parents and siblings (2) (3) (4)

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Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by komzy589(m): 5:50pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

I’m quite certain that you’re not contributing anything to buying any of those mentioned items.
If I’m right, then this is self entitlement
and to be having this at your age is not good for you o.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by AntiWailer: 5:52pm On Jun 02, 2023
Dear Dora,

Manage , give birth

Quit if u cnt cope and take care of ur baby .


Regards

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by elantraceey(f): 5:52pm On Jun 02, 2023
You better be single and okay than married and miserable. Marriage is not a trophy.

2 Likes

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Xammie001(m): 5:52pm On Jun 02, 2023
Mama from my perspective ooo
Leave the Marriage because you will be frustrated




Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

1 Like

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by dannex4adx(m): 5:54pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.


My advice!
It us better to marry late than to marry wrong.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by curlarpy: 5:58pm On Jun 02, 2023
Yes... He must be in charge. Abi, are you the one paying for the stuffs? ...
Nonsense. undecided lipsrsealed tongue kiss cry

Dont be submissive ooo, you will be at Shillo 2024
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Nobody: 5:58pm On Jun 02, 2023
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Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Desusi: 5:58pm On Jun 02, 2023
Kajaard:


Who says a woman cannot live without being married? Why is the Nigerian society so toxic towards single women?

Look if you have noticed these signs before marriage, just know that it will continue after marriage as well. If you are really saying the truth about him being very controling and domineering, as well as always listening to his family and you having no say in any decision making, then lady you have a serious decision to make. Cheers.
My brother! What further witnesses do we need.? A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.How can you be in courtship with a man and can not have a say? If you visit a house where the husband is exercising domineering spirit, you will swear never to marry as a woman,this what l have seen as a man.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by OChimex: 5:59pm On Jun 02, 2023
komzy589:

Try to ask yourself this question.
If she was the one footing the bills or sharing the bills with the man, do you think the man will make such decision?

To me, this is not an issue of submission. That’s why I encourage women to make their own money before getting into marriage.
It will attract respect from the man.

Whether she contributes or not, like I said, I have colleagues here in the States, their wives are stay at him wife, yet have a lot of say in the decision making.

1 Like

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 6:03pm On Jun 02, 2023
I can’t tell you what or what not to do. But, you could really use my bad advice urgently. It may sound harsh but it should work.

Use him to your advantage. That is, play along till the wedding has been done. After the wedding, stand your ground and be rigid about it. No one can trespass into your territory. Not even his territorial mother. If she does otherwise, boot her out.

Also, try to get pregnant ASAP. Use him to be a legal donor for your child/dren. That's if you are lucky to have twins or can be patient to have two kids with him whilst tolerating his bad attitude. After you must have had your child/dren in your arms, you have your rights in glory. Dump his sorry ass after everything.

Thankfully, he’s useless already. You only needed him for the child/dren after all. But, you should make sure you are financially capable to be a single mother should in case he decides to be irresponsible. If he can not be tamed, serve him the divorce papers while it’s hot. One useless man down after all.

OR

Go get a sperm donor. Cost-effective and drama free. And stay single as well. Marriage will be going extinct in few years to come. Don’t even bother going into it. It’s not worth it. My golden advice.

1 Like

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Uniquekriss(m): 6:04pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

just try and have a heart to heart conversation with him on these red flags, be decisive and wise while you make him understand your point. Do not consider that you're running out of time, but my challenge is that you didn't address this on time. But it's still okay to get it ironed out. Look for someone he respects and confide in him/her to call him to order.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by writeprof(m): 6:06pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.


Marriage is a spiritual institution established by God. Did God tell you he is the one for you? I will advise you take some days out for a quiet retreat with fasting and prayers to seek God's face if you believe in God. Wedding is a day event, marriage is for life.

Your observations are red+ flags ma.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by kingfriday(m): 6:09pm On Jun 02, 2023
Dear Dora,

This is a worrisome situation.

I will advise you consider doing the following:

1. Genuinely pray about him, the current situation and the marriage itself. Talk to God about it.

2. Politely discuss the situation on ground with him, your fears and worries. Get his feedback.

3. Suggest what you want him to do that he is not doing... Get his opinion and feedback.

4. You two should reach an acceptable conclusion on point 2 & 3 above.

5. Pray again and continue to pray.

6. Work on your conviction.... follow your spirit... the decision that gives you peace of mind. Ensure you are doing the right things from your end based on the principles of the Word of God, the Bible.

I can assure you that everything will be fine.... trusting on God.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by amakanancy(f): 6:11pm On Jun 02, 2023
Run for your dear life if you take the above steps and it doesn't make sense to him
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Jez9(m): 6:13pm On Jun 02, 2023
[i][/i] It is devil trying to manipulate him and things in order to prolong your not getting married in life.. please if you are a Child of God I mean ( Born Again) go before God and pray your Fiance heart to allighnment Provide 21:1-2. It demonic manipulation don't fall for it. Though I don't know if God is the originator of your Courtship ( relationship) with him before now. You can call me for counseling 07031125458.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by vuxelle: 6:14pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

The red flag I see the 35 years
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by ogbe88(m): 6:19pm On Jun 02, 2023
OChimex:


Until you live out of Nigeria you will understand how badly women have been treated in Nigeria. I am not telling you to believe but I tell you from experience. I have seen countless men control their wives and refused them to get a job all because they are afraid of losing that control.
Beside what people call love in Nigeria is actually a bribe to get something in return.
The one an only act of real love in marriage as a man is to be a servant, serving your wives and kids happily. And this is hard in Nigeria
Peace out.
U are not well.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Ayanfeoluwaoba(f): 6:20pm On Jun 02, 2023
Marriage is between 2 matured adults who can communicate and both take firm decisions without hurting each other while at it, I understand your plight (age issue) but my darling, it is better you get it right now or you regret it later. Those reminding you about your age won't be in the marriage with you, your identity will be changed and can never be reversed to "single" any longer.

The truth is he will get worse and the situation will be totally out of your control.

A man is supposed to protect and shield when it comes to his family.

Pay attention to the signs, reassess your decision, weigh it on a long term there you will find your answer.

Don't let anyone push you because of age, choose you first everyone will be fine last last.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

1 Like

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by komzy589(m): 6:26pm On Jun 02, 2023
OChimex:


Whether she contributes or not, like I said, I have colleagues here in the States, their wives are stay at him wife, yet have a lot of say in the decision making.
Respectfully, if she has a lot of say, then it’s because she’s given a lot of say, which can still happen.
Don’t forget. “He who pays the piper….”

My point is, one has to contribute a meaningful quota in order to earn some level of entitlement.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by chris51(f): 6:28pm On Jun 02, 2023
What I can say is that, "he who pays the piper dictates the tune".
If your family is financially involved in preparation of the marriage, they should have had more say. Your family must have collected an arm and a leg for traditional in terms of dowry etc, hence the man wants to exert his authority for the wedding, if so, I don't blame him.

My advice to you is, take it easy. As long as the things are done, you are ok. If not done well, nobody will blame you.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by chris51(f): 6:28pm On Jun 02, 2023
chris51:
What I can say is that, "he who pays the piper dictates the tune".
If your family is financially involved in preparation of the marriage, they should have had more say. Your family must have collected an arm and a leg for traditional in terms of dowry etc, hence the man wants to exert his authority for the wedding, if so, I don't blame him.

My advice to you is, take it easy. As long as the things are done, you are ok. If not done well, nobody will blame you.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by nairalee(m): 6:34pm On Jun 02, 2023
I must not lie to you, I understand your situation. Its not as easy as many think.

But what I will advise u is to talk to him about this. Communication is Key. He may not know how controlling he is till u point it out. Every marriage has its ups and downs. I'm sure he can adjust. If this is the biggest challenge of your fiance then its salvageable.

Wish u the best. Just remember your happiness is paramount

1 Like

Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Cmsj: 6:34pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.


The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.



Can we hear from his side also before we start judging him?
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by OChimex: 6:35pm On Jun 02, 2023
Caleycash:
By the way the name calling of men "CAVEMEN" is an emotional manipulation, doesn't mean shit in reality, there lots of Nigerian/African men who sticks to there traditions, culture and good home ethics doing fine all over the world, if women were that really interested in equality they would be fighting in Ukraine right now not blabbing about equality online!

Just imagine the last election, professors rigging elections like touts. Go to the hospitals, doctors and nurse behaving like motorpark touts. Look at the courts, the judges sounding lame.
Look at SANs sounding dumb.
Business men and women being dubious. Politicians behaving like common thieves and acting like a god.
The common man roaming the streets behaving like wild animals.
Honestly most Nigerian men are cavemen, very primitive.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by cococandy(f): 6:37pm On Jun 02, 2023


From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.


Now you know why he has never been married
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Caleycash(m): 6:37pm On Jun 02, 2023
UyaiIncomparabl:


And the man? Oh, only the woman has faults? The man being single at 40 most likely has a problem – just like what he’s presently displaying.
I don't know of his character actually, but you and I know that most men gets to that age chasing money to get fulfilled, might as well be he has a bad character that kept him single to that age, finally only an unintelligent woman compares her age with that of a man, our biological makeups are different, lots of complications on the woman's side, the truth is the earlier a woman marries the better for her
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Cheeryfeet: 6:38pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. Discuss with him not your parents. Let him know exactly how you feel, share your fears and concerns with him, point it out point blank. But how you say it also matters. You must not be desperate to marry and he needs to see that vibe, be willing to walk away if he doesn't seem to get your message, how he reacts when you discuss with him will tell you a lot. But sincerely, i see red flags, but talk with him first
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by OChimex: 6:40pm On Jun 02, 2023
komzy589:

Respectfully, if she has a lot of say, then it’s because she’s given a lot of say, which can still happen.
Don’t forget. “He who pays the piper….”

My point is, one has to contribute a meaningful quarter in order to earn some level of entitlement.

You don’t understand. My guys here work and their wives stays at home and make most of the financial decisions.
She stays at home, run your home and your kids, she gives you a lot too. And service you in the other room.
That she doesn’t contribute financially doesn’t mean, she doesn’t contribute.
Running a home is more complicated than making money, at least here. If you doubt, work full time and employ people to run your home and your kids you go understand d the cost.
Listen dude, that a woman doesn’t contribute money doesn’t me she doesn’t contribute as much as you do or even more,
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by winner37(m): 6:40pm On Jun 02, 2023
Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.




If you are getting older endure pls ..
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by Caleycash(m): 6:40pm On Jun 02, 2023
OChimex:


Just imagine the last election, professors rigging elections like touts. Go to the hospitals, doctors and nurse behaving like motorpark touts. Look at the courts, the judges sounding lame.
Look at SANs sounding dumb.
Business men and women being dubious. Politicians behaving like common thieves and acting like a god.
The common man roaming the streets behaving like wild animals.
Honestly most Nigerian men are cavemen, very primitive.
Hahahaha 😆 😂 🤣, still rife in the west, we've seen corruption everywhere in the world
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by OChimex: 6:41pm On Jun 02, 2023
ogbe88:
U are not well.

You are a sick mentally deranged idiot caveman wallowing away in a third world, with una third world mentality. That’s why you guys don’t make progress there like the rest of the world.
Re: This 35 Year-old Lady Needs Your Advice As She Plans To Get Married by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 6:42pm On Jun 02, 2023
Caleycash:
I don't know of his character actually, but you and I know that most men gets to that age chasing money to get fulfilled, might as well be he has a bad character that kept him single to that age, finally only an unintelligent woman compares her age with that of a man, our biological makeups are different, lots of complications on the woman's side, the truth is the earlier a woman marries the better for her

Will these women get married to themselves?

1 Like

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