₦airaland Forum

foolinlove:
Ex,

The worst thing you can do to a person is know their bad relationship experiences and do exactly the same thing to them.

I have never been played as artfully as you played me.

You involved your family and my family. You made me and my family believe you loved me. You proposed to me. For what? Money.

When you got what you wanted, you just stopped talking. Then I find out you used the money I gave to marry someone else.

How can you be so heartless? You knew my age. You knew my deepest desire was to find the man God meant for me so I could have a family. But you wasted my time anyway.

I do not understand how your family will allow you to do this to an innocent person as well.

I am a kind person. There is a lot of good nature in my heart. I did nothing bad to you. But you still saw me as a person who deserved no respect. Even though I gave you literally everything I had, all you gave me were lies.

Why not prey on someone younger, who will have a chance to rebuild and find their true love? Why not just work for money, be true to God, instead of scamming me?

I know now you weren't always talking to and visiting your sister, your school friend, your cousin. You were shopping around for someone to fvck with, talking dirty, seeing other girls because I didn't mean a thing to you.

I worked hard to know you, to understand you and to be the woman who would stand with you through time. I was faithful to my word and my promises - I was faithful to YOU. You only worked to manipulate me, to get something from me and then leave.

You killed my soul. It is unforgiveable.

You always said you feared God. You had better fear Him, because He has seen what you've done to me. He has seen your sinful acts to my family.

I hope you are cast into the fiery pits of hell to burn for all eternity. I don't wish you well.

But I won't be thinking about you anymore. All I will remember is an animal of a man who ruined my hope and my faith in human goodness.

Goodbye.

foolinlove:
I worry a lot. TALK.

foolinlove:
Why sad?

foolinlove:
What exactly can I help you with? What would you like to learn?

foolinlove:
It's sad. I've been alone 4 years and in love with a guy that doesn't care if I exist or not. Maybe I should try again. So afraid of being heart broken again. Too old to make another mistake.

foolinlove:
I don't see yout analogy.

Killing? Never. I made a choice that I will never be heartbroken again. Being in a relationship and not loving the partner is really wrong. If I am in a relationship and do fall in love, there arr no guarantees that it will not end in heartbreak. Hence deciding not to be in a relationship. My personal choice is all.

This rule ia not saying that you have to lock up to everyone. Just that one person. It's so you can move on properly.

foolinlove:
Like what more? Anyway u can ask. I don't care.

amaraedec:
I have not spoken to anyone about my ordeal but I sincerely hope your advice will go a long way towards healing me and restoring back my sanity.

I started dating this lady whom I still love so much February 2013, few months before I lost my mummy. I was so cautious of the affair at first, knowing that it was the first time I am getting so emotionally entangled to a lady, but after I lost my mum, I was so hurt and the fact that she was the only person very close to me then, I threw caution to the wind and fell helplessly in love with her, hoping that it would help alleviate the pains of losing My mum and praying deep inside my heart that the relationship will lead to marriage. It did to a reasonable extent alleviated the pains of losing my mum.

Even while I was in school, I gave her everything that I somehow lived in deprivation. Her friends were complaining to me that I spend a lot on her and it might backfire one day. I ignored their advice. I buy her handouts, clothes, Mobile gadgets and even give her certain amount of money on monthly basis to add up to her feeding money, I made sure she lived above her peers in school .

The whole problem started late 2014, when I was about leaving for my NYSC. she started acting quite strange, I respected her privacy that I don't even touch her phones, even though I give her the freedom to handle my phones and answer my calls. I noticed she wouldn't pick up her calls while with me. Like I said, I respected her privacy that I never gave so much thoughts into her actions, I loved and gave her my all believing that she will never cheat on me. Then on her birthday, I had got lots of surprising gifts for her and even arranged a little get together without her knowledge. To my greatest surprise, she surfaced at the venue of the party with the excuse that she was going on an errand for her parents. I handed over to her the gifts I got for her, she collected them and left the venue. Little did I know she had gone to see her erstwhile lover. Depression had started creeping in and I was losing my sanity apparently.

To cut the whole story short, when her girlfriend opened up to me that my girl was having affairs elsewhere, I never believed her at first, but after I confronted her, then I was looking so sick and pale, completely lost in thoughts and pains. She eventually opened up and was really sorry to the best of my knowledge . I couldn't help the pains, I. Started taking anti depressants, I have already vowed never to cheat in my life, knowing that prosperity has a way of rewarding Fidelity.

After I was mobilized for NYSC, I left for my Camp, but the ghost of a failed relationship was already hunting me, I had lost interest in living. Shortly after I returned back from my Orientation camp, everyone knew something was wrong with me, I only told them that it was the stress from Camp. Well, I was battered emotionally, that on 31st December 2014, I hit the rock button and decided to end my life and end the pains, I took insecticides and collection of anti depressants in over dose and battery acid, I cheated on death as I was in Coma for 4 days, I was referred to a psychologist for rehabilitation after I was discharged on the 12th of January 2015. I spent 6 months in rehabilitation Center here in Lagos State, where I was also serving then.

After the whole incident, I made up my mind to forgive her and give her a second chance since she was really sorry. The whole scenario started replaying itself, that she started acting strange again, already my friend had told me that she was seeing someone else. My family knew I was slipping into depression again and had wanted to fly me out of the country, but I was denied Visa when I least expected it. I had to leave Enugu for Lagos so as to keep away from her and the environment. but she still calls me on phone, saying that she still loves me, I truly love her so much. Am totally lost of words, lost of ideas. Am terrified to say the least. Am losing my sanity again. Please friends, depression is getting better of me at the moment.. I need a sincere advise

foolinlove:
If u read my posts u can get an idea of what I went thru. Yes, it was that bad. What questions u have for me?

foolinlove:
No contact is designed to help you get over heartbreak and move on quickly.

I must stress that there has to be a break-up for this to work properly for you. If there is no break up then you will always be wondering about something you never actually closed off (and no one needs those kinds of regrets). For this to work, there must be a break up. When someone treats you badly, and even though it makes you sad, you can break it off and use this no contact rule to regain your peace.

Why it works:
The ex's contact is a drug to those in love. You will crave their attention because every time you hear from them it gives you a hope things can be the way they were. When you have contact with them it will be like you are high on a drug - you will have a fleeting happiness moment.

Your happiness moment is linked to hope. You will be hoping, praying that they respond to you again. Then the cycle continues: you crave more contact, then you get some, your hope increases, then the hope fades, you crave more contact and so on. As the cycle continues you get addicted and you can't move on properly to be with someone who cherishes you. The only way you can move on quickly and properly is to BREAK THE CYCLE.

How it works:
When your love drops you, or they have cheated, say "ok. I wish you happiness." make sure all ends are closed off (like you don't have items at their house etc.) and then cease contact altogether. Remember, if they have cheated, they do not truly love you - you need to move on for your self and your peace. Do not forgive, because you will have suspicions and trust issues for the rest of your relationship and it will be miserable for both of you.

Do not tell them you are doing the "no contact rule" with them. Just be silent. Do not contact them no matter how much you want to. If they contact you, do not respond to their calls, texts, messages etc. Where you can, block their facebook, instagram, snapchat, whatsapp, EVERYTHING.

If you are strong enough, you can look at what they send to you. Cry, gnash your teeth, pull your hair, whatever. BUT DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Keep a diary of all the times you want to contact them instead. Day one, day two, day three, day four, day five and so on. Write all your feelings, talk to friends, but DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Even if they are begging you for one more chance, DO NOT RESPOND (see below for how this affects your reconciliation chances).

The longer you go not contacting them, the stronger you will be. You will start moving on and it will be longer between the times you think about them and crave them. One day... you will realise that you haven't thought about them for so long! When you do think about them, maybe your feelings have waned so much you wonder why you were attracted to them in the first place.

When to break the no contact rule:
NEVER. If you think that something is so important that you need to contact them, you can get a friend or a family member to do on your behalf.

If they contact you with this "come pick up the thing, or I need to pick up the thing, I need to tell you something", give their details to a friend or family member and let them respond to the request. Make sure you are not around to see them if they come to collect or drop off items at your house or school etc. You are to have NO CONTACT AT ALL.

The effect on your ex:
If you stay silent, it sends a message to your ex that you no longer have time for them. That they hurt you and you cannot be friends with them any longer. They will realise that you are better than craving after them. Your ex's respect for you will grow.

If they do want to be with you truly, believe me they will find a way to let you know - either through your family member or turning up on your doorstep to beg you. You will know when they are serious about you because they will say and do things they've never before. Do not accept a weak attempt at reconciliation. Only accept what you know to be serious and true. Remember: reconciliation is not possible if one of the parties has cheated.

If they don't want be with you, they won't try that hard. They will accept and you are free of them and their hurt forever. You have broken the cycle and you can move on to someone who can cherish and truly love you.

It is about you, not them:
No contact is about YOU - it is not about making your partner come back, even though the no contact rule can do that sometimes. No contact rule is a tool to give yourself some peace and some respect. It is a tool to help you MOVE ON. Most relationships end. ALL the guys/girls are the wrong one until the LAST ONE, the one you truly love and loves you with heart, soul and mind.

It is hard. It is very VERY hard. But you are worth it.