qtguru:
When I was broke, I shunned relationships and kept meaningful friendship with ladies. Most of the ladies I met helped because they valued me as a friend, however your generation sees every woman as someone to sleep with. You can't sleep with every woman, because there might be some women to help you, that you will chase away. Grow yourself, find a skill. The same Internet you are on, is the same Internet people use to find jobs and make a living. Only resourceful women will have something to offer, but you yourself will have to ensure you are someone who also has something to offer. No one wants to waste time around someone who is doing nothing and has nothing to offer. That is my own take, my career started all because a lady I taught programming referenced me to her friend and since then, my life changed heavily. Shun RP and make friends with everyone, don't see everyone as plates. Good bye from an Egbon

Point of correction egbon, RP doesn't tell you to spin plates with every female rather you should be at an advantage getting things from them thereby increasing your value instead of the other way round which nature encrypted
When you don't know about something please tend to learn about it before opposing it,(please take this advise serious, it'll help you moving forward in life) everything you did up there was plainly RP without you even knowing,some guys would have started simping for them hoping to be in thier good books or for some relationship.

Ciao egbon

Them just dey make noise nothing more nothing less

Every day death,no one knows who's next
E don tire me sef

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggarrrr
Isoright

This is never alright
Stop misbehaving

This op is high on oshogbo weed
Wtf man

aariwa:
As a lawyer the correct position is that the nigerian evidence act does not recognize DNA over customary or civil marriage.The man who did the marriage rites is presumed under the law to own the child even up to 9 months after a divorce

Please attend to!

In my own case I didn't deny the child, I took care of the mother during and after birth and I took care of them for almost two years but now seems like the girls eyes is in another man.... She's in school too
How can I have custody of my child, the child is 2 years and 4 months and staying with the mother cuz she's in school

Rosement:

You are sure you didn't abandon the baby? If you did not abandon the baby then the lady has no right to pressure you to marry her. You can even decide not to marry her if you are not in love with her.

Baby cannot bound two people together, if it is not love, it is not going to work. Don't be desperate, if you are not ready, don't rush yourself. You are the baby's father, you can fight for your right but you have to prove that you didn't abadon the baby.

I didn't abandon the baby, infact I took care of the baby and the mother for almost 2 years
I'm hearing they want to pack out of the house they are staying now so should I still relax and wait?

ichidodo:
cc Witlee1.. Refrain from being emotional therefore no threats but always drops subtle cues here and there that "you understand what they are up to thus if they won't stop f**king with you,then the whole world will know your ex single mother status and whoever wants her hand in marriage must understand this scenario very well and also understand that the child in question is yours".... This redpill talk will be put them in a very strong bind....So this is what will happen, seeing that their hypergamous interests, hell, even their name and reputation are being threatened they will come to the negotiating table but being females just be prepared for some emotional blackmail sh**t just to throw you off guard and get their way but relax, maintain frame and insist on your rights and the rights of your child to access her father because for what it's worth her safety and life will depend on it..

Thanks

Justkatty

mcdokwe:


I was advised to go this way but it will be counterproductive in my opinion, you don't need an escalated hostilities, let time pass. Besides, if you could afford to still live with the girl after dropping of the child with her grandma, nothing suggests you can't keep the child.

The reason the child was not with us for some few months now is because of my girls school clashing with the nurturing of the child so I advised for her to give the child to her mother while I send some few things to them from time to time, I have no problem with that at all

OreoPaschal:


Your child will see you as a very useless Father! How can you go around putting someone's daughter in a family way without trying to marry her. What will be your reaction if someone does the same to your daughter. It is obvious that the Mom has been shamed by the actions of the daughter, which you pioneered. Do the needful, Go and Pay her Brideprice and double your hustle.

Not having enough is not an excuse why you wouldn't marry her. Also, update the misleading topic. The woman is not your Mother in law for now, until you marry the daughter. And if you cannot, take your irresponsibility far away from them. So the damages you have caused can be rectified.

sisisioge:
You surely missed some vital info apart from the obvious....how did you live-in gf suddenly became estranged from you to the point of reporting you to welfare? Anyways, no need to sweat it.....leave the whole family alone. Your daughter will be ok. They will soon start looking for you by the time her bills
increase.

I don't know the reason she reported, I was only called upon to stay away from their daughter cuz I was threatening her which I never did.seems they don't want me around anymore

What if she marries a well to do man that can take care of my child? She clearly won't need me
What kind of father would my child see me as?

I was thinking of going to the police or welfare

Homeboiy:
Op your case her is not a big deal just that the mother of the girl knows what she want


Airforce 1 here already has kids with his baby mama and they are living together for years now

The girls mother is not even concerned

Ignore that girl for now and arrange yourself

But ignoring her may make you to loose her to another already made man.

Thanks for the advice

What do I need to do about the child? How do I go about it? Or should I just ignore all of them with the child?

cayorday89:

I did not conclude you both are making more babies, but still cohabiting, what do you think will be the thought of the mother of your babe, she will definitely not see things the way you are seeing it and it's okay if she acts strange and not believe whatever plans you have in mind cos action now is what she wants to see, remember she was once a young girl, and for you to have impregnated her daughter you did with promises to her daughter, so act and make the woman happy for once. Hope you get the angle I am coming from? Cheers.

Yes I do
Thanks

Raalsalghul:
Witlee1 whatever you're giving for the child's upkeep, please keep proofs/evidences of it so should in case shit hits the fan: no one would say you're not a responsible father.

Thanks

pocohantas:


I didn’t say you ran from your responsibilities, I wouldn’t know where you read that. I said you two are not being responsible by owning up to your new reality. The fact that you guys are now parents. I can’t see any sense in you two cohabiting while the child is with your gf’s mother. Una dey fear to train pikin?

That said, I don’t care if you marry her or not. It is up to you to do that if you want to.

Oh I understand you now.... The reason she's with her grandmother is that my gf is still in school and won't allow it to affect her studies and me I'm a hustler and I don't think I'll be able to look greatly into the child's welfare for now that's why I told her to go keep her with her mother while I send stipends to her for the time being hence the two of us still cohabiting till she restrained her daughter
So I don't know where I got it all wrong

cayorday89:
Borrowing suit is doing too much sef, just do introduction and pay dowry which is to formalize it traditionally, registry can come later. He does not know he will spend more with this current arrangement than when they are together in a house as a family.
@OP, you are already married, only that you followed back door enter am, do what needed to be done and have your peace of mind if you truly still want the lady.
Finally, in all your doings always consider the plight of a child that did not ask to be brought to this world to suffer from the carelessness of the parents.

Thank you for the advice
I'll gladly spend more when I have the resources to do so than spending now when I don't have any and then bringing them in for them to suffer, as I dey drink my Garri alone I like it than bringing them in to suffer with me
You guys ain't even seeing to my wellbeing as I'm the only sole provider here, plus I have done introduction to show my intention so I don't see what they are really trying to do since I only told them to hold a bit for me to gather myself

cayorday89:
Apart from you paying dowry which might not be much and avoiding large wedding celebration, what is the difference in what you are doing now and when you get married to her, is it that you tend to eat more in marriage, landlord increase house rent because you are no longer single in the house you cohabit with the same GF, or government charges you fees monthly for getting married. Oga just do the needful and marry that girl, no sane mother will watch her daughter doing what she is doing turning her to nanny and she trying to make another baby for her to nurse again.

No one is trying to make another baby for anyone to nurse,I also have a mother, if she can't handle it she can hand her over to my mum till I do the necessary things which I truly intend to do... apart from that I've been trying my best to send some little stipends as my capabilities could handle for the upkeep of my child so I see no reason why they can't wait for me to be a little bit okay for me to marry
Or do they want their daughter and granddaughter to suffer in marriage? That's not what I plan for them

My gf got pregnant, I'm not an advocate of abortion so I told her to keep it so I and my live-in gf had a child (girl) outside wedlock who is 2 years old now and I took care of her and the child for 1 year and 8 months,paid the hospital bills and everything, which a single dough of the girls family didn't come to the wellbeing of the child, it was All me which the mother of the girl is aware of.

Though I dont want to marry the girl now due to the harsh economy of Nigeria but I have plans to marry her later on due to the harsh plus I can't just jump into marriage when I'm not yet able to cater for a family yet so I told her to keep the child with her mother till I can be able to stand on my feet and foster for us all,me and my gf still lived together without the baby and I helped her pay some fees for her school cuz I understood that for my baby to be educated the mother needs to be .

Fast forward to now, the mother of my gf doesn't want me to see my child because I don't want to marry my gf now, my gf and her mother had to even report me to human rights for me never to contact my gf any longer cuz I am threatening her which I never did... I tried contacting my gf to know what is happening, she's not picking her calls neither is the mother too and when I texted my gf she rained insults on me lol (life's so unfair)

NB: I learnt from a reliable source that the mother of my gf is the one Influencing her this way,my gf is also in her 3rd year at school
I'm so confused, please advice me on necessary steps to take

deewhydoski:

Take it to justice court

Thank you

How can I start the process?

Favfables1:
When they say abstain from premarital sex, we no go hear, now see where it has landed you...((buh I'm guessing you already know that))...

Go back to the same place they reported you to and also report them... File numerous petition against them, sue them to court where possible...

Even if her parents won't approve your marriage to their daughter, fight tooth and nail to make sure you're in that child's life, you're her father and you have the right to be in that child's life as long as you're ready to be responsible...

And please don't be lackadaisical about this o, if not they'll make your daughter believe that you're dead, or you abandoned her or you're a good for nothing bla bla bla and that will be bad for the psyche of your daughter...

So fight!!

Thank you so much for the advice

crackhaus:

My brother, entertain ALL possibilities...

If it was marriage they wanted you to finalize with their daughter, they would state it clearly and not report you to human rights... Wetin you do dem? Lol

Ignoring you and insulting you when you've done nothing to warrant it is a sign that something is amiss... And like I suspect, dem fit don see man with enticing money wey ready to marry their pikin.

I just read somewhere where you stated that you have done the introduction... Wow.
See bro, there's another man in the picture.. I am now much more certain.

As for what you can do assuming my suspicions are accurate, my guy there's nothing you can do.
You don't want to be that man who goes to beg a woman's family to allow you marry their daughter even when she and her mother are already disrespecting you like this.

Just let them be and focus on doing right by your child however way you can.

Thanks for the advice
I'll work on that, since I'll be doing right by my child, is it bad if I want the child to visit me from time to time (not frequently) since it's obvious my gf isn't interested in us anymore?

InTheCloudySky:
1. It's likely the mother is no fan of yours to begin with. The child has been with her for only 4-months (24-months ― 1.8-months/20-months = 4-months) and not 4-years. I would be much harder on you if you had left her with the mother for longer than that or for years but this is just 4-months we're talking about. Plus, it's not as if you've been an absentee father or haven't taken care of her at all. You sorted all her hospital bills and took care of her until 4-months ago, and you've helped your gf/her daughter pay some of her school fees (why isn't her father doing that?). Obviously, as a father, you don't ever stop caring for your child and from your post, you've no intention of doing that but have just been financially-strained, so I'm just cutting you some slack here because I see you've been trying.

2.Your gf that's also ganging up on you with her mother isn't a good sign. This is a precedence of how she'll behave in the future, turning against you at any given moment.

3. Make money. Once you've money, you will have the means to take your child back or have joint-custody (if you and your gf don't end up getting married).

Thank you, I appreciate your advice, I even bought alot of things for my daughter during her birthday when she was staying with her grandma and celebrated it with her so I don't know why this sudden change of attitude cuz all this should show them that I am truly interested in marrying their daughter and not just the child
Please advice me on what you think I should do as this is really draining me emotionally
Thanks
Ps: her father is late, the man hasn't been staying with them for many years now before he relocated to the village...the woman has 5 children and they stay together in a room

ucheheart:
First how are we sure you are the father of that child, for your gf to team up with her mother and do this to you, the parternity of that child is questionable. But if you are really the father of the child, just relax, they will beg you to carry your responsibility when they get tired of their drama.

Thanks, from your name you seem to be an igbo person.... I'll stop contacting her for now since I can't do what they are requesting for now

crackhaus:

She called her daughter to order after two years of letting them cohabit like husband and wife?

For the one year and eight months when he was dutifully catering for her grandchild and daughter, it did not occur to her then that they're supposed to make it official abi...

Yeah, she's a really good mother.



I don't see anything bad in it either, I'm simply making him aware of that possibility.

I've always been of the opinion that being a mother and being a wife are two very different things and a man should not be under any compulsion to marry a woman who has had a child for him.

Thanks

Females on here don't know there are many things involved in being married to someone cuz too many responsibilities abound, in my case I'm the only one because the girl is still in school and isn't doing anything to bring in income
Marriage is not something I could just rush into, my question is why wait when I took care of their daughter with the baby but they can't wait a few more years for me to be capable of bearing all the responsibilities coming with marriage and then decided I shouldn't see my child unless I do their bidding?

pocohantas:


Well said. How would the mother be babysitting while the daughter is still cohabiting with a lover? What kind of insult is that? Same person accusing the mother of giving her another husband would still call the mother a shameless modern woman.





You know we women can love mumu love sometimes. A man that is ready is ready. Once story done dey too much, stop stressing your emotions and brain. Press ignore and focus on other productive ventures. In her case, her education and child. You will see how much peace you would have.

I didn't want to mention you at first but I have to so those that have good advice for me will dish it out to me

Firstly I never ran away from my responsibilities as I took care of the child for almost two years while I was cohabiting with my gf which the mother is aware of and when the child was giving to her mother I regularly send some stipends to them for upkeep...so how is that running away from responsibilities? If not that the mother is wicked if not she would have called the daughter to order when I started cohabiting with her, so why now?

Secondly I have done introduction by bringing my family to make my intentions known, I least expected you to know if you had read my comments ...the only issue is that I can't pay the bride price which is exorbitant because she's from an igbo tribe, it's not a financial excuse it's what I can't afford right now and I'm sure you won't advice me to borrow to pay for that and it's clear that this is what they want or else I don't have a claim on the child

Thirdly, if you think I'm just cohabiting with her to have sex you are clearly getting it all wrong, if it's sex I want they are many ways to get it bit I truly love this girl and want us to build a family together but the family isn't seeing reasons with me until I pay bride price

NB: the school fees of the girl I paid isn't even half of the list of things I need to pay for the bride price but like someone said I can negotiate it with them,that's if they agree , I'll work on it
Thanks

Kajaard:

I see you are still very much in love with the lady and it's not just the child bothering you.

Have you decided she is the one you want to settle down with? If finance is the issue can you do the bare minimum which is to go pay her bride price? I don't think bride price costs that much.

On the other hand, if she has moved on it's time for you to man up and move on too. Be there for your child by always providing upkeep. Cheers.

P/S - you paid for your girlfriends education but you did not see it right to use that money to do a proper introduction at the least to the girl's family ( if you cannot afford the bride price), knowing fully well you already had a kid and how the Nigerian society frowns at families of ladies that give birth outside wedlock? You need to do a sober reflection bro. Doing the right thing doesn't have to cost an arm and foot. Cheers.

Thanks for your indulgence
I have done the introduction, that is bringing my family to show my intentions
This said, tell me how to go about it
Thanks

crackhaus:
They have found husband for your girlfriend na.. it's like you dun even know warris going on.

Do your investigation, you will find out from another "reliable source" that there's a suitor coming around for your girlfriend's hand, and he is enticing her and her mother with the money you could not afford to give them.

I wish you well my brother...
The only thing that should concern you now is how you can still be seeing your child. Forget about your girlfriend, she's not your own anymore.

Cheers...

I'll do my investigations but I don't think that's what they want to do
I'll gladly love it if you can tell me how I can go about this if it's true

Saintmary:


The same welfare office that called you, let them advice you based on your own side of the story.

Fighting the family is not the best way to go about it.

And why are you reluctant to marry the girl, why can't you set a stipulated timeframe during which you take your people to meet her people just to let them know you mean business?

Don't you know that the child is not even considered to be yours on some cultures?

See, if your intentions are pure, then you should have little problem, but if not, even me I will personally use broom to sweep your feet off my house!

My intentions has always been pure, I'm igbo and there's something we call knocking on the door which I have done at least to make my intentions known but they clearly want the bride price to be paid which I don't have atm
Maybe I've lost my gf to another person like someone said plus I don't want to fight the family cuz they are the family I want to marry from

And talking about culture, I guess any Nigerian law supercedes customary law so I'm not bothered about that

pocohantas:
You don’t want to marry the girl due to the harsh economy.

You and the girl were living together.

You two dropped the child with her mother and continued living together.

You two were busy fcking while the mother was having sleepless nights to raise a child as a result of una orgasm. Not sure of hers sha, but yours is a given.

Yet you want the mother to be happy with you?

Now you gf has gone back to her mum and they have formed a party.

Oga, don’t stress yourself. Pregnancy must not lead to marriage, but it is at least advisable to impregnate someone you can marry, to avoid complicating your life.

Now that it has happened, you need to gather mind. They are trying to use the child to bait you into doing their bidding.

Initiate the NO CONTACT RULE. Don’t pick or call her for 3 months. Within that period, she would most likely contact you. Send child support and say nothing more to her/them.

Water wey hot must cold.

Thanks
How do I send gifts to the child?

Saintmary:
Why don't you just allow her to be for now, if you want things to go well, call the welfare office back and send money and gifts through them to your baby.

I mean, go to their office regularly, show them the gifts and money you want to send, then let them help you pass it across. It will be easy for you if you can get a listening ear among them, they're humans too.

After some time they will help you broker peace.

Stop calling her directly.

Thank you I appreciate your concern
Is there any reason I should let her be for now? And how do I get to see my child often because I can't be sending gifts and money to someone I don't see..
NB:I'm not requesting for the custody of the child but just time to time visitations is cool for me