Kobojunkie:
Very soon, divorce will, in Nigeria, be no much different from that in Canada... mark my words.

Be it in Nigeria or Canada, a broken engagement is better than broken marriage.

interim4:


Really hard, 3 years relationship, and she has been loyal for as long as I can observe. Here is boring, if i was single, to get a girl here will take time. People mind their business here, where approaching a lady can be termed harassment

I felt this way 13 years ago. But now, I wish I followed my instinct and walked away. Losing 3 years of long distant relationships, is far better than bringing her and facing divorce in Canada, where she will use the system to deal with you.

If possible, get in touch let me give you a litmus test.

ferhyntorlah:


This is the issue with some men. They trust their mother to the point of absurdity. They don't have a mind of their own.

Mummy says: jump!
They ask: how high, mum?

Don't say some men. Say, some people. Women do it too. I have been married for 9+ years. Everything my wife does must be sanctioned by the mother or brother. If you have any discussion with her, she to confirm from the mom if she should do what you said.

Some humans are just ridiculous. This OP just allowed his mother with assistance of fake prophets to mess his life for him.

Handsomejok:
We had a lot issues in the past we separated and later reconciled but every slightl mistake she will remind me about what I have done to her and our daughter she has said that when our daughter grows up she will tells her everything. I am not happy with her anymore because I have apologised to her from the bottom of my heart and I expected us to start afresh again but she is still dwelling in the past and I don't know how to make her forget about the past so we can enjoy our marriage. What should I do to change her mind so she will be in love me again and stop seeing me as a monster that caused her so much pain in the past?

Op, while it is good for any man or woman to retain a good level of self-esteem in marriage, you are at the mercy of your wife on this matter. I have been in your wife's position. The only difference is my spouse hasn't stopped running around all these fake pastors/prophets.

Accusations of infidelity, financial recklessness etc are easily settled and forgiven. But you see accusation of "witchcraft " from a spouse? It is the highest level of psychological and emotional abuse. If that woman get mind to continue living with you, be grateful. Pray, that God will help her to forgive you. Only God can delete that pain from her heart. After that, maybe, when you see all these pastopreneurs and pulpit bandits you will look twice.

Realistt:


Thank you so much for this timely advice. To be honest, my wife seriously apologized after everything that happened. I have forgiven her but I do not have anything whatsoever to do again with her parents. Should I still consider divorcing her after her sincere apology?

"Any apology without change of behavior/attitude is mere manipulations". A sincere apology is followed by positive changes. Watch out how she and her parents treat you going forward. Just be vigilant, she might just apologize in order to buy time, then change strategy and means of communicating with her folks. Or if you're a lucky man, she may change for good.

Realistt:
I've been married for almost 2 years but I haven't really enjoyed my marriage due to excessive in-law interference in our marriage from my wife siblings and her parents. I blamed my wife for what is happening coz she's fond of telling them everything that is going on in our home. One day, I confronted my wife and she said if she doesn't discuss her marriage ups & down with her siblings and parents, who else will she discuss with? Instead of her parents to stay neutral or try to settle our differences as new couples, they rather believe everything she said which gives my wife effrontery to go against me. On the other hand, my own family are after our well being, they always stay neutral on any issue that concern us. My wife parents are terribly bad people due to their negative influence on my wife which is negatively impacting our marriage. Her parents constantly put her under pressure by comparing our marriage to others and by asking her how regular I credit her account even though they are poor. I recently saw a whatsapp chat on my wife's phone where her mother told her to keep denying me sex if I do not meet up with all her financial needs. My wife is jobless for now and all the financial burden lies on my shoulder yet, my wife's mother and father keeps doing everything to cause disunity in our marriage. I already know her parents do not like me and I also DO NOT WANT OR LIKE THEM either coz they have caused MORE DAMAGE THAN REPAIR IN OUR MARRIAGE. Since I noticed that her parents are INGRATE and only care about the MONEY they can get from me, I stopped calling them and stopped sending money to them except if I pay them a rare visit. Dear nairalanders, am I right to completely ignore my wife's parents and siblings like they do not exist and request for a temporal separation from my wife coz I am getting tired already? Plz advice on what to do on this matter.

Be 'grateful' that you discovered this early in the marriage. This is exactly what I am passing through. Unfortunately for me, I discovered it after 10 years and 2 children.
You marriage is as good as gone. Just plan your exit strategy. The scenario you described doesn't end well.

@RoyalRoy,
Please let this remain in the family section alone, not front page.

Jman06:
Op, did you run a thorough background checks on your wife's family before marriage? Is your daughter's condition hereditary? If yes, I suspect your wife is using reverse psychology on you to shift attention and blames from her own side, especially if you're a big catch for her. I might be wrong though, but it's possible.

Sadly, I didn't do any background check. Most of the stuffs I am learning about her family is in the last 3 years. And they are scary!

Kobojunkie:
Well, it is indeed possible that your wife may be struggling with mental illness or her own but since that is not yet an emergency situation, I say you focus more of your attention on making certain the health of your kids are handled abeg.

You never did mention what it was that your kids were diagnosed with nor your wife's education level, and not even whether she has a job or not. These could help us better understand whether na stress or na pure unadulterated ignorance dey do your wife or maybe something else.

My advice is if possible try to engage help from those who are not as ignorant as wife to ensure your kids are given their meds. Take time to care for your own mental. If at any point you wife becomes open to counseling, even of the marital kind, do not hesitate to engage the aide of a mental Health professional this while you also seek marriage counseling if necessary.

My daughter is autistic.
My wife is a graduate, and she was working till she went for her surgery last year.

I have engaged the service of a marriage counselor. She preferred meeting with the counselor alone. We only met 2 times as a couple. After that she stopped, telling her friend that the counseling session is a means to get words from her that I will use for divorce.

Whenever I engage someone, she will raise dust and accuse me of bringing in a 3rd party, especially if the person is trying to make her logical. Must times when she makes false accusations, she would mandate that the person shouldn't tell me.

Someone confided that my wife could be doing some diabolical stuffs against me, but since it is not working on me, she feels I am occultic. Her extended family, as I later discovered after marriage, is big on such activities.

light099:
Your wife is paranoid, superstitious, naive and vulnerable.
Yet, from another perspective, your first child has suffered strange ailment since age 3.
Your wife too been having health challenges, perhaps after getting married.
Different sources keep pointing to you as been occultic and the cause of the health challenges of your family. All these going on, you keep forming agnostic and avoiding some hot prayer points from your story, which could mean you've something to hide by running away from spiritual atmosphere.

If sincerely you're not directly occultic as alleged, then you might be indirectly involved without your knowing, but if none of these are true, for the sanity of your home and wife, this isn't the time to be forming freethinker or irreligious. Play along with your wife whatever it takes to convince her. Even if it involves taking you for exorcism before her prophets.

Lol! I can only laugh at your line of reasoning.

Where did I mention that I am agnostic? So, running from one fake prohet to another is being spiritual? Off all the fake prophets and prophecies in Nigeria, what has changed?

My wife is healthier than myself if we must compare. The surgery she went for was more or less cosmetic, as she had that growth right from her secondary school. It wasn't hurting her.

Guy, I don't have to detail my life on a faceless forum.

Beremx:
E go clear for your eyes when one randy pastor go marry your wife. Na so e dey start. If she is tired of the marriage, let her go please!

I intentionally left some details out. But something close to this has happened before. I have tried to let her see how vulnerable she makes herself.

I have been married to my wife for 10years now. My 1st child (7 years) has some health challenge. My daughter's challenge was diagnosed at age 3. Same year, I came back from work to see my child having crisis. I asked my wife why she didn't take my DD to the hospital. She responded, "no more hospital in this house". I tried calling a friend to drive me an my girl to the hospital, she got the phone from me and ended the call. Her words were , " if you are aware what is causing your child's illness, you better let me know ". I kept focused. Got my girl the needed medical help. Next day when I got home, I asked her, she refused answering. I later told the priest that wedded us, who later spoke with her.

In 2020, I got a call from a church in Port Harcourt, that someone brought my picture to the pastor. That I am the evil man causing my wife's and daughter's illness. The person that took my picture is my wife's brother. I was mad! But family and friends helped me to keep calm. A month later, my wife wouldn't UnCloth in my presence. If I entered the room while she is dressing or the bathroom while she is bathing, she will quickly cover up. When I confronted her, she told me it is because she believes my "hands are not clean ". That she was told that I am occultic before she even joined me. That because I am "hot tempere","don't pray certain prayer points ", she believes that I have some dark powers. I did my best to refute her claim in a calm way. But was deeply hurting. I reported her to a Pastor at Mountain of Fire where she now worships. She changed and told the man that she believes I am a child of God.

Just few weeks ago, I picked a paper under our bed where my wife wrote to someone how her brother had a dream in December and was told that I am my wizard causing my child's illness. In that write up, my wife also claimed she had her own revelation that I am in some occultic powers. When I showed her the paper, she tried to cause a scene, but I left her. I only asked, "are all these true?" "Why are you bent on labeling me what I am not?"
Later that day, she came up with lies, that the paper was just some prayer points she was putting down.

Just yesterday, someone called to inform me that he was with a certain owner of prayerhouse when my wife called to tell the woman why she believes I am occultic.

I have tried to ignore her, but I am gradually getting worried. What is she really up to? She doesn't believe in the medical diagnosis for my DD, hence, she won't give the child the necessary medication if I am not home.

How does someone believes that the hubby is occultic, and wants to harm her, yet still tries to initiate s3x with the said husband? When she had a surgery last year, I was the person cooking for her till she could get back on her feet. Why did she not refuse the foods? Finally, who knowingly get married to someone she believes is occultic, then start running to prayer houses for deliverance?

Could it be my wife is mentally sick? Or she is projecting who she is on me?