₦airaland Forum

@ Ubiaa5 & Jumie.Thanks for your responses, concern and prayer.

I hope so too cos it has and still is hard. Never thought i would be unhappily married and having a child futher complicates things as am not in a hurry to leave due to custody issues cos at a certain age of my daughter or if i leave him and re marry, he gets full custody of her as allowed by my religion.

I know God willing, i ll get the love i desire soon.

That futher put a gap between. I could not reach him when i wanted to most of the time during the week and he reduced the weekend visit to hours from friday evening to monday mornings, it became late saturday evening to early sunday morning. Things kept getting worse till i had my baby and he changed for a while but that didn't last. Then i got transfered furhter away and it got worse. I finally got a job that brought me home for the first time with my husband but within two months we divorced, then got back together after 3 months apart (this is allowed as muslims till the 3rd divorce).I had had enough and demanded for thedivorce. He did not believe i could leave him cos he feels he was doing me a favour by marrying me.he is quite a catch as per looks,but everything else, am better than him (pls note that am not bad looking either)he cried and begged for me to come back. i did but we lasted only 9 months before we seperated for another 3 months as he refused to grant me a divorce again. he begged again and i came back and it's been barely 3 months and for the first time he has physically abused me which has left me partially disabled that would take months to heal. am planning my exit and saving up for it as the times we were apart were quite difficult for me as i could not rent a place of my own since i had no savings(spent my money running the house)so i had to squat and live apart from my child whom i usually left with my family. I don't think i would ever want to re marry if i finally leave him, if he does not change. i feel i have wasted all the years i spent with him as i was not living just existin

We got married and i have never known peace, love or happiness till date. Funny enough, i did not realise i was going through hell as i thought that was how mrriage was and anytime he was mean to me which was second nature, i thought it was my fault. he became so secretiveand distant and the few times i would have him open up to talk about our situation, he would always finish his lectures saying that i do realise that all the problem we are having is my fault. it got so bad one day that he called me names, a was stupid, he hated me and infact,if only i could see his heart to see how much he hated me that he was short of words of expressing himself. my God, how i shrunk in size. I looked so haggard and my self esteem was next to nothing.fortunately or unfortunately, i took in 3 weeks after we tied the knot so i was pregnant and goin tru hell. we always seemed to quarrel, infact that was all we always seemed to do when he came weekends (we lived apart) which was a choice he made, no effort to bring us together and i did not complain cos of my job (huge mistake).

@ Ubiaa - Please don't mind me and my daughter, story continues and i would cut it short. Then the love story began - he was always calling and texted even more.at i point i had to tell him to reduce the text to save cost as he could break a sentence into several text msgs. when he came to visit was even better as he was all over me and am such a sucker for love and attention. At a point, i had to tell him to reduce the show of affection as i lived in a conservative environment. Our feelings for each other grew stronger and i finally agreed to marry him. No sooner than i agreed that issues started coming up but i did not deduce them as issues at the time. I just fellt it was normal. first sign was the discovery that he did not work where he led me to believe he did as discovered by my family who were checking him out naturally before marriage and when i confronted him, he said he never told me he worked there that i just assumed. Then there was the period he was renovating the flat we would live in and i told him that i was broke and needed money. he waited till he had spent the wad of money i saw him with then complained he was broke so i had to collect money from my colleague. Then we started having fights and 3 weeks to the wedding after one of our fights, he told me i could go ahead and burn the IV,s and give family and friends whatever excuse i liked to call off the wedding. I ran that by a male and female cousin and the guy said it seemed my prince charming was no longer interested in the marriage and did not know how to opt out while my female cousin suggested i postpone the wedding which i didn't.

, am sorry, but am having a hard time typing as my daughter won't let me be. Anyway,back to the story, faithful day i fell ill then got hospitalised and wush from nowhere,i get a text from him asking how am doing and i replied almost immeadiately that i was in the hospital and then he calls me with great concern. that day i received alot of text msgs from him a trend which continued with calls, long calls after i was discharged a couple of days later and on the 7th day in the middle of the night, he sends me 5 pages text msgs proposing marriage.I thought i was dreaming and decided not to react till morning. when i woke the nxt morning, sure enough it was no dream as the text msgs were still there. my late response or non response by mid day got him into a panic as he sent text msgs apologising if i was offended. I told him i was not offended but rather flattered, however, i could not give him an answer as i did not know him well and we had not seen in two years and before i could say jack robinson, he drove down for the weekend to show seriousness as we were in diff states. Got to stop here for now as my child is acting up.

Came across this thread ytday night like 9pm and was so excited reading the diff experiences. went to bed reluctantly,actually i did not have a choice as my eyes had a perogative of their own. Anyway, i used every spare moment i had at work today to finish up the remaining few pages.

The journey thru the pages was like life itself, moments of tragedy, moments of joy, sadness, anger, pain e.t.c Which leads me to my story.

I met my prince charming thru a cousin in first year in the university and didn't think much of him then cept that he is good looking (same as admiring a fine ride) as i was already in a relationship and am a strict one man woman. After that, we just said hi whenever we ran into each other on campus. There after, i graduated,served got my first job which i did for a couple of years then moved on to a better job.It was during induction of my second job that i ran into him again. It was nice seeing a farmiliar face in a new town. He also seemed pleased to see so we exchanged phone numbers and barely kept in touch or rather i barely kept in touch as i didn't think of ever having a relationship with him.He did al the keeping in touch but it was nothing but religious forwards from time to time till the f

As painful and hard as it is, it's best to act normal though he or she should know that you know but don't react or act up. That would surely eat up whatever small cheap conscience they have left. Then ultimately submit them to God to handle them the best way.

It may seem impossible but IT'S DOABLE. You first have to stop incurring anymore debt and literally cut your coat according to your material. This means you would be doing some top notch priotising. You could also browse the net for more infor, guidiance and professional advice.Good luck mate.

The best way to cope with your jealous husband like all the men have ringed out repeatedly, is to stop chatting or let your husband really know there is no harm. As someone also suggested in the trail of replies, let him be present during your chat so he sees there is no harm done. However, if after all this, he is still not comfortable,you need to just cut off, afterall he would do thesame for you, right?!

For whatever reason a man (or woman) should cheat, they SHOULD NOT MARRY then but rather remain single to frolick and not give their spouse heartache for no reason.It simply is NOT FAIR. Nuff said.

Absolutely, join him in the sitting room and lets see where he would run to.This way, he may be forced to say what the problem is or you can now have an edge confronting him if he decided ro relocate again. Don't relent on prayers too,it's the only and sure way to go. All the best

Divorce, hmmm!! Basically i see it as a necessary evil. Though it should not be encouraged, however,with the kind of orientation going on these days regarding marriage, it just seems the way out for alot of happily unmarried men and women.