₦airaland Forum

Guys appreciate your girlfrnd with a teddy ! Not just buying her gift during valentine, but show love make her happy # they love teddy on their bedside
Get her one today
Make her happy
Make her special
Make her smile
With a gift of teddy today!!!

sinaj:
C d way she iz holding d boy as if she iz forcing him.

a peck iz enof for a kid jore.
i kiss only matured dude on d lips

I will nver 4get that our frst kiss

Good or bad deeds of vp of apc will nd I repeat will nver make apc win

They are dieing in sambisa. That is why

This nat kul at all she is showing this kid a bad way fr his age#parent be careful who you kids stay wt be it uncle or aunty cous now they ar evil

Love is how you take it to be#

We rule

Nigeria sha #proudly aboki boy#them no like us but dem still dey chop suya#
minister of petroluem is not from the north
Neither the president
Gej till 2019

As cliché as love at first sight may sound, it’s truly an experience of a lifetime.

Falling in love in an instant

I remember the first time I experienced love at first sight.

I was in my eighth grade, just a little boy sitting in an audience, watching a theatrical play at an interschool competition.

I was mildly fascinated, look at all the new faces in the crowd, from different schools. As I scanned the full hall, my eyes saw a girl I had never seen before.

She was sitting a couple of seats to my left, and she was beautiful, divine.

Barely did I see her face for a few seconds and my world stopped for a moment, and everything blurred into oblivion, everything but her beautiful face.

A moment later, she turned towards me and looked back at me. Our eyes met and at that moment, in an instant beyond time frames, I came face to face with a new emotion.

It was overwhelming in all senses of the word.

My stomach jolted and twisted in coils and I wanted to throw up. My body heated up instantly like I was experiencing spontaneous human combustion, and I felt dizzy and numb.

But yet, with all these horrible emotions flowing through me, I felt deliriously happy. And I felt so light, like I could fly, no, like I could just turn into mist and poof!

When our eyes met

Our eyes met for what seemed like eternity, or perhaps just a second or two in reality, and I just had to look away. I don’t know why, but if I had stared any longer I would have thrown up [Read: The secret behind the first glance]. It was a perfect blend of ecstasy and fear. My adrenalin was pumping and my heart was beating so hard I could feel my tongue vibrating in sync.

Within moments, I realized I was addicted to her. I just had to look back at her and stare at that beautiful face. I couldn’t help thinking God must have been high when he created her. She was beyond an inspiration.

I kept glancing at her nervously, taking in as much of her as I could, but it was never enough. I was craving to see her face, like a man gasping for air at a high altitude. And every now and then, when our eyes met, I had a relapse of stomach jolts and intoxication. [Read: Law of attraction in love]

This happened back and forth for almost an hour, and with each passing minute, I was drawn deeper and deeper into this experience.

What happened next?

Well, love at first sight was a good start. But falling in love immediately also makes you lose your senses. I tried talking to her that day, but I was a nervous wreck.

She turned me down, and I never did see her ever again [Read: What to talk about on a date]. But that first memory of experiencing love was so intense that I can still visualize it like it happened just yesterday, even though that incident probably took place close to two decades ago. [Read: Short loves stories]

But now I know why I experienced such emotions and felt that way towards that girl. Frankly, it wasn’t my fault, because there’s more to love at first sight than meets the eye!

Evolution and love at first sight

Over the course of human evolution, we’ve progressed and evolved to become better at a few things that really matter. We’ve learnt to eat, procreate and survive.

And there are a lot of complex processes that subconsciously set things into motion when these three things that really matter enter the picture. When it comes to procreation, evolution has taught us how to fall in love, get sexually excited by someone, and desire someone passionately. [Read: The meaning of love]

Falling in love at first sight

All of us have created a subconscious mental image of our potential partner. When we walk into a room, without really realizing it, you’ll find yourself liking a few potential partners and not bothering with a few.

And at times, a potential partner whom you are attracted to may start warming up to you or get attracted to you too. So does love at first sight work? It most definitely does!

Science playing matchmaker



Not all of us fall in love within seconds. It has been seen in studies that men are more prone to falling in love immediately than women. It seems like men are more stimulated by visual appeal than women. On the other hand, women experience romantic chemistry a lot better than men. [Read: Chemistry in love]

What does that mean? Men know they like a woman the very second they see her. But in the case of women, they usually fall in love with someone after the first conversation.

Kissing secrets, body odor and love

Did you know that your first kiss can affect your chemistry in love too? Studies have shown that the exchange of saliva can also be a test for love. Every time you kiss, genes of major histocompatibility complex [MHC] get exchanged between two people, and if your genes share too many similarities, you might actually get turned off and lose the attraction, says Dr. Claus Wedekind at the University of Edinburg.

And it’s not just the kiss, your body odor too can predict whether you will experience love at first sight.

Subconsciously, all of us are drawn to certain scents in our partner’s bodies. Did you get a whiff of true love when you’re rubbing shoulders at a party? You’re definitely going to experience love at first sight that night.

Beyond the science of love

Leaving how science plays matchmaker apart, falling in love or experiencing love at first sight can be a beautiful sensation. While our pheromones, genes and body odors are hard at work in the background, all we experience in our mind are intense highs and delirious moments like a junkie high on coke.

Instead of worrying about whether it’s going to work out or not, leave the soothsaying questions to evolution. If both of you find yourselves getting attracted to each other when you meet for the first time, there’s a very good chance that evolution has handpicked a perfect match.

So watch out for this elusive kind of love. What follows may or may not be perfect, but that first flutter of butterflies in the stomach is truly something that makes falling in love at first sight one of the best experiences of a lifetime!

Dimples192:
Lo ;Dl let me try again
It doesn't explain anything but nice wording

[size=8pt[/size]

Dimples192:

Ok that does explain anything but great wording

:owhat does it explain

damseyl:
I don't agree with the first point

nd ur reasons ar.........

brito:
I will soon write my list of 10 things.
The list go too bad.

wow wik b waiting fr dat

How to Define Love
“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
— Albert Einstein

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.

Love is much more than a risk, but is a risk that one can take and grasp and fall into a dark abyss or dig oneself a hole and only crawl back when you overcome your emotions.

How can one truly define what love is? Not even an experienced person can truly grasp or explain love to its truest and deepest meaning. Its concepts are just a never ending story of an open book of experiences. But love does lie in one's heart, where memories are but shadows lingering in your soul.

Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.
Steps

1
Define love by thinking of what it means to you. If you want, be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love. The dictionary defines love in several ways in which we use the word. For example, love is:
A strong positive emotion of; affection or pleasure; e.g, "His joy for her affection for him"
Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking: "The theater was her first love". "I love French food".
Beloved: a beloved person; used as a term of endearment.
A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; e.g., "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
A score of zero in tennis or squash: "It was 40-love!"
Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months".

2
Look at how the ancient Greeks broke down love into four categories. Think of which category of love you feel for the people you are close to.
Agape is unconditional love. It is love by "choice" even if you are not pleased. A good example is "God loves us with our faults".
Philia is charity or brotherly love, guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires. This is why Philadelphia is called the "City of Brotherly Love".
Storge is the word for family love and the physical show of "affection", the need for physical touch. Sometimes it's the love between exceptional friends (the movie Grumpy Old Men for example).
Eros is the physical "sexual" desire, intercourse. It is the root word of erotic, and eroticism.

3
Be aware of moments when you feel love towards anyone or anything.

4
Consider your motives. What are you each getting from the situation? If there is something to gain, you might be drawn to that, and your desire for that is confused with love.

5
Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change. Is it just attraction?

6
Capture your feelings in metaphor, poetry or song. "Love is like..."

7
Define love like a psychologist: Break love into three components.
Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
Commitment is the conscious decision to stick together for the long haul: are you willing to take that step?

8
Ask yourself if love is forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path of true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far from reality, but many find it a comforting fantasy.
Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (if lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other).
Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil.
Also in some philosophical terms nothing lasts forever, not love either. Nothing has ever lasted forever since the dawn of time, nor shall anyone ever know if anything will. This is a paradox since we pledge love for eternity, although eternity cannot by definition have a conclusion. Also if the human mind were somehow able to last eons, human nature dictates that anger, boredom, and/or irritation will end any relationship given enough time.
add yours define love in your own way

When I’m out with a lady,, there are a ton of thoughts flying through my head at once. Depending on whether or not I’m interested, they vary from “How am I going to be as guylike as possible while eating these wings?” to “The ‘Bachelor’ finale is tonight; I wonder who she chose.” In the second example, I’ve clearly been planning my exit strategy since the night began. In the first example, however, chances are I care what my date thinks and want to make a great impression. When I like a lady, she knows it. The signs are obvious: I laugh at her jokes, playfully touch her hand, and turn on the charm to seal the deal.

But do any of these signs mean I want a relationship with her? Not necessarily.

The reverse is also true. It can be just as difficult for me to tell what my date’s true intentions are. Does she see me as relationship material? Or is she just looking to have fun?

To navigate these tricky waters of love and lust, I turned to research—and found that science tells us quite a bit about the difference between the two. Here are five signs you can watch for to get a better idea of what your date is really looking for:

1. He gazes into your eyes.

According to new research from the University of Chicago, eye movement may reveal whether a person is feeling romantic love or sexual desire. In the study, participants were asked to concentrate on a stranger’s face to test visual patterns and analyze the difference between love and lust. Interestingly, researchers found that viewers who saw the person as a potential romantic partner fixated more on the face, whereas those who were feeling lust focused more on the body. This was true for both males and females. 

So if he’s looking directly into your eyes, you can keep fantasizing about your wedding and future kids’ names. But if he’s looking everywhere else, you’re better off getting the check.

2. She shows affection—even when it isn’t leading to sex.

If the person you’re seeing touches you often without initiating sex, it’s very likely he or she is smitten. When you’re truly in love with someone, having sex isn’t the only way to maintain closeness. You share a connection that goes beyond lust and can experience emotional intimacy by holding hands or cuddling. “Loving touch focuses more on a healthy connection and a need to express true affection,” says therapist and life coach, Mila Mapp. “It can be expressed privately or publicly in a way that is gentle, appropriate, and warm.  Loving touch respects boundaries and creates a level of comfort and pleasure for both parties.”

3. He wants to introduce you to his family and friends.

When you meet the people your date cares about most in the world, it’s a surefire check in the love column. It’s a sign that you’re an important person in his life and more than just a casual fling.

“Don’t wait for him to invite you to meet his parents. Take the bull by the horns and do it first!” advises Larry Wilson, founder and CEO of oppositesconnect.com. His suggestion? Invite him to a family party so you two won’t be the center of attention. “This way, after brief introductions are made, Mom and Dad will be busy entertaining and you two won’t be the main focus of attention. Then when the four of you have a more intimate meeting, there will be a familiarity between you all that will make everyone more relaxed.”

4. She talks about the future, and you’re in it.

Does she make plans for next month or next year that include you? If you notice that “we” is starting to replace “I,” that’s a strong indicator that she plans on sticking around.

“Partners who are committed to one another are comfortable talking and fantasizing about the future—next weekend, holiday season, or year,” says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship. “It doesn’t guarantee a future to imagine what life could be like together five or ten years from now, but the absence of any such hopeful plans is not a good sign.”

5. You have deep conversations outside the bedroom.

Does he ask you questions about yourself and your life? Does she show interest in things you care about? When someone likes you, he can’t get enough and is always eager to learn more. On the other hand, someone who is purely interested in a physical connection won’t invest the time or energy in sharing personal details.

“Conversations within loving relationships are more exploratory, displaying a sense of  curiosity and care,” says Mapp. “The couple wants to know more about each other—their families, childhood, careers, hopes and dreams, personal philosophies, and quirks.” Lustful relationships rely almost exclusively on flirtation, innuendo, or blatant requests for sex, she explains. These interactions create sexual pre-intimacy at the expense of learning more about each other.

As romance novelist Danielle Steel once said, “Lust is temporary, romance can be nice, but love is the most important thing of all. Because without love, lust and romance will always be short-lived.” It can sometimes be hard to tell in the beginning stages of a relationship whether you’re headed for a long-term commitment or a one-night stand. In my experience, I can tell it’s real if he pays attention to the details—like remembering my favorite snack is popcorn or where my secret ticklish spot is. But sometimes the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking is how I know he’s more than just a fling.

Do you think these signs accurately predict whether it’s love or lust? Do you have your own ways to tell if it’s lust or love? Tell us in the comments!

ADD YOURS

Penssuwa:
I'm still waiting for the list, or better still, a well paragraphed and numbered one. I think what you wrote is nice donebut I found it difficult to read through.

done

Uniquexty:
Just what i need... Another point, dont try to get back together. U might not like d changes u'l notice

you right about that# he might jas acpt you bck fr his personeel reasons to ruine ya#no love anymore

1Grieve
Emotionally speaking, losing a partner to a breakup is very similar to losing one to death, and in both cases the only way to get over the loss is to let yourself grieve. Give yourself the time you need to process your feelings.

2Cry
Cry as much as you want for the first day or two. Crying when you’re hurting the most will release emotional energy, reduce stress and help you move on more quickly. After the first 48 hours or so, allow yourself a little time each day to vent your emotions and just feel bad. But don’t wallow. When that time is up, get back to doing other things that will make you feel better and help you heal.

3Stop talking
If you and your ex are able to heal the wounds of your breakup and remain friends, that’s great, but don’t try to get there too soon. Make a clean break. Don’t call him and don’t take his calls. Zero contact will help you both heal faster and increase your chances of crafting a new friendship later if that’s something you both want after the pain fades.

4Hit delete
Get your ex out of your life virtually as well as physically by cutting all your social media ties. Unfriend him, stop following him and delete his number from your phone and your text favorites. Keeping tabs on him online after the breakup is just another name for stalking, and maintaining those connections will just make it harder for you to heal. Besides, do you really want a painful reminder of your failed relationship every time you log on?

5. Exercise
Working out is a great way to work on mending your broken heart. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins, which interact with the receptors in your brain that perceive pain. Regular exercise reduces stress, wards off anxiety and depression, increases self-esteem, helps you sleep, and boosts your immune system and overall health. And by working out frequently while you’re grieving and healing, you’ll look and feel your best when you’re ready to try a new relationship. *

6Spend time with friends
You may need some solo time to grieve after a breakup, but don’t spend too much time alone. Your friends want to help, so let them. Scheduling time with your friends, whether you meet to play tennis or just get together for coffee, will remind you that you are loved by some wonderful people and that you can have a full and rewarding life—even without your ex.


7Laugh
You know that old saying that laughter is the best medicine? When it comes to mending a broken heart, nothing is more powerful than a good laugh. Make popcorn and watch a few screwball comedies, make plans with a friend to check out a local comedy club, or just get together with some of the people who always make you laugh. If nothing else, laughter may give you a welcome break from your heartache; it’s not easy to feel miserable when you’re laughing. *

8Don’t torture yourself
You know what we’re talking about. Don’t spend time reading old love letters, crying over photos of the two of you when you were happy, or reviewing every email and text he ever sent you. Either get rid of all that stuff or put it aside for a few years—long enough that it no longer has the power to cause you pain.

9Get a makeover
Most people end up feeling pretty unattractive and undesirable after a breakup. One way to get past that a little more quickly is to change your look. But don’t overdo it. Head to the makeup counter to get a professional makeover or spend a day at the spa getting treatments that will help you feel beautiful, but save the drastic haircut until your emotions are under control again.  
10Eat comfort food
There will never be a better time to indulge your taste for comfort food than when you’re recovering from a breakup. Don’t go crazy—you don’t want to conquer heartbreak only to find that you’ve gained 30 pounds—but don’t feel you have to deny yourself, either. Choose a couple of foods that make you feel better, whether it’s chocolate or mac ‘n cheese, then savor each bite to get the most satisfaction from a relatively small amount of these normally forbidden fruits. Go on. You know you want to.


11Treat yourself
Do a few things just for you. Go shopping for a little retail therapy, take the day off work to take a long walk and see a matinee movie, or book a massage and get your nails done. When you feel lousy, doing things that make you feel better is good sense and good medicine.  .


12Keep busy
People often feel depressed and lethargic after a breakup, so it’s tempting to lock the door, draw the drapes and focus on your pain. Don’t. At least not for long. Instead, find things to do that will energize you and help restore your positive outlook. Clean your closets and get rid of all the clutter in your house, resume an old hobby, or volunteer to help a local charity.

13Change your sheets
Buying new bedding after a breakup, from sheets to a new quilt or comforter, is a relatively inexpensive way to help freshen your emotional outlook and rid your bedroom of negative energy and painful memories.


14Sleep
Sleep is good for you in the best of times, but it’s even better for you when things turn bad. Sleep heals, pure and simple, so don’t stay up late trying to figure out what went wrong or how you can get him back. Instead, go to bed and get some good sleep. If you can’t, try taking melatonin at bedtime or ask your doctor for something that will help you sleep.

15Listen to music
When you’re going through a breakup, every song you hear seems to be about your pain. So skip the popular songs that will just remind you of what you’ve lost, and focus instead on instrumentals that make you feel good—it doesn’t matter if it’s Bach or bluegrass—or upbeat songs about feeling powerful and seeing
a bright future ahead.

16Go to the pets
Research shows that interacting with animals can help us heal emotionally, so lavish some of the love your ex no longer wants on a furry friend or two. If you have pets of your own, it’s easy. If you don’t, then right after a breakup is not the right time to adopt a pet. Instead, try volunteering at an animal shelter, offering to walk a friend’s dog every day for a few weeks, or pet-sitting for a neighbor who is going on vacation.  

17Write
It’s great to talk about your feelings with your friends and family, but rather than ask the people who love you to go over the same ground again and again, try keeping a daily journal where you can record your thoughts and feelings about the relationship, the breakup and how you want your life to proceed from here.

18Meditate
Learn meditation or make yoga a regular part of your day. Focus on your breathing, learning to clear your mind and being present in each moment of your life. These disciplines will help relieve the stress and anxiety you’re feeling and give you skills that will make your life better even after your heartache is over.

19Take your time
Don’t rush out and buy a new car, move to a new city or quit your job when you’re in the midst of a breakup—and please don’t try to start dating right away. All of those actions are things people in pain sometimes do to avoid their feelings, but you’ll get much farther faster by letting yourself grieve, delaying any life-changing decisions you may be considering, and not rebounding into a new relationship before you’re ready.



20Get help if you need it
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, recovering from a breakup is just more than you can manage on your own. If enough time has gone by that you think you should be starting to feel better, but you find yourself stuck or actually feeling worse, don’t be afraid to find a qualified therapist and ask for help. There may be deeper issues that you need to identify and work through before you can completely move beyond your current pain. .************ WHICH WORKS FOR YOU YOU CAN ALSO ADD YOURS!!

Achieve Your Dreams



Don't let your goals and resolutions fall by the wayside. Chances are that to achieve your dreams and live a life you love, those goals and resolutions are crucial. Goal setting and goal achievement are easier if you follow these six steps for effective and successful goal setting and resolution accomplishment.

1You need to deeply desire the goal or resolution. Napoleon Hill, in his landmark book, Think and Grow Rich, had it right. "The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat." So, your first step in goal setting and achieving your dreams is that you've got to really, really want to achieve the goal.

2Visualize yourself achieving the goal. Lee Iacocca said, "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." What will your achievement feel like? How will your life unfold differently as a result? If the goal is a thing, some gurus of goal setting recommend that you keep a picture of the item where you see and are reminded of it every day. If you can’t picture yourself achieving the goal, chances are – you won’t.

3Make a plan for the path you need to follow to accomplish the goal. Create action steps to follow. Identify a critical path. The critical path defines the key accomplishments along the way, the most important steps that must happen for the goal to become a reality.

Stephen Covey said, "All things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation of all things. You have to make sure that the blueprint, the first creation, is really what you want, that you've thought everything through. Then you put it into bricks and mortar. Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the blueprint to get marching orders for the day. You begin with the end in mind." He's right.

4Commit to achieving the goal by writing down the goal. Lee Iacocca said, "The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen." I agree completely. Write down the plan, the action steps and the critical path. Somehow, writing down the goal, the plan and a timeline sets events in motion that may not have happened otherwise.

In my own life, it is as if I am making a deeper commitment to goal accomplishment. I can’t fool myself later. The written objective really was the goal.

5Establish times for checking your progress in your calendar system, whatever it is: a day planner, a PDA, a PDA phone or a hand written list. If you’re not making progress or feel stymied, don't let your optimism keep you from accomplishing your goals.

No matter how positively you are thinking, you need to assess your lack of progress. Adopt a pessimist’s viewpoint; something will and probably is, going to go wrong. Take a look at all of the factors that are keeping you from accomplishing your goal and develop a plan to overcome them. Add these plan steps to your calendar system as part of your goal achievement plan.

6Review your overall progress regularly. Make sure you are making progress. If you are not making progress, hire a coach, tap into the support of loved ones, analyze why the goal is not being met. Don’t allow the goal to just fade away. Figure out what you need to do to accomplish it. Check the prior five steps starting with an assessment of how deeply you actually want to achieve the goal.
Continue Reading Below

This six step goal setting and achieving system seems simple, but it is the most powerful system you will ever find for achieving your goals and living your resolutions. You just need to do it. Best wishes and good luck.
you can add yours too

ogawisdom:
Second hand ladies r usually a bad market

U stand a better chance if u r below 28, educated n working class with no child frm d first marriage.

Anything short of d above na Jesus go marry u

Keep praying n hoping sha

nobi me am a dude just shared the story

Aplologies. I spaced em b4 posting #sorry bwt that will work on it

Please read and share your thoughts.....................

''I'm a divorced lady. My marriage to my ex was based on lots of deceit with
both physical and emotional abuse. The only option was just for it to be
dissolved. Mind you I prayed and fasted but water could not just hold. I
had to question God for putting me through such pain and trauma but I guess his plan for me was for good.

But my problem now is each time I meet someone nice and I mention to hi that I'm divorced, the relationship ends. He'll apologize and say I've done
nothing wrong, I have a good personality but he knows his family will not accept me cos of my marital status.

It makes me cry a lot. I'm the quiet
type and keep to myself a lot. I've tried talking to some people and they
advice I stop telling them am divorced.

But how will I keep such a thing away from someone that has maybe
professed love to you even when the person has gone to the extent of
telling you he'll like to spend the rest of his life with you?

My conscience won't let me but I don't know again the right thing to do.

Right now I feel lonely and frustrated, no boyfriend or man to call my
own. Scared of loving again because I don't want to fall in love and be
told same thing.

I just want to know how to go about it, open up or don't even talk about
it.''

If you can follow those steps below . You will live a better life of no regrets cous life,is to short to waste.
1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don't hit people.
4. Put thngs back where you found them.
5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.
6. Don't take things that aren't yours.
7. Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first work you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre

I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.

However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.

Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me the blogger and writer that I am today.



I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.

I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.


What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey


How to control impulse spending. If there’s anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending. Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women. I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.


You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.


How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go out on their own.




Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.






Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a piece of my soul to do it.




Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it frivolously.
All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!






Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.







That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn and chase after him.





Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15 years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still.







All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.






The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.
All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.







Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is 14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time. I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful kids) have gone by much, much too fast.
Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.




Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals. I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.




Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.
Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences, and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.




Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding. Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school … something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some good finishing times!
All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.





“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

asadike:
Sweet salad things

huh

dejt4u:
Soldiers on Monday night repelled a daring offensive by gunmen suspected to be members of the Boko Haram sect bent on taking over Gombi Town, some 120 kilometres away from Yola, Adamawa state capital.

This was disclosed by residents and security sources.
Gombi was recently recaptured from the terrorists and has witnessed incessant attacks by Boko Haram.

The casualty from Monday’s
attack was yet to be ascertained although sources say that several insurgents were killed during the battle that lasted for hours.
“The men came in from Goloso, Garkida villages through Biu road about 6:30 p.m. in a motorcade and vehicles,” a resident, Bello Abubakar, said.
“They engaged soldiers in a gun battle.”

Mr. Abubakar said many residents ran and hid themselves as the shooting continued for over two hours.
“There was apprehension and pandemonium in the town,” he said. “People scampered for their lives for fear of uncertainty.”

Another fleeing resident, Bitrus Danladi, said many residents ran into bush.
“As I am talking to you we are here on the mountain taking refuge,” he said. “(Boko Haram) attempted to capture the town.
So we are afraid. I fled with my wife and two little children.”

Reports, however, indicates that soldiers confronted the gunmen in a shoot out and repelled the attack.
“They were repelled and many were killed and many fled with gunshots wounds,” said a local vigilante who pleads anonymity as he was not permitted to talk to the press. “Their eight vehicles were burnt down, including a Hilux fully loaded with ammunition and guns. As I am talking to you, we are in the bush trying to capture the fleeing insurgents. We are yet to confirm whether there is civilian casualty.”

Though the military was yet to release a statement on the attack as at the time of this report, however, media aide to the state governor, Phineas P.Elisha, confirmed the attack but said normalcy has been restored as security operatives were on top of the situation.
“Soldiers being assisted by the local volunteers of vigilante and hunters are on top of the situation. The attack was repelled, so people should about their normal businesses,’’ he urged.

http://www.premiumtimesng.com/news/top-news/178223-nigerian-troops-repel-fresh-boko-haram-attack-in-adamawa.html

true!! We couldn't eat last night cous. Our grandparent and cousins were their in gombi#
But we thank the nigerian army for their great effort so far. May God continue to bless and protect you and you family#we love you nigerian arm forces#victory certain

santakris:
Omo this one nawa o

even plants sef don dey get conji#

In my entire live I have never seen a thing like this! Can you eat this
After returning from the market u find this among your carrots
As for me straight to the bin

Shezhawt:
Lol... Haven't even seen this before...

u stil a tata

Namady:
Fanta Ginger was my favorite then..

you don old b dat oo lol

If yes then you are very old lol
If no you still a kid

SInce the beginning uptil date they stood for us
While we are asleep they are awake
While we shad ourselves from the sun and rain they are out there
They die for us to live
Show love to the nigerian army
Let them know you love them
#weshalltriumphstill
Do not insult them they have tried