A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

Boy: Hey mum can I have 100 dollars?
Mum: Son money doesn't grow on trees
Boy: Where does money come from?
Mum: Paper
Boy: Does Paper come from?
Mum: ...

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

Can't stop laughing..I was buying fufu at d junction while waiting for change I saw a woman with a little child. The child was walking a bit faster than the woman and the woman shouted; "Degree wait for me". I was so amazed hearing that name. So to satisfy my curiosity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "ma, why do u call this child degree"? The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother to the University and this is what she brought home.

Bob left work one Friday evening.
But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Ofego222755:
U try

Thanks

*Exaggeration 3*

Exaggeration is a representation of something in an excessive manner, it is a type of deception.
Overstatement and hyperbole are another words that means almost the same thing. The opposite of overstatement is understatement.
People exaggerate things because they have strong feelings about something. People may exaggerate to make people listen to what they say. They may do it to emphasize something. They may also exaggerate just to sound funny.

When the people Moses send to exploit the land of Canaan they came back with some of the fruits of the land but they also give negative reports and they over exaggerated the report, only two people among them stand up for the truth.
_Numbers 13:25-33 KJV And they returned from searching of the land after forty days. And they went and came to Moses, and to Aaron, and to all the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the wilderness of Paran, to Kadesh; and brought back word unto them, and unto all the congregation, and shewed them the fruit of the land. And they told him, and said, We came unto the land whither thou sentest us, and surely it floweth with milk and honey; and this is the fruit of it. Nevertheless the people be strong that dwell in the land, and the cities are walled, and very great: and moreover we saw the children of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the south: and the Hittites, and the Jebusites, and the Amorites, dwell in the mountains: and the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and by the coast of Jordan. And Caleb stilled the people before Moses, and said, Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it. But the men that went up with him said, We be not able to go up against the people; for they are stronger than we. *And they brought up an evil report of the land which they had searched unto the children of Israel, saying, The land, through which we have gone to search it, is a land that eateth up the inhabitants thereof; and all the people that we saw in it are men of a great stature. And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.*_

_Deuteronomy 1:23-28 KJV And the saying pleased me well: and I took twelve men of you, one of a tribe: And they turned and went up into the mountain, and came unto the valley of Eshcol, and searched it out. And they took of the fruit of the land in their hands, and brought it down unto us, and brought us word again, and said, It is a good land which the Lord our God doth give us. Not withstanding ye would not go up, but rebelled against the commandment of the Lord your God: And ye murmured in your tents, and said, Because the Lord hated us, he hath brought us forth out of the land of Egypt, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us. Whither shall we go up? our brethren have discouraged our heart, saying, The people is greater and taller than we; *the cities are great and walled up to heaven*; and moreover we have seen the sons of the Anakims there._
Because they over exaggerated the story the people of God refused to enter the land to fight. At the end of it God said they won't enter, they will wander for forty years.

I pray for you may your exaggerated report not lead people to fear and to rebel about what God said through His servants

*Exaggeration*

We all exaggerate in one way or the other. Sometimes by spicing up stories to make them more fun. Exaggeration is a statement that makes something worse, or better, than it really is. In literature and oral communication, writers and speakers use exaggeration as a literary technique, to give extra stress and drama in a work or speech.

As a Christian only the truth is require of us.
Let us see an example of it in the Bible.

*True story of how king Saul died*
_1 Samuel 31:3-6 KJV And the battle went sore against Saul, and the archers hit him; and he was sore wounded of the archers. Then said Saul unto his armour bearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armour bearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it. And when his armour bearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him. So Saul died, and his three sons, and his armour bearer, and all his men, that same day together._

*Exaggerated version*
_2 Samuel 1:4-10 KJV And David said unto him, How went the matter? I pray thee, tell me. And he answered, That the people are fled from the battle, and many of the people also are fallen and dead; and Saul and Jonathan his son are dead also. And David said unto the young man that told him, How knowest thou that Saul and Jonathan his son be dead? And the young man that told him said, As I happened by chance upon mount Gilboa, behold, Saul leaned upon his spear; and, lo, the chariots and horsemen followed hard after him. And when he looked behind him, he saw me, and called unto me. And I answered, Here am I. And he said unto me, Who art thou? And I answered him, I am an Amalekite. He said unto me again, Stand, I pray thee, upon me, and slay me: for anguish is come upon me, because my life is yet whole in me. So I stood upon him, and slew him, because I was sure that he could not live after that he was fallen: and I took the crown that was upon his head, and the bracelet that was on his arm, and have brought them hither unto my lord._

You see the man who exaggerated the story thought that David will reward him greatly but at the end he lost his life. 2 Sam 1:13-16.
It is my prayer for you not to exaggerate to the extend that it will cost your life
*Yowel*

*Exaggeration 2*

Exaggeration is a term for a figure of speech. It means the describing of something and making it more than it really is.
An example of exaggeration would be: “I was walking along when suddenly this enormous dog walked along. It was as big as an elephant”. The dog may have been big, but it was certainly not as big as that. Another example of exaggeration would be: “I caught a fish as big as my house.”

Exaggeration spies up stories, and made it to be more acceptable or to be rejected. As a Christian only the truth is require of us, let us see an example of it in the Bible how Absalom kill his brother Amnon, because of what he did to his sister Tamar 2Samuel 13:1-20

2 Samuel 13:28-29 KJV
Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, Mark ye now when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, and when I say unto you, Smite Amnon; then kill him, fear not: have not I commanded you? be courageous, and be valiant. And the servants of Absalom did unto Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king's sons arose, and every man gat him up upon his mule, and fled.

Two people reported the case to the king, one exaggerated and the other said the truth

*Exaggerated version*
_2 Samuel 13:30-31 KJV And it came to pass, while they were in the way, that tidings came to David, saying, Absalom hath slain all the king's sons, and there is not one of them left. Then the king arose, and tare his garments, and lay on the earth; and all his servants stood by with their clothes rent._

*True story*
_2 Samuel 13:32-36 KJV And Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David's brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose that they have slain all the young men the king's sons; for Amnon only is dead: for by the appointment of Absalom this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar. Now therefore let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king's sons are dead: for Amnon only is dead. But Absalom fled. And the young man that kept the watch lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, there came much people by the way of the hill side behind him. And Jonadab said unto the king, Behold, the king's sons come: as thy servant said, so it is. And it came to pass, as soon as he had made an end of speaking, that, behold, the king's sons came, and lifted up their voice and wept: and the king also and all his servants wept very sore._

Exaggerated stories added more sorrows a times and whenever the truth is revealed and confirmed the exaggerator fill shame. It's my prayer for you not to exaggerated to the extended that people will no more longer trust the words that is coming out of you.

akan102:


Sir, please is Christian marriage same thing as biblical marriage, if yes explain, if no please also explain but please with biblical examples, as in how it was done where it was done, the dos and don'ts etc, thanks in advance

Yes
in the Beginning God made one man and he gave him one wife.
.
Genesis 2:21-25 KJV
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; [22] And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. [23] And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. [24] Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. [25] And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
.
After the fall of man, many things changes as a result of the fall. Death came in, polygamy came in, divorce and remarry came in, inheritance of late brother's wife came in...
.
When Jesus came into the world and paid the price for our sins, he died in our place giving us life, he also restored that which man lost in the garden of Eden thereby restoring God's initial plans for marriage..
.
the question is if people are still living under the law. then expect polygamy, divorce, remarry and inheritance of wives. But if people are living under the grace of God I tell you one wife is enough

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
Anonymou

Kaceman:

Bubu the dullard u nd ur pple too much

na so my man

A Policeman was checking the assignment of his two sons. He checked the Senior
child's work who scored 55 over 100 and flogged him. He turned to the junior child, who scored 14 over 100, opened his notebook and without saying a word, walked away.The older child ask the younger one.
"U wey no sabi anytin, why Papa no flog u?.The younger one replied: I put N200 inside my notebook!
U forget say Papa na Policeman?.

�����

JOKE OF THE DAY
Buhari met with the Queen of England in London n asked her...How do you run such an efficient government here?
Are there any tips you can give to me? I want to help Nigeria.
QUEEN: The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.
Buhari: How do I know the people around me are really intelligent?
QUEEN: Oh, that's easy. Just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.
The Queen sent for Theresa May. Theresa May walked into the room,
MAY: Yes, your Majesty.
You sent for me.
QUEEN: Answer this riddle. Theresa, your mother and father have a child, it is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
MAY: Hmmm... that would be me.
QUEEN: Yes, very good.
When Buhari came back home he sent for Abba Kyari.
Kyari walk in to Buhari's office.
Kyari : Sir you call me.
Buhari: Yes sit down and answer this; Your mother and your father have a child, it's not your brother and it's not your sister, who is it?
Kyari: I'm not sure, let me get back to you.
He asked all his staff in the office but none could give him an answer. Kyari then ran to Fashola.
Kyari asked: Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or sister, who is it?"
FASHOLA: That's easy. It's me!
Kyari smiled and said, Thanks! Then he went back to speak with President Buhari.
Kyari: Sir, I have the answer to that riddle, It's Babatunde Raji Fashola!
Buhari got angry, and said to Kyari; No wonder Nigeria isn't moving forward, I am surrounded by dummies! The answer is... Theresa May!!!
Make someone laugh for "A Merry Heart Doeth Good Like A Medicine." (Proverbs).

look closely there's a foot steps at the nas door, so I can conclude is him

everything look alike but there is still a slide differences

many left us because they didn't believe initially, so not all that goes to Church is a Christian

as a detective, who committed the crime, don't forget to give reason

religious activities may not actually mean born again

Mental agreement and genuine faith

James 2:19-20 KJV
Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

James is showcasing the difference between genuine saving faith and the faith that comes from mental agreement, if believe is just by mental agreement with the truth about God then even satan, demons and unbelievers can be save too, because they believe some things about God. James go further to tell us the kind of faith that saved, it's the kind which is proven by works and not just by saying it. So if your faith is not proven by works then it might be that you are not saved, or may be you are still a baby.

Born in a Christian family is not the same as born again.

John 1:12-13 KJV
But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 3:3-6 KJV
Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
The question i have for you is are you born again,

Believe that is coming not from the heart

Romans 10:9-10 KJV
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
.
It is possible to confessed yet the believe is not there in the heart
A story was told by a friend of mind, he gave me story of a man who happens to be an unbeliever, this man saw a Christian lady and he desired to marry her, she said to him "no" and added that she will not marry a non Christian, the guy realized that the only condition is to be a Christian so he repented and accepted Jesus as saviour, after sometime he succeeded in marrying her, after about six years of marriage she gave birth to three children for him, from there the man went back with full force to his formar religion. From the story above it is clear that he only confessed with his lips but his heart is far away from Christ, he his only after the marriage
Brethren check yourselves whether you fall in any of the above category, if yes give your life to Christ because you may not be Christian.

Believe base on the miracle we see.

Miracles are main to make us believe, but some people ended up setting their believe base on the miracles, when there are signs they keep believing and keep seeking for more signs and wanders, when there are no signs and wanders they begins to backslide and go back to the world, Jesus knowing all things He didn't entrust Himself to such people

John 2:23-25 KJV
Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day , many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men, And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.

Many believed Jesus because of the food, and many believed because he raised the death John 11:45-46. Must of these people claiming they believed ended up shouting crucify Him at the end.
My question for you is "are you sure that you are saved"

TRUE SALVATION MESSAGE
(Genuine Saving Faith)
Jesus came to this world and He died for our sins, the Bible make it clear that if we believe in Him we will be save

John 3:16-18 KJV
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

But in today's church many claim they believed in Him but their deeds proved that to be wrong. The question i always asked is what does it meant to believe. I discovered that what many people are saying about believe is not actually what the Bible is saying. The question I have for you is "Are you sure that you are saved"?

nonsense
there will never be new without the old, the new fulfilled the old,
physical Battles in the OT, spiritual battle in the NT.
sacrifices of animals to cover sin in the OT, Jesus sacrifice in the NT to clean our sins and to end sacrifices of animals to those who believe.
Instance judgement in the OT, mercy in the NT
Law in the OT, grace in the NT

tartar9:
Gibberish

Niyi53:


I don't need to go to the north to tell you that this one is false! Very false!

There are convincing evidence that Jesus Christ has died a natural death. He is no more alive.

The God of Islam is the only true and Living God.

better come and see for yourself, in fact the Church is matching on, and nothing can stop that

if God is for us who shall be against us? nobody

trusting God for marriage wait patiently and prayerfully time will tell
trusting God for admission wait patiently and prayerfully time will tell
trusting God for job wait patiently and prayerfully time will tell
trusting God for the fruit of womb wait patiently and prayerfully time will tell
trusting God for financial break through wait patiently and prayerfully time will tell
any thing you do always remember With God all things are possible, just wait patiently and prayerfully for the right time