Hi,
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German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nation-wide fibre net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing,
They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

There were three restaurants on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

The computer virus is an outcome of the computer overgrowth in the 1980s．The cause of the term "computer virus" is the likeness between the biological virus and the evil program infected with computers．The origin of this term came from an American science fiction“ The Adolescence of P－1“　written by Thomas J. Ryan，published in 1977．Human viruses invade a living cell and turn it into a factory for manufacturing viruses. However, computer virusesare small programs. They replicate by attaching a copy of themselves to another program.

Once attached to me host Program，the viruses then look for other programs to "infect"．In this way， he virus can spread quickly throughout a hard disk or an entire organization when it infects a LAN or a multi-user system． At some point，determined by how the virus was programmed the virus attacks．The timing of the attack can be linked to a number of situations，including a certain time or date， the presence of a particular file，the security privilege level of the user，and the number of times a file is used．Likewise，the mode of attack varies．So－called "benign" viruses might simply display a message，like the one that infected IBM’s main computer system last Christmas with a season's greeting．Malignant viruses are designed to damage the system．The attack is to wipe out data， to delete flies， or to format the hard disk.

What Kind of Viruses Are There？

There are four main types of viruses: shell, intrusive, operating system and source ode．

Shell viruses wrap themselves around a host program and don't modify the original program．Shell programs are easy to write，which is why about half of viruses are of this type．

Intrusive viruses Invade an existing program and actually insert a portion of themselves into the host program．Intrusive viruses are hard to write and very difficult to remove without damaging the host file.

Shell and intrusive viruses most commonly attack executable program flies－those with a．corn or．exe extension， although data flies are also at some risk．

Operating system viruses work by replacing parts of the operating system with their own logic．It is very difficult to write operating system viruses and these viruses have the ability once booted up， to take total control of your System．FOF example，some operating system viruses have hidden large amounts of attack logic in falsely marked bad disk sectors．

Source code viruses are intrusive programs and they are also inserted into a source program such as those written in Pascal prior to the program being complied．There are the least－common viruses because they are not only hard to write，but also have a limited number of hosts compared to the other types．

Be Wary of the Second Network Viruses

Do you believe it？ Network viruses can steal money！So far Internet has become the main channel through which the computer viruses spread．Look，here come the second network computer viruses．Even without "snatching" information from the network your computer can be infected by the second network computer viruses， which are hidden in some machines on the network． Your computer is， so to speak， in danger once being connected to the network to browse．

The virus that can steal your money belongs to a kind of the second network viruses. It was designed and put in some machines on the network． When your computer is linked to one of these machines，the virus will invade your hard disk and search whether Intuit Quicken， an accounting software， is installed． One of this accounting software's functions is to transfer accounts automatically. Once infected， your money will be transferred to an additional account opened by the virus program without anybody knowing it．

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"

"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask
that question, "

"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."

"Three? When were they?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted
to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan?
Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and
signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"

"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever,
that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"

"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were
needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember
how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and
then you were in good shape again?"

"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for
me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a
thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was
number 3?"

"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be
president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other Problem can there be greater than this one?"

______________________________________________________________________

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

_____________________________________________________________________

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

______________________________________________________________________

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

______________________________________________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

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Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed! Up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."

______________________________________________________________________

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans",
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

______________________________________________________________________

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as amillionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before  you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

______________________________________________________________________

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

______________________________________________________________________

A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."

______________________________________________________________________

Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"
Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"

______________________________________________________________________

"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."

______________________________________________________________________

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."
______________________________________________________________________

Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!  Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."


I luv u all

achieve

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Same as you B. Sc. (Computer Science),International Diploma in Computing and International Advance Diploma in Computing.

probably, half a million,

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