chaircover: Zinny, If you don’t mind me responding, I will say a few things

Don’t forget that you have you have done it the other way round and rather than going through a face to face courtship and going into marriage all boiling hot and it gradually cools down over time and it becomes a deep seated loving relationship, due to your circumstances you both went into marriage luke warm and so you both have to find a way of heating it up.

Many men are not emotional (well they try to hide it) and you have to gradually tease it out of them. Some think that showing their soft side makes them weak and vulnerable so they hide it. In your case you didn’t really court so you haven’t really had a chance to get right into his heart. Play your cards right and you will definitely get there.

The best teacher is by example. Don’t just say top him “you are not emotional”, but actually show him what emotional is. Do to him the things that you want him to do to you. Let him see how it is done and with time, he will even want to outdo you. Sit on his lap and rub his head. Give him massages, cuddle him, send his love notes, compliment him, Send him loving Emails . . . . .He is your husband and you are his. You can do what you like to him in the privacy of your home. . . and I promise you that with time, he will start doing all these things himself.

The only thing I am not too happy about is his hurtful comments to you. That you are going to have to deal with sooner rather than later and make him understand how much these comments hurt you and how inappropriate they are.

See this period as your courtship just that only this time you both can’t run away, and you both work on really trying to understand each other. If you don’t mind my saying, it may be a good idea to leave out babies for now if its not too late and use this time to bond and understand and enjoy each other. Plenty of time to have babies.

Thank you so much for this piece of advice, you don't know what you've done for me. I will put what you said in pratice and pray it all works out. Thanks again

Thanks Babymama for this great thread,
am actually going crazy bit by bit
my marriage is just 8 months old and am just not feeling it any longer
first of all, we didnt really court before marriage(no intimate meetings), although we've known each other for a year plus before marriage
after marriage, i found out that we are just so different
yes, he is all i wanted in a man, but our sex life is nothing to write home about
he was my first, but i know there is something about sex am missing
it's so bad now that i dont enjoy it any longer. he too is not a sex freak either
we can stay for a whole week without sex.
that one apart* i feel so not loved* he doesnt pet, cuddle and hardly call me pet names, when i try to tease him that he doesnt love me
he comes with this his favorite line* am not an emotional person i dont profess luv bt i act it* bla bla bla(still waiting for the action)
he complains a lot* your legs are like that of footballers, you should shave the hairs on your legs, so so person does it
i've always dated and wanted to marry a very fair lady and so on i cant write here
i asked him why he came to me since am not that fair
he said he didnt look at the physical, but the spiritual.

He is a good man though, but this was not what i bargained for.
still praying for a change.