bukatyne:

Yellow PawPaw! You are wacked!

I am just reading this and you really knocked me off

I am not married but my fiancée is not ok with in from discussions, how we are very open people and he might be willing to experiment in future. I guess it has to do with your believe system. They preach daily in my church that o.ral s.ex is wrong and bla bla but I just face front.

Try and brooch it in discussion with oga and get his feedback

bukatyne:

You don't a husband that helps in chores or you don't like a househusband?

PocketEconomist: This is absolutely hilarious... Just spoke to my house husband of a cousin via chat, and he wants to add baking at home to his stock in trade. Wow... Dis man is not ready to leave the house and his son o! Anyway, it's his life. But one thing i appreciate is that he is trying to give his son what our fathers didn't give us. That's just the punch line. On a lighter note, what if he tried this his arrangement on an igbo woman... *grins*

yellowpawpaw: U know, there was one heated argument between Coogar and some pple about career women and being a mum somewhere, its true he is always on d other side of the fence but he was saying the truth. Those his posts were simply d truth but we just don't wanna admit it rather we give him the ideal situation instead of the real one on ground. Only few,very few can juggle d two succesfully.unless u don't wanna be an integral part of ur kids formative yrs and few mothers will accept that.

That guy always make sense u know.

Nnekacherry:

Hahahaha..
I don't want a house husband sis.
That's scary..

Efemena_xy:

I see nothing funny about this.

Infact I suspect this cousin of yours was never happy in his previous (paid) job and has either found something he enjoys doing or is still trying his hands out at various ideas.

The key to running a good and successful business is being innovative. If he wants to take on baking / catering, then encourage him. Cooking is not the exclusive preserve of females. There are quite a number of world renowed and famous male chefs. Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey are just a few and these men are multi-millionaires. If your cousin makes his millions from baking / catering, will you still find it hilarious?

I detest the term housewife or househusband. It's derogatory and undermines the effort and contributions of the parent trying to build a happy home. A child thrives best growing up in a home where his or her parents are happy.

You may not find their arrangement ideal. You may even find it strange - but doesn't this go to prove that there is no standard/ideal/one-size-fits-all method to running a loving home?

You said it yourself, his son shares a tight bond with his father. Your cousin is happy doing what he's doing and most importantly, his wife is crazy about him and loves him to pieces.

Now that's all that really matters.

chaircover: Zinny, If you don’t mind me responding, I will say a few things

Don’t forget that you have you have done it the other way round and rather than going through a face to face courtship and going into marriage all boiling hot and it gradually cools down over time and it becomes a deep seated loving relationship, due to your circumstances you both went into marriage luke warm and so you both have to find a way of heating it up.

Many men are not emotional (well they try to hide it) and you have to gradually tease it out of them. Some think that showing their soft side makes them weak and vulnerable so they hide it. In your case you didn’t really court so you haven’t really had a chance to get right into his heart. Play your cards right and you will definitely get there.

The best teacher is by example. Don’t just say top him “you are not emotional”, but actually show him what emotional is. Do to him the things that you want him to do to you. Let him see how it is done and with time, he will even want to outdo you. Sit on his lap and rub his head. Give him massages, cuddle him, send his love notes, compliment him, Send him loving Emails . . . . .He is your husband and you are his. You can do what you like to him in the privacy of your home. . . and I promise you that with time, he will start doing all these things himself.

The only thing I am not too happy about is his hurtful comments to you. That you are going to have to deal with sooner rather than later and make him understand how much these comments hurt you and how inappropriate they are.

See this period as your courtship just that only this time you both can’t run away, and you both work on really trying to understand each other. If you don’t mind my saying, it may be a good idea to leave out babies for now if its not too late and use this time to bond and understand and enjoy each other. Plenty of time to have babies.

Besea: I'm getting married in three weeks and all I can say is WoW! Baby mama, CC, Efe u guys r d best. I've learnt hw to deal with the "I'm sorry situation" cos my eyes hav bin opened to undastand my man and his I'm sorry style. D s.ex part... Hmmmmm, I don learn. I'm getting married strait out f d uni, so I'm going to be a housewife for a while and I will be moving from my precious Lagos to d east for me, dats a huge sacrifice. Thank u

yellowpawpaw: Buky, I understand u perfectly well.
I'm just saying that there will not be maximum or 100% concentration if u r having kids at d early stage of ur marriage and career.
Example, I wanna do my pg, hv a toddler and home, hv my career yet, I just can't meet up. I hv to give up some things for now but will pursue them later on.
If for example u work in an office that usually send u out on various workshops and seminars far from ur base or even outside the country most times, u may decline simply bc of ur toddlers unlike a man. (Considering d fact that u don't hv maid) the motherly instinct will just not allow u to take those leeps. But u can comfortably do them if they hv reached a certain age.
I think that was what coogar was saying. I might be wrong sha.

As for the kpekus part, I taught u will qoute the bible for me.
Its an unexplored zone in this our part of he world. I will suggest that and c the reaction.

PocketEconomist: Are we forgetting something? Prayer! Pray with your spouse every night before sleeping. That will make your bond stronger. Prayer is very important in marriage, as it is in all things. Think about this.

chaircover: My thoughts on Money!!

Some people feel that the man should do everything/must do certain things. . I think NO NO NO! . . . There is nothing stopping you from doing it if you have the funds. You are a team and you are one and so it doesn’t matter if you tie the wrapper round the bum or the bum round the wrapper, so long as the bum isn’t exposed.

It doesn’t matter who pays for what. Don’t wait for the man to give you money for foodstuffs before you buy some. If you have a project that you are both working on and you have money and you have heard him talk about paying the painter or the electrician, then bring the money and just put it into his account. If you see him struggling with something, don’t wait until he comes to ask you or he starts talking and talking about it before you offer to do it. You are one. If the school fees are due and you know that he has his hands full with other things, then there is nothing stopping you from paying them. They are your children too.

A man respects and appreciates a woman he knows that has his back. He knows that he can rely on her. He rests easy knowing that his children are in safe hands. He knows that there is someone out there who is on his side no matter what. Under all this macho macho are men who too crave to have a soulmate and someone there for them no matter what.

. . . .And when you do help, please don’t rub it in his face, or automatically expect him to start washing the dishes and pounding yam if it isn’t something that he has been doing before. Be patient, he may show his appreciation in other ways.

Baby mama: Wow
Our thread has grown
Kudos ladies and gents

Sisi_Kill:

Thank you for post!!!!!!!

I just want to add that it shouldn't be about "helping"...it's our house, the upkeep is our responsibility. If we all saw it that way there will be no room to rub anything into anyone's face. I mean would I pat myself on the back for paying my bills? Would one mock themselves for being the one who buys the grocery they eat? Of course not!!

Lovely thread by the way!!!! Great contribution from all


@PocketEconomist
I don't think it's right to mock your cousin just because he is not acting in the manner you think a man ought to be. He is happy, his wife is happy and his child is happy. If putting an apron on and shoving a biscuits and croissants in the oven is what makes his home a happy one...so be it.

Sisi_Kill:

Thank you for post!!!!!!!

I just want to add that it shouldn't be about "helping"...it's our house, the upkeep is our responsibility. If we all saw it that way there will be no room to rub anything into anyone's face. I mean would I pat myself on the back for paying my bills? Would one mock themselves for being the one who buys the grocery they eat? Of course not!!

Lovely thread by the way!!!! Great contribution from all


@PocketEconomist
I don't think it's right to mock your cousin just because he is not acting in the manner you think a man ought to be. He is happy, his wife is happy and his child is happy. If putting an apron on and shoving a biscuits and croissants in the oven is what makes his home a happy one...so be it.

bluuu: i'm loving this thread.it s good to know the men r seeing d 'spend time with kids' idea as a couple's thing n not just for d moms.

PocketEconomist: @sarah you are right. Anyway for women looking for a soul mate, you wilk have to look out for these. A man who pressures you for sex before marriage against your wish does not love you. He is selfish and does not care about your feelings. A man who assaults you does not love you run! I'm telling y'all this from a man's view. More to come soon.

PocketEconomist: @sarah you are right. Anyway for women looking for a soul mate, you wilk have to look out for these. A man who pressures you for sex before marriage against your wish does not love you. He is selfish and does not care about your feelings. A man who assaults you does not love you run! I'm telling y'all this from a man's view. More to come soon.

ichidodo: I understand the euphoria this thread can churn out but Pls don't go overboard and pour sand sand into another man's garri what will my fiancee say when she sees this??, abeg ladies in the house the sex option is at your own discretion because might what might work for Nneka might not work for Kemi just follow your heart, na beg i dey beg o

uj_sizzle: Interesting!! I'm not done reading yet, i dey come.
I've always thought marriage was scary shiit, after reading just half-way i'm more scared than i ever was
I have a lot of questions to ask, so i'll be back after work today.


Well done CC, Babymama, Efemena, and everyone who has contributed from their well of experience. You guys are helping potential wives





Nnekacherry, i see you. Ltnc

PocketEconomist: Sorry o! Just had to say the truth. What euphoria are you talking about?

ichidodo: What is the truth? Abeg free that thing jare

PocketEconomist: Let us be truthful, if one's fianceé doesn't want pre marital sex, and the man cajoles her into doing so, that's pure selfishness. That man is meant to put her interest before his. If he doesn't, will you say he really loves her?

coogar:

why would my fiancée not want pre-marital sëx?

PocketEconomist: Well, if she doesn't like it, can't you just make that small sacrifice for the one you truly love?

PocketEconomist: Well, if she doesn't like it, can't you just make that small sacrifice for the one you truly love?