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Learn crucial information about a man before you start falling for him and wasting your time.

There's a certain attitude that inspires a man's complete honesty with you—a mindset that can actually help you idenitfy the right man and avoid Mr. Wrong as early in the dating process as possible, even before you meet in person for the first time.

And if you're in a relationship, it can help you get to the bottom of what he's thinking and feeling, so you can know why he's withdrawing, if he's open to taking things to the "next level," or what's holding him back from fully committing to you.


How you ask is everything.

It's not that men are afraid of certain questions. It's just that the WAY a woman asks those questions can make him feel defensive. If a woman warns, "You're not seeing anyone else right now, are you?" it almost automatically invites dishonesty in a man—he'll feel cornered and pressured.

In order to make him feel he is "safe" when he shares with you, you need what I call the 'Anything is OK' attitude.

Now, this doesn't mean that anything is OK for a man to do, and that you're supposed to accept anything he does and have no boundaries or limitations. The attitude is more like you thinking, Anything is OK for you to share with me, but I know what I will and will not tolerate in my life, and what I want. But you can tell me anything. I can handle it.

How do you communicate this attitude? Easy.

Three little words that make him open up.

Ok, I won't kill you with suspense anymore. Here's what will make a man feel safe enough for honesty with you ... "I'm just curious."

It can go like this.

"Are you seeing anyone right now? I'm just curious."

"What kind of relationship are you looking for? I'm just curious."

"What kind of woman do you most admire? I'm just curious."

"Where do you see yourself in the next five years? I'm just curious."

Using these three words not only lets a man know that you'll be OK with whatever he tells you, but it also instantly conveys that you're not needy or too aggressive, and that he can feel safe telling you just about anything.

Creating connection and attraction.

If you want to inspire sincerity in a man, you must have the 'Anything is OK' attitude and use those 3 magic words to get the most honest response possible. That way, you won't waste a lot of time going on dates with "unavailable" men, men who have skeletons in their closet, aren't over their ex, or are actually interested in a different kind of relationship than you are.

And here's a nice bonus: Sometimes with this magic attitude, you get a man to reveal a lot more than he would ever reveal on his own, without prompting. As a result, he'll feel more attracted to you because he'll feel more understood and appreciated by you. This is why I call this attitude "magic." It not only inspires honesty from a man, it makes him feel more connected to you at the same time.

More at: www.9jaexclusive.net

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If your marriage has become complacent, you might want to take a look at these cheating statistics.

I find these statistics staggering, don't you?

15% of wives and 25% of husbands have participated in extramarital intercourse.
When including emotional affairs or s//xual intimacies (without intercourse), the incidences increase by 20%.

The truth: "complacency" in marriage becomes an open door. Couples conscious of this fact approach their relationship as if they could lose something precious. You do not want your marriage to end up in that 35-45% group of couples that experience such devastation.


So, why is infidelity so prevalent?

1. One partner begins to assume that the other doesn't care.

Rightly or wrongly, your partner may come to feel that your everyday inattention simply means that he or she no longer matters to you. Whether you have just given birth to your second child, or your job has you traveling to China more often than you would like, your marriage is vulnerable.

You see, when you were "in love", you had this inner sense that you would always be enough for your beloved, just as you were. As the love hormones diminish, small mindful indications of attention and continued affection make a huge difference, provided they matter to your spouse.

Make it clear to each other that, "No matter what, when you need my attention, I'll clear out time for you." In doing so, you will increase their chances of warding off the temptation of infidelity. Granted, maybe you won't have that time the split second one of you gets home, but take their request seriously. Whether it's by long distance or after the kids get home, put on your best listening hat and be there for your partner (and don't problem solve until asked).

2. Opportunity makes for promiscuity.

According to one recent study, "More than one-third (36%) of men and 13% of women said that they gave in to temptation on a business trip."

You are alone with no one to talk to, plus you're enjoying a few drinks, and inhibitions plummet. Highly committed couples know this and make it a point to touch base around the world by phone, even if it's the middle of the night and you must interrupt your business dinner.

Want to know a set up for an erotic encounter? Complete a project or deal with a good looking member of the opposite s/x in another part of the world. So, if you want to safeguard your marriage, make fidelity a much talked about big deal. Explain what it would mean to you if your partner betrayed you. Let that be on your partner's mind because you have both indicated how hurt you would be.

3. Cheating runs in your family.

If one (or both) of your parents cheated, you will more likely to cross the line. Just like in evaluating suicide risk, where the therapist notes whether relatives have taken their own lives, you'll be more wary if you know your family has a past of infidelity. This doesn't mean you shouldn't marry someone with this history; you just want reassurance that you both are awake to similar values on this issue.

4. The belief that no one will suspect them.

Statistics reveal that 74% of men and 68% of women admit they would have an affair if they felt they could get away with it. Whether this response is accurate in reality, it still suggests that people do imagine (and likely fantasize about) an extramarital affair, and would act on an opportunity if they could do so under a guarantee of cover.

As a marriage counselor, let me suggest that in this day and age of cell phones and emails, the odds have greatly increased that you will be found out. Something happens when the brain goes on the speed-like drug of "being in love." Dopamine creates stalker-like impulses and caution goes out the window. The fear of being found out becomes the least of concerns. So, you more easily assume that no one will suspect.

5. The real consequences of cheating never occurred to them.

If you haven't been there, you can't quite imagine the tsunami-like impact of a partner's betrayal. More than anything else, you don't know where to turn, whom to trust, or how to overcome the sense of doom. In the past, the person you would naturally lean on would be the person that has now betrayed you and seemingly does not care about you at all.

To trust again is the biggest challenge. If you find yourself believing you can never understand how someone could do this to you, you will find many who would agree with you that you did not deserve this. Infidelity sometimes offers one of the most powerful opportunities to find new ways of growing from pain.

The flashbacks alone to the moments when you felt so overwhelmingly hurt by cheating does not enter anyone's imagination who is tempted to stray. They never even think of it.

Let me assure you that healing from infidelity is possible, even though you feel quite hopeless at first. You may even find you're blown away by the simple fact that (despite your hurt and anger) you still love your partner and want to save the marriage.

Many couples who decide to see a marriage counselor do rebuild their marriage to something they never dreamed possible. Restoring trust and meeting each other's needs takes time, but if you take the step to work through the pain, the newfound bond will amaze you. You see, couples who have looked at the abyss and decided to discover the real glue that makes marriage work.

More at: www.9jaexclusive.net

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How soon is too soon? Guys get honest with us about s*x on the first date.

Times have changed, ladies, and with it, the dating rules. We're embarking on a new kind of relationship and with it, a newer type of woman. But as all the traditional rules change, should the s*x?

How soon is too soon — or is it okay to ask for it on the first night? We asked the dudes in our lives to dish on when they think it's appropriate to do the deed — and their answers, well, they'll surprise you.


S*x Is A Yes, But The Type Of Woman Matters
"I'm going to get so much sh*t for this," says Ben, 27, "but I've dated a lot of artists — and I've found that they're way more free-spirited when it comes to the s*xual aspects of a relationship. As a guy, there's something about being with someone who's so carefree — and it's something you feel immediately, so yes, s*x on the first night is okay … with the right woman. I don't feel like having s*x on the first night will challenge, or compromise, what happens afterward." He adds, "I'm not saying that it's only artists! Just speaking from personal experience."

"I think s*x on the first night depends on whether or not you're going to regret it," says Mark, 25, "I'm really attracted to the type of girl at the bar that looks like she's a little aloof to the whole scene. I'm not trying to be an ass, but I don't want to take home a good girl on the first night. I think it would ruin my chances with her."

"If I'm feeling you — and you're feeling me — we're both adults, right? So getting it on should be our decision; and well, if we both want it and are clear about our feelings, then I don't see the point in putting it off until the second or third date," admits Josh, 33.

There's Something About A Woman Who Makes You Wait
The guys I spoke to that were okay with holding out for a few dates really surprised me. Their answers were candid, honest and they proved that though the times, they are a-changin' there's definitely still something to be said about passion, patience and keeping it in your pants until the clock strikes hot.

"The first time I went out with this girl I was really into, I had high hopes that she'd invite me back upstairs after dinner was over. When she didn't, I was pleasantly surprised, despite what I'd originally banked on. I realized that I wanted to wait for it, too — and the harder she was willing to make me work for it, the more attracted to her I was," Ethan, 29, says.

"It's refreshing to meet someone who doesn't want to give it up all at once. I don't think it means you're easy if you want to have s*x on the first date or even after the first night, but I'm way more attracted to a woman who knows how rare it is to have something to look forward to. Everything we do is geared toward instant gratification — and I don't mean that after having s*x I think of girls in a way like 'what else do you have to offer?', because I definitely don't — but it's really nice to have time to get to know someone and put some room in between deciding to ask them on a second date and deciding between missionary and doggie," says Tony, 31.

"When my girlfriend and I first met, we left the bar making out and I was sure we were going to end up at her apartment having s*x. Then, she asked for my number and hailed a cab, leaving me in the dust. I was caught so off guard — I kinda thought that was the kind of sh*t you only saw in movies — but I couldn't stop thinking about her all night. The next day, when she texted me, I was that much more interested in her. It was unexpected but totally awesome to have to wait on someone else for once," Madison, 26, says.

You Can't Date The Girl You Take Home
"If you want to have s*x the first night we meet, I'm down," says Travis, 23, "but just don't expect me to call you the next day — or any day after."

"I think a lot of guys would stray from saying this because it would make them sound soft or too sensitive, but we don't really want the girl who sleeps with us on the first night. Okay, fine, some of us really do, but the majority of us are just saying that we do. We don't. We want the waiting period, the getting-to-know-you period. We want to take you to overpriced dinners and then complain about it behind your back. We want you to keep denying us, because it's s*xy as f*ck, until you're ready. At least," Sam, 29, said, "I do."

"You know that expression 'You can't turn a hoe into a housewife'?," asks Quinn, 26. "I'm not saying that you should by any means call a woman a hoe, but I think that the point of the saying is pretty true. If I sleep with you on the first night, that's awesome, but I'm never really going to see you as much more than that. You'll be the girl that gave it up the first time we met."

So, ladies, I'm as surprised as you are, but the fellas have spoken: Waiting is the new s*x.

Read more at: http://9jaexclusive.net/ladies-guys-really-think-hooking-first-date/

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Here are some reasons why online dating might actually be good for you.
1. It’s Easy
The most popular websites let you scan profiles right away. For example, Zoosk has a one-step sign up; just enter your email and you’re ready to go. You can fill out more profile information later when you’ve found someone interesting.
2. It’s Better Than Blind Dates
Yes, your friends mean well, but blind dates are rough. There’s pressure for the date to be successful. And, if there’s no spark, you end up feeling guilty about it. Online dating puts you in charge. If you’re not interested, you can move on easily without the hard feelings.
3. You Can Always Look Your Best
Online dating lets you always put your best foot forward. From your profile pictures to your email replies, you can plan a perfect first impression.
4. More Options
With so many singles to pick from, you’re more likely to find exactly what you want. Practice makes perfect, and online dating gives you the chance to meet and connect with lots of people, even if you’re stuck with a busy schedule.
5. Dodge Mismatches Right Away
End up on a date with someone you didn’t really like? Online dating lets you feel out potential partners first — even check them out on Facebook— before the actual first date. That way, when you do connect, you’ll have better odds of a successful outing.
6. Find Dates — Anytime, Anywhere
Bored at work? Waiting for friends? Most dating sites have phone apps, butZoosk’s dating app was voted #1 among users. It’s easy to use and lets you take online dating from desktop to mobile seamlessly.
7. Online Relationships Last
A recent study concluded that couples who met online are able to find true love. They also appear happier and have lower divorce rates than people who met through more traditional methods.

Read More at: http://9jaexclusive.net/read-reasons-try-online-dating/

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Catching a liar in action can be pretty tricky. Falsely accusing someone can start a big fight, but at the same time, you don't want to seem too naive.
So how do you know for sure if your boyfriend is lying to you?
I've put together 10 signs that your boyfriend might be a liar. Keep these things at the back of your mind.
Also keep in mind that these aren't foolproof - the truth is, there are some people out there who are great liars and are hard to catch in the act.
But in general, these will be helpful for

figuring out whether or not he's a liar:
He's not acting like himself: Usually when someone lies, they feel a little uncomfortable and worried about getting caught. If your boyfriend is lying to you about something big, chances are his attitude will change a little bit.

If he's usually really open with you and very happy and he's suddenly being secretive and jumpy, that may be a sign that something is up.
He doesn't look at you: Pay attention to your boyfriend's body language whenever he's telling you something that you think he's lying about, or whenever you ask him if he's lying. Will he look you in the eye? If he'll look anywhere except at you, that's a good sign that he's not being honest.
It's hard to look in the eyes of someone you care about and boldly lie. If you think he's full of it, say, "look me in the eyes and say it." If he can't do it, he's probably lying.
His story is never the same: Lying can be difficult, especially if you're lying about something complicated. Pay attention to the details your boyfriend gives you when he's telling you something.
Wait a few days, and then ask for the same story again. If some things don't add up, it could be because they didn't happen.
If this happens more than a few times, it could mean he's making stuff up and isn't good at keeping track of everything.
He gets super defensive: How does your boyfriend react when you accuse him of lying? If he gets super, super defensive, it might mean he's lying and is freaking out about getting caught.
This one is tricky, because it's completely natural to get defensive whenever you're accused of fibbing, whether you did it or not.
However, if your boyfriend's response is over-the-top, it could mean he's in panic mode.
There are a lot of long pauses: According to Cosmopolitan, long pauses before an answer are a sign that he's not telling you the truth.
If he pauses for a minute before answering or repeats the question before responding, he could be giving himself time to come up with an answer.
He accuses you of lying all the time: Sometimes when people feel guilty about their own lies, they try to shift the blame a little bit. If your guy is constantly accusing you of breaking his trust, it may be because he feels bad about breaking your trust.
Or, if he counteracts your probing question with one of his own, he could just be trying to distract you.
He never gives you any details: Do you think your boyfriend is lying about who he was hanging out with earlier? Try to ask some innocent-sounding questions like, "what did you do?".
Don't grill him for details, but ask a few questions. If he keeps saying, "Um, I don't know" or "I don't remember" or if he blows up about it, it's probably because he doesn't have any real details to give you.
He's super weird with his phone: I would never advise you to take a secret peek at your boyfriend's phone, but keeping an eye on how he acts with it is okay if you suspect he's lying.
Does he constantly keep it with him, even if he's just running to the bathroom? Does he freak out if you touch it when it goes off? If he's crazy private about his phone, it could be because there's stuff in there he doesn't want you to see.
He has a history of lying: If your boyfriend has a history of lying to you, what makes you think that this time is going to be any different?
If he's lied to you once or twice about little things, that doesn't mean he should never be trusted. But if he's fibbed about some major stuff before, he could very easily be doing it again.
You have a gut feeling: Honestly, in the end, you really need to go with your gut. You can go through all of the steps above and still not find out for sure if he's a liar.
But if you have a serious gut feeling that he's being dishonest, then you probably have that for a reason.
Trust yourself - dig deep down to see if you really believe he's lying or not. Sometimes we have these feelings because we're right.

Read more at: http://9jaexclusive.net/must-read-signs-know-boyfriend-liar/

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Nine women dish on what they've learned from playing cougar.

As the saying goes, "You're only as old as the man you're feeling." So, are Madonna, Mariah, and J-Lo all on to something with their considerably younger beaus? Or should we take a lesson from Demi and avoid robbing cradles?

We asked 10 women to tell us what they learned from dating a younger guy. Read on to see what they had to say!


1. They're Not As Independent
"Most of my ex's were younger. In my opinion, it never turned out well because they were intimidated by where I was in life in comparison ... and they were also really immature. They never took the initiative, or showed confidence. They weren't as independent as I am, and sometimes I just wanted them to plan the date for once." — Pam, 25

2. They're Drama-Free
"When I have the choice, I date men who are 30 years younger than me. Men in their 30's are still about having fun, adventuring, exploring and building their career, and they appreciate a drama free connection with a woman. They don't mind the power inequity, while men who are closer to my age feel the need to battle for the position." — Paula, 67

3. They Make Great Rebounds
"I dated a guy who was 6 years my junior after a bad breakup. He was basically a rebound. The s*x was AMAZING and his friends basically thought I was a goddess ...but I couldn't have a normal 'grownup' conversation with him at all, even about the simplest things. Introducing him to friends was a struggle, even if it was just at a chill house party. A typical introductory conversation went like this: 'What do you do, Joe?' 'I'm a student at Nassau Community College.' 'Oh what are you studying?' 'Liberal arts.' [Crickets chirping] Ultimately, as hot as he was, I just couldn't deal with how dumbed down he was." — Yasmin, 30

4. They're Full Of Life
"I switched to younger men many years ago. I find that younger men are a lot less judgmental, open to non-mainstream ideas, and have the energy to get out and have a life, outside of work." — Dixie, 51

5. They Can Be Mature ...
"I never thought I could see myself with someone younger, and sometimes I think about the cons — like when I'm 30 he'll still be in his 20's, but it's been an amazing experience. He treats me like a princess. I actually didn't know my boyfriend's age until a day after we started talking. He's surprisingly, extremely mature, even though he's two years younger than me." — Lindsay, 26

"I dated a much older guy before meeting my current younger one, and I think I didn't take the younger guy as seriously because of his age. When we began dating he was still in college, and I was handling a demanding job. I wasn't sure how to exactly bring him to work events without feeling like a cougar...or a tinge of embarrassment. It seems ridiculous now, because he's more mature and thoughtful than any of the guys I had previously dated. I was the immature one for not recognizing it early on ... and being caught up in superficial things like age." — Nicole, 25

Read More at: http://9jaexclusive.net/must-read-7-truths-dating-younger-guys/

It's not what you say ... it's how you say it!

I remember when I used to walk on eggshells around men. That awful, helpless feeling of being so unsure of what I should express and how I should communicate, that more often than not I wouldn't speak up at all.

And, when I DID let a man know how I felt, it usually came out all wrong and I'd end up pushing him away. It took me a long time to land upon a powerful combination of words that helped me be true to myself, get my needs met, and help a man become completely devoted to me.
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<strong>1. Forget the myth that men are scared of feelings.</strong>

I know you may have heard that men don't like feelings. You may have suffered some painful experiences with a man when you DID try to talk about feelings with him.

But, here's what I want you to know: men aren't afraid of feelings at all. What they don't like is drama—when we unleash our pain, disappointment, and anger in the wrong way.

That's when you'll see a man shut down, become defensive, and call you "dramatic" or needy.

<strong>2. Stop trying to hide what you're really feeling.</strong>

When we've expressed a feeling to a man only to watch him withdraw, we'll often start doing something else: we'll ignore the feeling altogether and pretend it's not there. When he asks us what's wrong, we'll look away and say, "Oh, nothing."

But, doing this actually creates MORE distance between you and a man. Why? Because he'll sense that something IS wrong with you, and he'll know you're pretending. He'll know you're not being authentic and it starts to make him wonder whether he's getting the whole picture with you. And, because you've been covering up so much, sometimes you might not even know exactly what you're feeling.

So, your first task is to practice simply getting in touch with what's really going on for you. If he was late to pick you up (again), stop and ask yourself what the core feeling is, and keep it simple: in this case, you're probably angry.

<strong>3. Use the right words to reach his heart.</strong>

What you say to a man really is everything—certain words can make him pull away and make you feel like you're losing him, while other words can draw him to you like a magnet, so that you feel like the most important thing in the world to him.

If you launch at him with an accusation ("You're always late", then not only will you NOT get the resolution you want, but you'll create more unnecessary tension. But, watch what happens when you leave him out of it and focus on your feeling: "I feel really angry when I have to keep waiting, and I don't like being late."

See the difference? He is not the bad guy, and you're not hiding who you really are. Now here's the key: follow up your feeling with an offer of negotiation: "What do you think we can do so we're both happy?"

When you talk to a man like this, he can't help but feel like he's just won the lottery. He's found a woman who isn't afraid to show him her true self and who respects him enough to want to come to an agreement. Practice this the next time you're feeling disappointed with a man, and notice how he starts looking at you differently ... and responding to you differently.

More Love and Relationship Updates at: http://9jaexclusive.net/see-hot-3-tips-help-communicate-men-right-way/

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They can’t ALL possibly be “just not that into us” … right?!?

By Mandy Hale.

I seem to keep running into the same problems lately in my dating life. And so do my friends. Literally three or four different amazing, beautiful, successful single women in my life keep hitting the same wall as me… so I KNOW there must be something to it. I mean, as much as I adore Greg Behrendt (and here’s the proof), they can’t all possibly be “just not that into us” … right?!?

What am I talking about?

COMMUNICATION.

I don’t know if it’s modern-day communication or modern-day men in general that are causing us the greatest amounts of heartburn, but all three of the issues I see single ladies struggling with stem from a communication breakdown.

I recently wrote a blog post called What (Most) Women Really Want, and all you have to do is scroll down to the comments section to see firsthand the giant Grand Canyon-sized gap between what expectations women have and what expectations men are willing to meet.

So what are the top three communication trends right now in dating that are driving single women bonkers? Glad you asked.

1. No follow-through.

He shows interest. He flirts. He beelines to your side the minute he sees you at trivia night. The message is clear. He’s into you! So when he FINALLY asks for your number, you think it’s just a matter of time before he calls, you go out, you fall in love, you live happily ever after. Right?

Wrong! Instead, he texts you halfheartedly a couple of times before dropping off the radar completely. So what gives, fellas? Why ask for a girl’s number and act interested if you have no intention of following through?

Read more at: http://9jaexclusive.net/latest-3-dating-mistakes-men-make-drive-us-insane/

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What you’re in is a messy “entanglement”. Here’s how to get untangled …

Are you in a relationship, or are you in an “entanglement”?

A relationship is one in which both people are themselves, yet there is no shortage of intimacy. No fear that doing what you love or being who you are or taking time for yourself will drive the other person away.

In relationships, neither person needs the other to “complete” them. Both people are awake to themselves, their feelings and thoughts, and are open to the flow of love and attention with one another. It’s about two equals celebrating together rather than “needing” something from the other.

In short, a relationship like this is one where both people are in harmony. And that’s exactly what it feels like: in tune, relaxed, and just plain fun.

Entanglements, on the other hand, look and feel very different.

Signs You’re in an Entanglement

Entanglements may look like a relationship on the surface. You might spend a lot of time together, you’ve met each other’s friends and family, and people refer to you as “a couple.”

But you’re not having a real relationship—at least not one that is loving and harmonious. Here’s what entanglements masquerading as real relationships look like:

1. You keep having the same issues.

When you find yourself having the same old argument with your partner for the umpteenth time, that’s a pretty good sign you’re likely in an entanglement. If you had the same problem in your previous relationships, or keep picking partners with similar issues, that’s a tip-off, too. Patterns that repeat—especially from relationship to relationship—indicate that you have unresolved feelings from the past, creating a destructive dynamic that keeps you from enjoying harmony.

2. You don’t feel safe or understood.

One of the clearest signs of entanglement is that it is hard for one person to let the other person feel his or her feelings and tell the truth about them. Entanglements feel like you have to shut down a part of yourself. If you’re feeling like your partner just doesn’t get you, and that you’re not free to say exactly what’s on your mind, you know you’re not in a real relationship.

3. Someone is always right.

In a real relationship, each person is “awake” to his or her role in a problem, and the priority for both is relationship growth. Entanglements are power struggles. Both people are vying for the title of victim, thus making the other the perpetrator. Nobody ever wins.

4. It’s just so hard.

If you’re feeling drained with your partner, you’re likely caught up in an entanglement. In a harmonious relationship, both people take responsibility for any issues that arise, and they come up with creative solutions that further add to the positive feelings they share.

Read More at: www.9jaexclusive.net with the help of Nairalanded

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Is the way you express YOUR emotions denying him space to express his?

Guys get a bad rap when it comes to feelings. Basically, people think we don't have them, don't want to share them, and don't want to listen to them, either. But, that's not true. Let me tell you about what's really going on for men when it comes to feelings, and show you how you can use this knowledge to build a solid foundation for a secure, lasting relationship.

1. Understand that we don't feel the way you do.


A lot of the pain and frustration I see in women results from thinking that when it comes to feelings, men function like women. But, the truth is that we have a much harder time processing and handling feelings than you do. We're not as good at it. We also don't have the extensive support system that women have, which explains why men escape into things like work, sports, and the television.

If you can understand this and learn to work with us instead of against us, you're already getting a huge advantage when it comes to men and relationships. The other thing to remember is that as men, we want to fix things. And we get really frustrated when we can't. Which brings me to ...

2. Take the pressure off him to "fix" your feelings.

Of course, you want a man to acknowledge and satisfy your feelings and desires. It's a man's place in a relationship to be a good partner and a great lover, to care for you, listen to you, connect deeply, show loyalty, and to share.

But, when you demand that a man meet your emotional needs and you "lean" on him out of your own fears, frustrations, and uncertainty, you set the both of you up for disappointment. No relationship can meet all of your emotional needs. Relationships are about growth, and not about becoming dependent on someone else meeting your emotional needs at any time you want.

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Engagement season is coming up! Yay! Congratulations if you’re engaged!

It is indeed a very happy time, but the temptation to see engagement as merely the wedding-planning phase of your relationship and not, more importantly, the phrase of your relationship in which you plan for your marriage. Being married can feel as if it’s just dating-made-permanent, but it’s a binding legal commitment that comes with obligations that will be easier to cope with if you’ve put the work in before your marriage starts.

You also don’t want to get blindsided by disparities between your partner’s point of view and your own after you’ve signed on to being obligated to this person — talk about a huge source of marital friction. It’s OK if you differ, but finding common ground on your highest priorities ahead of time and planning accordingly will take the guesswork out of your marriage. Here are some of the uncomfortable questions you should be asking while you’re engaged, before you even start buying wedding magazines:

1. What is your money philosophy? Some people are frugal to a fault; some figure that if they have it, they should spend it; some people bargain to death on staples so that they can splurge on indulgences (raises hand); some people try to just sort of do a little of column A, a little of column B — save the money they can save, go out on occasion, avoid excessively expensive grocery stores. None of those are necessarily bad ways to live, but you and your partner need to know what the other believes is important to spend money on and what isn’t and come to a compromise. It’s really a question of what you’re willing to sacrifice, and if you end up sacrificing things you don’t want to, it’ll end up being a sore spot.

2. How important is it to you to either have kids or not have kids? It’s a cliché, but kids are a dealbreaker. If it’s a must-do for either of you, you both have to know. If one of you could imagine one day deciding not to have kids, you both have to know. If you’re both open-minded about it either way, it will at least be good for you to know that ahead of time — and keep communicating about it throughout your marriage.

3. How will you handle it if one of you ends up feeling attracted to someone else? This is TOUGH and UNPLEASANT, but acting as if extramarital attraction never happens is flat-out naîve. Establishing an appropriate way to communicate about it that won’t be hurtful to either party could help you to avoid problems in the future. And by the way, having an embargo on any such conversation is not a real plan. You’re both human beings who feel desire and should respect each other as such. If you need an example, here’s my plan: On my own, I evaluate why I’m attracted to that person (I do it on my own, or with a trusted friend or family member, because it would upset my partner for me to work through it with him). If it’s something that isn’t being fulfilled in my monogamous relationship, I bring that need up to my partner and we talk about how to have it respected and fulfilled. If it’s not something that’s unfulfilled in my relationship and is purely admiration, I feel free to say so to my partner and to that person with the understanding that it will in no way be acted upon. If I say so to the other person and they proceed to try to act upon that knowledge, I stop spending time with them. (If you’re wondering, yes, there are many people who appreciate knowing that they are personally, intellectually, and thereby physically attractive, appreciate having the elephant in the room addressed, and understand that we both have a much deeper respect for my monogamy than desire to act upon a very surface-level attraction. Knowing that your friend thinks you’re awesome can lead to an even better friendship.) It doesn’t happen often, but it helps to have a set of steps to follow when it does. Figure out what will work for you.

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It's tempting to jump into relationships when we meet someone we believe is wonderful. But if it takes a few months to begin gauging someone's character, and two to three years to truly know them, we are setting ourselves up for disaster if we commit too soon.

Here are nine essential questions to help guide us:

1. How well do I know him/her?
Don't trust someone until you know them. Oh! How we miss this one. A lot.

"But our friends introduced us." It doesn't matter. Anyone can wear masks. The best way to know someone is this: 1) Spend time with them while they're with their family. 2) Listen to the words they say to you. 3) Observe them in a variety of circumstances.

Not watching them interact with their family is one of the worse mistakes we've made in our post-1920s western dating culture. For some reason, "Meet the parents" has become the last step before planning the engagement.

Bad idea.

What kind of family does he/she come from? That was their foundation and upbringing until they left home. No matter how far we travel, those development years left a huge impression on who we are, and who we're likely to resort back to when we're older.

2. Can I trust them with my secrets?
If they share your private conversations with others, walk away or have a serious discussion about that issue. If you don't take care of it now, you'll only resent them later.

3. Are we comfortable together in the quiet?
If they can't enjoy the silence with you, that's actually evidence that there's a lot going on inside them and they need noise for distraction. Spend more time getting to know them before you decide to commit.

More: 5 Signs He's Not The One

4. Do I know how this person will change me?
"We become like the community we're a part of" and "We are a product of our environment" are popular quotes for a reason. Be selective with who you surround yourself with and who you allow to influence you.

Remember too, that you will marry a person you date. So ask this question early.

5. Am I attracted to their heart and character?
It's easy to be attracted to someone physically or to the version of a person someone portrays to the world. But what do they do during their free time? What are their values and beliefs? Our worldview is our center and directs all of our decisions.


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Happy New Year Wishes

New Year Wishes 2015 are all about warmth, camaraderie and goodwill that are sure to touch the heart of those who are being wished. New Year Greetings 2015 can be very handy if you want to add a personal touch to a store bought greeting card by scribbling a few lines in your own hand; or you may email or text these to your friends or family; or use to imbibe a festive cheer to your Social Media update at the onset of 2015.

Here are some New Year 2015 Wishes Greetings that are sure to touch the hearts of the recipients –

I wish that the New Year turns out to be a very special one for you filling each day with peak of health, abundance of happiness and sunshine, bountiful luxury and prosperity and Zen like serenity.
Here is wishing a very happy and prosperous New Year to a person who brings sunshine to the family always.



May your days be as glittery as diamond, may your friends be as good as gold, may your heart stay as green as emerald, and may your soul remain as pure as pearl.
New Year begins, let us pray that it will be a year with New Peace, New Happiness and abundance of new friends, God bless you through out the New Year.
I wish you Happy New Year from the bottom of my heart. May God give you the happiness and strength to overcome your past year failures.
As this year is ending, I wish all the negativity and difficulties also end with this year and 2015 bring success and desired results for you.
Although I’m not with you but my wishes will always stay with you on this New Year 2015. Happy New Year !
May God spread prosperity and joy in your life on this New Year and fulfill all your dreams.
I wish that this New Year the light of faith is bright and steady and may no wind or storm make it flicker or flutter.

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Head over heels? Here's what happens in our brains when we fall in love.

When we fall in love, we often think of the wonders it does to our heart and soul. But there's another organ that's deeply affected by your loving relationships: Your brain.

And it goes far beyond feeling emotions from sappy love songs, puppy dog eyes and Emoji heart-filled texts. When you're head over heels for someone, some parts of your brain are activated, and others are switched off. That's right, love, both romantic and parental, is actually altering the way you think.


Smitten with someone? Here's how your brain is handling your romance.

1. You Feel Addicted
Ever hear that love is a drug? Well, there may be some truth to that. Your brain houses these intensely passionate feelings using the same system that's activated when a person is addicted to drugs, from the euphoria you feel to your cravings for more. Sure, it might be a much healthier addiction — but let's face facts, shall we? You're an addict.

2. You Start Thinking In Twos
It's not just "me, me, me" anymore. Now, there's two of you to think about — and your brain will automatically pick up the changes. From birth, we're linked to our mothers and much to scientists' surprise, the connection transforms and changes with each relationship we have. The bond you share with your partner or children runs way deeper than just on the outside. A recent study linked using first-person singular pronouns (me, myself and I) to higher rates of depression than those who say "we" and "us." More proof that healthy relationships are invaluable.

3. You Love Longer (And Become Wiser)
Falling in love is as good for your heart as it is for your mental heath. People in love report higher levels of dopamine, which is linked to pleasure, desire and euphoria. Studies report that people in positive, healthy relationships live longer, are happier, wiser and have better mental health.


4. You're More Supportive
One of the biggest benefits of falling — and staying — in love is that you'll learn what it's really like to lean on (and support) another person. Building trust in a relationship is crucial. And, your brain helps you out with that. Through MRI scans, researchers have found that when we fall in love, the frontal cortex — the area of the brain that's responsible for judgment — shuts down. So when we're in love, we're less likely to be critical or skeptical of the person we care about.

5. You De-Stress
Some of us might mistake those butterflies surrounding your first kiss — but there's no way your brain will ever forget how it first felt to be touched by someone you're in love with. Here's the completely crazy part: in healthy relationships, holding on to your partner's hand is enough to keep you from stressing, lower your blood pressure, ease your physical pain and improve your health. A healthy, encouraging relationship actually alters your brain function.

6. You Glow (Well, Your Brain's Reward Centers Do!)
Wondering what the key to longevity is in a relationship? Scientists found it. In a study that assessed couples who defined themselves as "madly in love", scientists found that the reward centers of their brains lit up after just looking at a picture of their spouse. In the calm and stress sites of the brain, researchers found a reduction in light up activity. Let the bright lines shine, baby!

7. You Feel Safe
Similar to the first bonds babies make with their mothers, the feeling of security will emerge in your relationship. As you age and change, your body actually remembers the brain cycles and stages that you went through in your youth — so when you feel reconnected to your baby self, those feelings of safety and contentment will come flooding back. Research also shows that when we feel love for someone, it shuts down the part of our brain that controls fear and negative emotions.

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The over-attentiveness may seem sweet at first, but keep an eye out...

He picks you up, presents you with roses, opens your door, takes you to an elegant restaurant, and endlessly compliments you throughout the night. He repeatedly tells you, his voice laced with incredulous wonder, that he can't believe you actually agreed to go out with him since you are so far out of his league. He treats you like a princess and let's face it, it's flattering. It's a refreshing change to feel so appreciated, especially if you've dated a few self-absorbed, insensitive jerks in the past. You begin to think that maybe he's "the one." But then things head south. His sweet attentiveness turns to overwhelming obsession. It no longer feels like he treasures and cherishes you; it feels like overbearing possessiveness. Suddenly it seems to take all your energy to assure (and reassure and reassure again) your man that you love him. It's sucking the life out of you.

We all have insecurities. It's human nature. I'm personally insecure about the size of my butt. And the fact that I dance like crippled monkey having a seizure. And my inability to do 5th grade math. And that's okay. But for some of us, that insecurity is so pervasive it seeps into every corner of our lives and destroys our relationships. Here are 15 signs your man may have some big-time insecurity issues.


1. He has no outside friends or interests.
He never mentions any friends and doesn't hang out with anyone but you. Outside of work, he has no interests or hobbies. He doesn't go to the gym, play any sports, take any classes, volunteer, or go to church. When he isn't with you, he's sitting at home thinking about you. Or maybe he did have friends and hobbies at one time, but he gave them all up in order to spend every minute with you.

2. He thinks you still have feelings for your ex.
He's convinced you aren't over your ex even if you've been divorced/broken up for years and the only feelings you have for him are disappointment, pity, loathing, disgust, and a smidge of residual hatred. His insecurity is so overwhelming that he can't see reason and will convince himself that you couldn’t possibly love him so the only "logical" conclusion is that you're still in love with your ex.

3. He tells you he loves you right away.
Very early in the relationship, he professes his undying love for you. Part of you feels like Rudolph when Clarice tells him he's cute. You could fly through the air while shouting, "He loves me! He loves me! He loves MEEEEEE!" But the sane part of you feels like, He loves me? Wait what? This is our SECOND DATE! That's crazy-talk! It takes time to get to know someone enough to love them and if your new boyfriend is telling you he loves you right off the bat, it should sound warning bells, especially if he pressures you into saying it back to him.

4. He tells you you're his everything.
You're his world, the center of his universe, his reason for living. At first it may seem flattering to be valued so highly, but being the center of one's world, is not all it's cracked up to be. That's too much pressure to live up to. And what happens when you hit a bump in the road in your relationship? When things aren't going smoothly his world falls apart. He falls apart. Because you are his world.

5. He needs constant validation.
He frequently asks you questions like, "Do you love me?" He fishes for compliments. Then when you assure him that you do indeed find him attractive, he doesn't quite believe you. Everyone likes to hear that they're loved, pretty, talented, attractive, intelligent, desired, but his needs go beyond those of the rest of us. He generally suffers from low self-esteem, which incidentally is the driving force behind many of his insecure behaviors.

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