Some years back, when I was in my final year in the University of Lagos, (government says it is now MAULAG, but we all know that's complete crap,right?) I witnessed a most tragic spectacle when I was returning from school one sunny afternoon. The incident makes me shake my head each time I recall it.

That day I had gone to school to harass my project supervisor, Dr J.G Nkem-Onyekpe, to sign my project because it was way past the official deadline and he was yet to sign it. The man was forming busy- alright to be sincere, he really was very busy, but who cares?-, but i was able to "persuade" him to give me my own copy, signed or unsigned, I cared not. After he had handed me the fruits of my countless visits to the cafe, shameless copy and paste and several months of painstaking research , I vamoosed from his office before the man would notice my unearthly beauty and start developing strange and ungodly ideas.

When i got to the bustop,i was forced to squeeze my not inconsiderable, but shapely form into the back seat of the tattered jalopy bus because it was the last going my direction in the garage. The bus was very tight and we the passengers were squeezed together like sardines. I on my part had part of my butt resting on my co-passenger's thigh; so jampacked were we. Each time the bus bounced when it entered one the ubiquitous potholes on Lagos roads, I attempted to shift my butt, to no avail.

So there i was, hot and sweaty, hemmed in between the window and an equally sweaty young man emitting a very unfragrant aroma from his armpits {our Yoruba brethren will say the dude was not 'fanimorous'}. Somewhere around the back streets of Onipanu, the bus ran into a traffic jam. While we waited for traffic to ease up, I noticed a crowd in the distance. As the crowd came closer, I realised that the crowd was made up of mostly school children and a few young adults. They were brandishing whips, sticks and other blunt objects. They were preceded by something that looked like . . . a walking scarecrow

As the effigy came closer, i realised it was of the masculine gender, and o the horror, it was stark na.ked!.

I couldn’t believe my eyes .

I hadn’t seen such a spectacle since my childhood days in Jakande Estate, when Yours Truly was part of a motley crowd that followed a butt nak.ed madwoman around for miles on end for the sheer fun of it. I even recall stoning her with a half-eaten unripe mango . . .

Remarkably,the young man was hung like a horse. Good lawd .

A girl-child sitting in front of the bus with her mother, piped incredulously "mummy, see big willy pom pom!". Chagrined, her mother quickly hushed her up and covered the child's bulging eyes with her hands.

Ayup. Willy dangled from side to side, a gargantuan pendulum, couched in a thick thatch of coarse hair, caressed gently by the mild noon breeze.

As the crowd passed by the vehicle,I noticed,from the corner of my eyes, a dark,sinuous hand emerge from the crowd and give our young thief a resounding slap on the back-the kind our Yoruba brethren call 'abara'. The thief jerked involuntarily with pain, and as he did so, Willy turned in my direction and waggled its massive head rudely at me.

I blushed .

What a disgrace. I have brothers and younger cousins, and i would never want such terrible disgrace on them, may God forbid. This boy was so young, though to be honest, he looked very hardened. Despite the youthfulness of this motley mob, I earnestly prayed the crowd was not headed to the nearest fuel and used tires depot.

I voiced my profound sadness at this tragedy to my fellow passengers, but they looked at me askance, while my unpleasantly fragrant friend on whose thigh my butt rested on, asked me, "na who send am make e go tif?"

Indeed...

Lawd! Roughly wot size was d willy Pom Pom?

Idowuogbo: Lawd! Roughly wot size was d willy Pom Pom?

Check the dic for the meaning of 'gargantuan'

Ishilove:
Check the dic for the meaning of 'gargantuan'

Damnnnn!!! Pendulum? Dat erected go pass twin tower

Idowuogbo:
Damnnnn!!! Pendulum? Dat erected go pass twin tower

Lol. Oshamo

Ishilove. Sup? Been a while.

Lolol , your best work yet ishibabes. The young stud must have been proud...

Ishilove:

Ayup. Willy dangled from side to side, a gargantuan pendulum, couched in a thick thatch of coarse hair, caressed gently by the mild noon breeze.
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jidobaba: Lolol , your best work yet ishibabes. The young stud must have been proud...

Lol. Thanx dear,but let us not focus on the dude's ...endowments

fluid26: Ishilove. Sup? Been a while.

Fluid bebe, I am good o. How you dey?