Hello! Sometimes we lack self-confidence in certain areas; feeling inadequate and unable to function effectively under certain conditions or environments. Farouk Radwan gives advice on three steps towards gaining self-confidence.

A Step-by-step guide to becoming truly confident

Step one:
Determine the problematic area: Contrary to common beliefs self confidence is not a general trait but each one of us has different levels of confidence in different areas of his life. While you might be very confident in browsing the internet you might fear public speaking.

Step two:
Find the missing skills: The second step you should do is figuring out the missing skills that are preventing you from feeling confident in a certain area. Once you find these skills you must develop them.

Step three:
Wait until the subconscious mind notices: When you develop these missing skills you won’t feel confident right away but instead your subconscious mind has to watch you performing well many times before it can trust you.

In short, don’t rush to become confident overnight with tricks because they never work. Instead focus on developing your missing skills, building trust in yourself and you will become really confident.

Source: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/3-steps-fo-building-self-confidence/

confidence is completely different from skill. Public speaking or an ability to browse the internet are skills that do not necessarily translate to self confidence!

I have found that the best way to build self confidence is actually building yourself into believing that no matter what you do, you can never be wrong!..that thinking will naturally ooze from you!

violent:

I have found that the best way to build self confidence is actually building yourself into believing that no matter what you do, you can never be wrong!..that thinking will naturally ooze from you!

This not a well thought-out statement. "The best way to build self confidence is actually building yourself ..."

Please, what is the process of achieving the above that does not involve getting information/gaining knowledge and building capacity?

maclatunji:

This not a well thought-out statement. "The best way to build self confidence is actually building yourself ..."

Please, what is the process of achieving the above that does not involve getting information/gaining knowledge and building capacity?

Probably not the best use of words, but definitely a well thought-out statement nonetheless.

Self confidence is an inherent awareness of your own presence by yourself. This has nothing to do with the sorts of skills or knowledge you've got, but the constant awareness and reassurance that there's only one god, and he's the dude standing in the mirror....Self confidence is believing, not in your skills, knowledge or capacity, but in your person.

Self confidence is a personality and some of the first points to achieving that personality is enshrining on yourself the belief;

-that no one owns you
-that you will take responsibility for the things you do wrong
-that you will not shy away from receiving praise for the things you do right
-that you write your own rules and live by them
-that you only apologize when it's absolutely necessary to do so
-that you are not afraid to get into a fight to protect the things you hold dear
-that the world is a jungle and those who can't fight for their place get eaten
-that if you have problems (everybody does), then it's your responsibility to fix it. Stop asking people for answers you know they won't give
-that you must have clear boundaries...and if people step over your boundaries, you are willing to punish them for doing so.
-that no one is smarter or better than you.

I could go on and write all day, but I'm sure you get the point I'm trying to make.

I'll weigh in with violent here.
Self-confidence has nothing to do with acquiring any skills, except maybe soft skills.
It's all about believing in yourself, and seeing less and less limitations in your abilities. For example, chatting up a girl. A dude high on self-confidence will not even consider his looks or his pocket before stepping up to the finest girl in the room!

AjanleKoko: I'll weigh in with violent here.
Self-confidence has nothing to do with acquiring any skills, except maybe soft skills.
It's all about believing in yourself, and seeing less and less limitations in your abilities. For example, chatting up a girl. A dude high on self-confidence will not even consider his looks or his pocket before stepping up to the finest girl in the room!

They say a certain degree of arrogance comes with competence. If you're not competent, you cannot be truly confident and if you're not confident, you cannot be arrogant.

Yes, I agree some people are bold naturally but their confidence will be drained once they find that they cannot perform on any issue as they are expected to.

maclatunji:

They say a certain degree of arrogance comes with competence. If you're not competent, you cannot be truly confident and if you're not confident, you cannot be arrogant.

Yes, I agree some people are bold naturally but their confidence will be drained once they find that they cannot perform on any issue as they are expected to.

People that are confident carry themselves in such a way that their incompetence is easily ignored by the system. They don't do stuff simply to impress other people and are also usually the first to make a good joke and laugh at their own incompetence; therein lies the strength of the confidence they've got in themselves.

violent:

People that are confident carry themselves in such a way that their incompetence is easily ignored by the system. They don't do stuff simply to impress other people and are also usually the first to make a good joke and laugh at their own incompetence; therein lies the strength of the confidence they've got in themselves.

That will only buy you some time. It won't be long before people including yourself realise that you are a flop and your confidence will erode you.

maclatunji:

That will only buy you some time. It won't be long before people including yourself realise that you are a flop and your confidence will erode you.

You don't have to make this about me man. Most people, me including, understand that it isn't realistically possible for an individual to be competent at everything, so i don't try to. But when it comes to the things I'm good at, i make sure i do them to the best of my ability.

My mate once made a joke to an audience about his poor public speaking talents right before he dived in to deliver a great presentation. The audience was already enthralled by his personality and confidence from the beginning such that his little flaws went unnoticed.

It's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin and not trying to be what others want you to be.

violent:

You don't have to make this about me man. Most people, me including, understand that it isn't realistically possible for an individual to be competent at everything, so i don't try to. But when it comes to the things I'm good at, i make sure i do them to the best of my ability.

My mate once made a joke to an audience about his poor public speaking talents right before he dived in to deliver a great presentation. The audience was already enthralled by his personality and confidence from the beginning such that his little flaws went unnoticed.

It's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin and not trying to be what others want you to be.

My post wasn't personal, I was speaking in general terms. Confidence without competence is not worth much. I guess we're saying the same thing but from different perspectives. The article assumes that you will be confident about some things but seeks to teach how to build confidence in areas were you lack it.

If your claims of confidence over ability are true, you will be static and cannot grow much. Yes! This one is addressed to you. #Hehe

It's like saying as a baby, you didn't learn how to walk. You were so confident that you started walking Jiga-Jiga Jiga! Haba!

maclatunji:

My post wasn't personal, I was speaking in general terms. Confidence without competence is not worth much. I guess we're saying the same thing but from different perspectives. The article assumes that you will be confident about some things but seeks to teach how to build confidence in areas were you lack it.

If your claims of confidence over ability are true, you will be static and cannot grow much. Yes! This one is addressed to you. #Hehe

It's like saying as a baby, you didn't learn how to walk. You were so confident that you started walking Jiga-Jiga Jiga! Haba!

I'm not arguing the superiority of confidence over ability, i'm merely pointing out that the latter does not necessarily lead to the former. In reality, there are probably a thousand and one areas that you may never be competent at. Knowledge of these subjects is never a waste, but then again, it is not a precursor to developing self confidence.

Self confidence is when you are only good at fixing bikes and yet you can sit comfortably in a room full of 1000 nuclear scientists. You know you have no idea on nuclear science, you know you can't be bothered with atomic fusion, but somewhere in you, you believe you are a demi-god at bikes....and maybe even at picking girls. And that self awareness is enough to make you strut your shoulder and probably look down at every other person in the room.

It is not your ability to fix bikes or pick girls that gives you the confidence you have, it is your awareness that you are something different and your belief that even with their IQs, no one else in that room can ever be you.

Self confidence is built by consistent self-awareness. The belief that yes! You can.





Frawzey.

violent:

I'm not arguing the superiority of confidence over ability, i'm merely pointing out that the latter does not necessarily lead to the former. In reality, there are probably a thousand and one areas that you may never be competent at. Knowledge of these subjects is never a waste, but then again, it is not a precursor to developing self confidence.

Self confidence is when you are only good at fixing bikes and yet you can sit comfortably in a room full of 1000 nuclear scientists. You know you have no idea on nuclear science, you know you can't be bothered with atomic fusion, but somewhere in you, you believe you are a demi-god at bikes....and maybe even at picking girls. And that self awareness is enough to make you strut your shoulder and probably look down at every other person in the room.

It is not your ability to fix bikes or pick girls that gives you the confidence you have, it is your awareness that you are something different and your belief that even with their IQs, no one else in that room can ever be you.

I have no problem with this. Even in your example, your confidence is boosted by the fact that you know you are "that good" with bikes. Knowledge inspires confidence and I am not going to let that go. You seem to forget that the article talks about those who lack confidence and not those who have it already.

@ Maclatunji: I have read through your post and the responding posts, I think you are actually missing the point that Violent has clearly communicated in diverse ways. Violent's last post did not portray that confidence stems from a specific skill (the case θf knowing how to ride a bike) it was merely an instance.

Self confidence has absolutely nothing to do with how much skills you possess! I have met so many people who are so good at what they do, it is obvious to everyone but themselves! Now, that is a classic case θf having knowledge and expertise but lacking confidence!

Self confidence is being comfortable with your personality, accepting the entirety θf your person,irrespective θf contradictory popular opinions.

Instance: I have been offered job opportunities, not on the basis θf how well experienced I am but how much confidence I exuded in assuring the client that I am best fit for the job! My confidence in this scenerio was not dependent on any skill but on the assurance that somehow and however I can and will deliver beyond the expectation θf my client! So also have skilled people lost viable opportunities because they lacked the confidence to convince their publics to trust their abilities.

^No problem.

The job you were offered would have had skills requirement and ordinarily the source of your self confidence would have been that strong belief that you fit into their requirement and can fill the skill gap.
Self confidence has it sources hence it can't be viewed in isolation

spicy v: @ Maclatunji: I have read through your post and the responding posts, I think you are actually missing the point that Violent has clearly communicated in diverse ways. Violent's last post did not portray that confidence stems from a specific skill (the case θf knowing how to ride a bike) it was merely an instance.

Self confidence has absolutely nothing to do with how much skills you possess! I have met so many people who are so good at what they do, it is obvious to everyone but themselves! Now, that is a classic case θf having knowledge and expertise but lacking confidence!

Self confidence is being comfortable with your personality, accepting the entirety θf your person,irrespective θf contradictory popular opinions.

Instance: I have been offered job opportunities, not on the basis θf how well experienced I am but how much confidence I exuded in assuring the client that I am best fit for the job! My confidence in this scenerio was not dependent on any skill but on the assurance that somehow and however I can and will deliver beyond the expectation θf my client! So also have skilled people lost viable opportunities because they lacked the confidence to convince their publics to trust their abilities.

The job you were offered would have had skills requirement and ordinarily the source of your self confidence would have been that strong belief that you fit into their requirement and can fill the skill gap.
Self confidence has it sources hence it can't be viewed in isolation

^

The job you were offered would have had skills requirement and ordinarily the source of your self confidence would have been that strong belief that you fit into their requirement and can fill the skill gap.
Self confidence has it sources hence it can't be viewed in isolation

The debate is on the need to gain competence in order to become self confidence and the argument against this view has been that while ability/competence is a good thing, it isn't necessarily a step towards self confidence.

Ordinarily, one may build his own self confidence by reassuring himself constantly, that he has got the biggest di*k in the world!...That's not competence, that's simply self awareness which will naturally project through the way he carries himself!

Ufeolorun:
The job you were offered would have had skills requirement and ordinarily the source of your self confidence would have been that strong belief that you fit into their requirement and can fill the skill gap.
Self confidence has it sources hence it can't be viewed in isolation
The job you were offered would have had skills requirement and ordinarily the source of your self confidence would have been that strong belief that you fit into their requirement and can fill the skill gap.
Self confidence has it sources hence it can't be viewed in isolation

True! That is a strong point. But, my confidence in applying for a job has never been based on acquired skills, I have taken on jobs without having the actual skill(s) required but the confidence that I can do that job effectively! It is that confidence that spurs me to aqcuire the relevant skill quickly and unnoticed on the job!

I mean, haven't you heard θf people who got jobs or were given responsibilities not on the basis θf their skills but on perceived potentials and the can do ability they portrayed?

Also note the basis θf this debate as already pointed out by Violent.

I think violent is right self confidence begins with you

I think it has to do with an inner understanding of ur body composition, I mean believing in ones self, and accepting that ur right no matter what and when wrong ur nt afraid of accepting either.

A case in sight was bk in sec.school we had a quiz competition in our class, A vs B, and then our teacher asked 'what is the tallest abi highest mountain in the world, I knew it was everest, and said it, but the guy who always topped me in class said otherwise, I knew I cud beat him in current affairs and my mates believed in me, but for the fact that I wasnt ready to face the blame had we lost that answer to class B, so I accepted his option and we lost, my mates were furious and simply stated believe in ur self man,, Had i believed in myself, I think I would av saved the day for us.

My point though is, it pays a lot to listen to what ur inner u says, once you have that voice in u that spurs and tells u can do it, I know nufin will stop u.

Well Said. Nice one.

violent:
confidence is completely different from skill. Public speaking or an ability to browse the internet are skills that do not necessarily translate to self confidence!

I have found that the best way to build self confidence is actually building yourself into believing that no matter what you do, you can never be wrong!..that thinking will naturally ooze from you!

read through this thread again just enjoyed the verbal flow , Where did every one go!

To become a self confidence isn't about words of inspiration or what one can obsorb in.
Its about battling with your inner weakness,confronting ur fears from within,its about knowing who u truly her &refusin to let ur guard down or allowin peope's oponions to take root.
Yes ke
Its worked for me even on NL